Author kaisergal Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 Right as most of you know of my background story im finding it really hard getting head round whole situation. I still get the husband of the wife who's gone off with the guy that has messed me about messaging me I don't mind but really don't know what I can do. But I am really disgusted in his wife who is now spending 5 out of 7 nights with this guy and only 2 with her daughter. This guy is a cheating lying alcoholic who lives in the pub yet her husband does everything for her and raising her daughter yet she keeps asking him to leave so she can move him in. Such a horrid woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 I can't get my head round situation im in... Basically in April I slept with this guy who lied he had a gf (again) anyway he was kicked out by gf only for his ex gf from few years ago turning up throwing money at him and have been together ever since she is married with a child. Me and the other ex gf have agreed to an alliance as this woman who is married is a nasty piece of work. Anyway I slept with him four weeks ago and even described what was in his flat yet doesn't believe it happened despite few wks ago she was sent a photo of him snogging another woman -still not believing anything happened.... She has become extremely controlling with him can only talk to who he wants to, taken his cash card off him etc. He has bipolar and since being with her has had a no of episodes... He's also an alcoholic and know he had tried it on with a no of women. The husband has been messaging me as he feels his family has been destroyed yet don't know what I can do.... Just think pair of them are horrid people. Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 If I've read it right, personally I would just leave them to it. You have no obligation to help him, plus he's already lied to you once, which isn't a good thing in a potential relationship. I understand that you might feel compassion towards him, but this really isn't your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 Block all of these people out of your life for good. Nothing less will be successful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 Block all of these people out of your life for good. Nothing less will be successful. What im trying to do but do feel sorry for the husband as his wife is treating him like **** keeps asking him to leave and said she's fed up of paying for him yet he's the one that looks after her child... The guy in question I slept with a month ago yet again he's got away with it as he's got bipolar and can't help himself.., hate the fact these people get to swan around Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 If I've read it right, personally I would just leave them to it. You have no obligation to help him, plus he's already lied to you once, which isn't a good thing in a potential relationship. I understand that you might feel compassion towards him, but this really isn't your problem. It's the husband that's been talking to me Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Im having a very low day as you all know I have had hassle from a guy in past and due to hearing the fact he's been trying it on with others has not helped! So why am I still feeling jealous of his gf when deep down I know he's horrid and general user of women ( Found out he tried it on with his gf's best friends sis whilst she was in other room and with his ex when he had an evening to himself so why am I so bothered when he's the lowest of low Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) What I understand the reason why we continuously allow people to hurt us and disrespect us things to us, and walk all over us, because something in our past happened to us. Somewhere something went wrong and because of that you make poor decisions. Based on all kinds of defects of character self-esteem any number of them. The best thing we can do is get into (IC) individual counselor discuss all your problems that stem in your brain memory. The counselor will help you recognize them as a pop up. It will help you recognizing it and enabling you to make healthier decisions, allowing you to have you the ability to recognize to choose the right decisions, as a result relationships in your life Will greatly improve. Edited December 29, 2015 by Sparta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 All this wont matter after 2-3 or more years and when you meet the right person. You remind me or when i was a young man and obessessed over one person but as you grow older and wiser you realise what on earth you saw in them in the beginning. You need to keep busy, meet friends and family who matter and treat you right Over time and like the tide. The feelings will fade. It starts with you, from tomorrow. Day plus one. D+1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 What I understand the reason why we continuously allow people to hurt us and disrespect us things to us, and walk all over us, because something in our past happened to us. Somewhere something went wrong and because of that you make poor decisions. Based on all kinds of defects of character self-esteem any number of them. The best thing we can do is get into (IC) individual counselor discuss all your problems that stem in your brain memory. The counselor will help you recognize them as a pop up. It will help you recognizing it and enabling you to make healthier decisions, allowing you to have you the ability to recognize to choose the right decisions, as a result relationships in your life Will greatly improve. He's been horrid to me but don't know why I can't shift him from my life or brain Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Who is feeding you updates about him and his actions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Who is feeding you updates about him and his actions? His ex gf ... And people talking to her is telling her stories bout him Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 All this wont matter after 2-3 or more years and when you meet the right person. You remind me or when i was a young man and obessessed over one person but as you grow older and wiser you realise what on earth you saw in them in the beginning. You need to keep busy, meet friends and family who matter and treat you right Over time and like the tide. The feelings will fade. It starts with you, from tomorrow. Day plus one. D+1 He's been in out for years yet can't shift him. Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Well again, its up to you. You are the master of your own destination. You keep talking about him. You found out he`s trying it on with another girl even when he is dating another. Like I say its going to be a new year. It will be 2016. A fresh start. You need to stop talking about him, Keep busy with studying or what you do as a hobby Meet new people Hang about with the people who care and treat you right Delete his number Remove him from Facebook Go no contact Remember if you cant change him. You can change yourself. Remember how he`s hurt you: "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me". Remember its 2016 in a few days. A new year. now the question is what are you going to do after the advice I ve given you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Why are you even talking to his ex? Tell her that you have no interest in hearing anything more about him. If she still keeps updating you, cut her off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Why are you even talking to his ex? Tell her that you have no interest in hearing anything more about him. If she still keeps updating you, cut her off. I don't know I guess it's cause we have a mutual hate of his gf as she is nasty piece! But hate the fact he gets away with stuff Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Well again, its up to you. You are the master of your own destination. You keep talking about him. You found out he`s trying it on with another girl even when he is dating another. Like I say its going to be a new year. It will be 2016. A fresh start. You need to stop talking about him, Keep busy with studying or what you do as a hobby Meet new people Hang about with the people who care and treat you right Delete his number Remove him from Facebook Go no contact Remember if you cant change him. You can change yourself. Remember how he`s hurt you: "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me". Remember its 2016 in a few days. A new year. now the question is what are you going to do after the advice I ve given you? Very true but ive tried shifting him from my life so many times and always think why didn't he want me Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 You've developed an unhealthy obsession with him, that's the problem. You need to cut all contact with him, everything. As Zippy said, Facebook is the big one. Don't just remove him, block him completely. Make sure you remove all pictures of him and evidence that you ever knew him as that's the only way you're going to get over this. You're not together and it doesn't seem like it would be a good idea to be either. However you feel about him right now, the problem is that you feel something. You need to develop an indifference to him. I know it's hard, but cut him out completely then work on yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 You've developed an unhealthy obsession with him, that's the problem. You need to cut all contact with him, everything. As Zippy said, Facebook is the big one. Don't just remove him, block him completely. Make sure you remove all pictures of him and evidence that you ever knew him as that's the only way you're going to get over this. You're not together and it doesn't seem like it would be a good idea to be either. However you feel about him right now, the problem is that you feel something. You need to develop an indifference to him. I know it's hard, but cut him out completely then work on yourself. Yes hit it on the head its the why didn't he want me to date yet he goes for older women who will look after him etc... He has one night on his own and will try it on with anyone that is around I haven't got his no or Facebook just bump into him now and again. I stayed away from him for a year uet my feelings just bubbled back up when I saw him again. I don't know why im obsessed with him Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 You need to let go of the hate to move on. NC will help a lot. But you can't do NC properly if you're being fed updates about him. In fact talking to his ex seems to be holding you back. You're just fuelling each other's obsessions and holding each other back... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 You need to let go of the hate to move on. NC will help a lot. But you can't do NC properly if you're being fed updates about him. In fact talking to his ex seems to be holding you back. You're just fuelling each other's obsessions and holding each other back... This girl he's been out with before I met her when I messaged her saying he was cheating on her with me and another and made out she wanted to be friends. Bumped into him one night he was sticking by my side she didn't like it he even snogged me when she was in loo it ended up because he wanted me she had sex with him whilst I was in other room that's why I hate her Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 You've developed an unhealthy obsession with him, that's the problem. You need to cut all contact with him, everything. As Zippy said, Facebook is the big one. Don't just remove him, block him completely. Make sure you remove all pictures of him and evidence that you ever knew him as that's the only way you're going to get over this. You're not together and it doesn't seem like it would be a good idea to be either. However you feel about him right now, the problem is that you feel something. You need to develop an indifference to him. I know it's hard, but cut him out completely then work on yourself. That's the prob turning off the feelings Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Right I feel pretty crappy lately... The guy that has messed with my head past few years ago. I found out he tried it on with his gf best friends sis whilst his gf was in other room and with me she doesn't believe we had sex but stuff went on what the ... She's making out he's changed from when they dated before and that he is more stable but why do I feel so jealous/bitter of her Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Because you are obsessed with him. You should be working through moving on and forgetting him, not making it your business to find out every detail of his new relationships, because it isn't your business. You tried and you failed to break them up by disclosing information about his infidelities, that should have been where you left it. Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Now come on, we've covered this. Cut the guy out of your life and take up a hobby for yourself. I recommend an art class, as you'd expect. Date new people (I recommend an artist) and you'll realise you don't need him anymore, but if you keep obsessing then you'll never get past it. Try putting a rubber band around your wrist and every time he comes to mind you snap it against your skin then immediately think of something else. It's a recognised distraction technique, but I am starting to think you might like to look into therapy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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