Should I be Insulted?

[basil67]

Well, to sum it up.....you ask if you should be insulted. The answer seems to be a resounding "no". Judging by your response, it would appear we gave you the wrong answer.

[losangelena]

The woman he was attracted to might have been a 10 in his eyes but was really a 6?? Maybe the consolation prize was a 2 in his eyes but really a 7....that comes down to opinion and the glorious unknown equation in the situation. The fact of the matter is that the OP has free will and should not be obligated to accept a consolation prize. He should be getting understanding that this situation was inadequate and no, this is not a right thing to do or pursue if he doesn't want to. Instead, that is not what he got here.

 

 

I don't think anyone (or many?) is saying he should accept a consolation prize (I haven't read all the responses, so maybe someone has). OP's original question was, "should I be insulted by this?" and I think the consensus is that, DESPITE potentially presumptuous and immature action on the part of these two women, that this isn't necessarily an issue OP must feel OFFENDED by.

 

Irked maybe, disappointed sure. I mean, he has an absolute right to feel offended if he so chooses (and judging by his responses here, he does feel offended), but I (and many others, it seems), don't feel like it's something he needs to get his feathers into such a ruffle over. He doesn't need to date the friend, of course not. But "insulted," no, he should brush his shoulders off and move on. If he'd framed his question more like, "isn't this sh****, what these women did?" I think he'd have gotten more traction. That's the thing about LS that I've found posting my own threads—precise language is extremely important, because someone is always going to misconstrue what you're asking or what you mean, it's inevitable.

Edited February 13, 2016 by losangelena

[ExpatInItaly]

He has the right to ask that Jen, and you have the right to answer it as insultingly as you want. He has put his feelings out here on the thread about the original topic. If you ladies want to rip him to shreds, akin to gender bashing, seems fair to me that you get it right back. Quid pro quo.

 

This isn't about gender.

 

OP has repeatedly been asked the same question - on what basis is he assuming they girls thought he'd "jump at the chance" to date the friend, and where did he get the idea that he'd simply been passed on? Why is not he assuming, for example, that the friend might have liked him for a while and only felt comfortable expressing this after knowing the first girl wasn't interested?

 

He is avoiding answering those questions directly. This is frustrating for other posters. Answering that question would be very helpful to the rest of us in trying to understand why he feels so slighted. Until he actually decides to answer, we can only surmise that he is making some baseless assumptions too.

 

It's counterproductive to come here asking for insight and yet refuse to paint the whole picture.

[William]

As a reminder, no member is required to read, respond to, or follow advice given on LoveShack.org. However, all members are required, as agreed to when registering with our site, to treat members with respect, even if/when disagreeing with them and/or if/when one feels their position or opinion is ridiculous.

 

Hence, it's fine to disagree with the assertion that one should feel insulted or assert that one disagrees that the thread starter should feel insulted. It's not fine to demean the thread starter, or any other member, in those pursuits.

 

Moderation recognizes that there are members who are quite skilled in insulting people while skating the letter of our guidelines. If you are one of those members, you're likely on our list to watch and, one slip, you're gone. We don't want you here. I hope that's clear. It doesn't matter whether you're starting threads or responding to them. It's equal.

 

Hence, we'll consider the discussion of how the thread topic is responded to to be resolved and move on to the meat of the topic or find a meal somewhere else. Thanks and good morning.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think it's sad for the other girl he's not interested.

 

She waited on the sidelines firbger friend to be out ofbthe way and here the guy is acting insulted she even expressed interest.

[truth_seeker]

I think it's sad for the other girl he's not interested.

 

She waited on the sidelines firbger friend to be out ofbthe way and here the guy is acting insulted she even expressed interest.

 

It's not that I'm insulted that this other woman has interest. I find it flattering that someone would be interested in me whether I like them or not.

 

Its the idea that the one I liked changed her mind and goes from being interested in me to "I'm not interested, you go for him". It feels like I'm being passed off like some item in a store.

[Wewon]

Here's a scenario: girl is interested in me, I am interested in her. She "changes" her mind, dates someone else. Her friend now is interested and thinks we should date.

 

I find this to be insulting. The arrogance of this friend to assume I will throw myself at her. Are people today on crack 24/7? I liked the other girl, didn't happen... so I'm just suppose to get with her friend?

 

No, there is no rational need to feel insulted. It sounds like everything was above board and no one is having their hand forced.

 

There are two lessons to be learned however:

 

1) Your need to feel insulted makes you sound much like women when a man that they don't like or don't find attractive approaches them. Someone that you aren't attracted to simply taking an interest does not make them creepy, rude, entitled, predatory or anything else. They are simply interested and taking a shot.

 

2) Hopefully women can see from another perspective what it looks like when a person over reacts when they are approached by someone that they don't find attractive.

[yxalitis]

No, there is no rational need to feel insulted. It sounds like everything was above board and no one is having their hand forced.

 

There are two lessons to be learned however:

 

1) Your need to feel insulted makes you sound much like women when a man that they don't like or don't find attractive approaches them. Someone that you aren't attracted to simply taking an interest does not make them creepy, rude, entitled, predatory or anything else. They are simply interested and taking a shot.

 

2) Hopefully women can see from another perspective what it looks like when a person over reacts when they are approached by someone that they don't find attractive.

I'm enjoying your posts wewon...