Author truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Sooo what you're saying is that the rejection hurt your ego. What hurt it even more is that an unattractive girl had the audacity to think that you'd be interested in dating her, right after you were rejected by that other girl who actually was attractive. WRONG!!! The friend is attractive. I just don't find her attractive. Even if I did find her attractive I wouldn't feel comfortable dating her.
Author truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 I think this is maybe the driving force of your reaction. Which, I totally understand, too, but just be careful not to let things like what happened make you cynical and closed off. I feel like that'll just make it harder to be open to the right woman/en in the future. It's just the way dating is today. It's very frustrating how people change their minds so fast. There are way too many options, idiots, liar, cheats... I feel like you have to be detective first before you can actually like someone.
kendahke Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Just think if you liked a guy, he liked you but chose another woman and told his friend you can have her, and the friend expected you to be available and like him. 1. I wouldn't have been privvy to that conversation 2. The friend's expectations aren't my responsibility to meet. He can expect the moon, but that has nothing to do with my free will. The only thing he can do is ask me out. From there, I either say "yes" or "no" and that's the end of it. 2
Lorenza Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 WRONG!!! The friend is attractive. I just don't find her attractive. Even if I did find her attractive I wouldn't feel comfortable dating her. Why is that her fault? Please don't unleash your anger on her. Everyone deserves a chance to try and express their feelings without being put down. If you don't want her, gently say no and that's it. 3
Redhead14 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 You're wrong. It's how it comes across - please think about it from my perspective. Girl is interested in Guy, Guy is interested in Girl. Girl decides, I like someone else better, so I am no longer interested. Guy is disappointed and moves on. Girl's friend is single. Girl suggests: I don't have interest in him anymore, you can go him. Friend decides to go for guy thinking he will gladly accept. Is that scenario not somewhat insulting to the guy? I don't have interest in him anymore, you can go him. Friend decides to go for guy thinking he will gladly accept. -- How in the world do you KNOW that's how this went down? Mind-reading? And, if the friend told the girl you were interested in that she was interested in dating you and asked if there would be any awkwardness for her if she did that, that's just being respectful to her friend. thinking he will gladly accept. -- Again, how do you know she was thinking that? And, if she thought you'd gladly accept -- then she was mind-reading. Why do you have to convolute all this? 6
kendahke Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 It's just the way dating is today. It's very frustrating how people change their minds so fast. There are way too many options, idiots, liar, cheats... I feel like you have to be detective first before you can actually like someone. If you mean, free will, yeah--you exercised yours, didn't you? You aren't obligated to date the friend if the chick you wanted didn't want to date you. The chick you wanted has as much right to her free will and choosing who she wants to be with as you do. And yes, you must vet anyone you're intending on being with. That goes without saying. 3
Author truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Why is that her fault? Please don't unleash your anger on her. Everyone deserves a chance to try and express their feelings without being put down. If you don't want her, gently say no and that's it. I didn't say it was her fault. I'm not angry. I don't like the idea of being passed off to someone else. We clear?
Author truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 I don't have interest in him anymore, you can go him. Friend decides to go for guy thinking he will gladly accept. -- How in the world do you KNOW that's how this went down? Mind-reading? And, if the friend told the girl you were interested in that she was interested in dating you and asked if there would be any awkwardness for her if she did that, that's just being respectful to her friend. thinking he will gladly accept. -- Again, how do you know she was thinking that? And, if she thought you'd gladly accept -- then she was mind-reading. Why do you have to convolute all this? You didn't address the question I asked. You wouldn't be insulted if a guy you liked changed his mind on you THEN tells his buddy go for her and the friend expected you to date him?
Lorenza Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I didn't say it was her fault. I'm not angry. I don't like the idea of being passed off to someone else. We clear? So what makes you think she would like to have a guy passed on to her? We're all someone's leftovers, btw. 3
Lorenza Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 You didn't address the question I asked. You wouldn't be insulted if a guy you liked changed his mind on you THEN tells his buddy go for her and the friend expected you to date him? Would you be insulted if your buddy came to you and asked: "The girl you just broke it off with... Would you mind if I pursue her?" Its a normal thing to make sure your friend doesnt mind. And what indicates that she immediately expects you to date her? Did she say: "hey you - you are gonna me now."? 1
Author truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 So what makes you think she would like to have a guy passed on to her? We're all someone's leftovers, btw. Have you not read my other posts? I posed the question from a woman's perspective. The leftovers comment makes me want to gag.
Author truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Would you be insulted if your buddy came to you and asked: "The girl you just broke it off with... Would you mind if I pursue her?" Its a normal thing to make sure your friend doesnt mind. And what indicates that she immediately expects you to date her? Did she say: "hey you - you are gonna me now."? There's an unwritten rule: you don't date your friend's ex.
Redhead14 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 You didn't address the question I asked. You wouldn't be insulted if a guy you liked changed his mind on you THEN tells his buddy go for her and the friend expected you to date him? I didn't answer the question directly because I think the question is based on an imagined scenario. How do you know she told her friend she could go for you and how do you know she Expected you to date her? And, if that did happen to me, I wouldn't give a rat's rear end whether or not the friend expected me to date the other guy because the choice is mine. 3
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 (edited) Not true. Even if I did find her attractive, wouldn't sit well with me. You're telling me if you liked a guy, and he passed you off to his friend, you would jump at the chance to date his friend? TS.... .what makes you think that they think/assume you would jump at the chance? That's the part I am not getting. Girl A isn't interested. Her friend, Girl B, is interested. Since Girl A isn't interested, she tells Girl B to go for it! Not knowing whether you would jump at the chance, or not....but she figures, hey it's worth a shot, right? Nothing ventured, nothing gained? Bottom line is, neither one of them how you would respond. Or whether you would jump at the chance or not. That said, I DO get how you might feel insulted being passed around..... although I don't think that's how they meant this to come across. Girl B is interested, that's all. And she let you know. Your choice whether you want to go for it or not. Oh and P.S. -- sorry about Girl A. That sucks. Edited February 11, 2016 by katiegrl 2
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 It's just the way dating is today. It's very frustrating how people change their minds so fast. There are way too many options, idiots, liar, cheats... I feel like you have to be detective first before you can actually like someone. Well to be fair TS... you had plenty of chances to date Girl A...when she WAS interested in you. But you waited too long to make your move, and she ended up becoming interested in someone else. Maybe the person you should be mad at is YOURSELF. For waiting too long to make your move. You can't expect that a chick is gonna wait forever for a guy to ask her out. She gave you plenty of signals that she was interested, and you still did nothing. So she moved on and found another guy. Lesson learned for next time....when you're into a chick -- ask her out! Just a thought. 2
smackie9 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I remember this happening when I was a teenager. There is nothing insulting, it just turns out her friend likes you....so what. 1
anna121 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 There's an unwritten rule: you don't date your friend's ex. But, Girl A isn't YOUR ex. In your OP you said you never went beyond "interest". Right? Or did you actually hook up with Girl A? 4
Jabron1 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I know where truth_seeker is coming from. If the girl you were after tried palming you off to one of her friends with lesser status, that is disrespectful to a man with self-respect. A guy needs to listen to his gut. if you feel something's off, it probably is. Disengage. Hell, they're probably offended that you didn't go for it. Most men are desperate and are glad to be led around by the nose. I have a female "friend" who has a lot of guys after her. She is a stunning looking girl. These guys orbit her, doing things for her, and hoping to win her affection. It really is crazy to watch it from the outside and hear her talk about it. For example, last time I saw her some random clown dropped her off in a nice motor, and she even has her landlord taking her out for shopping trips - these guys are lucky if they get a peck. Occasionally, she'll play the matchmaker and pass off an orbiter to one of her less attractive friends. It's as if these guys are a sort of currency to her. Not saying that's exactly what's happening here - just saying that women aren't all 'sugar, spice and all things nice' - and men can be easily manipulated from their original course. 1
Maggie4 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Well, I do see there is adding insult to injury in the following form: The girl you liked is basically saying, not only do I not want you, I don't even mind seeing you date my friend. This girl is closing the door on any possibility of being interested in you again, and she probably never had romantic interest in you. So you are "discarded", and she is done with you. I think that's the insult here. 1
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Well, I do see there is adding insult to injury in the following form: The girl you liked is basically saying, not only do I not want you, I don't even mind seeing you date my friend. This girl is closing the door on any possibility of being interested in you again, and she probably never had romantic interest in you. So you are "discarded", and she is done with you. I think that's the insult here. Agree and his anger is misplaced even if he doesn't realize it. And TS....I would also like to know how you find out she was, in fact, ever interested in you. Did her friend tell you she was? Or are you just assuming she was?
Emilia Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I know where truth_seeker is coming from. If the girl you were after tried palming you off to one of her friends with lesser status, that is disrespectful to a man with self-respect. A guy needs to listen to his gut. if you feel something's off, it probably is. Disengage. Hell, they're probably offended that you didn't go for it. Most men are desperate and are glad to be led around by the nose. I have a female "friend" who has a lot of guys after her. She is a stunning looking girl. These guys orbit her, doing things for her, and hoping to win her affection. It really is crazy to watch it from the outside and hear her talk about it. For example, last time I saw her some random clown dropped her off in a nice motor, and she even has her landlord taking her out for shopping trips - these guys are lucky if they get a peck. Occasionally, she'll play the matchmaker and pass off an orbiter to one of her less attractive friends. It's as if these guys are a sort of currency to her. Not saying that's exactly what's happening here - just saying that women aren't all 'sugar, spice and all things nice' - and men can be easily manipulated from their original course. So it IS about looks. 3
jen1447 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 OP, you sound like you decided to be offended first, and now you're assembling the justifications for that offense. Based on the little bit you've shared, no, I don't think you should be insulted that someone asked you out. 8
losangelena Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 OP, you sound like you decided to be offended first, and now you're assembling the justifications for that offense. Based on the little bit you've shared, no, I don't think you should be insulted that someone asked you out. Exactly. Just say no thanks, don't want a date with you, and move on. This is an awful lot of energy to pour into one incident with two people you have no real relationship with. 3
frus69 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 (edited) Are you offended because an ugly girl likes you or because an ugly girl thinks you will chase her? Either way you are being ridiculous. No wonder the first girl isn't interested. Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 6
basil67 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I remember this happening when I was a teenager. There is nothing insulting, it just turns out her friend likes you....so what. My hubby and his mates are all in their 50's. Was common enough for them too when they were young. I'm not sure why Truth_seeker thinks it's a modern thing. 2
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