Appropriate age to leave child alone over night.

[ASG]

I was left home alone overnight for the first time when I was 14 and my brother was 13. Usually we'd have stayed with my dad, but it was a school night and his house was FAR AWAY from school. We were absolutely fine.

 

Then from about age 15, for around 3 years, my brother and I stayed home alone all weekend, every weekend. Also fine.

 

There was never even a small instance of an emergency or anything.

 

And someone mentioned a girl (straight A student) setting the kitchen on fire because she forgot to remove something as a reason to not leave teenagers home alone... Er... my aunt, at the ripe old age of 50, forgot to turn the frier off and the kitchen caught on fire while we were all having dinner. Should she not be allowed to be home alone either????

[dreamingoftigers]

I was left home alone overnight for the first time when I was 14 and my brother was 13. Usually we'd have stayed with my dad, but it was a school night and his house was FAR AWAY from school. We were absolutely fine.

 

Then from about age 15, for around 3 years, my brother and I stayed home alone all weekend, every weekend. Also fine.

 

There was never even a small instance of an emergency or anything.

 

And someone mentioned a girl (straight A student) setting the kitchen on fire because she forgot to remove something as a reason to not leave teenagers home alone... Er... my aunt, at the ripe old age of 50, forgot to turn the frier off and the kitchen caught on fire while we were all having dinner. Should she not be allowed to be home alone either????

 

I left a blender on a stove at age 23.

 

It happens.

[soleilesquire]

I personally would not leave a 14 year old home alone all night. I cannot give you a litany of reasons why or cite a definitive law in my state.

 

I wouldn't do it because honestly, I would feel like an irresponsible, neglectful parent if I did, and I just don't think it's old enough. I mean, an 8 year PROBABLY wouldn't set the house one fire either....but that isn't the point, IMO.

 

My kids were 15 and 18 before I let them stay overnight alone. I didn't want the older one to have to be responsible for the younger one until he/she was over 18.

 

I'm not a helicopter parent. That was just my decision.

[preraph]

Boys mature slower and get in more trouble at that age, so I think he's too young to leave unattended for long. The first time I was left alone overnight I had all my friends over because I wasn't about to stay there alone or miss that opportunity. It was a mixed party. I was 17. It was too soon. You need to get someone to stay with him for at least 3 more years. Then when you do leave him alone the first times, tell him you're having a neighbor drop by to check on him randomly to keep him from doing something.

[bathtub-row]

I'm completely mortified reading this post. This sounds like extremely negligent parenting, if you ask me. Extremely. I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving my son alone -- ever -- at any age while he was at home.

 

People wonder why kids are the way they are and it doesn't surprise me at all with the absentee and negligent parenting that goes on. Even if you have a good kid, he may not stay that way. You are isolating him and abandoning him. If there aren't any friends or family around to be with him while you go out and screw around, then -- I know this sounds crazy -- but you should just stay home and act like a mature adult.

[Snaggletooth]

I have a 14 year old son and I'm a single/widower father.

 

According to my in-laws not only should he not be left alone over night but at a maximum 4 hours.

I really dont know if this is right and/or if I'm doing the right or wrong thing.

 

Usually I will go out on a Fri/Sat night and return very early the next morning between 5 and 7am.

I will cook or get him dinner before I leave and we will text throughout the night.

We also own 3 very large, angry dogs lol

 

Hes a good kid, never in serious trouble besides some slipping grades a few times (hes a teenage boy, what can you do!) We own no weapons and I dont keep alcohol in the house. We also live in a secluded area so I dont suspect any other kids could manage to get to our house anyway.

 

Recently I had off on a Monday so I spent the that Sunday night over my GF's house. Me and him text through the night like usual and I returned at 6am Monday morning.

My brother In-law (my dead wifes brother) I guess drove past my house before I got home and called my MIL I guess so I got a text saying "Our you home! Your BIL said your cars not their!"

I simply responded "Yup, taking the kid to school and then running errands"

 

I dont know if they are right, if what I'm doing is ok, if they are pushing boundaries etc..

 

Can't have been an easy ride raising a boy after he lost his mother. You've faced challenges and put in time than most parents will never face. He also will have faced challenges most kids will never face. I suspect there is a father/son bond and maturity that is not so common nowadays.

 

You know your boy better than anyone else. Nobody is more qualified than you to know what is best for him. It's your call how to raise him. Reading through this thread it is obvious you have his best interests at heart and he sounds like a good lad. Also, frankly, it is none of your brother in law's business if you fancy a night at your girlfriend's place. The boy knows you are only a text away should he need you. He knows'you have his back though thick and thin.

 

A boy doesn't learn to become a man by being micro managed and mollycoddled. I would be more concerned if he couldn't be left to his own devices for a night at the age of 14. After all, we're supposed to be raising fully functional, self sufficient adults who can cope with the world and what it throws at them. Hell, my grandfather was at war at about that age. My parents out and working at 15. Myself a 16. At the age of 14 my reaction to parents going away for the night (or even the whole weekend) was "No worries Dad, you take a break from all the hard work and go enjoy yourself, don't worry about anything. I've got it under control". That's not just a house under control but my sister, a farm and all the animals. He was damned proud he'd raised a responsible, capable son he could delegate to and know I could handle it all. Later in life I reaped the benefits of being raised to be a self sufficient man with the skills to cope with life by the age of 16.

 

You deserve a bit of freedom and something for yourself each week. He deserves his bit of freedom and responsibility and to be allowed to become his own man.

[MissCongeniality]

You don't leave the kid's alone ever. I would never leave my kid's alone not because I would worry but because I don't trust them and I don't trust them because they are my kids and I remember how I use to be. So let me ask you a question would adult you let teenage you stay home alone all night alone unsupervised?

[Ms. Red]

Interesting read of all the different opinions.

 

spmh1017, I kinda had the same problem when my son was younger. It was after my husband moved out. I was slowly letting my son stay home alone for small bits of time while I ran short errands. This was during the daytime and no longer than 30 minutes. My son could call my cell if he needed to. I went over with him what to do in certain situations. I believe he was 11 years old.

 

My in-laws had a fit about it and said I was breaking the law. They threatened to call Child Protective Services on me about it. So, I beat them to it and I called the headquarters of CPS myself and explained the situation and asked them to educate me on the law and advise me if what I was doing was wrong.

 

Turned out there is no legal age for this in my state. It all depends on the child and their level of maturity, way of handling things etc. So, I advise you, spmh1017 to contact your office of CPS or equivalent and straight out ask them like I did. If their answer is in your favor as it was for me, inform your in-laws next time they have a hissy fit about it.

[ASG]

You don't leave the kid's alone ever. I would never leave my kid's alone not because I would worry but because I don't trust them and I don't trust them because they are my kids and I remember how I use to be. So let me ask you a question would adult you let teenage you stay home alone all night alone unsupervised?

 

Yes I would. Absolutely.

 

I never really got into trouble. I had my boyfriends over when my parents weren't around, and sometimes I'd go out, but I never got into trouble, and that was NO accident.

 

My mom was well aware that my boyfriend would spend the night when she was out and she even encouraged it.

 

She was also aware that I would go out, mostly because she would have done the same.

 

My brother NEVER went out. He'd rather play video games.

[William]

Due to this thread being dragged off topic by a few members, and the fact that the OP has not returned to comment, We will leave this closed up for now.

 

If the OP wishes to continue discussion, feel free to alert on this post and we can see about reopening it. ~Thank you

Edited February 18, 2016 by William