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Why some women stay single

oberkeat

By oberkeat
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oberkeat Established Member

oberkeat

Posted
Posted

This is why so many some women stay single. They refuse to meet men halfway in the pursuit phase. Hear me out. This isn't gender bashing. I'm giving you chronically single gals some advice so the next guy doesn't end up where I am, and so some of you might be able to understand why you can't get a man.

 

I was chatting with this girl I met this week. We have a crazy amount in common, so I asked if she'd like to meet for a drink. She said she was very busy studying for an exam that happens this Saturday, but might be able to take a study break. I said it might be better to wait until after her test and that there was no rush. A date where she's stressed and depressed about a test coming up probably wouldn't be a good idea. She said that might be great, and she'd see if she can move her Sunday schedule around. End of conversation that night.

 

A couple days later I text her and ask if she had any luck clearing time. She said she hadn't got around to it yet. I said no problem, let me know if you can get free. I'd really like to get to know you, and I'm flexible if another night works better. End of conversation that night.

 

Since then, I've heard nothing from her. If a date doesn't happen, I take no responsibility. I clearly demonstrated I was interested, I showed I was flexible with her schedule, but she put minimal effort in to move things forward and make herself available.

 

I say this because there has been many threads this week where guys are demonstrating interest but the women they pursue refuse to meet 'em halfway. Refuse to make themselves available for a date. What is interesting is that often I read about this in threads written by women who complain about being single and unable to find a bf.

 

If you really want a bf, you must make yourself available. If you are making it difficult for men to get one on one time with you, you have no business complaining about being single and unable to get a man. That's simple logic.

  • Like 1
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

Wow, you did all the right things. She either is:

*a bit flakey and inconsiderate

*a bit scattered so she thinks it's fine to let you know much later

*not into you but uncomfortable letting you know so it results in stringing you along

*overly picky or into herself where she is treating you like your time/effort doesn't matter.

 

I think the only thing that pertains to girls more than guys is bolded. The rest both sexes do. Also even with the bolded guys do it to but usually not about agreeing to GO on a date. Do you really think the girls who do what your girl did are the ones complaining they can't find a bf? Maybe they are the ones that say: why don't the guys I like, like me and the ones I don't like, are after me. I think that matches more with your scenario. Or she's just into herself and her single life and doesn't complain about it at all. The ones that complain about not finding a boyfriend usually have different issues than what happened in your scenario IMO. Again, sorry I think you did everything right. And I can't wait to see your story have a happy ending I know it will. It's just a matter of time. Good luck

  • Like 2
insert_name Established Member

insert_name

Posted
Posted

'Why am I getting mixed signals from her' seems to be the new 'I'm a 30 year old guy who has never had a date'.

 

The brutal reality, as ever, is that these girls wouldn't keep Leo Di Caprio waiting around while they try and free up their schedule. If the woman wants it badly enough she will put the effort in herself. It really is hard to make a case for flakiness being down to anything other than a lack of interest. The problem is that it appears to be affecting a lot of guys judging by the number of threads on here lately where guys end up being chewed up and spat out and left in that awful confusing limbo by girls who push and then pull just enough to get him back in her orbit. In my experience its a trait of girls from OLD in particular.

  • Like 4
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)

She is JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

 

I have been single for 11 YEARS and it has nothing to do with me not willing to come halfway. If I am interested in meeting a man I will make it happen no matter how busy I am.

 

Life is all about motivation.

 

If she is not motivated in meeting you MOVE TO NEXT.

 

Stop putting women in the same basket.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T
  • Like 18
No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

Sure, women need to make themselves available. And they do - when they are genuinely interested. If they're not, they make excuses like what you've seen.

 

"busy" in dating means "I don't really like to see you, but I don't know how to tell you because I don't want to disappoint you". The phrase "I'm still not completely over my ex" means exactly the same.

  • Like 3
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

If you really want a bf, you must make yourself available. If you are making it difficult for men to get one on one time with you, you have no business complaining about being single and unable to get a man. That's simple logic.

 

There is no such a thing about being too busy.

 

She is not that into you. She is not that interested in meeting you.

 

It's all there is into it.

 

Why make it 'some women's fault for being single'

 

When she comes across a man that interest her she will make time.

  • Like 3
lilmissjava Established Member

lilmissjava

Posted
Posted

Why can't it be that we can trust our own intuition if we want to meet up with someone? Or simply, why can't someone be simply busy? Life does happen outside the dating world, and quite frankly, I'd be a little concerned if someone's priority is dating and not considering my life outside of his own.

 

I rely on it and if I have a good feeling about it, I will go ahead and do that. If I feel something is off, I will trust my instinct and not go.

  • Like 5
GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted

Sounds like she is busy and or just not interested in you.

  • Like 5
Empyrea Established Member

Empyrea

Posted
Posted
If you really want a bf, you must make yourself available. If you are making it difficult for men to get one on one time with you, you have no business complaining about being single and unable to get a man. That's simple logic.

 

Eesh, no one wants a bf just so as not to be single.. or at least they shouldn't! You want someone that does it for you, someone you're into, someone you're passionate about. She just wasn't that interested in you. Or had plenty of other options to pursue. Or - shock horror - maybe she wasn't that desperate to get a bf to make time for just anyone instead of waiting for someone that actually peaks her interest. If instead of following her gut a girl decided to make herself available for everyone, you'd end up in a relationship with someone who had one foot out the door before it even started and soon enough you'd be posting on here about how you're doing all the work and putting in effort, and how she just keeps nagging and finding fault and saying that you're smothering her. We pursue those we are interested in. Equally, if men are so desperate for a date, start asking out 5s and 6s instead of 8s and 9s and then talk.

  • Like 7
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Or simply, why can't someone be simply busy? Life does happen outside the dating world, and quite frankly, I'd be a little concerned if someone's priority is dating and not considering my life outside of his own.

 

I feel if you are too busy to find time for a coffee than you should not be advertising yourself on a dating site as single and looking.

 

If I put myself out there as 'looking for a relationship' I have to be able to put time aside to fulfill that objective.

 

If a man ask me for a coffee on Monday and I am busy I will tell him I'm busy Monday and Tuesday but I am available Wednesday 6 pm. That shows interest. If I reply I am super busy and I have no idea when I can meet - That is indicative she is not interested in you or she has something more interesting she gives her time to.

  • Like 2
newmoon Established Member

newmoon

Posted
Posted

there are a lot of reasons women (and men) stay single, lol. your own singular experiences are not enough to create reasons for all of womankind.

  • Like 2
AspenBaldwin Established Member

AspenBaldwin

Posted
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Lies. I'm always willing to meet a sexy brit, but meeting him halfway could get a bit wet as it would mean meeting in the middle of the ocean.

  • Like 3
dobielover Established Member

dobielover

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I agree with all the posters above me. A woman will meet you half way when she's interested. If she doesn't, she's not. It's really that simple.

  • Like 3
Heatherknows Established Member

Heatherknows

Posted
Posted

 

She is JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

 

 

Yep. It's a no brainer.

  • Like 3
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

If you really want a bf, you must make yourself available. If you are making it difficult for men to get one on one time with you, you have no business complaining about being single and unable to get a man. That's simple logic.

 

 

When a woman is into a man, it's quite obvious. If she makes it difficult, she's not into you. That's simple logic.

  • Like 2
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted

I agree that if she were really interested in you, she'd find time to meet. If her dream guy asked her out, she'd make it a priority.

 

You can argue that long-term single women are being too picky. I've certainly been accused of that. But I can't go through the motions of being with someone I don't want to be with just for the fringe benefits. My life is easier on a material and practical level when I relax my ideals and expectations and go along with a guy who's very into me, but whom I'm not that into. If I were better at this, I'd be a rich woman living an easy life.

 

But I'm driven more by matters of the heart and soul than practicalities. I sometimes wish I were more materially oriented and able to make the compromises that so many other people seem to make without even thinking about it. But it's just not who I am.

  • Like 2
LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted
This is why so many some women stay single. They refuse to meet men halfway in the pursuit phase. Hear me out. This isn't gender bashing. I'm giving you chronically single gals some advice so the next guy doesn't end up where I am, and so some of you might be able to understand why you can't get a man.

 

I was chatting with this girl I met this week. We have a crazy amount in common, so I asked if she'd like to meet for a drink. She said she was very busy studying for an exam that happens this Saturday, but might be able to take a study break. I said it might be better to wait until after her test and that there was no rush. A date where she's stressed and depressed about a test coming up probably wouldn't be a good idea. She said that might be great, and she'd see if she can move her Sunday schedule around. End of conversation that night.

 

A couple days later I text her and ask if she had any luck clearing time. She said she hadn't got around to it yet. I said no problem, let me know if you can get free. I'd really like to get to know you, and I'm flexible if another night works better. End of conversation that night.

 

Since then, I've heard nothing from her. If a date doesn't happen, I take no responsibility. I clearly demonstrated I was interested, I showed I was flexible with her schedule, but she put minimal effort in to move things forward and make herself available.

 

I say this because there has been many threads this week where guys are demonstrating interest but the women they pursue refuse to meet 'em halfway. Refuse to make themselves available for a date. What is interesting is that often I read about this in threads written by women who complain about being single and unable to find a bf.

 

If you really want a bf, you must make yourself available. If you are making it difficult for men to get one on one time with you, you have no business complaining about being single and unable to get a man. That's simple logic.

 

What she did is what most all single women do if they aren't interested in you. They'll keep saying, "I'll have to check my schedule" or "I'll have to see what my plans are like this weekend."

 

When I hear that, and I hear it often, I've been hearing, "blah blah blah, bs,bs,bs" when I hear anything like that. lol

 

As opposed to a "Yes, I'll go out with you, when and where?"

 

End of conversation.

  • Like 1
losangelena Established Member

losangelena

Posted
Posted

She's not into you or she has a myriad of other things going on.

 

My roommate is doing this right now. She'd made contact with a few men online and then got busy with work (she's a middle school teacher), left town for thanksgiving, and then got sick. She keeps on saying, "oh, I should get back to those guys." I actually find it quite rude and, knowing her to the level I do, I know there's a bit of psychological motivation for dragging her feet.

 

But yeah, I think if a woman is on-board mentally, emotionally, and she had the time and commitment to it, she'll be diligent in doing her part to keep things going. Thanks for trying to mansplain it to us though, op.

LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted
She's not into you or she has a myriad of other things going on.

 

My roommate is doing this right now. She'd made contact with a few men online and then got busy with work (she's a middle school teacher), left town for thanksgiving, and then got sick. She keeps on saying, "oh, I should get back to those guys." I actually find it quite rude and, knowing her to the level I do, I know there's a bit of psychological motivation for dragging her feet.

 

But yeah, I think if a woman is on-board mentally, emotionally, and she had the time and commitment to it, she'll be diligent in doing her part to keep things going. Thanks for trying to mansplain it to us though, op.

 

LOL...yeah the "I'm busy for the holidays" is a perfect excuse during the single person's most loneliness time of the year. LOL Then the "I got sick" excuse.

 

Believe it or not, I have a male 50 year old friend that does this to the women he meets. Some online. I'm trying to figure out for the life of him that some of these women are actually interested in him, but he puts forth VERY little effort to stay in touch or following up.

 

I ask him, "Are you not into her?" and he denies it...he's like "Well, I just have a lot of home projects to catch up on now."

 

He's had home projects that were "ongoing" for YEARS...I've seen his place. A lot of unfinished projects, uncaulked corners near the tile, unfinished carptentry projects lying around the house. He even sleeps in late on Saturdays. LOL

 

I think he's just become plain apathetic to the dating cause.

  • Like 1
losangelena Established Member

losangelena

Posted
Posted

Well, yeah those can be excuses, but in her case, she really did go out of state for the holidays and has spent the last week hacking up a lung. However, she's not communicating any of that to the guys she's talking to. The guys she's supposedly so interested in dating. She's a self-sabotager though, when it comes to dating. I think she gets scared off by the idea of putting herself out there and intimacy (emotional), and will take things to a certain point and the drag her feet or make it overly complicated. That's why she works all the time, too, the perfect excuse to not get into a relationship.

  • Like 1
Rydo Established Member

Rydo

Posted
Posted

I've only once had someone not make time when I ask them out. Turned out it was genuine and after I stopped talking to her she got back in touch within a week and is now my gf of almost a year.

 

To be fair though I am ridiculously good looking with a great personality. My only failing is I'm too modest. :D

  • Like 4
WomenWubber Established Member

WomenWubber

Posted
Posted

Some people just like being single a lot.

 

What is interesting is that often I read about this in threads written by women who complain about being single and unable to find a bf.

 

I rarely see this. Where do you read those threads?

  • Author
oberkeat Established Member

oberkeat

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Folks are totally misunderstanding what this thread is about. I'm not interested in this girl's reasoning here for refusing to nail down a date or to gauge her interest. I'm talking about the self-sabotage that women commit in the dating game. I'm saying that many women out there are their own reason for not having a high quality man in their life. And many of these same girls have the nerve to complain about not being in a relationship. They should blame themselves for not having a quality man.

 

Most of the dating advice on these forums seem to assume that women can do no wrong when it comes to the dating game. I am not one of the people who believes that. I'm calling BS on that line of thinking right now, as I do in every one of posts.

 

A woman's laundry list of requirements for her perfect bf from a recent thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/560203-my-expectations-too-high#post6670621

 

Since I have started dating again, I am seriously wondering if my expectations are too high. After a really bad relationship I made a checklist for my new potential partners:

 

- no history of abusive relationships (or cheating)

- treats people decently

- no lies

- no jealousy, not controlling

- not arrogant

- not racist (or sexist)

- solid education

- no psychological illnesses (this is negociable, if the person is medicated)

- stable

- polite

- I must find him attractive

- introduces me to his friends

- wants to spend major events with me

- doesn't treat me like an option

- gives me presents (sounds weird, but for me giving presents is like saying "I love you". Doesn´t have to be anything big, a fruit from the supermarket is enough...it's mostly about the thought)

- no exes lingering around

- doesn't try to rush me into a relationship (I need more than two dates to know if I want to sleep with a guy. This is also negociable.)

- has a life outside the relationship

- respects me

- no criminal record

- no substance abuse (alkohol included)

 

Since I've started applying these standards I've been weeding out more or less....everbody.

 

The girl I've described in this thread is choosing to miss out a great guy who has all of these qualities and I feel sorry for her. She has disqualified herself from meeting a great guy.There's a quote that says, "the lord gave them eyes, but they cannot see." That's a perfect description of many single women looking for quality men these days. Certainly the ones I've encountered.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added link to quoted thread ~T
lilmissjava Established Member

lilmissjava

Posted
Posted

Every man will see himself as a quality man and every woman sees herself the same.

 

No one is perfect.

 

But what matters most is who is the perfect woman for YOU that embodies all or most of the qualities that YOU are looking for. The same goes for us women.

 

Some women have the highest unattainable standards like the woman in the thread you are referring to, and some may just be equally satisfied with less and would not mind some of them.

  • Like 3
  • Author
oberkeat Established Member

oberkeat

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
I rarely see this. Where do you read those threads?

 

 

Four right here. Threads by gals who are pissed about being single, but get cold feet when men cut to the chase and try to meet up with them. A shame.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/557552-too-scared-go-date-lol

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/556092-beta-male-blues

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/560337-do-you-gals-next-guy-when-he-wants-meet-up-immediatey

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/560270-mixed-signals-he-into-me-not

Edited by oberkeat
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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