Is she cheating; pregnant by another man?

[Kinl]

But what if she doesn't want to "fix" it?

 

You see...reconciliation takes both people....giving 100%

 

this means you need to confess what you have done...can you do that? It means becoming totally transparent to each other....can you do that?

 

You are right...if you are the father...you absolutely want to do the right thing.

 

Here's what bothers me....

If you found out today she is pregnant....why is your very first thought...the baby is not mine? Why would you immediately begin searching for infidelity on her part?

 

Why wouldn't your first reaction be ...oh honey!!! That's GREAT!!!

 

Let me tell you....if i had told my husband I was pregnant and his first reaction was to start digging to see if i screwed around....he is not the man i thought he was.

 

The only possible reason i can think of to cause this response...is GUILT on your part. You know you are actively cheating...therefore...she probably is too.

 

I suspected she was pregnant for a while. She gets bad symptoms. Last time she was hospitalized because she was throwing up every 15 minutes, She got dizzy to the point of falling over, mouth tasted like metal, exhausted. All the same this time.

 

My response would never be that's great because I don't want another child - right now at least. If I did I wouldn't have been wearing condoms.

 

First, control what you have absolute control over: you

 

1. Thank the friend for the memories and stop the video chatting/flirtation/correspondence/whatever with her or any other female. You can make that choice and no one can stop you.

 

2. Document. Express surprise, legitimate surprise over the pregnancy, and get a look at the doctor's report. Gather information, details. No need for any confrontations, yet. You have an infant/toddler at home. Going postal now could cook you down the road.

 

3. Let the pregnancy play out and then execute the results of your documentation as found and appropriate. Right now, nothing is verified. In time, it might be, or the reverse. It's unknown. What is known is you have a 1.5 yo child to watch out for. Job #1.

 

What am I supposed to look for in the doctor report?

 

So I should stay with her and not question her cheating? Then do a paternity test after birth? I don't know if I could keep my cool the whole time and not let something slip.

 

I think he wants her to have cheated.

 

Then he can tell himself that what he has done/is doing/wants to do is ok.

 

Yes, I want my girlfriend to be pregnant with another man's baby. And to have to deal with her and this other guy for the rest of my life. And to have all my family and friends think she's a sl*t. That's exactly what I want

 

BTW Einstein - the dating sites fill those fields in automatically with default values. At best, she's simply reading profiles.

 

I think the baby is yours but, she's on to [to you] and looking for a way out. Smart girl.

 

It wasn't default values. Not everyone has kids and it said she did. It also said absolutely no to smoking and drugs. And that she was only interested in men that already had kids. She filled it out.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I understand that you were trying to prevent a pregnancy.....so you don't want a baby.

 

But you know having sex....even with a condom...can result in a pregnancy.

 

Do you want her to abort?

 

I don't know if a doctor will share her record with you since you are not married...they may require her written permission to do that.

[carhill]

 

 

What am I supposed to look for in the doctor report?

 

Look at it and take a picture of it with your cell phone. Identify the areas related to the pregnancy. Store it away.

 

So I should stay with her and not question her cheating? Then do a paternity test after birth? I don't know if I could keep my cool the whole time and not let something slip.

You have a child. Take a breath. The more information you have, the clearer the picture becomes and, should things go sideways, the more ammunition you'll have.

 

Learn to think like a woman. Women have been quietly sussing out men's infidelities for centuries. Here, we have no concrete evidence of any infidelity, do we? So, go with what you have and move forward.

 

If the evidence indicates a likelihood of you not being the father, of course get a paternity test. Investigate the accuracy of pre-natal tests as this science is always changing.

 

What are in the best interests of your child? Take a good hard look at that face and make a healthy decision.

[Kinl]

I understand that you were trying to prevent a pregnancy.....so you don't want a baby.

 

But you know having sex....even with a condom...can result in a pregnancy.

 

Do you want her to abort?

 

I don't know if a doctor will share her record with you since you are not married...they may require her written permission to do that.

 

Yes, I'd want her to abort either way. I don't want another child right now and she's in no place to raise two kids. She has a hard time raising one. And I don't want her having another man's child. Then have to explain to my son that mommy [was unfaithful] when he gets old enough to figure out his sibling was conceived while we were together.

 

She came home with some papers. I didn't look at them though.

Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Obfuscation of prohibited language - posting restriction

[Mrs. John Adams]

Have you approached the subject of abortion with her? If so....what was her reaction?

[elaine567]

Is this really about the gf cheating or is this a man who has checked out of the relationship, is cheating on her, and just wants his gf to have an abortion, as he does NOT want another child?

[Kinl]

Have you approached the subject of abortion with her? If so....what was her reaction?

 

I told her if she was pregnant I wanted her to abort. She didn't say anything was just quiet. This morning I told her again that she should have an abortion and do it soon while its simple. She mumbled something with a bunch of I don't knows. She doesn't agree with abortion.

[Kinl]

Is this really about the gf cheating or is this a man who has checked out of the relationship, is cheating on her, and just wants his gf to have an abortion, as he does NOT want another child?

 

If I had checked out of the relationship I wouldn't even care about this.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Well...for her this is a sweet precious baby....and for you it is a pain in the arse.

 

So for her...this will be a struggle. Since you have already told her what you want.....she already knows you don't want the baby. I hate to say this...but her view of you may change...and not for the better.

 

She may feel you are pushing her to choose between you and her baby. She may lose respect....even love for you.

 

So your decision may actually be her decision.....she may end her relationship with you to keep her relationship with her baby.

 

I would not push her any further about this....and i believe if you want to keep her...you better stop stroking with your friend and straighten up.

 

you have no respect for this girl.....you come first....read all of your posts and be honest. You have nothing positive to say about her. You resent her.

 

Being a young nursing mom...is hard work...and now she is pregnant again...she is sick and tired....and her boyfriend wants her to abort.

 

Imagine yourself in her shoes just for a second...how would you feel?

 

I don't know if your girl is cheating....I don't know if her baby is yours...

I do know....you are cheating...you are critical....and you are selfish

 

You have a whole lot of problems. You cannot control her...but you can control you. Get yourself together.

[TX-SC]

Do not sign a birth certificate unless you have a paternity test completed. End of story.

 

Honestly, I think you should leave her and just coparent your child. You are cheating and she has dating profiles. What else do you need to know?

[Ms. Faust]

Is this really about the gf cheating or is this a man who has checked out of the relationship, is cheating on her, and just wants his gf to have an abortion, as he does NOT want another child?

 

I think you summed it up.

[Kinl]

Well...for her this is a sweet precious baby....and for you it is a pain in the arse.

 

So for her...this will be a struggle. Since you have already told her what you want.....she already knows you don't want the baby. I hate to say this...but her view of you may change...and not for the better.

 

She may feel you are pushing her to choose between you and her baby. She may lose respect....even love for you.

 

So your decision may actually be her decision.....she may end her relationship with you to keep her relationship with her baby.

 

I would not push her any further about this....and i believe if you want to keep her...you better stop stroking with your friend and straighten up.

 

you have no respect for this girl.....you come first....read all of your posts and be honest. You have nothing positive to say about her. You resent her.

 

Being a young nursing mom...is hard work...and now she is pregnant again...she is sick and tired....and her boyfriend wants her to abort.

 

Imagine yourself in her shoes just for a second...how would you feel?

 

I don't know if your girl is cheating....I don't know if her baby is yours...

I do know....you are cheating...you are critical....and you are selfish

 

You have a whole lot of problems. You cannot control her...but you can control you. Get yourself together.

 

I have told her that I do not want the baby but that I would stick by her. I told her all the reasons why I don't want it and don't think it's a good choice. If its mine and she wasn't cheating yes I'd stay with her. But I would need to do a lot to be happy with her and would need more effort from her.

 

If its not mine though, definitely done. She said she'd think about it and we'd talk after her class today. She said she didn't want to talk about it before then. Wonder why... Maybe she wants to talk to the other dude. A friend of mine goes to the same school and hes going to see if she goes to class.

[Kinl]

If I'm wrong and she didn't cheat how do I stop cheating and be happy not doing it?

[carhill]

If I'm wrong and she didn't cheat how do I stop cheating and be happy not doing it?

Separate issues. You are you. She is she. You do what you believe is healthy for you. What she does is her choice and she bears responsibility for that.

 

This isn't a contest to see who can get to the bottom of a New Jersey scum swamp the fastest. No one wins here. There are only levels of losing. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. Choose wisely.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I have told her that I do not want the baby but that I would stick by her. I told her all the reasons why I don't want it and don't think it's a good choice. If its mine and she wasn't cheating yes I'd stay with her. But I would need to do a lot to be happy with her and would need more effort from her.

 

If its not mine though, definitely done. She said she'd think about it and we'd talk after her class today. She said she didn't want to talk about it before then. Wonder why... Maybe she wants to talk to the other dude. A friend of mine goes to the same school and hes going to see if she goes to class.

 

Do you how demeaning this sounds? I don't want "our" baby...but I will stick by you.

 

That would send me over the edge....I would feel hopeless and defeated. The burden on her must be tremendous.

 

I agree with carhill....do whats best for you...get out. I don't see much hope for this relationship....I think you are postponing the inevitable.

[Kinl]

So I should just dump her and file for custody? Get a paternity test when the kid is born?

 

She left for school but didn't go to class. I texted her asking how class was going but she hasn't responded. That says a lot.

[Bryanp]

What did your friend say? Did she go to class?

[Kinl]

What did your friend say? Did she go to class?

 

She never showed up to class and is late getting home.

[Buckeye2]

I will definitely get a paternity test. Unfortunately that isn't possible for about 9 months.

 

 

 

Not true. You can do it after 14 weeks gestation but it costs $1000. Search for: non invasive prenatal dna testing

[Kinl]

She didn't go to class and was late coming home. When she came home I confronted her. This is what she said.

 

She skipped class because she was upset and needed time away from home to think but couldn't focus in class. She spent the time in the library talking to her EX about things. HE LIVES 4 HOURS AWAY. It's not a quick drive around the block. WTF.

 

She has a dating profile but only logged on once. She just "wanted to see what was out there and wasn't impressed". She made it on a day we were fighting.

 

She said she is guilty of enjoying the attention of other men and maybe flirting but that's all. She said she's never cheated but is attracted to other men and the thought of cheating crossed her mind but she'd never do it.

 

I still call BS. An ex does not drive 4.5 hours in bad weather just to talk. It was preplanned. Yes they were best friends from age 3-18 but still. They were out of contact for 6 years, or so I was told. She has a history with him and she was in love with him. Probably his kid.

 

I am going to talk to a lawyer asap to see what to do about custody.

[TX-SC]

She never showed up to class and is late getting home.

 

Get a paternity test before the child is born. You can do it fairly early in the process. It's obvious that she is cheating on you. And, since you are cheating on her too, why not just end it?

[RRM321]

She didn't go to class and was late coming home. When she came home I confronted her. This is what she said.

 

She skipped class because she was upset and needed time away from home to think but couldn't focus in class. She spent the time in the library talking to her EX about things. HE LIVES 4 HOURS AWAY. It's not a quick drive around the block. WTF.

 

She has a dating profile but only logged on once. She just "wanted to see what was out there and wasn't impressed". She made it on a day we were fighting.

 

She said she is guilty of enjoying the attention of other men and maybe flirting but that's all. She said she's never cheated but is attracted to other men and the thought of cheating crossed her mind but she'd never do it.

 

I still call BS. An ex does not drive 4.5 hours in bad weather just to talk. It was preplanned. Yes they were best friends from age 3-18 but still. They were out of contact for 6 years, or so I was told. She has a history with him and she was in love with him. Probably his kid.

 

I am going to talk to a lawyer asap to see what to do about custody.

 

I think you are the creator of your own nightmares. I feel sorry for this woman and the damage you've caused in her life. She never stood a chance. I don't think she is cheating but, if she does it's because you drove her to it.

 

You are the cheater. You project all of your shame onto her, you stalk her, interrogate, berate, belittle, and demean her. You handly dismiss and objectify her pregnancy.

 

I hope she gets good counsel, and how fortunate for her if the baby actually does belong to someone else. I can't imagine the nightmare of trying to co-parent with a person like you.

[elaine567]

I hope she gets good counsel, and how fortunate for her if the baby actually does belong to someone else. I can't imagine the nightmare of trying to co-parent with a person like you.

 

I am no advocate of cheating but if this girl is found to be cheating, then I would have to say "Good on her!", perhaps she will find a man who will respect her and care for her and her children.

[Kinl]

I think you are the creator of your own nightmares. I feel sorry for this woman and the damage you've caused in her life. She never stood a chance. I don't think she is cheating but, if she does it's because you drove her to it.

 

You are the cheater. You project all of your shame onto her, you stalk her, interrogate, berate, belittle, and demean her. You handly dismiss and objectify her pregnancy.

 

I hope she gets good counsel, and how fortunate for her if the baby actually does belong to someone else. I can't imagine the nightmare of trying to co-parent with a person like you.

 

So if a man video chats with another woman he's a POS and its entirely his fault. But if a woman bangs another man and gets pregnant its the man's fault and poor her?

 

We are in a relationship, she is a mother, and she's pregnant by another man. How is that okay in any situation?

 

I am no advocate of cheating but if this girl is found to be cheating, then I would have to say "Good on her!", perhaps she will find a man who will respect her and care for her and her children.

 

Talk about a double standard. I get hounded on for VIDEO CHATTING. But she gets an applause for BANGING another guy and getting PREGNANT?

Edited February 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[SSJROMANCE]

She didn't go to class and was late coming home. When she came home I confronted her. This is what she said.

 

She skipped class because she was upset and needed time away from home to think but couldn't focus in class. She spent the time in the library talking to her EX about things. HE LIVES 4 HOURS AWAY. It's not a quick drive around the block. WTF.

 

She has a dating profile but only logged on once. She just "wanted to see what was out there and wasn't impressed". She made it on a day we were fighting.

 

She said she is guilty of enjoying the attention of other men and maybe flirting but that's all. She said she's never cheated but is attracted to other men and the thought of cheating crossed her mind but she'd never do it.

 

I still call BS. An ex does not drive 4.5 hours in bad weather just to talk. It was preplanned. Yes they were best friends from age 3-18 but still. They were out of contact for 6 years, or so I was told. She has a history with him and she was in love with him. Probably his kid.

 

I am going to talk to a lawyer asap to see what to do about custody.

 

 

Well something doesn't pass the smell test. If he did drive all that way then something is going on other than "talking". It would have been a whole lot easier talking to her on the phone or to text her or facetime. Many options these days. Driving all that way to talk? No I don't think so. Keep drilling her (no pun intended). She is lying. He drove all that way to bang her.

 

I think there are a few here that are being way too hard on you. Yes you may have done some inappropriate things (and I will call it cheating) but like you said the degree of your cheating would be minimal to what we suspect she has done. She took it to a whole other level.