mssweet Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I would appreciate anyones advice! Been seeing a guy I met online. We are both in our mid-late twenties. We've been on three dates. No intimacy though. He's very sweet, 100% gentleman, was attentive, and flirty with me. We would text almost everyday and have great conversations that would last for hours. However, after our 3rd date things have slowed down.....It's now been almost three weeks since the 3rd date, and he's suddenly stopped initiating communication within this time period so far I've initiated all communication since the last date. I'm not the clingy type, I initiated conversation with him about 5 times within a 3 week period, BUT he's still very responsive!! Answers immediately and he can text me for hours! So this has got me confused. Is he's interested or not? Actually, one of the nights I texted him he invited me out to meet him a bar, but it was very late notice (10pm) and I wasn't in anyway prepared. BUT I let him know I would love to go another night with him. He kind of ignored I said that. Like, he didn't reciprocate about following up to make plans another night, which made me even more confused. (BTW, it was not a booty call, I know he's not that type of guy). So, after that a few more days go by with no word and I wished him a Happy thanksgiving, and we ended up texting for hours again. It was great conversation. But haven't heard anything from him since. What is going on? I'm thinking he's not interested anymore, but then I think.... "Why did he invite me out to the bar that night, IF he wasn't interested anymore? And "Why didn't he reciprocate when I suggest we go another night?" "Why hasn't he texted me, but when I text him is he is still SO responsive and enthusiastic?" This is driving me crazy. I don't want to come across as the desperate kind, cause I'm not, but I'm just confused about all these mixed signals now. Should I not initiate communication with him again? 1
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I'd back off. He's polite but not all that into you. Sorry. 1
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 He texted you at 10PM because his date was over with someone else, and had the rest of the night to kill.
Author mssweet Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 But I texted him first that night. Only way that could be possible is if he was texting me while out on date. I doubt that, because were texting for a few hours, then at 10 he invited me out. He texted you at 10PM because his date was over with someone else, and had the rest of the night to kill.
SwordofFlame Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 He's not very interested in you anymore. I'm guessing after three dates, things haven't progressed as quickly as he would have liked, or perhaps he's also dating someone else?
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 OK so how about this....you only date those who treat you the way you want to be treated......most guys who don't initiate texting are players. He responds quickly only to keep you on the hook. 1
Redfisher Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 He texted you at 10PM because his date was over with someone else, and had the rest of the night to kill. Or he was horny.... 1
hippychick3 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 If he's mildly interested in you only when you initiate texts with him, he's lukewarm and really not into you. Most guys like the attention even if it's from someone they're not very into. The way to gauge a man's interest is to allow him to initiate and plan dates in advance with you. Sorry, it's time for you to move on. 3
Author mssweet Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 If he's mildly interested in you only when you initiate texts with him, he's lukewarm and really not into you. Most guys like the attention even if it's from someone they're not very into. The way to gauge a man's interest is to allow him to initiate and plan dates in advance with you. Sorry, it's time for you to move on. That's what's is confusing me though. When I text him he's actually the opposite of mild/lukewarm. He basically blows up my phone and is very engaged - joking around, flirting, as if he is still interested.
SwordofFlame Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 That's what's is confusing me though. When I text him he's actually the opposite of mild/lukewarm. He basically blows up my phone and is very engaged - joking around, flirting, as if he is still interested. He's keeping you "in play" while dating another woman or women. 2
oberkeat Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 I find it interesting that some recent threads on these boards have women complaining about men being "too eager" and "too available" and then we see threads like this, where women are frustrated because dudes are acting too aloof and not pursuing enough. Us men are screwed no matter what we do. Back to OP's question, though. He's not doing enough to pursue you. He should be trying to schedule another date with you. Unless he texts you asking for another date, forget him. Until that happens, move on to other guys.
Author mssweet Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 He's keeping you "in play" while dating another woman or women. Yea, that's an unfortunate possibility too. I know three dates isn't a whole lot to get to know someone well enough, but I never got the vibe that he is the "player" type at all. He always seemed sincere from the beginning.
Author mssweet Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 I find it interesting that some recent threads on these boards have women complaining about men being "too eager" and "too available" and then we see threads like this, where women are frustrated because dudes are acting too aloof and not pursuing enough. Us men are screwed no matter what we do. Back to OP's question, though. He's not doing enough to pursue you. He should be trying to schedule another date with you. Unless he texts you asking for another date, forget him. Until that happens, move on to other guys. Haha that's true! All women are different. He was pursuing me very nicely up until the 3rd date. If anything, at times he felt "self-conscious" because he though he would text me too much! But I assured him I enjoyed hearing from him! But now, he's giving me mixed signals.
kismetkismet Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Holding up a texting conversation doesn't really require that much effort. What requires effort is making plans (and i mean plans, not inviting you out last minute once he's got a buzz on) to spend time with you and get to know you, and effort is a pretty good reflection of interest. If he hasn't asked you to spend time together in three weeks I would assume that things are finished. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 You like him & you are hopeful that this will work. We have some suspicions & so do you or you wouldn't be concerned. You back off. See what happens. 2
hippychick3 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 That's what's is confusing me though. When I text him he's actually the opposite of mild/lukewarm. He basically blows up my phone and is very engaged - joking around, flirting, as if he is still interested. No, no sorry. You misunderstood me. His response to your texts have nothing to do with his "lukewarmness". It's the fact that you have to initiate contact each time to get any response..that's what makes him lukewarm. 1
lakerman34 Posted December 3, 2015 Posted December 3, 2015 Yeah, I put myself in his shoes, and it sounds to me like he was just trying to get laid (hence the "ah, it's 10PM, she's contacting me, booze is involved), BUT he's not interested in a real, substantive romantic relationship with you. Perhaps he doesn't sense compatibility, or perhaps he feels as if the relationship was moving too slowly (a lot of people are socially programmed to believe "3rd date = sex." Not saying that you HAVE to be that way, but he might be). I say delete him from your phone, move along. Not worth your time. He responds because he doesn't want to come off as a jerk.
Author mssweet Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 Holding up a texting conversation doesn't really require that much effort. What requires effort is making plans (and i mean plans, not inviting you out last minute once he's got a buzz on) to spend time with you and get to know you, and effort is a pretty good reflection of interest. If he hasn't asked you to spend time together in three weeks I would assume that things are finished. Exactly. The first three dates were all planned out nicely. Then the only thing he initiated since then, was a last minute meet up at a bar. He was actually on his way there when he asked me though.
Author mssweet Posted December 3, 2015 Author Posted December 3, 2015 Yeah, I put myself in his shoes, and it sounds to me like he was just trying to get laid (hence the "ah, it's 10PM, she's contacting me, booze is involved), BUT he's not interested in a real, substantive romantic relationship with you. Perhaps he doesn't sense compatibility, or perhaps he feels as if the relationship was moving too slowly (a lot of people are socially programmed to believe "3rd date = sex." Not saying that you HAVE to be that way, but he might be). I say delete him from your phone, move along. Not worth your time. He responds because he doesn't want to come off as a jerk. Yea, that could be possible. But as I've said before, he doesn't come across as that "type" to me. Like, he's not that aggressive and always came across very respectful and cautions of my comfort zone. Even when I would give off flirty innuendo with him he would jokingly be like, "I'm not that kind of boy..." or "we might want to wait till after out 3rd date ;)"....Lol is that even normal for a guy to say?!
lakerman34 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Yea, that could be possible. But as I've said before, he doesn't come across as that "type" to me. Like, he's not that aggressive and always came across very respectful and cautions of my comfort zone. Even when I would give off flirty innuendo with him he would jokingly be like, "I'm not that kind of boy..." or "we might want to wait till after out 3rd date ;)"....Lol is that even normal for a guy to say?! I'm the same way. VERY respectful towards women, it was how I was raised. But if I think I could get laid and feel as if the lady would consent to a no-strings attached one or two time deal, I'm all for it. 1
truth_seeker Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 If he's mildly interested in you only when you initiate texts with him, he's lukewarm and really not into you. Most guys like the attention even if it's from someone they're not very into. The way to gauge a man's interest is to allow him to initiate and plan dates in advance with you. Sorry, it's time for you to move on. Yup. If he was into you OP, you would feel it and know it. Your just an option to him. When option 1 or 2, maybe 3, aren't working out, he texts you to see if you're available. If not, no big loss to him. If you are, great. Just remember: if the options he has ahead of you come calling, he's dropping you fast.
Zippy2000 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 He texted you at 10PM because his date was over with someone else, and had the rest of the night to kill. Whoa! Slow down girl. Stop putting ideas into someones head without any credible evidence. Im a bloke and in my opinion I d say he felt let down you didnt go out with him when he text you at 10pm. I ve asked out girls before on the same day but maybe no so late but I feel disappointed when they cant make it. Some of us men like to be a tad spontaneous but we do sulk a little if you dont go through with our plans. Kudos points for making a counter offer. I d say he`s interested but he`s perhaps not getting green light signals for him to pursue. Give it time and suggest a date to see if he`ll be up for it. Let us know how you get on. 2
Author mssweet Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) Whoa! Slow down girl. Stop putting ideas into someones head without any credible evidence. Im a bloke and in my opinion I d say he felt let down you didnt go out with him when he text you at 10pm. I ve asked out girls before on the same day but maybe no so late but I feel disappointed when they cant make it. Some of us men like to be a tad spontaneous but we do sulk a little if you dont go through with our plans. Kudos points for making a counter offer. I d say he`s interested but he`s perhaps not getting green light signals for him to pursue. Give it time and suggest a date to see if he`ll be up for it. Let us know how you get on. Haha, yea I know he wasn't on a date with someone else that night. I think a lot of people are misunderstanding what I said I was the one to initiate conversation that night. I texted him first around 6pm, and so we texted for about 4 hours, then, spur of the moment at 10pm he said he was going to this bar and said I should come. If he had told me a few hours earlier I most likely would have went. But I'm confused as to why he didn't really respond to my counter offer. Isn't the counter offer a green light itself? Or just the fact that I've initiated more contact with him since then too. Lol this is why I'm confused Edited December 4, 2015 by mssweet
lana-banana Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 You're still doing all the work here. I think others are correct in the assessment that he's only in it for a potential lay. A genuinely interested guy wouldn't pass up an opportunity to see you and he wouldn't wait around for you to text first. Someone who is serious does not send mixed signals, period. 2
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 a kI would appreciate anyones advice! Been seeing a guy I met online. We are both in our mid-late twenties. We've been on three dates. No intimacy though. He's very sweet, 100% gentleman, was attentive, and flirty with me. We would text almost everyday and have great conversations that would last for hours. However, after our 3rd date things have slowed down.....It's now been almost three weeks since the 3rd date, and he's suddenly stopped initiating communication within this time period so far I've initiated all communication since the last date. I'm not the clingy type, I initiated conversation with him about 5 times within a 3 week period, BUT he's still very responsive!! Answers immediately and he can text me for hours! So this has got me confused. Is he's interested or not? Actually, one of the nights I texted him he invited me out to meet him a bar, but it was very late notice (10pm) and I wasn't in anyway prepared. BUT I let him know I would love to go another night with him. He kind of ignored I said that. Like, he didn't reciprocate about following up to make plans another night, which made me even more confused. (BTW, it was not a booty call, I know he's not that type of guy). So, after that a few more days go by with no word and I wished him a Happy thanksgiving, and we ended up texting for hours again. It was great conversation. But haven't heard anything from him since. What is going on? I'm thinking he's not interested anymore, but then I think.... "Why did he invite me out to the bar that night, IF he wasn't interested anymore? And "Why didn't he reciprocate when I suggest we go another night?" "Why hasn't he texted me, but when I text him is he is still SO responsive and enthusiastic?" This is driving me crazy. I don't want to come across as the desperate kind, cause I'm not, but I'm just confused about all these mixed signals now. Should I not initiate communication with him again? I've initiated all communication since the last date. I'm not the clingy type -- all evidence to the contrary . . . "Why "Whya This is driving me crazy but it was very late notice (10pm) and I wasn't in anyway prepared. BUT I let him know I would love to go another night with him. He kind of ignored I said that. -- Don't ya know a booty call when ya get one? He wanted it NOW. there isn't anything mixed about this . . . he'll respond, sure. Why wouldn't anyone eat a steakthat was brought to them on a silver platter . . .
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