Author laura_wells Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Good question. Actually, in the day to day maintenance of the children, not that very much. I've been doing the night shift, dressing, feeding, cooking, shopping, most appointments, homework, and most aspects of the care. He helps, now since separated, with appointments and generally just spending quality, loving time with them. He plays with them, takes them out, and generally just giving them peace of mind just having him around. He does watch too much tv with them which bothers me. But overall I can't complain in the kind of love and attention and security he provides them. They really love him. So I wouldn't be doing much more than I'm doing now but definitely nicer to have another hand around. Trips are also something easier to do with him to help. Since the separation, he spends time with them at home, takes them out, being an even better, more patient father and spending more quality time with them. So I'm not afraid of being on my own, considering that hopefully he will be around to foot some of his duties (though he's threatened to leave), but it's mostly having their dad around and the security that that provides that would be lacking. Link to post Share on other sites
Brady375 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 so your duties w or wo him won't change much. So a big factor keeping you from ending things is he won't be Around anywhere near as much w the kids to provide them w that father figure they like. It's a factor, something to consider. Is it enough? Only u know. You need piece of mind and to find out. How will you obtain that piece of mind. You can sit and waste time contemplating it but in reality do nothing. Or while your sitting and waiting to become certain you can go to counseling together etc "try" to be open to things. It doesn't seem like your ready to take the next step anyway. Going to the counseling while this unfolds naturally will only give you More Clarity of knowing which answer is correct. Sometimes when you are uncertain of what to do the best thing to do is nothin, let things take their natural course. Example, I had problems. Didn't know what to do. When i finally decided I had to go to counseling for myself (something a self proclaimed alpha lol thought he'd never do) it Wasn't a choice. I Knew I couldn't do it alone I needed resources. Example, when I had to tell my wife we needed to seperate it wasn't a choice I was making. It Needed to happen, I was crawling out of my skin w stress and anxiety. It had to happen. Example, two months later having a convo and telling her I'm Done. None of these Big Events were forced. Did I have thoughts about EACH of the above Scenerios well Prior to them happening? Yes. But I wasn't Ready to go through w them at the time. They naturally played out as the positive and negative incriminate little Details effected our situation day in day out. I was Brought to these Answers naturally. Will I now file divorce papers? Will we start marriage counseling together? I do not know. I know I'm leaning more towards one choice than another, but I'm Not certain yet. So I'll let it naturally play out as I TRY and do the Right things and put my best foot forward all around Link to post Share on other sites
Author laura_wells Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Brady, I find that advice very valuable. That's exactly what I'm going to do. Just ride it out. It certainly takes the stress away that I don't have to decide at this moment and see where things take us. Time does tell. As per my personality it's difficult to sit back and wait and waddle in the uncertainly. I like to make decisions and make them quickly and then deal with whatever it is. I need to learn to sit in the discomfort and have patience. Link to post Share on other sites
Brady375 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Lol yup. Same thing I told my therapist. I hate wasting time, i hate not Knowing exactly what direction I am going in. What I have Learned it that while all of this is going on and I Feel as if I'm not Doing anything or Nothing is happening, a lot is actually going on. Small things are happening. The small positive/ negative details each day are shaping the next. I would say "I don't know what to do". But in reality there were things I was doing. I knew what to do. I knew I had to go talk to someone to help me, Progress....I knew we had to seperate, Progress.......I knew we had to have a couple long conversations while seperated to see how they went, Progress.......all progress one way or another to finally come to what will be the outcome of this situation. You feel you don't know what to do or that you don't have direction cus you can't figure this out. But understand you do know what to do in order to find the Final Answer your looking for. And your doing it. Hopefully putting your best foot forward to avoid future regrets and More Problems but your doing it. What I had to understand is there is No Short Cut here. Not if you want to do it right, do things correctly now by putting your best foot forward and avoid dealing w regret and other problems that could pop up in the future for not. This applies to making a careful decision to end this or stay together. This situation takes time to figure out, once I understood that it was easier. Knowing that when I made each of Big decisions I made along they way, that they happened Much More because I Knew They Had to Happen and not because I Thought or Felt I should do them it helped me realize that I will also feel this way about taking the very next big step forward, whether that be to get back together or file. Until I can come to that decision like I did the others I won't do a thing. It takes Time. Each interaction w the mrs positive or negative will influence this. Just my thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
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