Appropriate age to leave child alone over night.

[RecentChange]

I was house sitting, staying places over night by myself at 15.... My folks left for a month each summer starting when I was 16.... You know, barely two years before you send them off to college and they have to know how to take care of themselves?

 

But I also was given a ton of freedom, because I had been taught responsibility.

 

I saw all those sheltered kids come unglued freshman year in college - suddenly had freedom, but no idea how to handle it. I was so thankful my parents had given me responsibility at a younger age.

 

Waiting for over nights till 17? Then send them away to school a few months later? Where are the baby steps?

 

I guess the 90's were a different era I can't wrap my head around the helicopter parents of today.

Edited February 10, 2016 by RecentChange

[Tayla]

No. and let me add... no again.

 

Health and safety in the home cannot be determined by age alone.

 

Doesn't matter to me if he has been left alone before and the house didn't burn down. All it takes is one gas leak or one act of nature for you to not be around....and then what?

 

Let a kid be alone and choke on food.. or fall..... then what? never mind strangers knowing you hightail it to your gf place... that kid is a sitting duck.

 

Have more responsible regard for parenting and be there/be home.

[amaysngrace]

Where I live you could get in trouble for that because it's illegal to leave a 14 year old home alone overnight.

[jay1983]

We're talking about a high school student here, not a child.

Edited February 10, 2016 by jay1983

[whichwayisup]

We're talking about a high school student here, not a child.

 

14 years old is barely a teen and is only in grade 9. If this kid was a girl would it be okay? Or you saying this because the posters kid is a boy?

 

Would you leave your 14 year old home alone both Friday and Saturday nights often so you can go spend the night with your girlfriend?

 

I don't know that many people who would.

[Tayla]

correct jay, glad you are following along. And an officer would equally validate that summation. So care to expand upon that statement?

[jay1983]

14 years old is barely a teen and is only in grade 9. If this kid was a girl would it be okay? Or you saying this because the posters kid is a boy?

 

Would you leave your 14 year old home alone both Friday and Saturday nights often so you can go spend the night with your girlfriend?

 

I don't know that many people who would.

 

I was left home alone some nights at that age, maybe a little younger.

[whichwayisup]

I was left home alone some nights at that age, maybe a little younger.

 

Over night? So you were by yourself all night long? We're not talking a few hours in the evening here, he is sleeping over at his gf's house and coming back in the morning.

 

You shouldn't have been left alone at such a young age, it's not right that you think it's okay because you had to experience that when you were younger.

[spmh1017]

Hey guys, OP here. I'm listening and taking everyones opinion into account.

 

First of all, when I say "call all night" I mean I text or call every hour on the hour till bedtime. He has an iPhone he clings to.

 

I dont go out Friday and Sat its Fri or Sat. He plays high level copetitive soccer so on a Sat or Sun I usually an busy all day driving him 2 hours away. I'm VERY active in youth soccer with him through the week.

 

Most weekends I have a family member stay at the house or he goes to a family member. its usually 1 or 2 nights a whole month where he is alone.

Usually this is him arguing with me he doesnt need a babysitter or he doesnt want to go out cause "His buddies and him are having a big Call of Duty night online!"

 

He is over 6ft tall and about 150lbs...hes a top state defender...and for some reason he has a terrible mustache now.

 

We have 3 big mean dogs...which means nobody comes to our house and if you enter the yard I'm stuck buying new drapes AGAIN...

 

I have fire detectors in every room

 

Hes never had any discipline problems. He has aspirations of playing college and pro-soccer so hes very anti-drug/smoking/etc..

 

I dont keep alcohol in the house nor do I own a gun.

 

We are 2 guys living here...its a guy pad and its electronic'd out the arse. Big TV's and video games, blue tooth bose in every room sync'd to his phone phone.

This usually means when hes home alone hes crusing around the house on his hover-board, cellphone in hand and headset on yelling to his buddies about headshots and hackers.

I usually come home to him asleep on the couch with doritos all over his chest and Netflix playing.

 

We also live about 5 miles from the next closes kid and nobody his age is driving for 3-4 more years.

 

 

I do take into account the ideas hes too young, part of me thinks it too and I try not to be out to much, like I said. One night a week I go out and maybe once or twice a month hes home alone.

[jay1983]

Over night? So you were by yourself all night long? We're not talking a few hours in the evening here, he is sleeping over at his gf's house and coming back in the morning.

 

You shouldn't have been left alone at such a young age, it's not right that you think it's okay because you had to experience that when you were younger.

 

Very common in neck of the woods. I could feed, bathe and clothed myself. I know how to dial 911 in case of an emergency. My mother worked a that she had to be at 5 am so when i woke up to get ready for school on weekdays, she was already at work. Wasn't a big deal.

[jay1983]

correct jay, glad you are following along. And an officer would equally validate that summation. So care to expand upon that statement?

 

I think the government needs to stop telling people how to raise kids.

[whichwayisup]

Most weekends I have a family member stay at the house or he goes to a family member

 

If you had explained all this in details in your opening post, then maybe my replies would have been different. You kind of implied going out both Fri and Sat nights as well as leaving him alone often.

 

Anyway, he seems to be a good kid from what you've said and you trust him. It's your decision, each kid is different... I just know I wouldn't feel comfortable because of how my mind works and also where I live it's illegal to leave a 14 year old home alone over night.

 

Maybe next time let a neighbour know so they can check in him or he can call someone just in case of an emergency.

[Tayla]

I think the government needs to stop telling people how to raise kids.

 

Children services is a service that has come to the aide of children who need an advocate. So you are more then welcome to have an opinion. Yet the regulations are there to protect humanity. Not whether you personally think a 14 year old is capable of staying or being safe, unsupervised.

 

Currently the age is 16 and over with no adult supervision and ages under that are varying from short term ( hours) . Most are set up for the welfare of the child. Even leaving a child unattended in a car or in a public area is called abandonment for a reason.

 

OP- I think its best to consult your local or county of residency for the guidelines of what is supervised and what is feasible/reasonable. Your kid can be 17 feet tall for all I care, he is still your responsibility and he is still by law underage and a minor in the eyes of the courts.

[MuddyFootprints]

17 before I'd consider it, making sure there was a neighbour around and having someone do an occasional drive-by. We have big scary dogs, too.

 

We went away for a couple of days last month, 22 and 18 yr old left at home, I still asked a neighbour to check on things every once in a while. There had been reports of break-ins in the area.

 

Yeah, maybe I am part of the problem, but it eased my mind to a certain extent.

[jay1983]

Children services is a service that has come to the aide of children who need an advocate. So you are more then welcome to have an opinion. Yet the regulations are there to protect humanity. Not whether you personally think a 14 year old is capable of staying or being safe, unsupervised.

 

Currently the age is 16 and over with no adult supervision and ages under that are varying from short term ( hours) . Most are set up for the welfare of the child. Even leaving a child unattended in a car or in a public area is called abandonment for a reason.

 

OP- I think its best to consult your local or county of residency for the guidelines of what is supervised and what is feasible/reasonable. Your kid can be 17 feet tall for all I care, he is still your responsibility and he is still by law underage and a minor in the eyes of the courts.

https://www.dfps.state.tx.us/child_protection/about_child_protective_services/faqchildalone.asp

[MrDuck]

Over night? So you were by yourself all night long? We're not talking a few hours in the evening here, he is sleeping over at his gf's house and coming back in the morning.

It certainly happens!

I think the law is 16? But I was left alone overnight from about 11. I used to walk to and from school myself at about 7, my dad may or may not be there when I got home. I had to look after myself and so I did. That's survival. Is that a parenting style i want to recreate with my own 7 year old? No. Way. In. Hell.

 

By the time I was 14 being left alone was not something that fazed me at but by then I knew my father was no dad and I probably preferred being there by myself than with the old man. I was used to it. And by then sure I liked the freedom. But initially? I'd be lying if I didn't wish my dad cared enough to be home, to make me dinner, to say night son.

 

Independence and freedom is important and I want my son to have that too. But I used to feel pretty alone in the world growing up, even if i'd of never said It then.

I think being a single a dad and having been raised by a single dad I think I've always noticed how much emphasis people put on the 'mother', when people talk about there mums or even when you just switch on the TV, it's always the mother figure that makes like the home.

I can't remember as a kid spending very long thinking how different my life might of been if my dad didn't drink, I just accepted it. I did think about how different it might of been if my mum hadn't died. I know a lot of that is just a kids imagination. Imagined her as someone faultless, someone who'd give me a plaster when I was bleeding, who'd make sure the roof in my room didn't leak and who'd give me something better than cold spaghetti hoops for dinner.. even like being nagged to do stuff.

Of course it isn't true, I believe a great dad can be just as good as a great mum. I have to believe that. But I don't want my son to ever feel like he misses out, because I guess I always felt I did.

 

I have no great parents to copy, I make it up as I go, and I make mistakes a plenty! I just hope he always knows how much I love him. I'm never going to be a mother-figure-housewife cause i'm clearly not, nor will I be a very conventional father people will say its wrong I travelled with him so long when he was little, people will say its wrong that I intend to take him out of school for a year to travel again, hell people will say its wrong I take him to the pub with me. I'm cool with that. My hope is just that we will never be distant. That he'll never ever feel like he's on his own.

 

 

I want my son to be independent and capable out in the world, but I want him to still be able to be a kid when he comes home. Your lad is only 14, i'd still let him be a kid at home!

If it was a one off, i'd feel differently. But as a regular thing, I think a 14 year old still needs his dad to be his dad, rather than more like an older brother or house mate.

[MrDuck]

I do take into account the ideas hes too young, part of me thinks it too and I try not to be out to much, like I said. One night a week I go out and maybe once or twice a month hes home alone.

^ Just read this bit!

That changes things for me! I don't think once to twice a month is bad. In fact I think its probably better to ease off the apron strings like that, in a way that shows you trust him. Than like when kids are babied till they're 17-18 and then, boom, thrown out into the big wide world.

I don't think that's bad or absent parenting at all.

 

 

Sure there could be a alien invasion or he could choke, but those things are still risks if he was simply at a mates house or the park. At some point you have to accept your teenager is becoming a young adult and you have to start putting faith into the groundwork you laid down while they were a kid.

You sound like you've done a great job so far mate. Im sure your boys a credit to youl

[candycane82]

Hey guys, OP here. I'm listening and taking everyones opinion into account.

 

First of all, when I say "call all night" I mean I text or call every hour on the hour till bedtime. He has an iPhone he clings to.

 

I dont go out Friday and Sat its Fri or Sat. He plays high level copetitive soccer so on a Sat or Sun I usually an busy all day driving him 2 hours away. I'm VERY active in youth soccer with him through the week.

 

Most weekends I have a family member stay at the house or he goes to a family member. its usually 1 or 2 nights a whole month where he is alone.

Usually this is him arguing with me he doesnt need a babysitter or he doesnt want to go out cause "His buddies and him are having a big Call of Duty night online!"

 

He is over 6ft tall and about 150lbs...hes a top state defender...and for some reason he has a terrible mustache now.

 

We have 3 big mean dogs...which means nobody comes to our house and if you enter the yard I'm stuck buying new drapes AGAIN...

 

I have fire detectors in every room

 

Hes never had any discipline problems. He has aspirations of playing college and pro-soccer so hes very anti-drug/smoking/etc..

 

I dont keep alcohol in the house nor do I own a gun.

 

We are 2 guys living here...its a guy pad and its electronic'd out the arse. Big TV's and video games, blue tooth bose in every room sync'd to his phone phone.

This usually means when hes home alone hes crusing around the house on his hover-board, cellphone in hand and headset on yelling to his buddies about headshots and hackers.

I usually come home to him asleep on the couch with doritos all over his chest and Netflix playing.

 

We also live about 5 miles from the next closes kid and nobody his age is driving for 3-4 more years.

 

 

I do take into account the ideas hes too young, part of me thinks it too and I try not to be out to much, like I said. One night a week I go out and maybe once or twice a month hes home alone.

 

If you are only gone one night and most of the time he's with family and friends and only alone once or twice a month, what's the problem? Also his size and you have 3 large dogs...I think he's fine.

 

 

Most states don't even have a law about minimum age. A couple the min age is 6, 8. Illinois 14.

 

 

If you spend most of your time with him at his sports stuff and you only go once a week to your gf's I don't see an issue. Obviously your son has no issue about it so why worry what others think?

[candycane82]

correct jay, glad you are following along. And an officer would equally validate that summation. So care to expand upon that statement?

 

Depends on the state he lives in actually.

 

 

https://www.illinoispolicy.org/leave-your-13-year-old-home-alone-police-can-take-her-into-custody-under-illinois-law/

[Tayla]

If you are only gone one night and most of the time he's with family and friends and only alone once or twice a month, what's the problem? Also his size and you have 3 large dogs...I think he's fine.

 

 

Most states don't even have a law about minimum age. A couple the min age is 6, 8. Illinois 14.

 

 

If you spend most of your time with him at his sports stuff and you only go once a week to your gf's I don't see an issue. Obviously your son has no issue about it so why worry what others think?

 

Which part of Adult supervision are you missing in these online links you keep providing? An adult caregiver is accountable for the child's care and inadequate supervision can be a type of neglect

 

And in answer to your inquiry: YES, SERIOUSLY. and welcome to LS. Glad you are able to jump right in and share your view point.

Edited February 11, 2016 by Tayla

[candycane82]

Which part of Adult supervision are you missing in these online links you keep providing? An adult caregiver is accountable for the child's care and inadequate supervision can be a type of neglect

 

And in answer to your inquiry: YES, SERIOUSLY. and welcome to LS. Glad you are able to jump right in and share your view point.

 

Why couldn't I "jump right in" and share my viewpoint? That's what a forum is supposed to be for - to share opinions. Is there like some waiting period for new people before they can post? Didn't think so. That's about the most asinine thing I've read today.

 

 

Obviously you didn't even read the links very well. In Illinois the law states: that “any minor under the age of 14 years whose parent or other person responsible for the minor’s welfare leaves the minor without supervision for an unreasonable period of time without regard for the mental or physical health, safety, or welfare of that minor” is neglected.

 

 

The OP's kid is 14. So he can be left home alone without adult supervision because he's not under 14. It's neglect in Illinois if someone is under 14 and has no supervision for an unreasonable period of time.

 

 

That's just Illinois. Two other states have the ages of six and eight as minimum ages that a child can be left unsupervised. That's a bit ridiculous right there. Most states don't have any laws about minimum ages for not being supervised as a kid.

 

 

The other link I posted tells parents how to handle leaving your child unsupervised.

 

 

You do realize that someday you have to cut the cord. 14 is not only a reasonable age it's also the legal age to leave a kid unsupervised in pretty much all states. Some states are even younger.

 

 

[]

Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[candycane82]

Children services is a service that has come to the aide of children who need an advocate. So you are more then welcome to have an opinion. Yet the regulations are there to protect humanity. Not whether you personally think a 14 year old is capable of staying or being safe, unsupervised.

 

Currently the age is 16 and over with no adult supervision and ages under that are varying from short term ( hours) . Most are set up for the welfare of the child. Even leaving a child unattended in a car or in a public area is called abandonment for a reason.

 

OP- I think its best to consult your local or county of residency for the guidelines of what is supervised and what is feasible/reasonable. Your kid can be 17 feet tall for all I care, he is still your responsibility and he is still by law underage and a minor in the eyes of the courts.

 

Where do you live that the legal age is 16 or over with no adult supervision? It's not in the United States.

 

Maybe you need to read his most recent post in that he leaves his son alone maybe 1-2 nights a month. Otherwise he's at a friend's or a relative's house.

 

 

[]

Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[William]

We recognize that parenting is a very individual and often hotly debated topic. We will also remind members that, while opinion on the topic is welcomed, our guidelines require it to be provided in a manner which is respectful of the opinions of the membership. Feel free to disagree but keep personalized content off the public forums. Thanks!

[nittygritty]

I have a 14 year old son and I'm a single/widower father.

 

According to my in-laws not only should he not be left alone over night but at a maximum 4 hours.

I really dont know if this is right and/or if I'm doing the right or wrong thing.

 

Usually I will go out on a Fri/Sat night and return very early the next morning between 5 and 7am.

I will cook or get him dinner before I leave and we will text throughout the night.

We also own 3 very large, angry dogs lol

 

Hes a good kid, never in serious trouble besides some slipping grades a few times (hes a teenage boy, what can you do!) We own no weapons and I dont keep alcohol in the house. We also live in a secluded area so I dont suspect any other kids could manage to get to our house anyway.

 

Recently I had off on a Monday so I spent the that Sunday night over my GF's house. Me and him text through the night like usual and I returned at 6am Monday morning.

My brother In-law (my dead wifes brother) I guess drove past my house before I got home and called my MIL I guess so I got a text saying "Our you home! Your BIL said your cars not their!"

I simply responded "Yup, taking the kid to school and then running errands"

 

I dont know if they are right, if what I'm doing is ok, if they are pushing boundaries etc..

 

You are the only parent your son has. 14 years old IMO is way too young to be left home alone overnight. It's not in the best interest of your child. When he's closer to 18 years old and responsible then I think it might be okay occasionally but 14 is too young. No matter how responsible he may be. Make other arrangements for a responsible adult to take care of him when you spend the night at your girlfriends. Perhaps your ex in laws would be willing to take care of him when you are gone overnight? Obviously they are concerned about him and care.

[BluEyeL]

My son is 14 also and I've been raising him completely on my own since he was 6. I've never left him alone overnight. I travel for work and I hire sitters. Now it's more like house sitters than anything, but I still have and always had someone to stay with him.

 

He stays home during the day on a regular basis. I think i'll be ready to let him stay alone overnight when he is about 17, that is ,if he's going to continue to be responsible and not into alcohol, drugs or parties. Maybe I'd install cameras....I don't know.