Is she cheating; pregnant by another man?

[RRM321]

Yes, I'd want her to abort either way. I don't want another child right now and she's in no place to raise two kids. She has a hard time raising one. And I don't want her having another man's child.

 

We're not haters, our perspective has the luxury of distance.

 

There's no "we" in the statement (above) and instead it's "she" raising the child. Few if real indications that you actually care, or fear for your son.

 

I think what people find alarming is that you reference your son and the custody matters chiefly in terms of exacting revenge. There's not a lot of concerned parent coming through - just a lot of possessive rage over one's self.

Edited February 15, 2016 by RRM321

[elaine567]

Sadly, the son is being used as a weapon here.

[Kinl]

She wants to settle for 50/50 custody and split holidays in half (Christmas eve to Christmas morning, other parent picks up late Christmas morning and keeps until boxing day). Trick or treat together and have birthday party together "for him". She wants 2 certain days a month with him when her newbf has time off.

 

I want to fight to the death for full custody though. She doesn't deserve him. Is that justified or anger speaking?

 

I have an appointment set up to do a DNA test this week. My lawyer is going to put out an order for her to have prenatal testing to be sure. She said she'd do it but I want to make sure she does. Apparently they planned for this baby. It would be kind of funny if it were mine, a nice slap in the face for him. Yes, I'll take care of both if they are mine.

 

Based on the schedule she wants, she knows he can't move closer. She complained about not spending enough time together but thinks it'll work only having a few days a month with this guy? My prediction is that she ends up single again. How attractive.

 

According to my lawyer the only thing I will be responsible for (if we do 50/50) is 50% of necessary costs for my son (like prescriptions, insurance $100/year, daycare, etc.).

 

We are working on an order so she cannot move out of the city. If she ever wants to move closer to him but keep the same schedule we'll go back to court.

 

You're right that she's his problem now. They are both okay with cheating so that relationship probably won't last.

 

There are true double standards. This thread clearly shows it. I never said what I did was justified. It was wrong. But many people are making me look like the bad guy while she's getting knocked up left and right.

[Kinl]

Sadly, the son is being used as a weapon here.

 

I am not using my son as a weapon. I am doing what is in the best interest for him. I thought she was a good mother but not now. She's bringing a new man into her life on a whim and they will likely fail. Then what she brig another guy into the picture, then another?

 

 

We are supposed to meet tomorrow to talk about custody. She wants to "do it soon so we can get into the routine". She's adamant with her 50/50 schedule and splitting holiday, plus 2 certain days a month. She said she's bring her new bf and that he won't be in the room but he'll be there to " support her". That's inappropriate to me. I think she just wants to rub it in my face.

 

Either way it'll be a quick meeting because I'm not agreeing to that schedule. I'll have a hard time not punching him in the face and saying some nasty things to her.

 

She has our son right now and she won't let me have him until the papers are signed with certain days and that I can't leave the city. Or until a temporary schedule is signed. She's "letting me" take him to an indoor playground after the meeting and she'll wait outside (with her new bf).

[soleilesquire]

I do think it's time to leave her. It is a toxic relationship and she is likely carrying another man's baby.

 

IMO, the best case scenario would be for the 1.5 year old NOT to be yours. You do not seem to care at all for him, and then you could be completely free of them both.

[merrmeade]

The attorney will take care of a lot of the concerns mentioned, including your tendency to color everything with revenge. What you do and say from now on will affect the divorce terms and settlement, so you'll want to check with your attorney before flying off the handle.

[ShatteredLady]

OP. This is so common, "You don't want her but you don't want anyone else to have her. This is true. I don't know why but it is.". It will pass. Like your anger, it truly will.

 

Remember what I said & just let a lawyer deal with this. You could be getting everything you want....including a very good custody arrangement with your son. Just stay calm!

 

I think that coming here & being so open with your thoughts has shown you how the average person reacts to that kind of venom. People will be more supportive now that we know the truth of the situation but still remember to dial it back when talking (particularly writing) to your ex. She's probably gathering evidence.

[RRM321]

I want to fight to the death for full custody though. She doesn't deserve him. Is that justified or anger speaking?

 

It would be kind of funny if it (new baby) were mine, a nice slap in the face for him.

 

More than anger. It's rage.

 

You didn't once mention anything about the welfare of your child - you spoke only to how much anguish you can inflict on the mother.

 

I'll take care of both if they are mine.

 

You're frighteningly unconvincing.

[Chi townD]

I am not using my son as a weapon. I am doing what is in the best interest for him. I thought she was a good mother but not now. She's bringing a new man into her life on a whim and they will likely fail. Then what she brig another guy into the picture, then another?

 

 

We are supposed to meet tomorrow to talk about custody. She wants to "do it soon so we can get into the routine". She's adamant with her 50/50 schedule and splitting holiday, plus 2 certain days a month. She said she's bring her new bf and that he won't be in the room but he'll be there to " support her". That's inappropriate to me. I think she just wants to rub it in my face.

 

Either way it'll be a quick meeting because I'm not agreeing to that schedule. I'll have a hard time not punching him in the face and saying some nasty things to her.

 

She has our son right now and she won't let me have him until the papers are signed with certain days and that I can't leave the city. Or until a temporary schedule is signed. She's "letting me" take him to an indoor playground after the meeting and she'll wait outside (with her new bf).

 

 

CANCEL THAT MEETING!!!!!! You DO NOT make a move without your lawyer!

 

 

Dude, you are sooooo pissed off and angry and to see them together is only going to set you off. And then she can call the cops on you for causing a scene and possibly getting into a fight. THEN, she's going to get a restraining order on you and then you'll now have a record of a domestic. Then guess what? You're going to lose your kid because she'll take him up to this other douche rocket and you have no say because you lost your cool. You are being set up, dude.

 

 

She doesn't get to dictate what schedule you get to have with your kid. You let the courts decide that.

 

 

DO NOT MEET UP WITH HER ESPECIALLY WITH THAT DOUCHE ROCKET PRESENT!

 

 

text her that you'll not meet up with her until you've conferred with your lawyer.

[Ladyjane14]

CANCEL THAT MEETING!!!!!! You DO NOT make a move without your lawyer!

 

 

Dude, you are sooooo pissed off and angry and to see them together is only going to set you off. And then she can call the cops on you for causing a scene and possibly getting into a fight. THEN, she's going to get a restraining order on you and then you'll now have a record of a domestic. Then guess what? You're going to lose your kid because she'll take him up to this other douche rocket and you have no say because you lost your cool. You are being set up, dude.

 

 

She doesn't get to dictate what schedule you get to have with your kid. You let the courts decide that.

 

 

DO NOT MEET UP WITH HER ESPECIALLY WITH THAT ******* PRESENT!

 

 

text her that you'll not meet up with her until you've conferred with your lawyer.

 

I'm in agreement with the above. DO NOT MEET WITH HER. Get with your attorney and set up visitation, even if that means utilizing a neutral party. Keep contact with her to an absolute, unemotional minimum. You need to keep your wits about you right now.

[merrmeade]

.... Either way it'll be a quick meeting because I'm not agreeing to that schedule. I'll have a hard time not punching him in the face and saying some nasty things to her...

This is exactly the kind of possibility I was talking about. You NEED to let your attorney direct all your interactions with her from now on. You cannot risk losing your temper and having all custody rights taken away later. Do not go to the meeting. Talk to your attorney and only your attorney. Let him/her handle all negotiations.

[Kinl]

You're right, she's probably trying to set me off so that she can use it against me. What a piece of work. Aside from hockey the last time I was in a fight was when my [other] ex (who also cheated) was out with another guy after we broke up. They were dancing and making out and clearly rubbing it in. I just lost my cool. The bar owner was a buddy of mine and no chargers were pressed.

 

There is no other reason she would bring her new bf, driving down for 4 hours. Unless he's already down here and spent the long weekend with her. The resort shes at until tonight, I paid for but was refunded today so she covered the charges. Probably already here, playing house with my son.

 

I'll contact my lawyer in the morning and tell him about the meeting. I'll cancel the meeting and have everything go through him. I probably have a better lawyer than she does.

 

She said she wanted to handle it easy and quick like adults, and do mediation if necessary not court. At this point everything has to go through our lawyers though.

 

At some point things have to settle so my son doesn't always see us fight. I'll have to see her and her boytoy at some point. Hopefully by then I can do so without lashing out.

 

I am jealous of this guy. Not only is he taking my family but he also seems to suit her better. I have her computer here so I went on to see if I could find anything. She has him on Facebook. We use to say which actors in a movie/show we found attractive. It was just fun, there was no jealousy. She almost always picked a certain physical type (hispanic, dark hair and eyes, olive skin tone) and found certain accents very sexy. He fits the mold perfectly.

 

It makes me wonder if that's always been her type or if she based on her type off him.

[ChickiePops]

She wants to settle for 50/50 custody and split holidays in half (Christmas eve to Christmas morning, other parent picks up late Christmas morning and keeps until boxing day). Trick or treat together and have birthday party together "for him". She wants 2 certain days a month with him when her newbf has time off.

 

I want to fight to the death for full custody though. She doesn't deserve him. Is that justified or anger speaking?

 

I have an appointment set up to do a DNA test this week. My lawyer is going to put out an order for her to have prenatal testing to be sure. She said she'd do it but I want to make sure she does. Apparently they planned for this baby. It would be kind of funny if it were mine, a nice slap in the face for him. Yes, I'll take care of both if they are mine.

 

Based on the schedule she wants, she knows he can't move closer. She complained about not spending enough time together but thinks it'll work only having a few days a month with this guy? My prediction is that she ends up single again. How attractive.

 

According to my lawyer the only thing I will be responsible for (if we do 50/50) is 50% of necessary costs for my son (like prescriptions, insurance $100/year, daycare, etc.).

 

We are working on an order so she cannot move out of the city. If she ever wants to move closer to him but keep the same schedule we'll go back to court.

 

You're right that she's his problem now. They are both okay with cheating so that relationship probably won't last.

 

There are true double standards. This thread clearly shows it. I never said what I did was justified. It was wrong. But many people are making me look like the bad guy while she's getting knocked up left and right.

 

Nah. You're both behaving badly. She should never have gotten into a relationship with you as she was obviously not over her ex. You are a serial cheater who strung her along and wasn't very kind to her. You absolutely have a right to be pissed but so does she..and she is STILL the mother of your son. You guys were never a good match and it sounds like you both knew it.

 

You're putting revenge and rage before your son. Put your son first. Also stop cheating on people. Let him have her. Walk away with class and put your son first. That's all.

[R.Gant]

I think fighting for full custody is a long shot specially in Canada.

 

But I Suggest you fight to keep the kids where they are! Never ever allow a deal that would send them away.

 

"A common weapon by canadian divorcees is to re-enroll the kids at a school closer to their residence." -so i suggest you look out for this move.

 

never agree for the children to move schools specially one that's far away from you.

 

_________________

I would also suggest your carry a VAR(voice activated recorder) with you! specially when conversing with her.

 

Also read about VAR laws on your area.

[SSJROMANCE]

You're right, she's probably trying to set me off so that she can use it against me. What a piece of work. Aside from hockey the last time I was in a fight was when my [other] ex (who also cheated) was out with another guy after we broke up. They were dancing and making out and clearly rubbing it in. I just lost my cool. The bar owner was a buddy of mine and no chargers were pressed.

 

There is no other reason she would bring her new bf, driving down for 4 hours. Unless he's already down here and spent the long weekend with her. The resort shes at until tonight, I paid for but was refunded today so she covered the charges. Probably already here, playing house with my son.

 

I'll contact my lawyer in the morning and tell him about the meeting. I'll cancel the meeting and have everything go through him. I probably have a better lawyer than she does.

 

She said she wanted to handle it easy and quick like adults, and do mediation if necessary not court. At this point everything has to go through our lawyers though.

 

At some point things have to settle so my son doesn't always see us fight. I'll have to see her and her boytoy at some point. Hopefully by then I can do so without lashing out.

 

I am jealous of this guy. Not only is he taking my family but he also seems to suit her better. I have her computer here so I went on to see if I could find anything. She has him on Facebook. We use to say which actors in a movie/show we found attractive. It was just fun, there was no jealousy. She almost always picked a certain physical type (hispanic, dark hair and eyes, olive skin tone) and found certain accents very sexy. He fits the mold perfectly.

 

It makes me wonder if that's always been her type or if she based on her type off him.

 

 

Take as much away from her as you can. Don't let up. Make things very difficult for her - I don't care what she and anybody else says on here. She is the one who has been cheating for months behind your back (yes you weren't too good either but…) and she is the one destroying your family (yes you played a part as well). Don't play into this "Be an adult" crap from someone who betrayed you. She knew she was betraying you and now she wants you to play nice. DON'T.

 

In the end once a cheater always a cheater. I hope her boyfriend realizes this. There is a good chance that these two will not make it either and she will be out on the street. Karma.

 

My girlfriend of 8 years cheated on me - long story short. She had EVERYTHING going for her. I was supporting her through school and she had only a year left. She had a brand new red sports car (let her drive my new car while I drove the clunker) school paid for by my parents everything else paid for by me. She threw it all away - everything. Moved back with her mom started working as a waitress. One boyfriend after another never finished school. Last I knew she had 3 kids with two different fathers. Here is the Karma of all this. Long story but I got in touch with her years later to find out why she left because at that point I hadn't known she cheated on me (I suspected she did). She confessed. She also told me the first dude she married (she rubbed it in my face) they were the perfect couple that they would laugh all the time this and that she thought everything was great. She worked at his restaurant. After many years of marriage he left her for a younger waitress at his business - boom. Like a switch. She was floored. Karma man!!! That was priceless. I'm glad she got a taste of what she did to me. Moral of the story is what comes around goes around.

Edited February 16, 2016 by SSJROMANCE

[TX-SC]

Agree to the 50/50 but stipulate she cannot move your child more than 50 miles from where you live. That's about the best you could hope for here.

[Kinl]

I think fighting for full custody is a long shot specially in Canada.

 

But I Suggest you fight to keep the kids where they are! Never ever allow a deal that would send them away.

 

"A common weapon by canadian divorcees is to re-enroll the kids at a school closer to their residence." -so i suggest you look out for this move.

 

never agree for the children to move schools specially one that's far away from you.

 

_________________

I would also suggest your carry a VAR(voice activated recorder) with you! specially when conversing with her.

 

Also read about VAR laws on your area.

 

Its worth a shot. My lawyer said its a long shot as well, unless I have evidence that she's an unfit mother. If she did this then I'm sure she's done other stuff.

 

She's using the stance that she didn't break up with me because she was scared of me. And that she's still completely against cheating. I have never laid my hand on her and never would.

 

I can pull things from her past if I have too. If I can't get full custody I might be able to get majority custody. Like 60/40 or 80/20.

 

She's trying to look like the good guy by trying to settle "fair" and out of court. Thus far she hasn't said anything that could be considered rude or mean. Trying to look like the bigger person.

 

He is only 1.5 so he isn't in school and won't be until he's 4. The problem is, you can only go to the school that's in your school district. So we're going to have to live in the same neighborhood if we do 50/50. If one patent holds majority only they have to be in the school district.

 

A voice recorder is a good idea. I haven't talked to her yet though, only through text or email. But if my lawyer isn't around its a good thing to have.

 

We're going to go ahead with the meeting today. I've talked to my lawyer and he said he would meet us there. She doesn't know that he'll be there. Hopefully going to the gym before the meeting will release some anger.

[ShatteredLady]

Everything you do to 'punish' her will hurt your son. Please don't let your anger get the better of you. That little boy needs his daddy. Don't take that away just because your pride has been hurt.

 

You don't want her. You want & NEED your son!

[Kinl]

Take as much away from her as you can. Don't let up. Make things very difficult for her - I don't care what she and anybody else says on here. She is the one who has been cheating for months behind your back (yes you weren't too good either but…) and she is the one destroying your family (yes you played a part as well). Don't play into this "Be an adult" crap from someone who betrayed you. She knew she was betraying you and now she wants you to play nice. DON'T.

 

In the end once a cheater always a cheater. I hope her boyfriend realizes this. There is a good chance that these two will not make it either and she will be out on the street. Karma.

 

My girlfriend of 8 years cheated on me - long story short. She had EVERYTHING going for her. I was supporting her through school and she had only a year left. She had a brand new red sports car (let her drive my new car while I drove the clunker) school paid for by my parents everything else paid for by me. She threw it all away - everything. Moved back with her mom started working as a waitress. One boyfriend after another never finished school. Last I knew she had 3 kids with two different fathers. Here is the Karma of all this. Long story but I got in touch with her years later to find out why she left because at that point I hadn't known she cheated on me (I suspected she did). She confessed. She also told me the first dude she married (she rubbed it in my face) they were the perfect couple that they would laugh all the time this and that she thought everything was great. She worked at his restaurant. After many years of marriage he left her for a younger waitress at his business - boom. Like a switch. She was floored. Karma man!!! That was priceless. I'm glad she got a taste of what she did to me. Moral of the story is what comes around goes around.

 

Thanks for the story. I hope karma finds her. She's in university and has a few years left. She has trouble managing with 1 kids, I'm sure she'll drop out once she has 2 kids. They planned for this baby while she was with me, they weren't "official" or engaged/married. Chances are they are dumb enough to pop out another, and another. She always said she wanted a big family, I wanted 1 at most.

 

I hope he cheats on her. Then she'll be on her own with 2+ kids. Or he'll get stationed in another province or country and she won't be able to go.

[Kinl]

Everything you do to 'punish' her will hurt your son. Please don't let your anger get the better of you. That little boy needs his daddy. Don't take that away just because your pride has been hurt.

 

You don't want her. You want & NEED your son!

 

How is fighting for custody taking him away from me? If anything he'll get more of me.

[SSJROMANCE]

Everything you do to 'punish' her will hurt your son. Please don't let your anger get the better of you. That little boy needs his daddy. Don't take that away just because your pride has been hurt.

 

You don't want her. You want & NEED your son!

 

No I disagree. He doesn't have to hurt his son. If he takes [him] away from her then yes I agree it will hurt his son (unless she is mentally not capable to raise him). But there are other things he can and is in the process of doing to make her life not what she wants it.

Edited February 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[elaine567]

No I disagree. He doesn't have to hurt his son. If he takes [him] away from her then yes I agree it will hurt his son (unless she is mentally not capable to raise him). But there are other things he can and is in the process of doing to make her life not what she wants it.

 

Yeah, keep the hate grinding, make sure she is crying everyday, make sure his son sees his mother miserable, make sure he is one mixed up kid, make sure he is one mixed up adult...

Result.

Edited February 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bigdaddyt]

Kinl, I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation; however I believe a lot of your pain is self induced. It could be that you just reacted to your SO pulling away or it could be that the two of you are just not compatible . You really need to shut this vendetta down. It will only destroy you and SO , as well as hurt your Son.

I would go through the Attorney and take the 50/50 custody, chances are poor that you would get full custody and that would not be in your Sons best interests. I do not even think that you would be able to prevent your Son from being around the OM, if she marries him. You could try but I doubt you would be successful . I have found from my own experience that the best revenge on a WS is to live well and move on with your life.

[Chi townD]

He's in the "burn, [] burn" stage. A lot of anger and you really can't take that too seriously.

 

 

Sure, they are toxic for each other and not good for each other. But, I think he's angry because she rocked his world and turned everything upside down on him. So, I think he's lashing out because; regardless of how screwed up their relationship was, he's hurting and he wants her to experience the same amount of pain he's feeling.

 

 

So, I suppose that's why people are telling him not to make any rash decisions and work through a lawyer because he's not in the right frame of mind. And at least he's listening.

 

 

OP it is a good thing that you're having your lawyer there with you for this meeting. Do not show up until your lawyer is by your side. Let your lawyer control the situation. If she questions why he's there, just say that he's only there for "support".

Edited February 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Bigdaddyt]

I agree that he is severely wounded, been there. God gives us all free will to choose, good or bad, right or wrong. We cannot always choose the situations that we find ourselves in, but we can choose how we respond to them. Letting go of the pain and anger is very freeing but, we all reach that point on our own time table, everyone is different. I hope he finds that place soon.