ilovemefirst Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Thank you for sharing! I do love myself enough to walk away. How long did it take you to get out of the toxicity? We were dating for a year, and he often needed space. Sometimes he would go 2 weeks without much contact. I would continue to message him and i pushed him away more. So i decided to let go...i sent him a message saying that i deserved better and told him i could no longer let him treat me this way. I wished him luck and went MIA for about a week. He tried several times to contact me and i didnt respond, finally i replied when he asked if he could call me. He called me and he apologized for his behaviour. He said that he was going through depression and he usually likes to be alone. I told him that i respect the need for space,but i deserve an explanation. After alot of thought, i took him back and we have been great ever since. Its been 5 months since and hes alot more communicative now. All it takes is to let go and love yourself more. We tend to put our guys first and ourslves second. Men smell desperation. Just going NC isnt enough, you actually have to let go and focus on ourselv es. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 So I found out he's been in the hospital for the past few days. I feel terrible now Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 So I found out he's been in the hospital for the past few days. I feel terrible now Was he unconscious on life support? Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 He was incapable of walking and connected to an IV. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 He was incapable of walking and connected to an IV. And he told no one? Did not warn his family? he spent days there on his own telling no one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 He sounds like my crazy ex. I call bs. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I'm sure he told his friends. He actually sent me pictures This could have all been resolved if he just communicated with me but it's too late now. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 How did you find out he was in the hospital? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I'm sure he told his friends. He actually sent me pictures This could have all been resolved if he just communicated with me but it's too late now. Why do you feel bad for a man that doesn't give a crap about telling you he's in hospital? but takes time to send selfies to his friends? How much do you not love yourself to accept such a load of poo? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I'm sure he told his friends. He actually sent me pictures This could have all been resolved if he just communicated with me but it's too late now. I think the fact he ignored you is even worse given he was in the hospital and not unconscious. How could a guy not tell the woman he loves immediately that he's in the hospital?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) I know I was the last to know just like I always am. He texted me last night and sent the pictures. I was asleep so didn't see them til now. Still not the relationship I want. He's too damn secretive and not open enough for me. Edited February 16, 2016 by itsdinaah 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 do either of you realize that if and when you are living together/ married with a family, this behavior will not work? where does he go when he is "alone"? does he want you to follow? does he think you are a mind reader? does he think a good women sits around waiting with nothing better to do and no one better to do it with? most women want to hear from their lovers a couple times a day, a quick text, a promise to call, a plan to see each other. even just a picture, saying "don't forget me". "thinking of you". speak to him, in person, ask for what you want. good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I know I was the last to know just like I always am. He texted me last night and sent the pictures. I was asleep so didn't see them til now. Still not the relationship I want. He's too damn secretive and not open enough for me. Dating is about finding suitable partner. He's not. Dump and move to next. Won't be very difficult to find someone better. This guy must be laughing deep down at all these women accepting his sh$tty treatment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Here I was feeling bad for not giving him enough space but I now understand that I have my own needs that I need fulfilled. It can't be about him 24/7. It's highly unlikely that he will change his behavior, I just need to move on. I'm gonna distance myself from him. . 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Here I was feeling bad for not giving him enough space but I now understand that I have my own needs that I need fulfilled. It can't be about him 24/7. It's highly unlikely that he will change his behavior, I just need to move on. I'm gonna distance myself from him. . bravo. p.s. don't go out and cut all your hair off. trust me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I've had this behaviour once. It made me aware I was not treated like his gf nor was i his gf... What's the point if he's not sharing The good & the bad with me? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I know I don't want to just be there through the good. A relationship is about communication and compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Why is he in the hospital? Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 He said he was feeling dizzy and I think his iron levels were low. He hasn't texted yet so I think he's still asleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I think he expects me to chase him though so I don't think he'll contact anytime soon. This is my thought. Many men do things to get women to chase them. When you don't it will confuse him. Have you read any of Dr. Pat Allen's work? She always references a study where it take 8 weeks for people to disengage. I would have expected him to pop back up before then and it looks like he did. So I found out he's been in the hospital for the past few days. I feel terrible now I had a guy trying to get a second chance with me who would make excuses like this - including giving me a long story about going to the hospital for something as an excuse for not firming plans for meeting and talking. The thing is... how hard is it to send a text to someone that you're going to the hospital? Unless it was something sudden like a car accident, it should be doable and only table a few seconds. Here I was feeling bad for not giving him enough space but I now understand that I have my own needs that I need fulfilled. It can't be about him 24/7. It's highly unlikely that he will change his behavior, I just need to move on. I'm gonna distance myself from him. . I think this is the right mindset. This sort of relationship doesn't work FOR YOU. It doesn't mean you have to demonize him. It just means you need a new guy who treats you differently. I would also recommend reading some of the articles on Natalie Lue's blog. She talks a lot about self esteem and teaching others how to treat you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 I'll look into those articles and studies. I'm not too familiar with it. I'm going to try meditation and hynosis for now. Just take time to think about myself for once now that I'm out of this emotionally draining relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 He said he was feeling dizzy and I think his iron levels were low. He hasn't texted yet so I think he's still asleep. Eh...sounds a bit off to me. But anyway, good for you for cutting this off. He's not the partner you are looking for in general. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I'll look into those articles and studies. I'm not too familiar with it. I'm going to try meditation and hynosis for now. Just take time to think about myself for once now that I'm out of this emotionally draining relationship. I don't want to be busting up your balls, but... how is this over? What did you do to end it? How did he react? I think you're feeling pressure from this site to break up - because this is what the group feels you should do - but you feel and want differently. It doesn't feel like you've broken up. IT feels like you took his excuses and are digesting it slowly... Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 I don't want to be busting up your balls, but... how is this over? What did you do to end it? How did he react? I think you're feeling pressure from this site to break up - because this is what the group feels you should do - but you feel and want differently. It doesn't feel like you've broken up. IT feels like you took his excuses and are digesting it slowly... I didn't really tell him that we broke up. I was going to try the slow fade breakup since he doesn't care one bit about my feelings. I actually don't want him anymore, my feelings for him are starting to fade. I've been hanging out with my friends, flirting with other guys and generally keeping myself busy. To me it feels like we already broke up though. I can never trust him again. I would always be worried about him disappearing or worried about saying the wrong thing and him ignoring me. And I refuse to ever be treated like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author itsdinaah Posted February 22, 2016 Author Share Posted February 22, 2016 I broke up with him on the 20th officially. I just sent a text saying that it's over and have a nice life. He didn't respond like I expected. I deleted and blocked and have moved on. No more excuses. It sucks but I'll get over it eventually. I don't want to be busting up your balls, but... how is this over? What did you do to end it? How did he react? Link to post Share on other sites
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