Boyfriend broke up by ignoring me

[Wewon]

A few things:

 

1) Your boyfriends behavior was inexcusable. He made a decision to end the relationship by going into weird mode, this isn't something that you provoked. What's bad about these types of breakups is, unlike a more respectful breakup, this will be difficult to come back from and be friends. He's obligated to go through a ugly explanation phase now.

 

2) He likely meant the good things that he said at the time. But much like his declaration of not wanting to hurt each other, this is a case of theory VS practice.

 

3) You've only been together for 3 months so you really barely knew each other.

 

4) One of the best ways to heal is draw a line in the sand and officially declare this over. That means to cut off contact (yes, I know he's stopped contacting you) but everything he did was wishy-washy. You have to make NC official by blocking him, cutting him out on social media and any way for him to contact you. I promise that he will try to contact you within a few months and that will set you back and blind side you.

[itsdinaah]

I don't think he respects me enough to ever apologize. Or even cares enough.

 

Today is day 2 of NC and I'm at the angry part of it. I just want him to suffer and hurt as bad as I did.

 

As to deleting him I did that. I was planning to get a new number soon so I don't have to block him on my phone.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think he respects me enough to ever apologize. Or even cares enough.

 

Today is day 2 of NC and I'm at the angry part of it. I just want him to suffer and hurt as bad as I did.

 

As to deleting him I did that. I was planning to get a new number soon so I don't have to block him on my phone.

 

Unfortunately, this won't be possible, simply because he doesn't care enough about your feelings. If he did, he wouldn't have ended it this way.

 

You will need to give yourself time to process and heal. I dated a clown like this once and it was awful. But after a short period apart, I was fine. I realized what a huge relief it was to not walk around on eggshells all the time and to give myself space for real love. Your ex is a tool.

[candie13]

A few things:

 

1) Your boyfriends behavior was inexcusable. He made a decision to end the relationship by going into weird mode, this isn't something that you provoked. What's bad about these types of breakups is, unlike a more respectful breakup, this will be difficult to come back from and be friends. He's obligated to go through a ugly explanation phase now.

 

2) He likely meant the good things that he said at the time. But much like his declaration of not wanting to hurt each other, this is a case of theory VS practice.

 

3) You've only been together for 3 months so you really barely knew each other.

 

4) One of the best ways to heal is draw a line in the sand and officially declare this over. That means to cut off contact (yes, I know he's stopped contacting you) but everything he did was wishy-washy. You have to make NC official by blocking him, cutting him out on social media and any way for him to contact you. I promise that he will try to contact you within a few months and that will set you back and blind side you.

I disagree, 3 months is a f*cking long time. One month is little. 2 weeks is little.

 

Dinah, I know you're hurting and you're more in the "I just wanna punch him in the face" mood, but at some point, after the hurt is over, you may want to think back and remember all the red flags about his behavior that you've ignored.

 

Most people aren't sociopaths, to go from ILY and buying you flowers to dropping dead from the face of the Earth. They act consistently. You need to start to take better care of yourself and take a lot less sh*t from your dates / bfs. Respect starts with yourself.

 

Best of luck, girl.

 

What really helped me was running and boxing. Subscribe to a gym, it'll do you wonders to let some of that steam out. Big hugs

[Wewon]

I disagree, 3 months is a f*cking long time. One month is little. 2 weeks is little.

 

I think that's picking a nit. They haven't known each other longer than a university student that dated in one semester.

 

In the grand scream of things this is a drop in the bucket with most life time relationships.

[itsdinaah]

I'm glad it was 3 months and not a longer relationship.

 

I've been thinking about the red flags and I can't really find any. The only thing I recall is the he was kind of a **** boy. He used to always mention his exs and he said he had a lot of friends that were girls.

 

He was also a bit weird with his phone and he never showed me how his ex looked nor ever mentioned being friends on social media. His friends were all in their late 20s and early 30s and we're still immature.

 

I guess the biggest red flag was the type of friends he had.

[BeFierce]

itsdinaah, the last days the communication with my ex dwindled to almost nothing. And he would just send me short replies that were half a$$ed and it started taking him half a day to respond to me. So then I sarcastically brought up one of the excuses he gave me to why he's so busy, that was like a slap to his face, because he thought I was naive enough to fall for it. So when it dawned to him that I could see past his bull*****, he gave me the real reason- that he was dating other people. That's when I gave him my final cheeky response and cut him off for good. loll

 

This slow fading phenomenon is a technique used by the king of the cowards. So don't feel bad, just be glad he is exposed. and dont feel sorry for him being at the hospital. What if god forbid u had been the one in the hospital and he was just ignoring you like that.

[ilovemefirst]

This happens more than you think. He does not deserve you, or anyone for that matter. He is a coward. I would let him go. Karma will catch up to him. He will be back. But i would not entertain him when he does.

[itsdinaah]

itsdinaah, the last days the communication with my ex dwindled to almost nothing. And he would just send me short replies that were half a$$ed and it started taking him half a day to respond to me. So then I sarcastically brought up one of the excuses he gave me to why he's so busy, that was like a slap to his face, because he thought I was naive enough to fall for it. So when it dawned to him that I could see past his bull*****, he gave me the real reason- that he was dating other people. That's when I gave him my final cheeky response and cut him off for good. loll

 

This slow fading phenomenon is a technique used by the king of the cowards.

 

I think the real reason for his distance was his ex. She was still in his life when we started dating although he swore it was just her bothering him and not leaving him alone.

 

I had a feeling something was shady about him. Always listen to your gut feeling, lesson learned.

[carotini]

Itsdinaah, he’s justifiably annoyed by your constant texting and insinuations. It’s as if you’re challenging him to break up. STOP TEXTING SO MUCH. Sheesh. And if you’re not happy with the relationship, then move on.

[itsdinaah]

This happens more than you think. He does not deserve you, or anyone for that matter. He is a coward. I would let him go. Karma will catch up to him. He will be back. But i would not entertain him when he does.

 

I sincerely don't believe he'll be back and I won't be around if he does. I realized the best form of revenge is to move on with my life and act like he never existed.

[itsdinaah]

Itsdinaah, he’s justifiably annoyed by your constant texting and insinuations. It’s as if you’re challenging him to break up. STOP TEXTING SO MUCH. Sheesh. And if you’re not happy with the relationship, then move on.

 

We already broke up. I was only texting because he ignored my messages. I should have broken up with him sooner.

[carotini]

We already broke up. I was only texting because he ignored my messages. I should have broken up with him sooner.

 

And you continued to text, text, text trying to force him to answer you. Too clingy and demanding. Maybe you should see it as a learning experience.

[Redhead14]

The minute, the second, you think a man you care about is distancing himself and it's fairly early in the relationship, you should stop dead in your tracks. If you want the best opportunity to find out/give it the best chance to work, is to sit back and observe. Don't reach out. I don't care if you have think you're going to have a heart attack. No matter how long it takes. If the guy cares about you it will not be longer than a few days, depending on the issue for him. He may contact you later than that, but you aren't waiting. You move on. If he was serious about you but dropped the ball, he needs to earn his way back. Some men do need more space than a woman needs, but, your needs outweigh theirs. If their needs don't match or come close to yours, move on.

 

If this happens often in the 'relationship', there is no relationship.

[candie13]

Itsdinaah, he’s justifiably annoyed by your constant texting and insinuations. It’s as if you’re challenging him to break up. STOP TEXTING SO MUCH. Sheesh. And if you’re not happy with the relationship, then move on.

she overtexts because he stopped all contact. It's like him kicking her in the stomach suddenly and then looking appalled when she starts screaming and calling him names. If doesn't like the incessant texting, he should have acted like a man and broken up with her clearly & rapidly.

 

God, I hate men who provoke women and then call them crazy over them reacting at getting hurt. Why is she ´incessently' texting him? Did she just woke up one fine morning & started to crazy text or did she have a reason? Don't like people behaving like crazy? Well, don't push them into it, and if You do, have the décency to admit your wrongs and say "i bloody deserved it'". Waaaaay to easy to call her "crazy" and deny his part of responsibility. What he is doing is cruel. Cutting all contact unexpectedly after all the emotional closeness is cruel.

 

And you're nothing but à manipulative creep to suggest his behaviour is triggered by her reaction. He stopped all contact FIRST. He is the cause of her over reaction. And he is a weak low excuse of a man to leave a woman hurting and wondering, when she is down, like that.

[candie13]

The minute, the second, you think a man you care about is distancing himself and it's fairly early in the relationship, you should stop dead in your tracks. If you want the best opportunity to find out/give it the best chance to work, is to sit back and observe. Don't reach out. I don't care if you have think you're going to have a heart attack. No matter how long it takes. If the guy cares about you it will not be longer than a few days, depending on the issue for him. He may contact you later than that, but you aren't waiting. You move on. If he was serious about you but dropped the ball, he needs to earn his way back. Some men do need more space than a woman needs, but, your needs outweigh theirs. If their needs don't match or come close to yours, move on.

 

If this happens often in the 'relationship', there is no relationship.

i wholeheartedly disagree.

 

First, if You are genuinely inlove, You care. No one in their right mind, who cares, is able to just walk away from their loved one, only because they are silent. You give them the benefit of The doubt, you reach out, you ask questions, you have faith. That, to me, is a normal, natural reaction to a woman in a loving RS with a man.

 

You do not immediately assume the worst, unless You have reasons to. For a loving RS to last, faith is needed. And The principle of faith is believing in your partner even when there's no sound proof of his decent behaviour.

 

If she just walks away, he can always say"You've never loved me, You just shrugged your shoulders & moved on & didn't care to reach out to me, to see what happened to me". And he would be right.

 

OP, how can you not act crazy when hit unde the beIt? No reaction equals indifference from your part. And if You were indifferent, You wouldn't be on this forum. To thyself be true.

 

Let bygones be bygones. I think your reaction was far from perfect or désirable, but was genuine. Coming from a good place. Sucks to be hurting.

 

Best of luck & stay strong !!

[itsdinaah]

And you continued to text, text, text trying to force him to answer you. Too clingy and demanding. Maybe you should see it as a learning experience.

 

I see where you getting at and I agree now. I should have just cut off contact after my original message.

[itsdinaah]

i wholeheartedly disagree.

 

First, if You are genuinely inlove, You care. No one in their right mind, who cares, is able to just walk away from their loved one, only because they are silent. You give them the benefit of The doubt, you reach out, you ask questions, you have faith. That, to me, is a normal, natural reaction to a woman in a loving RS with a man.

 

You do not immediately assume the worst, unless You have reasons to. For a loving RS to last, faith is needed. And The principle of faith is believing in your partner even when there's no sound proof of his decent behaviour.

 

If she just walks away, he can always say"You've never loved me, You just shrugged your shoulders & moved on & didn't care to reach out to me, to see what happened to me". And he would be right.

 

OP, how can you not act crazy when hit unde the beIt? No reaction equals indifference from your part. And if You were indifferent, You wouldn't be on this forum. To thyself be true.

 

Let bygones be bygones. I think your reaction was far from perfect or désirable, but was genuine. Coming from a good place. Sucks to be hurting.

 

Best of luck & stay strong !!

 

I think for the future I need to control my anger. I lashed out at him one too many times. He did accuse me of never asking how he was which wasn't true. I asked him to call me so we could talk but he just ignored me.

 

So many lessons to be learned from this RS.

[Itspointless]

Do yourself a huge favor that will last you a life time, go to the library and get yourself on a book about men and how they process problems. Try a small book titled Men are from Mars Women from Venus

 

Your boyfriend wants some alone time to take care of his problems, that's what men do. He doesn't want to share his problems with you, that's also what men do when faced with something overwhelming. We women like to talk about our problems, they don't.

I read parts of that book when I was a teenager to get the gist of it. Now I think the divide is a bit too much, as I always want to communicate about problems or emotions too when I am stuck. Might I be a women after-all ? I am introverted and sometimes need alone-time. Ignoring someone in a relation is nothing other than emotional abuse. Also in my view men who need a men-cave, are usually cavemen themselves. But anyway, the book gave me an important inside: the fact that men are much more solution-driven than women. I recognize this when I communicate and (want to) try to help. I had to learn to listen just for listening.

[itsdinaah]

I read parts of that book when I was a teenager to get the gist of it. Now I think the divide is a bit too much, as I always want to communicate about problems or emotions too when I am stuck. Might I be a women after-all ? I am introverted and sometimes need alone-time. Ignoring someone in a relation is nothing other than emotional abuse. Also in my view men who need a men-cave, are usually cavemen themselves. But anyway, the book gave me an important inside: the fact that men are much more solution-driven than women. I recognize this when I communicate and (want to) try to help. I had to learn to listen just for listening.

 

I feel like sometimes feel like I don't listen enough either. I would also like communication too, I think it's healthy in a relationship. I guess men like to find a solution to something before they share.

[itsdinaah]

I feel like I didn't ask him enough about how he was doing. While he was a jerk to ignore me for that long, I think I need to work on my communication in relationships. Instead of just jumping to anger.

[Itspointless]

I feel like I didn't ask him enough about how he was doing. While he was a jerk to ignore me for that long, I think I need to work on my communication in relationships. Instead of just jumping to anger.

I only read some things on the first page. Listening to each-other is very important. But him ignoring you (stonewalling) is emotional abuse. Never accept that from anyone! It is a passive-aggressive way to train another person. And he is succeeding, as you are pulling in doubt your feelings of being upset. Do not fall for that

[Itspointless]

I feel like sometimes feel like I don't listen enough either. I would also like communication too, I think it's healthy in a relationship. I guess men like to find a solution to something before they share.

If you need space for a moment men and women can tell that to each-other. Ignoring someone for days is just cruel. I know how it feels. Is is a power-play, consciously done or not. I often share with my friends or family before I have solutions to things, so I feel his behavior is that of a child.

[itsdinaah]

In the future I will try to communicate my needs better and ask him to tell me when he needs space.

 

The relationship is over now and the only thing I can do is move forward and not repeat the same mistakes.

[Redhead14]

i wholeheartedly disagree.

 

First, if You are genuinely inlove, You care. No one in their right mind, who cares, is able to just walk away from their loved one, only because they are silent. You give them the benefit of The doubt, you reach out, you ask questions, you have faith. That, to me, is a normal, natural reaction to a woman in a loving RS with a man.

 

You do not immediately assume the worst, unless You have reasons to. For a loving RS to last, faith is needed. And The principle of faith is believing in your partner even when there's no sound proof of his decent behaviour.

 

If she just walks away, he can always say"You've never loved me, You just shrugged your shoulders & moved on & didn't care to reach out to me, to see what happened to me". And he would be right.

 

OP, how can you not act crazy when hit unde the beIt? No reaction equals indifference from your part. And if You were indifferent, You wouldn't be on this forum. To thyself be true.

 

Let bygones be bygones. I think your reaction was far from perfect or désirable, but was genuine. Coming from a good place. Sucks to be hurting.

 

Best of luck & stay strong !!

 

This is not a well established relationship as far as I can tell. Correct me, if I'm wrong OP, but it's only a few months old. You are still in observation and evaluation mode. Observing how he handles/deals with things and whether or not he operates in a manner that is compatible and meets your needs to start with.

 

If this is how he deals with things, by cutting his partner out and he's doing this so soon, it's going to be a big deal later. Right now, she should just wait for him to "come out" and then address the fact that it hurts her when he does this and then observe whether he makes the effort to include her at least a little better the next time. A woman who is with a man who does this often, leads a very anxious/insecure and unfulfilled emotional life.

 

If this were an established relationship and this occurs once in a while, the woman should give the man the space he needs, reach out only to be supportive and not try to pull him in or draw him out.

 

That being said, even in these cases, the man will not ignore her. He will respond in some way and acknowledge her if she's not being clingy and demanding. This guy is ignoring and that's a different story.

Edited February 24, 2016 by Redhead14