I broke NC:(

[Bittersweetie]

Hi Force,

 

I'd suggest deleting this new email account. Or else you may start checking it to see if anything is there, now that he has this email address. For me I kept the email address even though I went NC...yet I checked it all the time thinking maybe he'd email me. It probably wasn't until I deleted that account that I started truly being NC.

 

Good luck,

BSW

[Ms. Faust]

Why were you so vague and beating around the bush? Why didn't you just say "Hey, I love you, please leave your wife for me"?

Edited January 18, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[privategal]

Why were you so vague and beating around the bush? Why didn't you just say "Hey, I love you, please leave your wife for me"?

 

She wrote even knowing herself it is done bevayse she is still addicted and in a fog. She feels alone and needed validation. She knows deep down he isn't leaving his wife. She's bargaining.

[lemondrop21]

I understand exactly how you feel.

 

IF he wants to leave his wife, he will. Then he can come look you up. If you are free, then great, you can discuss a future together.

 

He has not done so, that means you play second fiddle.

 

If he thinks that he won't leave with wife except "for you" then he's using her and he's using you. Is that someone you respect? Do you want that treatment from him later when you are the wife?

 

People do what they want. You cannot "make" people do things.

 

He is doing what he wants. You need to take care of yourself. and stick to your plan.

 

Very respectfully, I actually disagree with this sentiment. This is one thing I've changed my mind about the more I've learned about affairs. Most MM with kids will not just leave their wife, even if part of them wants to, unless they are going to another woman. This is for the simple reason that they will see their kids so much less if they leave, not to mention being labeled as a failure and so on.

 

Doesn't mean I think force should contact him (I don't), just wanted to throw my 2 cents in.

[Ms. Faust]

Correct me if I am wrong, but this is the poster who said "I told him don't leave his wife.... but, wait, I lied, I DO want him, I would be thrilled if he chose me!" Well, she broke NC. Why not say what she really felt?

 

 

I guess I don't understand if an OW wants to have a full fledged relationship with MM how could she even start if they don't know how to communicate with each other? Isn't it safe to say that for many affairs to happen it usually starts with a breakdown of communication with the BS?

 

I am 37 years old... I think the older I get the less patience I have for vagueness. I think the OP would have been better served laying her feelings out and putting the ball in his court.

 

As it reads, I think writing a three sentence email isn't even worth the time it takes setting up a whole new email account.

 

Breaking NC happens. It happens, no one is perfect. But if you're gonna break it at least make it worth your while.

Edited January 18, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[make-this-stick]

Thanks, Force, for posting this today. I needed to be reminded of how contact just makes the whole mess more confusing and painful. I've been teetering towards breaking NC the last few days. The last time we texted, Jan 1, MM replied in a friendly manner and said how he was hoping we could get together soon. I decided to sit him out on it, see if he contacted me and followed through. Needless to say that is the last I heard of him. He was just soothing me. Since then, I've analyzed the cr*p out of it, gone back and thought that I didn't show interest, thought that maybe I should just say "hi" to let him know we're "friends". But really I know in my heart that if he wanted to see me, he would. Breaking NC is never a win, just creates more questions.

[Ms. Faust]

Very respectfully, I actually disagree with this sentiment. This is one thing I've changed my mind about the more I've learned about affairs. Most MM with kids will not just leave their wife, even if part of them wants to, unless they are going to another woman. This is for the simple reason that they will see their kids so much less if they leave, not to mention being labeled as a failure and so on.

 

Doesn't mean I think force should contact him (I don't), just wanted to throw my 2 cents in.

 

Gotta disagree. If they absolutely love you, cannot live without you, they will eventually leave. It may take a while, but it will happen.

 

One can only speak from their own experience. My ex husband left his wife and kid for me. They had a tolerable relationship. He left and was with me within six months. To this day he says the love we had back then was something special, something he never had experienced previously. To him, that love was worth it. And even when I went on to have my own affairs during our marriage, he still felt our love was worth it enough to reconcile.

Edited January 18, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[MidnightBlue1980]

First of all, we all send emails/texts. Forgive yourself. Why do you want to be so hard like glass? Glass shatters. Be light like feathers. Actually I am going to agree with Ms. Foust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You don't want to be friends. Come on. We are not on this board because we want to be friends with these guys. I am not saying to now contact him again but judging from his response, I'd bet you get another chance to say something. When you do, make it count. Say what you feel in a brief sentence. Personally I would not do it in writing if possible. Once you say your feelings, there is not much else to do but just move on. You will know he knows and thats that really.

 

For me, I regretted that when I ended it (now 4 weeks ago) I did not say my feelings. I was being "strong" and unemotional. I asked are you planning on leaving, he said no, so I said ok and goodbye and got out of his car and drove off. But that's not me. What a bad ending to a 5 month relationship. So last week I said I wanted to see him for a moment and I just said I wanted him to know I loved him. I said I still didn't want an affair and he said OK. And really, there is not much more to say after that. Now its time to move on.

[rainbowsandkittens]

First of all, we all send emails/texts. Forgive yourself. Why do you want to be so hard like glass? Glass shatters. Be light like feathers. Actually I am going to agree with Ms. Foust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You don't want to be friends. Come on. We are not on this board because we want to be friends with these guys. I am not saying to now contact him again but judging from his response, I'd bet you get another chance to say something. When you do, make it count. Say what you feel in a brief sentence. Personally I would not do it in writing if possible. Once you say your feelings, there is not much else to do but just move on. You will know he knows and thats that really.

 

For me, I regretted that when I ended it (now 4 weeks ago) I did not say my feelings. I was being "strong" and unemotional. I asked are you planning on leaving, he said no, so I said ok and goodbye and got out of his car and drove off. But that's not me. What a bad ending to a 5 month relationship. So last week I said I wanted to see him for a moment and I just said I wanted him to know I loved him. I said I still didn't want an affair and he said OK. And really, there is not much more to say after that. Now its time to move on.

 

I did the same thing- just listened. Barely responded. I did laugh at one point. Basically I treated it like, 'oh this again' instead of an actual end. But I also had my therapist's voice in my head saying, 'do not beg. Do not plead. It will not work and will instead make you feel worse and seem pathetic.' (That's not verbatim but basically his point. Lol). So I didn't want to say too much. I didn't tell him how I felt or what he meant to me. I didn't say anything like that. I said goodbye. I told him I was happy for him that his family was doing better. He told me to take care. And that was it. Do I wish we'd had more fireworks, some real handwringing and me being honest and- of course- him too? Maybe. Our first breakup after a month was more passionate than this was. But I felt like he knew how I felt- I was always saying little thing in our texts not to mention that I'm pretty much an open book. And at the end of the day, where would that get me except feeling more vulnerable and, yes, perhaps, more foolish for giving so much love to someone who didn't deserve it or even care.

[Popsicle]

I was direct and said what I wanted and I think midnightblue and plenty of other OW were too with their MM. It doesn't make a bit of difference, he (the MM) still won't leave, so don't beat yourself up about that or spend one second going round and round in circles about it. You saved your dignity and that's good enough.

[OWAmy]

Correct me if I am wrong, but this is the poster who said "I told him don't leave his wife.... but, wait, I lied, I DO want him, I would be thrilled if he chose me!" Well, she broke NC. Why not say what she really felt?

 

 

I guess I don't understand if an OW wants to have a full fledged relationship with MM how could she even start if they don't know how to communicate with each other? Isn't it safe to say that for many affairs to happen it usually starts with a breakdown of communication with the BS?

 

I am 37 years old... I think the older I get the less patience I have for vagueness. I think the OP would have been better served laying her feelings out and putting the ball in his court.

 

As it reads, I think writing a three sentence email isn't even worth the time it takes setting up a whole new email account.

 

Breaking NC happens. It happens, no one is perfect. But if you're gonna break it at least make it worth your while.

 

I agree with Ms Faust. You lay these things down for yourself. I did similar and I can honestly say that everything I wished to say I eventually said to him. Regardless of how he took it. I could properly move on then. I was in such turmoil when things were left unsaid on my part. It wasn't done to influence him. So many times I held back for fear of upsetting him and then I stopped and started thinking of me. Saying what I wanted and how much hurt he'd caused me ultimately freed me from him.

[sandylee1]

I think most OW would rather the MM said 'I'm leaving my wife', rather than have to ask him to. Asking makes you feel like a home wrecker. It feels better to say he left because he wasn't happy...I didn't ask him to leave.. I didn't force him to leave.

 

By asking directly 'leave your wife' ...

It makes it so very real.. before the OW doesn't want to mention the wife. It's easier to say ' I want us to be together' ... which means leave your wife. But you don't want to seem like the bad guy. You don't want it to go wrong and he blames you..saying you wanted me to leave my wife.

 

If you put that in writing... it can be used against you in many ways and you'll regret it.

 

Just leave it be..let him work on his marriage and you find yourself...seek whatever necessary to avoid having a married boyfriend in the future.

[minimariah]

Most MM with kids will not just leave their wife, even if part of them wants to, unless they are going to another woman.

 

i agree with the bolded part -- and i actually think it's normal that you want some kind of support and certainty from your OW/OM when leaving.

 

you always leave for yourself, i believe - but it's natural that you seek comfort from the one you love & plan your future with. you expect them to be there for you & you want to know that you can rely on them during the incredibly stressful leaving phase.

[Miss Clavel]

no. never. no never.

[anika99]

Gotta disagree. If they absolutely love you, cannot live without you, they will eventually leave. It may take a while, but it will happen.

 

One can only speak from their own experience. My ex husband left his wife and kid for me. They had a tolerable relationship. He left and was with me within six months. To this day he says the love we had back then was something special, something he never had experienced previously. To him, that love was worth it. And even when I went on to have my own affairs during our marriage, he still felt our love was worth it enough to reconcile.

 

Actually I think you are agreeing with lemondrop who said "most MM will not just leave their wife, unless they are going to another woman".

 

 

It seems that your ex husband left his wife to go to you. Would he have left his wife if he didn't have an OW?

[Ms. Faust]

Actually I think you are agreeing with lemondrop who said "most MM will not just leave their wife, unless they are going to another woman".

 

 

It seems that your ex husband left his wife to go to you. Would he have left his wife if he didn't have an OW?

 

Sorry, I misunderstood, and no, he would not have left his wife had he not had someone waiting for him. Even he would admit that, and it was something that he often reminded me about.

[ShamanLover]

Hi all. Long-time lurker here. First, please let me express my heartfelt gratitude to all of you on here for quite literally saving my life. If being authentic and open about our struggles can help others in comparable situations, it transforms our suffering into something sacred. I hope my contribution can help pay it forward.

 

I joined the forum at this juncture specifically to add my two cents to this thread, so here goes... apologies in advance for rambling/stream of consciousness style

 

I’m not sure what happened to you needs to be positioned as “rejection”. Just playing with the devil’s advocate perspective because I am recovering from a very similar situation. Essentially, the deal we all make going in is to have fun, physical pleasure, excitement, escape… In my case, his marriage was “satisfactory” in all other respects, so this seemed to him like a reasonable solution - to “outsource” his sex life. Very pragmatic. I was completely on board with “no strings attached” for my own reasons.

 

Then...(shocker)... feelings got involved. Deep, passionate, messy, complicated feelings. Their intensity took both of us completely by surprise, but once the genie was out of the bottle there was no going back. And the presence of those feelings highlighted for him what I already knew - that there was a lot more missing in his marriage than just hot sex.

 

So then, a crossroads is reached... a decision has to be made, right? Should he stay with satisfactory and work on what’s missing in his marriage, or throw it all away to start over with someone new? As my counsellor said, people will always choose stability over passion.

 

I try to project myself into his place and think about what I would do. It takes extraordinary courage to leave a comfortable situation (with all of the collateral damage to mutual friendships, explaining to your family, reputation at work, inlaws, self-image, having to leave your home, routines, etc., etc.), all for something that may or may not work out in the “real world”. To give up something good for something (potentially) better. Especially if you (like I) told him you didn’t want him to leave his wife for you... if he had any insecurity at all (which I think is at the foundation of why most people cheat in the first place - ego enhancement) about whether you would love him once you found out what he was “really” like. At least his wife knows him, warts and all, and accepts him.

 

I know this sounds like a very sad, limited, stunted way to spend this one precious life we’ve been given, so perhaps the more appropriate feelings towards our MM’s decision is empathy and compassion. And gratitude that we aren’t the ones stuck in that position or who have to make that choice - we still have the chance to go out and find someone with whom we don’t have to compromise; someone who we fire on all cylinders with.

 

And, in my case at least, he was very clear that he was ending it because his feelings were too strong, not that they weren’t strong enough. I think this is what makes getting over affairs as the OW so uniquely excruciating. There’s no parallel in “normal” dating life where it ends because it got TOO GOOD. Usually, there are problems that crop up along the way, and that we can at least look back on when we are processing the loss to make some sense of it and draw strength from; lessons learned to make future relationships better and all that.

 

For us, the connection just kept getting stronger and stronger, finding more and more levels of compatibility, until there were only two choices left for him - leave his marriage or end it. He chose the latter. And don’t get me wrong, it very nearly killed me. But I don’t know that we need to add the (subjective) label “rejection” to the already suffocating pile of reasons to agonize.

 

I did the same “bargaining” when it ended - sent an email suggesting we try implementing some measures that would help both of us keep it strictly sexual - and he turned me down. Ouch. But does it need to be painful for reasons beyond grieving the loss? He said he couldn’t do it because he would always want more, and that he couldn’t handle that. Isn’t there some way for us to interpret that as a compliment instead of a slight (I am asking myself the same question!)? It’s a no-win situation going in. Does it really matter at the end of the day who pulls the plug first?

 

P.S. I think it’s not a coincidence that we (finally) hear about their true feelings for us at the end, because they’ve made their decision to end it, so the stakes of being authentic/vulnerable (the risk of having to actually follow through on them) has passed...

[Cymbeline]

coincidence that we (finally) hear about their true feelings for us at the end, because they’ve made their decision to end it, so the stakes of being authentic/vulnerable (the risk of having to actually follow through on them) has passed...

 

 

...or they just don't want to seem like the bad guy and want to leave things open just in case...because if it really were that good, then .......

[Forceawakensme]

Hi all. Long-time lurker here. First, please let me express my heartfelt gratitude to all of you on here for quite literally saving my life. If being authentic and open about our struggles can help others in comparable situations, it transforms our suffering into something sacred. I hope my contribution can help pay it forward.

 

I joined the forum at this juncture specifically to add my two cents to this thread, so here goes... apologies in advance for rambling/stream of consciousness style

 

I’m not sure what happened to you needs to be positioned as “rejection”. Just playing with the devil’s advocate perspective because I am recovering from a very similar situation. Essentially, the deal we all make going in is to have fun, physical pleasure, excitement, escape… In my case, his marriage was “satisfactory” in all other respects, so this seemed to him like a reasonable solution - to “outsource” his sex life. Very pragmatic. I was completely on board with “no strings attached” for my own reasons.

 

Then...(shocker)... feelings got involved. Deep, passionate, messy, complicated feelings. Their intensity took both of us completely by surprise, but once the genie was out of the bottle there was no going back. And the presence of those feelings highlighted for him what I already knew - that there was a lot more missing in his marriage than just hot sex.

 

So then, a crossroads is reached... a decision has to be made, right? Should he stay with satisfactory and work on what’s missing in his marriage, or throw it all away to start over with someone new? As my counsellor said, people will always choose stability over passion.

 

I try to project myself into his place and think about what I would do. It takes extraordinary courage to leave a comfortable situation (with all of the collateral damage to mutual friendships, explaining to your family, reputation at work, inlaws, self-image, having to leave your home, routines, etc., etc.), all for something that may or may not work out in the “real world”. To give up something good for something (potentially) better. Especially if you (like I) told him you didn’t want him to leave his wife for you... if he had any insecurity at all (which I think is at the foundation of why most people cheat in the first place - ego enhancement) about whether you would love him once you found out what he was “really” like. At least his wife knows him, warts and all, and accepts him.

 

I know this sounds like a very sad, limited, stunted way to spend this one precious life we’ve been given, so perhaps the more appropriate feelings towards our MM’s decision is empathy and compassion. And gratitude that we aren’t the ones stuck in that position or who have to make that choice - we still have the chance to go out and find someone with whom we don’t have to compromise; someone who we fire on all cylinders with.

 

And, in my case at least, he was very clear that he was ending it because his feelings were too strong, not that they weren’t strong enough. I think this is what makes getting over affairs as the OW so uniquely excruciating. There’s no parallel in “normal” dating life where it ends because it got TOO GOOD. Usually, there are problems that crop up along the way, and that we can at least look back on when we are processing the loss to make some sense of it and draw strength from; lessons learned to make future relationships better and all that.

 

For us, the connection just kept getting stronger and stronger, finding more and more levels of compatibility, until there were only two choices left for him - leave his marriage or end it. He chose the latter. And don’t get me wrong, it very nearly killed me. But I don’t know that we need to add the (subjective) label “rejection” to the already suffocating pile of reasons to agonize.

 

I did the same “bargaining” when it ended - sent an email suggesting we try implementing some measures that would help both of us keep it strictly sexual - and he turned me down. Ouch. But does it need to be painful for reasons beyond grieving the loss? He said he couldn’t do it because he would always want more, and that he couldn’t handle that. Isn’t there some way for us to interpret that as a compliment instead of a slight (I am asking myself the same question!)? It’s a no-win situation going in. Does it really matter at the end of the day who pulls the plug first?

 

P.S. I think it’s not a coincidence that we (finally) hear about their true feelings for us at the end, because they’ve made their decision to end it, so the stakes of being authentic/vulnerable (the risk of having to actually follow through on them) has passed...

 

 

This was so incredibly helpful to read, thank you so much for posting. Exactly what i needed to read tonight.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Um. Here are my thoughts. It is incredibly unfair to the BS for the WS to suffer in silence - or maybe they really didn't love you (me), but they sure as hell don't love their spouse but they love the trimmings of marriage - and they have no intention of giving them up. My eMM said "my W is too stupid to have an affair". "She makes me sick with her eating." "It was really me who lost interest in sex years ago". "I married the wrong person".

 

How horrible. I said, why not let her go meet someone who loves her? I have told my H to tell me if he felt that way. And since I have a most odd marriage, my husband knew all that and told her, that plus a lot more. But she loves him. And can I really fault her? After all, I am here about him, right?

 

Plus life is short. Kids are not stupid. They know.

 

I *know* I am better off without this guy. I just need my heart to catch up to my head

[lemondrop21]

Hi all. Long-time lurker here. First, please let me express my heartfelt gratitude to all of you on here for quite literally saving my life. If being authentic and open about our struggles can help others in comparable situations, it transforms our suffering into something sacred. I hope my contribution can help pay it forward.

 

I joined the forum at this juncture specifically to add my two cents to this thread, so here goes... apologies in advance for rambling/stream of consciousness style

 

I’m not sure what happened to you needs to be positioned as “rejection”. Just playing with the devil’s advocate perspective because I am recovering from a very similar situation. Essentially, the deal we all make going in is to have fun, physical pleasure, excitement, escape… In my case, his marriage was “satisfactory” in all other respects, so this seemed to him like a reasonable solution - to “outsource” his sex life. Very pragmatic. I was completely on board with “no strings attached” for my own reasons.

 

Then...(shocker)... feelings got involved. Deep, passionate, messy, complicated feelings. Their intensity took both of us completely by surprise, but once the genie was out of the bottle there was no going back. And the presence of those feelings highlighted for him what I already knew - that there was a lot more missing in his marriage than just hot sex.

 

So then, a crossroads is reached... a decision has to be made, right? Should he stay with satisfactory and work on what’s missing in his marriage, or throw it all away to start over with someone new? As my counsellor said, people will always choose stability over passion.

 

I try to project myself into his place and think about what I would do. It takes extraordinary courage to leave a comfortable situation (with all of the collateral damage to mutual friendships, explaining to your family, reputation at work, inlaws, self-image, having to leave your home, routines, etc., etc.), all for something that may or may not work out in the “real world”. To give up something good for something (potentially) better. Especially if you (like I) told him you didn’t want him to leave his wife for you... if he had any insecurity at all (which I think is at the foundation of why most people cheat in the first place - ego enhancement) about whether you would love him once you found out what he was “really” like. At least his wife knows him, warts and all, and accepts him.

 

I know this sounds like a very sad, limited, stunted way to spend this one precious life we’ve been given, so perhaps the more appropriate feelings towards our MM’s decision is empathy and compassion. And gratitude that we aren’t the ones stuck in that position or who have to make that choice - we still have the chance to go out and find someone with whom we don’t have to compromise; someone who we fire on all cylinders with.

 

And, in my case at least, he was very clear that he was ending it because his feelings were too strong, not that they weren’t strong enough. I think this is what makes getting over affairs as the OW so uniquely excruciating. There’s no parallel in “normal” dating life where it ends because it got TOO GOOD. Usually, there are problems that crop up along the way, and that we can at least look back on when we are processing the loss to make some sense of it and draw strength from; lessons learned to make future relationships better and all that.

 

For us, the connection just kept getting stronger and stronger, finding more and more levels of compatibility, until there were only two choices left for him - leave his marriage or end it. He chose the latter. And don’t get me wrong, it very nearly killed me. But I don’t know that we need to add the (subjective) label “rejection” to the already suffocating pile of reasons to agonize.

 

I did the same “bargaining” when it ended - sent an email suggesting we try implementing some measures that would help both of us keep it strictly sexual - and he turned me down. Ouch. But does it need to be painful for reasons beyond grieving the loss? He said he couldn’t do it because he would always want more, and that he couldn’t handle that. Isn’t there some way for us to interpret that as a compliment instead of a slight (I am asking myself the same question!)? It’s a no-win situation going in. Does it really matter at the end of the day who pulls the plug first?

 

P.S. I think it’s not a coincidence that we (finally) hear about their true feelings for us at the end, because they’ve made their decision to end it, so the stakes of being authentic/vulnerable (the risk of having to actually follow through on them) has passed...

 

Thank you so much for this post. We are going through something similar and the highlighted bits really helped me. I just said this to MM today - it's SO frustrating to finally hear everything, to know that you've been strongly considering a future with me, playing out possible scenarios in your head, for months, without ever including me in that conversation. Now I only get to know when it's over.

 

I am glad it wasn't future faking but it's still messing with my head.

[lemondrop21]

Force, how are you doing? Still in NC, or not?

 

I personally don't know how I will do this, I'm in agony right now and if MM contacted me to say he was standing outside my door I'd run down there in a heartbeat.

 

Not sure how I will get through this when we're back at work.

[Forceawakensme]

Force, how are you doing? Still in NC, or not?

 

I personally don't know how I will do this, I'm in agony right now and if MM contacted me to say he was standing outside my door I'd run down there in a heartbeat.

 

Not sure how I will get through this when we're back at work.

 

LD -- Hey hon. BTW im in UAE:) Are you here? -- i had guessed you were in AU for some reason.

 

Ok so no, of course im not in NC.. because i suck and im a glutton for punishment and pain.

 

We spoke on email today and he told me 'I am miserable, extremely unhappy not talking to you'.. Then i say "do you want me to just delete this email account and stay away? and he said "of course i dont want that.. i just know im afraid of the consequences and risk.. and afraid i cant control my feelings and will take stupid risks and make reckless decisions..i just want to be with you .. thats all i want.. but i know i cant. . I dont know what to do" .. -- He said a few paragraphs like that .. So it all amounted to the same thing. I pretty much begged him to tell me to F*** off and he said.. 'cant do that'.. Then he said 'lets not talk for a week and see how we go'. -- Ugh. Fun.

 

I am getting VERY close to just deleting the email account. I think know that i know we are NC for a week, its a good time since there wont be anything in the account anyway so may as well delete it and start full NC... But then that idiotic voice inside of me says "dont delete it, what if he tries to contact you later tonight.. in a few hours and says 'omg.. i made a mistake..of course i dont want NC this week...'. I have blocked him on FB and i know he wont risk calling me.. So this email is his only inroad to me right now. Yes, i know i need to delete it. Right now, i just keep re-reading our conversation over and over like a psycho. Good times

Edited January 22, 2016 by Forceawakensme

[Forceawakensme]

Force, how are you doing? Still in NC, or not?

 

I personally don't know how I will do this, I'm in agony right now and if MM contacted me to say he was standing outside my door I'd run down there in a heartbeat.

 

Not sure how I will get through this when we're back at work.

 

LemonDrop, i just feel for you so much having to work with him. i have a tightly interwoven social network that is extremely hard to remove myself from as well as business ties.. but at least i dont have to see him in an office environment.. i can avoid him at least for a good month or so to get some momentum.

 

How can you do it? -- Is there ANY way you can think about changing jobs? How closely do you work with him? do you have to see him every day? .. I feel for you so much.. i just know i would struggle so much with this.

[lemondrop21]

LemonDrop, i just feel for you so much having to work with him. i have a tightly interwoven social network that is extremely hard to remove myself from as well as business ties.. but at least i dont have to see him in an office environment.. i can avoid him at least for a good month or so to get some momentum.

 

How can you do it? -- Is there ANY way you can think about changing jobs? How closely do you work with him? do you have to see him every day? .. I feel for you so much.. i just know i would struggle so much with this.

 

Hi force! Ah ok, I replied to you on my thread too... I know where you are now . I am in a neighboring country and go to your city once a month for dental work at the moment, ha! Seriously maybe we could meet sometime.

 

These expat communities are so tough to live in. I have another girlfriend here in an affair. We were just at a party earlier this evening and the two of us were talking to this older married guy who started saying "wow it must be so hard for single women here" and questioning us about it. I felt like looking him in the eye and saying "yeah we've solved that issue by sleeping with married men, you interested too? Why don't we pull your wife into this conversation..." We laughed about it together later. So awkward. I'm actually jealous of where you live, I am on a relatively isolated compound and it's almost all families.

 

Your conversation with MM about the email account made me laugh because my MM and I had THE SAME CONVERSATION a couple days ago. Seriously it's like you and I are living the same life on the same timeline. I guess this also proves how similar affairs can be...

 

To answer your questions about work, I can't really change jobs here, would have to move. It would be a big deal but I am starting to consider other options. Unfortunately I would be cutting my financial goals short by leaving early but maybe it's worth my sanity.

 

I don't know what I'm going to do, knowing he is just one hallway away from me is agony at times. I had a moment on Thursday where I felt like my whole body was on fire and all I could do was sit there and think about how much I wanted to be with him and how is RIGHT THERE and yet I can't.

 

I know he is struggling. So is your MM. So much struggle among all of us.

 

I hate that the only way we MIGHT possibly work out is if I walk away completely and let him feel the agony of losing me. This is agony for me, too. And I don't even wanna hold out hope because I want to move on, of course! I hate all this.

 

Hope your weekend is going ok.