Keep texts short to avoid the friend zone

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have to say first off, that I find the whole friend zone concept, the way it is used on LS, to be terribly flawed. People make it seem like it's a condition you get by doing or not doing certain things, when in reality, it's not. People who are 'friend zoned' are people you don't see in a romantic way and often times it is not anything they did or didn't do...you simply don't like them, just like you meet some people and like them and others and don't. So trying to avoid this is a waste of time IMO, as it's not something you can control anymore than you can control who you like and don't like.

 

For me, I connect with men through conversation. Every boyfriend or even man I slept with was someone I had good rapport with. If we met online we had great text conversations and phone conversations and that's what made me start liking them, especially guys I'm not sure about, how well we converse can change things. Not talking to won't help you. I will lose interest very quickly that way. So such a strategy won't work on women who actually need that kind of exchange and rapport. But in general...as I said, concocting elaborate strategies to avoid being seen as a friend is a waste of time, as a woman likes you or not and it's not about how much you text or any other thing. Sure, someone may develop feelings for you or lose them, but that's the way of how things go and usually isn't because of a strategy the person employed or didn't. My head hurts when I read about people planning out dating like it's all about numbers, figures, not doing this or that, like that book "The Rules," when in truth, it can be distilled to some very basic things that are organic. The Rules can be distilled to: have self-worth and don't allow a man to treat you in any ol' way and have your own life and don't just exist at his beck and call. Strategies for not being friendzoned can be distilled down to: a man or woman likes you or not, this is not a reflection of you, it's simply a matter of they're feeling you or not, therefore be yourself and if they are receptive it's because they like you and if not, they don't like you.

 

Miss Bee....that's great, and I used to follow that concept as I do connect with people the way you do, through intelligent conversations, beliefs and interests. I actually would be glad if I met MORE women like you! LOL But most women I've met aren't wired that way...that to them, there has to be that kind of instant chemistry right off the bat.

 

As I said, I'm trying something different....so we'll see how this works.

 

For some women aren't like you, Miss Bee. I can't be sure of the percentages that are hardwired to develop relationships as if you were talking to a buddy.

 

I was even told I should kiss on a first date (I know, crazy right?) to see if there's interest, that way...you KNOW where you stand with said woman.

 

But lately it seems that I have met quite a few women that like me in such a fashion...the last one had me a bit confused about her attraction to me, she really loved being my friend and said she was attracted to my PERSONALITY, which means she had no physical attraction towards me.

 

Though, she has been known to friend zone a lot guys that wanted more, which left her the "sorry, I have enough female friends or just friends in general." and they parted ways. I am starting to feel the same way as I DO have some close female friends I converse with, a few that I had attempted to ask out on romantic dates, only to get the ,"We can go out...as friends"

 

This one woman, when she did this said guy..he was like "okay..Ill go out as friends..." and then proceed to make physical contact with her...not talking groping body parts or anything, but tried to snuggle with her at a movie theater only to have her move to another seat.

 

He made the mistake of deceiving her a by being a friend to her, with an ulterior motive. men shouldn't do this, but make their intentions known...from the start.

 

If they say they aren't interested...say you want more and leave it at that.

 

Never be friends with someone you want to date and be friends with those you don't want to date.

Edited January 19, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[MissBee]

Miss Bee....that's great, and I used to follow that concept as I do connect with people the way you do, through intelligent conversations, beliefs and interests. I actually would be glad if I met MORE women like you! LOL But most women I've met aren't wired that way...that to them, there has to be that kind of instant chemistry right off the bat.

 

As I said, I'm trying something different....so we'll see how this works.

 

For some women aren't like you, Miss Bee. I can't be sure of the percentages that are hardwired to develop relationships as if you were talking to a buddy.

 

I was even told I should kiss on a first date (I know, crazy right?) to see if there's interest, that way...you KNOW where you stand with said woman.

 

But lately it seems that I have met quite a few women that like me in such a fashion...the last one had me a bit confused about her attraction to me, she really loved being my friend and said she was attracted to my PERSONALITY, which means she had no physical attraction towards me.

 

Though, she has been known to friend zone a lot guys that wanted more, which left her the "sorry, I have enough female friends or just friends in general." and they parted ways. I am starting to feel the same way as I DO have some close female friends I converse with, a few that I had attempted to ask out on romantic dates, only to get the ,"We can go out...as friends"

 

This one woman, when she did this said guy..he was like "okay..Ill go out as friends..." and then proceed to make physical contact with her...not talking groping body parts or anything, but tried to snuggle with her at a movie theater only to have her move to another seat.

 

He made the mistake of deceiving her a by being a friend to her, with an ulterior motive. men shouldn't do this, but make their intentions known...from the start.

 

If they say they aren't interested...say you want more and leave it at that.

 

Never be friends with someone you want to date and be friends with those you don't want to date.

 

 

But I'm confused, are you trying to date just any woman you can get or women you actually connect with easily?

 

You can try something different and see, but I often wonder, in general when I see people going way out of their way to act in certain ways, if they really think they will be happy if they meet someone by doing things that they had to concoct. We can all of course change and improve, which I see as different from employing artificial tactics to dating. If a man isn't wired in a way that makes sense to me, I don't change myself to appeal to such a man, I simply decide he's not for me and try to find a man who connects in a way that makes sense.

 

I also need chemistry, which goes back to what I said, you have it with some folks and not with others, and it's not because they did anything wrong. I can give an example in my life as well, I had known this guy for years, I was attracted to him since the first time we met, I was 18, totally smitten, he was a bit older. I moved away to college, we spoke every now and again but nothing was pursued. I didn't stop being attracted to him though, even though it wasn't really acted on. For some years we would speak occasionally in a friendly manner with some flirting, how I viewed him never changed. He wasn't "friend zoned," in that I had no attraction for him. I still was attracted to him. He ended up moving to my college city and one day we randomly connected on instant messenger and had a really long convo and flirted and then pretty much talked most days online or on the phone for about 2 months. We then decided to hang out, and we hung out for about 3 months, not continuously, because he traveled a lot for work, and we never kissed or did anything, but I was still attracted to him, I still liked him...finally on one of our hang outs he made the first move, we kissed and it was great and our relationship changed to a physical one. Long story short: you are attracted to people you're attracted to...even if you are friends or you talk casually. That attraction is the part you cannot control. The flaw seems to be that you think that you can control that part, so if you text or don't text or kiss or don't kiss, you hold the power to determine the attraction, but you don't. That's what I meant. In that scenario with this guy, everything was what you think shouldn't happen: we mostly talked online, we were friendly, we hung out a lot and he never tried anything....but what made it not a friend zone, was that in spite of ALL of that, I was still attracted to him so I still kept going with it and things escalated, albeit slowly. It was a slow burn, but the attraction on both our parts was always there....and that is what you can't control.

 

If a person doesn't feel that for you, then there is little you can do to change their minds and if they do, there is little that will eliminate those feelings.

[GemmaUK]

I have to say first off, that I find the whole friend zone concept, the way it is used on LS, to be terribly flawed. People make it seem like it's a condition you get by doing or not doing certain things, when in reality, it's not. People who are 'friend zoned' are people you don't see in a romantic way and often times it is not anything they did or didn't do...you simply don't like them, just like you meet some people and like them and others and don't. So trying to avoid this is a waste of time IMO, as it's not something you can control anymore than you can control who you like and don't like.

 

For me, I connect with men through conversation. Every boyfriend or even man I slept with was someone I had good rapport with. If we met online we had great text conversations and phone conversations and that's what made me start liking them further, especially guys I'm not sure about, how well we converse can change things. However, this is natural. I get along with a man in conversation or don't. I do not believe any of them sat there employing particular strategies, we clicked or didn't based on how they are. Not talking to me won't help you. I will lose interest very quickly that way. So such a strategy won't work on women who actually need that kind of exchange and rapport. But in general...as I said, concocting elaborate strategies to avoid being seen as a friend is a waste of time, as a woman likes you or not and it's not about how much you text or any other thing. Sure, someone may develop feelings for you or lose them, but that's the way how things go and usually isn't because of a strategy the person employed or didn't. My head hurts when I read about people planning out dating like it's all about numbers, figures, not doing this or that, like that book "The Rules," when in truth, it can be distilled to some very basic things that are organic. The Rules can be distilled to: have self-worth and don't allow a man to treat you in any ol' way and have your own life and don't just exist at his beck and call. Strategies for not being friendzoned can be distilled down to: a man or woman likes you or not, this is not a reflection of you, it's simply a matter of them feeling you or not, therefore be yourself and if they are receptive it's because they like you and if not, they don't like you.

 

 

Totally agree!

 

I don't like text chatting to the tune of 80 odd messages a day an I prefer texts left for setting dates up but if there is no having giggle about things type chat at all then I would get bored real quick.

 

The worst of texts I have had are 'only' setting dates up or 'zero humour an asking how my day is when get up and basically the same old same old through the whole day - boring!!!

 

Plus yep, you either are interested sexually or not. If you have met them then body language will tell you all you need to know.

[Rejected Rosebud]

He's doing rather well actually. Actually, my interest level went down when it got to the point where she couldn't figure out when she'd be free. The last we spoke was when I asked her about her availability on the weekend, and she said she didn't know...as she was busy, "organizing her home" that weekend.

 

Well ... from my point of view, you made sure you'd never date her by ignoring her text. She might have not been comfortable enough to get in touch with you to say "okay, I want to go out with you this weekend." You didn't exactly ask her on a solid date.

 

If it turned out that she just wanted to be chatty over text, and that's not your style, then fine don't text. But that might have been your time to really ask her out.

[oregon0011]

This is tough.

 

I dated a girl in which we always had witty and funny text exchanges. Then she would flake. So I stopped texting and made them short. She still flaked.

 

then all of a sudden she is all over me and we are seeing each other everyday and texting a lot.

 

I think many girls have other things going on you don't know about, and you are trying to put her entire life into the box of what type of texting works.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is tough.

 

I dated a girl in which we always had witty and funny text exchanges. Then she would flake. So I stopped texting and made them short. She still flaked.

 

then all of a sudden she is all over me and we are seeing each other everyday and texting a lot.

 

I think many girls have other things going on you don't know about, and you are trying to put her entire life into the box of what type of texting works.

 

Oregon...I think it's about finding that sweet spot between under-pursuing and over-pursuing.

Edited January 20, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[Rejected Rosebud]

Oregon...I think it's about finding that sweet spot between under-pursuing and over-pursuing.

But the thing is ... you have to just go for it. There is a good chance she would have gone on a date with you if you would have extended yourself that time. There is a good chance she did not like you and wouldn't have gone out with you if you had. Are you better off just having shut the door on any possibility though?

[lino]

Oregon...I think it's about finding that sweet spot between under-pursuing and over-pursuing.

 

It's pretty sad though that a bloke has to tight rope across a wire looking for that sweet spot.

 

I don't think you should've outright ignored her but she didn't seem that interested. Especially considering you'd already met up once.

[oregon0011]

Oregon...I think it's about finding that sweet spot between under-pursuing and over-pursuing.

 

Just pointing out that even if you find that "sweet spot" , and her ex comes back into the picture, or if she gets sick, or if she had her period, or if her dog dies, or if she meets another guy at the store that morning, it is pretty irrelevant to the totality of her life.

 

In other words you won't know about much of the above, but will be wondering if it was due to your text game

[LookAtThisPOst]

Just pointing out that even if you find that "sweet spot" , and her ex comes back into the picture, or if she gets sick, or if she had her period, or if her dog dies, or if she meets another guy at the store that morning, it is pretty irrelevant to the totality of her life.

 

In other words you won't know about much of the above, but will be wondering if it was due to your text game

 

I'm not wondering about the "text game".

[MrDuck]

Stupid rules for rules sake. People just need to chill and do what comes naturally.

 

 

I used to text loads with my gf before we started dating.

And my little brother met a girl online who lived right on the other side of the country, they texted ALL THE TIME. Like ALL THE TIME. Constantly. For months before they ever met. She never flaked on him.

 

 

If they're into you, they're into you. If they're not, they never will be. What will be will be, can't fight it.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Stupid rules for rules sake. People just need to chill and do what comes naturally.

 

 

I used to text loads with my gf before we started dating.

And my little brother met a girl online who lived right on the other side of the country, they texted ALL THE TIME. Like ALL THE TIME. Constantly. For months before they ever met. She never flaked on him.

 

 

If they're into you, they're into you. If they're not, they never will be. What will be will be, can't fight it.

 

This is pretty much it. This is dating in a nutshella.

 

90% of what is written on this forum does way more harm than good. I see the same things written all the time. I could come back here in 10 years and see the same things posted. Posters trying to get guys to beat themselves up and f@ck up their heads thinking this and that is wrong with them.

 

The sad thing about it is that people, especially women, know that most of the time they reject a guy they are on a date with, there is NOTHING wrong with that guy or what he did.

 

They JUST DON'T FEEL IT or have enough in common.

 

Just go on more dates, or if it's too much of a pain, don't date. That is it...

Edited January 22, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[LookAtThisPOst]

90% of what is written on this forum does way more harm than good. I see the same things written all the time. I could come back here in 10 years and see the same things posted. Posters trying to get guys to beat themselves up and f@ck up their heads thinking this and that is wrong with them.

 

Right...I even have a guy in real life that claims going out and getting dates at the local sports bars, with women even giving him THEIR phone #. Apparently, his "game" is working for him *shrug*

 

Of course, he's naturally good looking, so that helps.

 

Also, I read something here about picking up on socials ques about women wanting to be approached. Most ques I've read from women typically put off the "I don't want to be approached" vibe anyhow, but I ignore it anyways just in case that MAY not be the case and approach anyway, regardless.

 

If I didn't approach, I wouldn't get anywhere with them anyway...so go the "nothing ventured, nothing gained" route.

 

And my little brother met a girl online who lived right on the other side of the country, they texted ALL THE TIME. Like ALL THE TIME. Constantly. For months before they ever met. She never flaked on him.

 

Wow, I had a male friend that did this with woman on the opposite coast for a year. He planned his vacation time for a week to go see her, when he arrived, she was total ice queen to him. When he would try to get close, physically, she'd shrug him off. She even blew him off the remainder of the week long vacation he had set aside for her.

 

That was a BIG risk for your little brother.

 

But anyway, the last two posts...kind of makes me feel better knowing there are cases where following some set of rules, the "texting game" and such.

 

The thing is, people that give advice, which they sometimes hold to gospel...thinks it applies to ALL single people on this earth, but it doesn't. Everyone is like a snow flake.

 

Of course, I do contend on letting a woman know your intentions that a "date is a date".

Edited January 22, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[organizedchaos]

He's doing rather well actually. Actually, my interest level went down when it got to the point where she couldn't figure out when she'd be free. The last we spoke was when I asked her about her availability on the weekend, and she said she didn't know...as she was busy, "organizing her home" that weekend.

 

I then told her, "Well, let me know when you're available when you're done." And left it at that. When she texted with, "Good evening" the next day, instead of, "Hey, I'm free Saturday" or something...then that would be the answer I'm looking for.

 

that being said Im doing something different than the usual

 

So because she didn't text you back with the exact response you were looking for in her first message, you blow her off? Maybe she was just opening the conversation with "good evening" and after you responded back, she would have told you when she was free.

[pureinheart]

OP, I didn't read your entire thread, although dating seems to be too hard these days, too many rules.

 

I didn't date very much back in the day, probably because hippies don't date as a rule (lol), but on the 'rare' occasion people were just people- no play book, no rules. Sixties babies hate rules...

[LookAtThisPOst]

So because she didn't text you back with the exact response you were looking for in her first message, you blow her off? Maybe she was just opening the conversation with "good evening" and after you responded back, she would have told you when she was free.

 

*Shrug* Who knows man...moving on.

 

I didn't date very much back in the day, probably because hippies don't date as a rule (lol), but on the 'rare' occasion people were just people- no play book, no rules. Sixties babies hate rules...

 

Yeah, I had a female friend, at the time she was in her early 20s. She told me she NEVER dated...just wound up in relationships after knowing a guy long enough. She said she hated dating...never heard of that concept.

 

My parents are like "I can't see how you guys date these days, too much of a headache"

 

A married female friend of mine, age 40-something, very pretty...has a nice looking husband...both been married 20+ years...she said when she was a designated driver for her single lady friends...she'd hear all these dating horror stories and she was SO glad she was married.

 

I think that's thet ONLY time I envied her and SHE made the idea of being married sound much more appealing. She's said she's glad she's not on the market anymore....considering the hell her single friends go through.

Edited January 22, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

Right...I even have a guy in real life that claims going out and getting dates at the local sports bars, with women even giving him THEIR phone #. Apparently, his "game" is working for him *shrug*

Why the *shrug*? Are you jealous of him or something?

 

 

Of course, he's naturally good looking, so that helps.

 

Maybe he is but honestly (and I saw your post earlier so have thought about it) The men I know, work with and am friends with ranging from 30 to 70 - well none are bad looking. The downfalls I see is the very few who have no dress sense to be really honest.

Maybe you need a make over so that the social cues you get are positive and you can act upon those instead of acting upon social cues which say:

 

"I don't want to be approached" vibe anyhow, but I ignore it anyways just in case that MAY not be the case and approach anyway, regardless.

 

If I didn't approach, I wouldn't get anywhere with them anyway...so go the "nothing ventured, nothing gained" route.

 

How a man dresses is more important to a woman than how a woman dresses to a man.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Why the *shrug*? Are you jealous of him or something?

 

 

 

 

Maybe he is but honestly (and I saw your post earlier so have thought about it) The men I know, work with and am friends with ranging from 30 to 70 - well none are bad looking. The downfalls I see is the very few who have no dress sense to be really honest.

Maybe you need a make over so that the social cues you get are positive and you can act upon those instead of acting upon social cues which say:

 

 

 

How a man dresses is more important to a woman than how a woman dresses to a man.

 

I'm kind of cherry picking his advice, the dress yes...but the "game" where he has women just handing phone #'s to him? Don't think I could accomplish that.

 

I am considering more snugger fits when I go out to try out clothes. I think some of my shirts are a bit looser fitting. He noticed that I wear collared shirts, button down, but the short sleeves make me look like a high school science teacher...and that i should go with long sleeves, with them rolled up to my elbows (must be a thing). But my shape is different from his, his leaner (marathon runners build).

 

Also, something about nice shoes, he said if I spent 200 bucks (yikes) on some nice shoes, they last a lifetime. Women notice shoes? now one thing I don't care for, is he sometimes wears a scarf in cold weather...even if it's a casual event. I thought scarfs was a woman's thing.

 

A woman I dated said she dated him...she almost swore he was gay, until he asked her out. LOL (metrosexual?)

 

He also said something about, with my hair/baldness....I should shave it ALL off, but I have a narrow face and I DID speak with a specialist. A master stylist recommended not doing that due to my narrow face. The shaved head look works for men who have rounder faces...otherwise I'd look something like a sci-fi alien.

 

Picture the old "Close Encounters of the Third Kinds" movie. lol

 

But...also...I see women who dress fashionably dating men that dress the complete opposite? It's funny, because I have had a couple of female friends that would always complain how their boyfriends would just wear jeans and a T-shirt when going out...while she's dressed in a nice dress.

 

These women typically try to change the guy to suit them though. "Why can't you wear something nice on our date for once?!" But they resist.

 

I kind of live in a blue collar area, so that's probably par for the course, but there must've been something about them other than their dress that attracted them.

 

How a man dresses is more important to a woman than how a woman dresses to a man

 

I think you're right on that one, I had a female friend that would get men approaching her even when she was wearing a sweat shirt and sweat pants...the cute face is probably what did it for them. lol

[Rejected Rosebud]

Posters trying to get guys to beat themselves up and f@ck up their heads thinking this and that is wrong with them.

 

The sad thing about it is that people, especially women, know that most of the time they reject a guy they are on a date with, there is NOTHING wrong with that guy or what he did.

 

They JUST DON'T FEEL IT or have enough in common.

 

That's true, but you're wrong if you think that improving oneself can't help their chances in finding love. It's not like somebody rejects you and you could have done this or that so that person wouldn't have. But you CAN do things to increase your chances of somebody being interested in you. A lot of people on here can testify to that.

[Jane_Tee_11]

What is sad is that if you had replied to her text you would have been on a second date, instead you played a game and it didn't work.

 

They call that shooting yourself in the foot...

 

I do agree that keeping texts short is good.. but you need to reply to a text that a person sends or you send the message you are not interested.. fine line at times being aloof and self destructive

 

 

I tend to agree....... I work in a small office, and at home I have a 16 YO, so I tend to text simply because it is more private. If I make a 'bid' to get a guy's attention by text and he ignores it, I assume he is busy elsewhere / has moved on to someone new.

 

 

More and more, I am becoming a big fan of having my life as free-flowing as possible rather than having to force things and live in a rigid world. I already have to keep my work and family life organized, in my personal life I want things to be easy and just flow sometimes....... I don't want dating to be another "job", I want it to be easy and fun.

Edited January 22, 2016 by Jane_Tee_11

[MrDuck]

with women even giving him THEIR phone #. Apparently, his "game" is working for him

you need to get this 'game' thing out you head, don't over complicate stuff, there's no game, nor formula, it's just people. Just people, we interact and form relationships with people from the moment we're born, it's something we're all capable of.

 

Wow, I had a male friend that did this with woman on the opposite coast for a year. He planned his vacation time for a week to go see her, when he arrived, she was total ice queen to him. When he would try to get close, physically, she'd shrug him off. She even blew him off the remainder of the week long vacation he had set aside for her.

 

That was a BIG risk for your little brother.

That's unlucky for your friend and yeah it was a risk for my brother but that's it, right? Relationships are all about risk, weighing up the risk against the benefits and the chucking caution to the wind anyway against any better judgment once you fall for someone.

The thing is when you click, you click, and all this game bs goes out the window. My little bro was not without real life offers all the months he spent texting this girl (and she's a pretty girl so I'm sure she wasn't either) but when people click stuff like that doesn't (or shouldn't at least) matter anymore, including how much you text or wether those shoes go with those shorts. That's why you see mismatched dressed couples: because their connection goes deeper.

 

Sometimes it's all for nothing like your friend and sometimes you luck out, like I did and like my brother did. His gf moved up here in the end: if you followed all the rules people would of probably told him to stop texting her about red deer & garden furniture and god knows what else. And they'd of probably told her she was moving here too quick and she should of gave it more time. But you know what the bottom line is? They are happy! Chuck out the rule book dude!

[GemmaUK]

I'm kind of cherry picking his advice, the dress yes...but the "game" where he has women just handing phone #'s to him? Don't think I could accomplish that.

 

I am considering more snugger fits when I go out to try out clothes. I think some of my shirts are a bit looser fitting. He noticed that I wear collared shirts, button down, but the short sleeves make me look like a high school science teacher...and that i should go with long sleeves, with them rolled up to my elbows (must be a thing). But my shape is different from his, his leaner (marathon runners build).

 

Also, something about nice shoes, he said if I spent 200 bucks (yikes) on some nice shoes, they last a lifetime. Women notice shoes? now one thing I don't care for, is he sometimes wears a scarf in cold weather...even if it's a casual event. I thought scarfs was a woman's thing.

 

A woman I dated said she dated him...she almost swore he was gay, until he asked her out. LOL (metrosexual?)

 

He also said something about, with my hair/baldness....I should shave it ALL off, but I have a narrow face and I DID speak with a specialist. A master stylist recommended not doing that due to my narrow face. The shaved head look works for men who have rounder faces...otherwise I'd look something like a sci-fi alien.

 

Picture the old "Close Encounters of the Third Kinds" movie. lol

 

But...also...I see women who dress fashionably dating men that dress the complete opposite? It's funny, because I have had a couple of female friends that would always complain how their boyfriends would just wear jeans and a T-shirt when going out...while she's dressed in a nice dress.

 

These women typically try to change the guy to suit them though. "Why can't you wear something nice on our date for once?!" But they resist.

 

I kind of live in a blue collar area, so that's probably par for the course, but there must've been something about them other than their dress that attracted them.

 

 

 

I think you're right on that one, I had a female friend that would get men approaching her even when she was wearing a sweat shirt and sweat pants...the cute face is probably what did it for them. lol

 

It wouldn't hurt to try buzzing your hair. Master stylist guy wants your trade so isn't likely to suggest you get a buzzer and DIY.

Leaving remaining hair is out dated and always makes a guy look older than he is in a not good way.

 

Short sleeved shirts are not a good look, long sleeved. untucked (not too long is you are shorter) and with sleeves rolled up casually half way to the forearm is better and gives a smoother line if you have any kind of a tummy.

If you have a tum, lose some weight.

 

Give a change a try, get buzzed and get a female friend to take you shopping. Failing that check online for how to dress for your shape and height.

[spiderowl]

Friend of mine gave me some good advice. He said NEVER do any kind of conversational texting when dating a woman in the beginning at least. Keep the texts to making dates and nothing more.

 

I had a woman that tried to do this with me SHE would initiate the text every time...

 

The first time...I responded, "So, are you free this weekend for dinner?"

 

She answered, "Lord knows! I'm pretty busy with organizing my place."

 

Me: "I said, "Okay, let me know when you're free after that."

 

Then, next day she texts me, "Good evening..."

 

I ignored it.

 

He said to basically put the ball in HER court, and cut contact altogether. If she still initiates "watcha doin'" chats....just move on.

 

What's sad is...we had already been on one date, from online...really a "meet n greet".

 

Interesting. I recently cut a guy off because his texts were just like you described, purely there for making a date. He would not respond in conversation so I had no chance to get to know him that way. I rapidly came to the conclusion he was a very controlling character and decided he wasn't for me. That was the end of that. How is your method working out for you?

[normal person]

Interesting. I recently cut a guy off because his texts were just like you described, purely there for making a date. He would not respond in conversation so I had no chance to get to know him that way. I rapidly came to the conclusion he was a very controlling character and decided he wasn't for me. That was the end of that. How is your method working out for you?

 

 

I read something recently that made a lot of sense. It was something along the lines of: men communicate primarily to exchange information, while women communicate primarily to bond.

 

It definitely resonates with me. I don't really like mindless chit-chat. I've got things to get done and I don't want to keep looking at my phone every 10 minutes, having to come up with a witty comment every time I get sent a picture of a salad or whatever the girl's eating and needlessly sending me a picture of. Women will do this without a second thought amongst each other and call "just to talk."

 

Neither is right or wrong, but when men and women interact through text I think it'd be in everyone's best interest to keep all this mind and make a few concessions. Men would be wise to give in a little and indulge in the occasional "bonding" text conversation, and similarly women shouldn't put to much weight into the quality or frequency of texting, because it's not necessarily indicative of anything.

[AMJ]

Guys are just as guilty of texting too much. This one guy keeps texting me even when I don't respond! "Hey, how's your day?" no response. "You must be busy!" no response. "Did I lose you?" no response. "Good morning!"

 

I initially liked him until he started texting me way too much.