Should I be Insulted?

[Jabron1]

So it IS about looks.

 

Of course it is. Most people realise by the time they leave high school that beautiful women have power/status.

 

What planet are you on?

[SwordofFlame]

I think I would only be upset if I was passed off to a friend that was unattractive.

[Gaeta]

You have to decide if in life you want to be happy or you want to feed your ego. I know happy couples that met this way, he dated the wife's friend before dating the wife and they lived happy forever after. You think 10 years down the road it's gonna matter how you met the woman of your life.

[truth_seeker]

I know where truth_seeker is coming from. If the girl you were after tried palming you off to one of her friends with lesser status, that is disrespectful to a man with self-respect. A guy needs to listen to his gut. if you feel something's off, it probably is. Disengage.

 

Hell, they're probably offended that you didn't go for it. Most men are desperate and are glad to be led around by the nose.

 

I have a female "friend" who has a lot of guys after her. She is a stunning looking girl. These guys orbit her, doing things for her, and hoping to win her affection. It really is crazy to watch it from the outside and hear her talk about it. For example, last time I saw her some random clown dropped her off in a nice motor, and she even has her landlord taking her out for shopping trips - these guys are lucky if they get a peck. Occasionally, she'll play the matchmaker and pass off an orbiter to one of her less attractive friends. It's as if these guys are a sort of currency to her.

 

Not saying that's exactly what's happening here - just saying that women aren't all 'sugar, spice and all things nice' - and men can be easily manipulated from their original course.

 

Jabron, I'd give you a half-hug if I met you. You get it!

[truth_seeker]

Are you offended because an ugly girl likes you or because an ugly girl thinks you will chase her?

 

Either way you are being ridiculous. No wonder the first girl isn't interested.

 

What a stupid, ignorant post. I never said she was ugly. I stated she was attractive but I wasn't attracted to her - not my type.

 

To all the women posting - read Jabron's first post. The man gets it!

[truth_seeker]

You have to decide if in life you want to be happy or you want to feed your ego. I know happy couples that met this way, he dated the wife's friend before dating the wife and they lived happy forever after. You think 10 years down the road it's gonna matter how you met the woman of your life.

 

It's more so the idea one changed her mind, another is interested, and because the other is interested, I'm automatically going to date her. It's that logic that is getting under my skin. I can't be more clearer than that.

[truth_seeker]

Well, I do see there is adding insult to injury in the following form: The girl you liked is basically saying, not only do I not want you, I don't even mind seeing you date my friend. This girl is closing the door on any possibility of being interested in you again, and she probably never had romantic interest in you. So you are "discarded", and she is done with you. I think that's the insult here.

 

I think some women just liking writing nasty things to make themselves feel better...

[truth_seeker]

Well to be fair TS... you had plenty of chances to date Girl A...when she WAS interested in you.

 

But you waited too long to make your move, and she ended up becoming interested in someone else.

 

Maybe the person you should be mad at is YOURSELF. For waiting too long to make your move.

 

You can't expect that a chick is gonna wait forever for a guy to ask her out. She gave you plenty of signals that she was interested, and you still did nothing.

 

So she moved on and found another guy.

 

Lesson learned for next time....when you're into a chick -- ask her out!

 

Just a thought.

 

Point taken.

[kendahke]

There's an unwritten rule: you don't date your friend's ex.

 

girl is interested in me, I am interested in her. She "changes" her mind, dates someone else.

 

She wasn't your ex. You and the girl weren't even in a relationship to begin with. She was just a chick you had an interest in who changed her mind about you.

[truth_seeker]

She wasn't your ex. You and the girl weren't even in a relationship to begin with. She was just a chick you had an interest in who changed her mind about you.

 

I get it. Again >>> it's the logic that because one isn't interested, I'm "passed off" to someone else and I will gladly accept.

 

Are people not getting what I'm saying?

 

I remember this guy I used to hang out with... this woman had a huge crush on him. He didn't really like her much. He says to a group of us, "hey, I have no need for her... who wants her?" The a hole automatically assumed he could just pass her off to another guy and she would go along with it.

 

No one would find that insulting?

[Jabron1]

Jabron, I'd give you a half-hug if I met you. You get it!

 

Just buy me a pint, if you're ever in England

[strawberryshortstack]

I get it. Again >>> it's the logic that because one isn't interested, I'm "passed off" to someone else and I will gladly accept.

 

Are people not getting what I'm saying?

I remember this guy I used to hang out with... this woman had a huge crush on him. He didn't really like her much. He says to a group of us, "hey, I have no need for her... who wants her?" The a hole automatically assumed he could just pass her off to another guy and she would go along with it.

 

 

 

I'm not sure I get where the other girl thought you would "gladly accept" - this sounds like a huge assumption on your part, honestly. She was interested, she made her interest clear, but that's as far as it went as far as I can tell.

Edited February 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[katiegrl]

It's more so the idea one changed her mind, another is interested, and because the other is interested, I'm automatically going to date her. It's that logic that is getting under my skin. I can't be more clearer than that.

 

TS... if I felt like I was being "passed around," I wouldn't like it either, so I'm with ya there.

 

But again, cuz I asked you this earlier -- I don't understand the bolded comment.

 

What makes YOU think THEY think that you would "automatically" date her?

 

Was it the way she presented her interest to you? Like "Well [girl's name] isn't interested, but I am so we definitely should date!"

 

Something like that?

 

Or did she just tell you she's interested and would like to go out with you? If so, that's not automatically presuming you would go out with her -- she's just asking.

 

Anyway.... can you clarify because you are making some presumptions here and I am confused.

[Rejected Rosebud]

The friend is attractive but I don't find her attractive. It's a combination of disappointment (I was very attracted to the other woman and she lost interest) and feeling insulted that I can be passed off to this friend.

Why do you keep saying you were "passed off" though? More than likely the first girl didn't pass you off, she just moved on, thereby leaving an opening for the other girl, who obviously liked you. Nobody insulted you. Generally people are flattered when somebody is interested in them, even if they don't feel the same way!

[Maggie4]

I think some women just liking writing nasty things to make themselves feel better...

 

But you seek the truth. And the truth is something nasty DID happen to you. If I said you shouldn't feel insulted, you get mad. If I say you should feel insulted, you get mad. You are hurt. You don't want the insult spelled out clearly because it hurts your ego. You don't want people saying you shouldn't feel insulted because you are, and you want hugs, but only from men. If you can't tell whether or not you're among friends, you will suffer for it. I feel like I'm trying to handle a wounded animal here and he bites! Don't lash out.

[truth_seeker]

and you want hugs, but only from men.

 

Who do you think I am? George Michael?

[Rejected Rosebud]

To all the women posting - read Jabron's first post. The man gets it!

He assumed that the girl who likes you is "lesser status" than the one that you liked. Why?

[lino]

It is pretty immature behaviour from both girls and I understand your view of it but I don't feel you necessarily need to feel insulted.

 

Just politely decline the other girls interest and continue professionally with both of them. Or even ignore them both if you feel like it. You aren't obliged to be friendly with anyone if you just want to mind your own business.

[losangelena]

It is pretty immature behaviour from both girls and I understand your view of it but I don't feel you necessarily need to feel insulted.

 

Just politely decline the other girls interest and continue professionally with both of them. Or even ignore them both if you feel like it. You aren't obliged to be friendly with anyone if you just want to mind your own business.

 

Which is pretty much what I said like three pages ago.

[ashy555]

I would be insulted and extremely hurt if a guy I liked told his friend to go out with me. It happened to me once and I am pretty sure I ended up clothed in a bathtub with a bottle of wine.

 

BUT.. You haven't told us whether the girl you liked actually said that or not. You are assuming she has passed you off. Sounds to me like the other girl liked you from the start. She didn't ask you out because she doesn't like you and wants to offend you..

 

Whatever you do. Don't be offended by the girl who asked you out. That is ludicrous.

 

My mum dated my dads best friend before she married my dad. They are still best friends(which astounds me) so it is not just a modern day thing.

[yxalitis]

I would be insulted and extremely hurt if a guy I liked told his friend to go out with me. It happened to me once and I am pretty sure I ended up clothed in a bathtub with a bottle of wine.

 

BUT.. You haven't told us whether the girl you liked actually said that or not. You are assuming she has passed you off. Sounds to me like the other girl liked you from the start. She didn't ask you out because she doesn't like you and wants to offend you..

 

Whatever you do. Don't be offended by the girl who asked you out. That is ludicrous.

 

My mum dated my dads best friend before she married my dad. They are still best friends(which astounds me) so it is not just a modern day thing.

Ouch...your parents aren't from the "modern age"

Where they born in the 19th century?

[ExpatInItaly]

Where did you get that anyone assumed you'd jump at the chance to date her friend?

 

Who told you that?

 

If you can please answer the above, it would help me (and others) better respond to your initial question.

[brokengirl85]

Just buy me a pint, if you're ever in England

 

I get where you're coming from, truth seeker. And I could not agree more with jabron. []

 

Yes, looks are important. I feel sad for the friend. I wouldn't want myself to be in that situation. You shouldn't be offended though, but flattered. Just move on from that group of ladies.

 

And jabron, I really like how you think. It looks like you've read some attraction principles and you're knowledgeable. Or do you speak based in your own experiences? I'd like to know.

Edited February 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[kendahke]

I get it. Again >>> it's the logic that because one isn't interested, I'm "passed off" to someone else and I will gladly accept.

 

Are people not getting what I'm saying?

 

I guess not because the reaction to what happened indicates the assignation of malicious intent, and that hasn't been firmly established. I also don't see where it's been firmly established that either of them thought you would "gladly accept". Imagining that that's what happened is speculation on your part and speculation isn't fact.

 

You're assigning a lot of meaning to something without knowing 1. if they even had this conversations and 2. if they even esteem you as something to be passed around or would "gladly accept". I seriously doubt it went as deep as you're trying to make it go.

 

I remember this guy I used to hang out with... this woman had a huge crush on him. He didn't really like her much. He says to a group of us, "hey, I have no need for her... who wants her?" The a hole automatically assumed he could just pass her off to another guy and she would go along with it.

 

No one would find that insulting?

 

Yes, that is insulting because it's malicious, humiliating treatment and ill-will and was made known to a group of you, but it is non sequitur to what you said happened in your case, primarily because you are speculating about what the two women said to one another about you; and because you were witness to a completely different conversation with a completely different set of circumstances with your boys, you are conflating the two and trying to force their intent onto the woman who asked you out.

 

Just tell the two of them that you aren't some toy that can be passed around. That should solve the problem.

[truth_seeker]

I would be insulted and extremely hurt if a guy I liked told his friend to go out with me. It happened to me once and I am pretty sure I ended up clothed in a bathtub with a bottle of wine.

 

BUT.. You haven't told us whether the girl you liked actually said that or not. You are assuming she has passed you off. Sounds to me like the other girl liked you from the start. She didn't ask you out because she doesn't like you and wants to offend you..

 

Whatever you do. Don't be offended by the girl who asked you out. That is ludicrous.

 

My mum dated my dads best friend before she married my dad. They are still best friends(which astounds me) so it is not just a modern day thing.

 

 

Girl 1 I like and at one point liked me. Girl 1 has cooled on me because there is another guy in the picture, so I have accepted that and have kept to myself. Girl 2 , her friend, is getting close to me recently, as in right after I made it known publicly I'm into Girl 1. I have zero interest in Girl 2. None. If I did, I would have made it known.

 

Girl 2 seems to think I'm going to go out with her because I'm available since Girl 1 is with another guy.

 

Seriously, there are girls out there who sit around, gossip, dream up these fantasies and think men will go along with them like a puppy dog.