truth_seeker Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 After reading these responses ...I am wondering now if there might be something cookin in the kitchen between these two .... Something isn't jiving. Gut feeling. People were jumping all over me for suggesting there could be something to this specific guy moving into the house... 1
truth_seeker Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 To continue the digression and say yes this sort of thing definitely happens... While in HS, I worked as a candy striper at a naval hospital that specialized in the treatment of gravely injured soldiers returning from Vietnam. These were boys, only a year or so ahead of me, that had suffered horrifying injuries; many of them never made it home. There were a handful of young women that came to the wards a couple of times a week and went from room to room sexing the boys up to whatever extent they were capable. Although I don't think the nurses were directly involved, this took place with their full knowledge and cooperation. Personally, I think it would have been a sin to let these boys go without ever knowing the touch of a woman, and I think these women were angels for making sure that didn't happen. Cheers to conjugal visits!
katiegrl Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 People were jumping all over me for suggesting there could be something to this specific guy moving into the house... Some people were ...... do you want me to beat them up for you? LOL:bunny: Reading all these different posts ..I am inclined to agree with you, although I admit that was not my original opinion.
katiegrl Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) Cheers to conjugal visits! I don't think that was quite what Bardot was referring to..... However, in that situation, I won't judge .....whatever makes our severely wounded military guys feel good and better, I am all for it. I still have issues with a licensed medical professional engaging in that though (masturbating patients) ....just seems wrong and unethical IMO. Although I admit it's not that much different from what Bardot described. My own issue. Edited February 1, 2016 by katiegrl
Redhead14 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 My girlfriend owns her own house and so do I. We have been together for 4 months. Things have been going well overall. About 2 months ago she asked me how I would feel if her friends male cousin, who she doesn't know, were to move in to help with expenses. She gets by just fine but wants the extra money. We had a good conversation about it and I told her that it would make me uncomfortable. A month ago the topic came back up. We had another good conversation and I told her my feelings had not changed. It seemed that she was seeking my approval. Last night she told me the guy is moving in within the week. I told her that I was glad that she made her own choice but that it hurt me because I had explained on two occasions how uncomfortable I was with it and in the end it was evidently irrelevant how I felt. I'm not mad, and we have had really good discussions about the whole thing, but it does upset me. I'm wondering how this will impact our relationship moving forward. It shouldn't impact your relationship at all unless you can't reign in your insecurities and jealousy -- I told her that it would make me uncomfortable. Down lower in the thread you asked when you had mentioned that you aren't worried about her cheating. I don't understand the need for this post? Either you're uncomfortable or you aren't. The only reason to be uncomfortable would be that you're worried about cheating . . . She didn't even have to ask for your opinion or input at 4 months. Mind your own business and see how it plays out over time.
Popsicle Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 To continue the digression and say yes this sort of thing definitely happens... While in HS, I worked as a candy striper at a naval hospital that specialized in the treatment of gravely injured soldiers returning from Vietnam. These were boys, only a year or so ahead of me, that had suffered horrifying injuries; many of them never made it home. There were a handful of young women that came to the wards a couple of times a week and went from room to room sexing the boys up to whatever extent they were capable. Although I don't think the nurses were directly involved, this took place with their full knowledge and cooperation. Personally, I think it would have been a sin to let these boys go without ever knowing the touch of a woman, and I think these women were angels for making sure that didn't happen. Heck yeah! I agree. Awesome story.
katiegrl Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Where there's smoke ..there's fire. Profound statement. Lol
Author Mariner Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 We spent the weekend together and talked a lot. I'm not worried about her cheating. It's a month to month arrangement and more of a favor to her friend as her cousin needs a place to stay. As I said before, she doesn't know him so it's not a pre planned thing. She is working 6 days a week 12 hours a day so the time between them will be limited.
katiegrl Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 We spent the weekend together and talked a lot. I'm not worried about her cheating. It's a month to month arrangement and more of a favor to her friend as her cousin needs a place to stay. As I said before, she doesn't know him so it's not a pre planned thing. She is working 6 days a week 12 hours a day so the time between them will be limited. That sounds better, understandable and workable. Thnx for clarifying..
Author Mariner Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 It doesn't mean that I'm happy about it.
truth_seeker Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Some people were ...... do you want me to beat them up for you? LOL:bunny: Yes. That would be very sweet of you. Reading all these different posts ..I am inclined to agree with you, although I admit that was not my original opinion. Sometimes you have to look at every possibility...
truth_seeker Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 We spent the weekend together and talked a lot. I'm not worried about her cheating. It's a month to month arrangement and more of a favor to her friend as her cousin needs a place to stay. As I said before, she doesn't know him so it's not a pre planned thing. She is working 6 days a week 12 hours a day so the time between them will be limited. This is good intel as now we can eliminate the possibility of her having romantic interest in this guy. What we are left with is OP's girlfriend not respecting his feelings. If this was discussed and concluded with hot makeup sex, then this thread should be closed. 1
IronZ Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 It's good she doesn't know him but if you ask me it doesn't change the situation. She was still quite uninterested in your opinion and did her own thing regardless of your objections. And it doesn't change the fact your girl is living with another man. Personally I wouldn't be ok with that but to each his own.
Maggie4 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 She handled it poorly. People pleasers who can't say no will end up the bad guy on all sides. Maybe she semi-promised her friend, or couldn't say no. Then she goes to the bf fishing for the response she wanted. Didn't get it. Twice. But she still had to go through with the deal with her friend. And now she's afraid she'll lose the bf. Very poor handling of a simple situation. 1
RedRobin Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Then give it time. Her financial situation is in that dire a place that she absolutely needs to bring in another man to her home? Something seems fishy my friend. I'll bite...My financial situation isn't dire at all. I like having someone pay the equivalent of my property taxes in the state of NY. There is a lot I can do with 5 to 10k a year. That's an extra vacation. Money to put into the house. There are two extra rooms in my house sitting empty most of the time. It takes me a good month or two to screen and find anyone... Male or female... Who will be a suitable roommate who I can trust with my stuff. It's ridiculous to screen based on gender. nothing is fishy except the OP and his jealousy issues. If people want privacy, close the door. Or she goes to her BFs place. 1
RedRobin Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 This is good intel as now we can eliminate the possibility of her having romantic interest in this guy. What we are left with is OP's girlfriend not respecting his feelings. If this was discussed and concluded with hot makeup sex, then this thread should be closed. The OP is not respecting her or her feelings. His concerns basically treat her like a cheater. Still don't know where you guys get this attitude from. It's not his house. He has a lot of other options other than beating his chest and getting all Neanderthal... It's touching... Really... But a secure guy would at least meet the guy before jumping to conclusions.
SpiralOut Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 That's what bothers me. She asked twice and went ahead with it anyway telling me my opinion doesn't matter. She's very upset and told me that she's afraid I will leave her. Did she actually tell you that your opinion doesn't matter? Are those the exact words that she said to you? I am just asking to make sure that I understand this properly. Her response sounds very confusing.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 My best roommate was a guy I lived with for six years. We were really good friends right up until he got married (his wife was pretty strange and didn't want him hanging out with anyone he knew prior to getting married.) He got a little weird himself after being hit by a car in a crosswalk. There was never ANYTHING between us. Conservative members of my church suggested it might be "the appearance of evil" but honestly, they should have met him first. We were clearly not a couple in any way. 1
Empyrea Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 It doesn't mean that I'm happy about it. So WHY exactly does it make you feel uncomfortable?? I would be uncomfortable if my 4 month BF thought he should be making my decisions for me..
Miss Peach Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I went through a similar conversation with my BF. I have had this roommate for a few years. This roommate and I have been friends for 6 years. My roommate doesn't like house guests so I tend to go to BF's house a lot to not deal with the drama. I know BF gets upset sometimes because he doesn't hang out at my place but he finally realized I'm not throwing away a 6 year friendship for a guy I was seeing for a few months. I told him if we're still together at the end of the lease I will change the arrangements then. But if my BF laid down the law at 3-4 months I would have found another BF.
katiegrl Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I think it's great that so many of you ladies had positive experiences with your male roommates... but that does not mean that male/female roommate situations NEVER result in one or both becoming attracted to each other. Y'all act like that is NOT even within the realm of possibility which is preposterous IMO. Of course it's a possibility that they might, at some point, become attracted to each other....and IMO "this" is what the OP may be concerned about -- NOT that she would cheat. This is what happens sometimes when a man and woman are thrown into a situation where they are in each other's presence much of the time (such as sharing a house/apartment together), perhaps cooking together at times, watching TV together at times, sharing a bottle of wine together sometimes, all the things roommates sometimes do together.... assuming they get along. NOT saying she would cheat... only that an attraction developing is again, NOT outside the realm of possibility....and THIS is what the OP is concerned about. Frankly, TBH, I would not like it either if my BF suddenly announced he was having a female move in with him -- even though I may TRUST my boyfriend implicitly... it would still be a concern. If not for you....then more power to ya. But it DOES happen. 3
blueskyday Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) If somebody has a roommate when you meet them, then you make the decision to accept their situation if you accept dating them. BUT, I feel like if you're already in a relationship, then the other party doesn't acquirie an opposite sex roommate without expecting a possible consequence. It changes the dynamics of the relationship from what was originally agreed upon, unspoken or not. It's not fair for one party to make unilateral decisions that don't consider the effects on the other party, including the realization that the other party might end the relationship. I once dated a guy who (from the beginning) had a female roommate. I met her, and it wasn't a big deal--but, it was not a sustainable situation for longterm. I let him know that it was OK for a temporary situation. And moving into his own house in a couple of months. I was a lot younger then, and it wouldn't work for me now. It's my preference (like Carhill) that anyone I date is financially stable enough to live alone, and prefers to for the privacy factor. Edited February 1, 2016 by blueskyday
scrapbooker Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 What we are left with is OP's girlfriend not respecting his feelings Just to be clear, if she didn't do what he wanted she didn't respect his feelings?
blueskyday Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Not necessarily, but she should expect it to change the relationship to the point he might not accept dating her anymore. That would be his decision.
Author Mariner Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I'll be honest, the more this sinks in the more of a problem it is for me. When we got together this wasn't the situation I signed up for. 2
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