Girlfriend having male roommate move in

[RedRobin]

And just because you don't screw your roommates ... or ever had a male roommate want to screw you.... doesn't mean that others haven't (or wanted to), or that other male/female roommate situations have not resulted in an attraction developing between them.

 

And isn't projecting exactly what YOU are doing? Projecting YOUR experiences on to others?

 

For god's sake, your experiences are NOT the be-all-and-end-all of what happens in life to everyone. Jesus.

 

It's not projecting to say that integrity isn't gender specific.

 

I've never had a roommate skip out on rent, or damage my property, or steal anything... (Knock on wood).

 

You'd think the OP would be more worried about those things, but all he is worried about is himself... Or seems to be.

[Timshel]

My girlfriend owns her own house and so do I. We have been together for 4 months. Things have been going well overall.

 

About 2 months ago she asked me how I would feel if her friends male cousin, who she doesn't know, were to move in to help with expenses. She gets by just fine but wants the extra money.

 

We had a good conversation about it and I told her that it would make me uncomfortable.

 

Just want to note bolded..... Where's Mariner (OP) btw?

[RedRobin]

RR has suggested numerous times it has never happened to her.... therefore never happened to anyone else.

 

Not saying it never happens....But that's a huge leap to others point of view that every male is a possible suspect and that his girlfriend is a potential cheater looking for an opportunity who doesn't care about her BF.

 

That is what the OP jumped to. I don't see him being proactive or caring about her feelings and needs.

[katiegrl]

It's not projecting to say that integrity isn't gender specific.

 

I've never had a roommate skip out on rent, or damage my property, or steal anything... (Knock on wood).

 

You'd think the OP would be more worried about those things, but all he is worried about is himself... Or seems to be.

 

Yes I would too....but apparently he's not....that isn't what this thread is about.

 

Regardless of whether or not we feel he's acting childish, immature or whatevs, these are HIS feelings to which he is entitled.

 

And I am glad to hear you have never had a roommate skip out on rent, or damage property, etc..... you are very lucky. That is very common in my neck of the woods -- southern cali.

[Gaeta]

That is what the OP jumped to. I don't see him being proactive or caring about her feelings and needs.

 

And I don't see him asking question like who's that man, how old, what does he do for living, is he in a relationship, does he work on shifts, etc.

 

He just jumped to think him and her will develop an intimate relationship.

 

What are the chances that this dude is a tall-dark-handsome younger Sean Connery.

[katiegrl]

Not saying it never happens....But that's a huge leap to others point of view that every male is a possible suspect and that his girlfriend is a potential cheater looking for an opportunity who doesn't care about her BF.

 

That is what the OP jumped to. I don't see him being proactive or caring about her feelings and needs.

 

I never said every male is a possible suspect or that his girlfriend is a cheater (nor has the OP).... I only said that an attraction developing is possible. Which it is.

 

I never even suggested SHE would cheat. In fact, IF an attraction ever did develop (again possible), I would HOPE she would handle that in a mature and responsible manner, given that she IS in a RL with the OP.

[Gaeta]

The first time I was around 23 or so. Yeah, young. And that female roommate liked walking around me naked. I told her to stop when I started seeing the girl who became my LTR GF, and she did...for the most part. She got undressed with the door open so I could see her one time my new GF was there and that was it, she had to go. Believe it or not, I didn't have any sex with that girl when she lived with me. Not that first time, anyway. She needed a place to stay again a few years later, and that's when it happened.

 

The other instance was when I was 32 or 33, so not long ago. A female friend of a friend needed a place to stay for a while, and she crashed at my place. I had a spare bed for her, but after a week or so she was sleeping in my bed while I was working nights. Her sleeping in my bed turned into her sending me pics in various states of undress while lying in my bed. Good times. Since it's you, I'll also mention that she was significantly younger than I was.

 

You've proven my point, back at you ;-)

 

If OP's girlfriend is the kind of woman to walk around naked in front of her room-mate then shouldn't he know sooner than later. This is a great opportunity to see if she carries herself like a respectable woman.

[kendahke]

I have never heard anyone call their roommate a "tenant" before. They're generally called roommates. Even this thread uses the word roommate. Some people insisting on using the word "tenant" are just trying to make this situation seem less personal than it is.

 

Well, it dang sure isn't shacking up. That term connotes a whole different relationship dynamic that does not apply here.

 

How do you associate integrity and character with two people hooking up?

 

Easily. Someone who screws their roommates is of a particular integrity and character compared to someone who doesn't do that. One of my male friends rents a room from a woman and they are not having sex. Why? Because neither of them are of that character. She's in an LDR and she's not interested in my friend that way. Only that the rent is paid in full and on time. He's not interested in her that way. The twain shall never meet.

 

I just said I hooked up with the ones I had. I'll also point out that was not because I made moves on them, but the other way around.

 

It takes two to tango.

 

What I am saying is that these things happen, and they happen often enough that it should definitely be a concern to a guy in a young relationship.

 

However, neither you nor OP know her well enough to know what she would do with a roommate renting a room. Just because it's your reality doesn't automatically mean someone else has to own it.

[katiegrl]

You've proven my point, back at you ;-)

 

If OP's girlfriend is the kind of woman to walk around naked in front of her room-mate then shouldn't he know sooner than later. This is a great opportunity to see if she carries herself like a respectable woman.

 

I am always walking around apt in my undies or naked.... one reason why I would NEVER want a male roommate. lol

 

Good point though Gaeta.

[WaitingForBardot]

The first time I was around 23 or so. Yeah, young. And that female roommate liked walking around me naked. I told her to stop when I started seeing the girl who became my LTR GF, and she did...for the most part. She got undressed with the door open so I could see her one time my new GF was there and that was it, she had to go. Believe it or not, I didn't have any sex with that girl when she lived with me. Not that first time, anyway. She needed a place to stay again a few years later, and that's when it happened.

...

Reminds me of when we had our 2nd au pair. She had 5, count 'em 5 of her friends visit her for a week. Now I don't have a problem with nudity, but [sarcasm] unfortunately [/sarcasm] these girls knew no shame and my office was located in the same area as her bedroom/bathroom. One night as they were in the middle of getting ready to go out, walking around in various states of undress, I went into the TV room where my wife was sitting, sat down on the couch, and let out a big sigh. My wife boxed me in the ear and said "I know what that sigh is for!"

 

THAT is what trust and self confidence looks like. And the sigh was actually because for the first time I was really feeling old. It wasn't like these girls were parading around to titillate me, I was simply invisible to them and that stung a bit.

[SolG]

I'm not sure why ppl object to the term tenant :-/ If I'm issuing the lease, collecting the rent and have the power to evict--whether sub-letting or letting in general--I absolutely am the landlord and the other party the tenant. Not just a roommate.

 

I'm also perplexed by the folk saying because OP objected, she should automatically capitulate to his preference. Really? That is a very controlling perspective imo. To me it sounds like she gave him a fair hearing and made her decision. She absolutely considered his opinion but at the end of the day decided his argument wasn't compelling enough for her to change course. Anyone who thinks that in a R their partner will always do what THEY want, eve n when it's at odds with their wishes may be better off with a well-trained pet.

 

There's a truism that states those who cannot control themselves seek to control others. So when someone experiences anxiety that they can't control about their partner's behaviour, they focus on controlling the partner's behaviour as opposed to examining themselves and the root of the anxiety. The latter is more likely to lead to productive discourse. And the former, as a pattern, to the very unhealthy reactive perspective that others are responsible for your feelings. Which some find convenient as it means they can always blame someone else and never take responsibility.

[katiegrl]

I'm not sure why ppl object to the term tenant :-/ If I'm issuing the lease, collecting the rent and have the power to evict--whether sub-letting or letting in general--I absolutely am the landlord and the other party the tenant. Not just a roommate.

.

 

Correct, that is absolutely a landlord/tenant situation.

 

There are other types of live-in situations though...whereby someone leases an apartment from the owner/manager of the building.....and rents out a room, usually to help with the rent....and the person who rents the room would be considered a roommate. The landlord is the person who owns the building or manages it.

 

In this case, since the OP's GF owns the house, then yes technically she is the landlord and he is the tenant.

 

Doesn't really matter what we call it though. They are both sharing space, living under the same roof.

 

I think the confusion comes from the way the OP worded the title of this thread -- "Girlfriend Having Male Roommate Move In."

 

But again technically you are right -- she is the landlord, he would be the tenant.

[Mariner]

And I don't see him asking question like who's that man, how old, what does he do for living, is he in a relationship, does he work on shifts, etc.

 

He just jumped to think him and her will develop an intimate relationship.

 

What are the chances that this dude is a tall-dark-handsome younger Sean Connery.

 

I'm not sure why you have concluded that I think she will cheat on me.

 

I'm also not sure why you are being so aggressive in this thread.

 

Where did you get that we are in our 40's? I've never said our age.

 

You've got a lot of assumptions that you are throwing out as facts, and they are incorrect.

Edited February 3, 2016 by Mariner

[truth_seeker]

I am always walking around apt in my undies or naked....

 

:bunny::bunny::bunny:

[IronZ]

Relationships are about respect, honesty and the willingness to compromise.

 

I don't see the girlfriend showing respect or willingness to compromise.

 

If she respected OP she would explain to him why she needs a roommate and why she is specifically choosing this man to live with her. Instead she asks about his feelings and lets him know whether he likes it or not the guy is moving in.

 

If this girlfriend cared about OP and their relationship, why can't they compromise and figure out a solution that works for both of them?

 

I wholeheartedly agree with this. Compromise means both people giving up a little bit to reach mutual ground. What did she give up? She asked twice and got an objection twice, then just did things her way anyway. What she was really doing was trying to see if he changed his mind and when he didn't, she said screw it and just went through with it regardless of his feelings.

 

That. Is. Not. Compromise.

[IronZ]

Boy I wish I had your foresight...

 

Compromising does not mean you always get what you want. Personally, I would have been happy that she involved me in the decision to begin with. It bears repeating: 4 months...

 

And we'll just have to agree to disagree about what being involved in a decision means.

 

What decision was he involved in making???? Think about what you say before you say it. She made up her mind before even talking to him about it. He said no. TWICE! And she still did it. Clearly she didn't care about his objections.

 

And by the way, look up the definition for COMPROMISE because I don't think you understand what it means. She did NOT compromise. She did things HER way.

[IronZ]

It's better to have someone referred to her than a stranger from the street even if it's a female.

 

My daughter always preferred to have male room-mates as they are drama free. She had male room-mates from 22 to 28 yo and never ever had an issues with them.

 

I see we're making broad generalizations now.. so many women in this thread are saying the same thing. "My perfect male roommate was perfect." good for you. Not every person out there is perfect unfortunately.

 

And you seem to be caught up in this referred roommate thing. One of her other friends could've referred a female roommate. She could've looked around. She seems to have her heart set on this specific guy moving in. Very curious..

[William]

Folks, it appears the thread starter has received a wide variety of opinion and perspective and we're up to nearly 200 posts. That's excellent. Noting some tension being displayed and deleting a few posts which were over the top I'm going to give this thread the night off.

 

I'll alert on my post here so moderation will catch it on the early shift tomorrow and get it re-opened. Thanks for your contributions and have a good evening!