Girlfriend broke my trust

[Space Ritual]

You live with her family...

 

An Ultimatum will be laughed at on her part and her family's part as you are under their roof. So expect any ultimatum to backfire on you quite quickly in the living situation you are in.

 

I know this sucks, but you need to leave TODAY..Not tomorrow. You are in a no win situation. Can you stay with a friend until you get through your finals? Look, if you are dealing wit this under her roof you stand a chance of blowing your finals because this stuff will tear you apart.

 

Please think about it. This is YOUR future we are talking about here. Why risk messing up on finals over a girl who does not give a damn what you think? And she doesn't her actions are proving it.

 

Just read my tagline over and over...she will keep sticking this knife in you for as long as you allow her to. The only person that needs to make the change here is YOU..and tou better do it this very day or you will regret it.

 

Don't make any low drama presentation with an ultimatum that will blow up in your face, because it will...just get out of there!

[ExpatInItaly]

You're a doormat, man. And she knows it.

 

She has zero respect for you and lies to you so she can continue flirting with this other guy. She prioritizes him over you, and she tries to blame you. That's utter bullsh*t. You shouldn't need to be having this talk again.

 

I would break up with her immediately. She's already checked out of your relationship.

[Marsattack0]

You live with her family...

 

An Ultimatum will be laughed at on her part and her family's part as you are under their roof. So expect any ultimatum to backfire on you quite quickly in the living situation you are in.

 

I know this sucks, but you need to leave TODAY..Not tomorrow. You are in a no win situation. Can you stay with a friend until you get through your finals? Look, if you are dealing wit this under her roof you stand a chance of blowing your finals because this stuff will tear you apart.

 

Please think about it. This is YOUR future we are talking about here. Why risk messing up on finals over a girl who does not give a damn what you think? And she doesn't her actions are proving it.

 

Just read my tagline over and over...she will keep sticking this knife in you for as long as you allow her to. The only person that needs to make the change here is YOU..and tou better do it this very day or you will regret it.

 

Don't make any low drama presentation with an ultimatum that will blow up in your face, because it will...just get out of there!

 

Actually her parents have some understanding what has happened this past month. They told me if anything happens between us that I still can live her, that they made a commitment when I moved up here for my schooling.

 

Well my buddy has offered for me to stay at his place if I want since he doesn't pay rent under veterans affair. He said all I need to do is get my own food even though he has no fridge.

 

I just can't think straight, like I said things felt great between us but I was still doubting things cause she was messaging this guy.

 

I want her to know exactly how I feel it's kind of hard talking over phone and text about this issue that it should have been dealt in person but it was bothering me to see what I was seeing.

[Marsattack0]

You're a doormat, man. And she knows it.

 

She has zero respect for you and lies to you so she can continue flirting with this other guy. She prioritizes him over you, and she tries to blame you. That's utter bullsh*t. You shouldn't need to be having this talk again.

 

I would break up with her immediately. She's already checked out of your relationship.

 

Well you might be right because she said I think we need to take a few steps back as I'm pushing her away. She doesn't realize that she's the one that thought about breaking up even though she didn't know why. She's the one that started talking to another guy. She's the one that lied about it.

 

 

I just get torned because when see her smile I know she's happy with me. She's been enjoying the time we have been spending together.

 

She has apologized what she put us through and the other day she wrote me a letter saying

 

Thank you for standing beside me this past month, I know it wasn't easy but we can make it through anything.

You're my love

Of my life

Of my world

You are my person <3

[Marsattack0]

I just know she has a hard time with her past that keeps affecting the future as well.

She broke up with her ex boyfriend 3 years ago which he hung himself so she still suffers from that.

[lolablue17]

Here's an advice...

 

Your plan to talk to her in person is good, but As you said yourself, you can't think straight now. So you might blow things without meaning to do it. You must Know what you want to say, and have control of the conversation.

 

DONT CONFRONT HER! DONT ACCUSE HER! DONT ATTACK HER!

 

Don't say anything about her. Talk about you and only you. Talk about your demands, about YOUR red lines, about your expectation, and about your plans. You you you! Then ask her if she wants to fit in.

 

She is not an enemy. She is the girl you love. You dont attack her, you just want to find out if there's any way she can fit your view of how loving good relationship should be. Zero lies! Zero hidings, 100% fidelity, 100% commitment.

 

I advice you, as a technical exercise, do not initiate the conversation immediately. wait! wait few hours, wait even 24 hours. Why waiting? Because during the waiting time you will learn to hold back your instinct to spill it all in her face.

 

It is a good exercise to learn to control yourself. Then, after a day, when you talk you will be much more confident and calm, much more stable like a rock, not like you are right now.

Edited November 30, 2015 by lolablue17

[Friskyone4u]

She just got done chewing you out for being a over jealous control freak and then sends him a picture of herself.

 

You are 24 years old. Do yourself a favor a stop dragging this out. You know exactly what she is doing. She is also either already having sex with this guy or is planning to. Why are you punishing yourself more.

 

you are only going to get more lies and deception. Why put yourself through this mess.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, it's sad reading this because it's clear you are a nice guy. Way too nice and far too weak on your boundaries. This is not a good thing, as it means she knows exactly what to say to you to get you to stick around (hence the letter) Her past doesn't excuse her present behaviour. I also lost an ex-boyfriend at a young age. While tragic and has no doubt affected her life, it is an entirely separate issue from this situation.

 

You keep making excuses for her. Enough. She has crapped on your relationship long enough and clearly is enjoying the other guy enough to put your relationship at risk. Look at her priorities here, because you're not number one.

 

I would not continue living with her family, though it was very decent of her parents to offer. Imagine how much fun that will be when she starts actually bringing this other guy there. Separate yourself from her and stay with your friend. You are being played like a fiddle and she's not even bothering to hide it anymore.

[Space Ritual]

Hey Mars,.

 

Please do yourself a favor...

 

Google "No More Mr. Nice Guy" It is in PDF form and I think maybe you may be able to benefit from reading it. I certainly did and I would be willing to bet I am not the only one here on these forums that have read it and applied it to their lives.

 

Trying to "Nice" someone back into a relationship is generally a turnoff and it usually has the reverse effect. The subject of the nicing usually loses all respect for the Nicer. You arte showing signs of the Nice Guy Syndrome. And I hate to say it, hat syndrome is something you have to work hard to recover from. It does not mean being a jackwagon, it means asserting yourself.

 

By her replies about pushing her away she is simply reacting to the Nice guy. she does not respect you

 

And I still stand behind my advice to just up and get out of this situation. Please realize her parents are her parents, and that means regardless of whether she is a saint or a slut, chances are they will always back her up.

 

Please consider any type of confrontation other than to give her the house key back. I know this all seems counter productive but you need to think of the long term ramifications if you follow her around like a puppydog. She will have your sack in her hope chest and will be able to take them out and stamp on them at will.

 

This is not some crappy lifetime movie where the girl has a Eureka moment and comes back to you all blubbery and you walk hand in hand into the sunset as the credits roll and everyone is happy...that ain't happening here..the dye is cast. She is literally holding up a Huge Banner on a Blimp telling you she is gonna go bang this dude and you can pound sand if you don't like it.This is your life you are putting into someone else' hands. Like the lady says...Ain't Got No Time For That!

 

Let her go and be this guy's problem. She will pull the same stunt on him when someone else comes along and you can laugh about it when you hear about it and thank Space Ritual you listened to him.

 

Good Luck

[Marsattack0]

Thank you everyone, I appreciate everyone's input. I've been sort of opening my eyes and just need time to think before I act upon it.

 

Once again, thank you!

[Space Ritual]

You are quite welcome.

 

although many of us will disagree on the best course of action, please know that many of us have been in a similar position with a Significant other or spouse at one time or another. So our goal is to give you our opinions and like anything else take what you want and leave the rest.

 

Situations like yours are not unique. You can scour these forums and find a lot of men and women who have been in the same conundrum. I just hate to see someone dragging what I consider an inevitable conclusion out when they don't need to.

[Marsattack0]

This is what she messaged me.

 

And I understand that? Don't you think I don't care about your feelings?

Of course I do. I just wish you would have done this a lot sooner cause you've stretched it out and made it seem like it was okay. Now I'm just pissed.

I get that your are communicating to me and I am as well.

So we communicate, you expressed you don't trust me and that you want me to stop talking to him which I am.

So you need to stop bringing it up cause it's just more frustrating treating my a child and like I'm the worst person. But if you can't trust me anymore you need to tell me that cause we can't be together if there is no trust

 

I feel more private because you copied my phone into yours like that's such an invasion of privacy that I feel like I have to hide it even more now. And that's not something I want to do.

So let's hash it out and see where things go.

I do love you. I want things to work. I'm just feeling hurt. We both are.

[Space Ritual]

You can't argue with some one like that. I don't care if its a guy or a girl, they only care about themselves. She thinks you can't live without her...but you certainly can.

 

Give her crickets, arrange for someone to pick up your stuff and move on. The relationship is over, Don't even say goodbye just go dark on her and leave her with a mystery. She is going to rewrite your entire relationship anyway and call you a control freak. Never mind she is so full of crap her teeth are floating.

 

Sorry, it's the truth. she is way too defensive and will not do the hard work necessary to rebuild trust, no matter how nice you are to her. She will walk all over you and do it again and again.

 

Just chalk it up to experience, learn from it and move on.

[JS84]

I'm starting to think about it. I just really want to give her a chance, and if it continues then I'm going to have to leave. I just need a plan as like my post above says. I may owe money for schooling if I have to dropout so I can move back to my hometown.

 

I'm sorry but from what I've read haven't you already given her like two or three chances???

 

Stop beating a dead horse, cut the cord, and move on. You're 24 dude.

[Marsattack0]

I think I'm too invested in this that I want to make it work

[JS84]

You're not married. You don't have kids together. You've only been together 2 years. You're 24 and she's 21. You're not nearly as invested as you think you are.

[bubbaganoosh]

This is what she messaged me.

 

And I understand that? Don't you think I don't care about your feelings?

Of course I do. I just wish you would have done this a lot sooner cause you've stretched it out and made it seem like it was okay. Now I'm just pissed.

I get that your are communicating to me and I am as well.

So we communicate, you expressed you don't trust me and that you want me to stop talking to him which I am.

So you need to stop bringing it up cause it's just more frustrating treating my a child and like I'm the worst person. But if you can't trust me anymore you need to tell me that cause we can't be together if there is no trust

 

I feel more private because you copied my phone into yours like that's such an invasion of privacy that I feel like I have to hide it even more now. And that's not something I want to do.

So let's hash it out and see where things go.

I do love you. I want things to work. I'm just feeling hurt. We both are.

 

And your reply to her should have been that you wouldn't have had to if she was honest but she lied to you a few times so if she want's to blame anyone then tell her to look in a mirror.

 

Honestly friend, I don't think you in any kind of a position to be in a relationship. Your going to school, no job. Maybe what you need to do is work on yourself. Get your degree, find a job and be happy and above all if your thinking of sticking around with this girl then pleas stop making excuses for her piss poor behavior. All your doing is giving her more ammo to fire back at you. Your 24 years old not 15 so start acting like one.

[Marsattack0]

And your reply to her should have been that you wouldn't have had to if she was honest but she lied to you a few times so if she want's to blame anyone then tell her to look in a mirror.

 

Honestly friend, I don't think you in any kind of a position to be in a relationship. Your going to school, no job. Maybe what you need to do is work on yourself. Get your degree, find a job and be happy and above all if your thinking of sticking around with this girl then pleas stop making excuses for her piss poor behavior. All your doing is giving her more ammo to fire back at you. Your 24 years old not 15 so start acting like one.

 

You're right, I sacrificed so much. I had the chance to start my apprenticeship but I decided to move where she was to be with her. That's the reason why I'm backing in school. I have thought about times going back to my hometown to getting in the union hall there.

You guys are right, I'm the one that did the sacrificing not her.

 

If the relationship was really worth saving she would have put in the effort to save it as well.

 

Thank you guys! I'll keep my head up. Get back on my feet and focus on me.

[lolablue17]

This is what she messaged me.

 

And I understand that? Don't you think I don't care about your feelings?

Of course I do. I just wish you would have done this a lot sooner cause you've stretched it out and made it seem like it was okay. Now I'm just pissed.

I get that your are communicating to me and I am as well.

So we communicate, you expressed you don't trust me and that you want me to stop talking to him which I am.

So you need to stop bringing it up cause it's just more frustrating treating my a child and like I'm the worst person. But if you can't trust me anymore you need to tell me that cause we can't be together if there is no trust

 

I feel more private because you copied my phone into yours like that's such an invasion of privacy that I feel like I have to hide it even more now. And that's not something I want to do.

So let's hash it out and see where things go.

I do love you. I want things to work. I'm just feeling hurt. We both are.

 

I take my previous advises back. Just leave her, and that's that.

 

She's lying to you in the face. well, not face to face but by text. She says she has stopped talking to him but she sends him pics all night.

 

And the worst - "Why don't you trust me?" (after i lied to you many times), it's the lowest common trick all cheaters, and all the selfish people. Trust should be earned in time and actions. not by commanding you to trust her, and threatening you that if you don't - it's over.

 

Or - stay with her and be miserable for the rest of your relationship (which will not last too long because she will cheat on you, or dump you, probably both , soon)

Edited December 1, 2015 by lolablue17

[PegNosePete]

If the relationship was really worth saving she would have put in the effort to save it as well.

Exactly!! Print this out and sellotape it to your eyelids

[Friskyone4u]

She is still lying to you

 

Do you have to know any more??????

[Marsattack0]

Hey guys, I just wanted to let everyone know that they are right on this.

 

I should have opened my eyes with everything, I really thought things would change but they were only good for abit.

 

She is really a messed up person.

 

Time to move on.

[Space Ritual]

You mean after all the bullcrap she put you though last fall you did not take our advice and you dragged it out for another 6 months?

 

You certainly were not that much of a glutton for punishment were you?

 

How about a detailed update? I promise I won't say I told you so, like I just did...lol

[juniorrocha]

It's okay, when we are in love, we often get confused with our feelings, thinking that they may stop what they're doing. My ex use to lie to everyone and I always thought she'd never do it to me, until the day I found out she'd been doing it for a long time. She said she would change, but it got to the point where I didn't know whether she was hiding it better or stopped with that bs. Just like you, I snooped and found out that yeah, she was actually still lying, what led us to a big argument and we broke up.

 

So yeah, these situations are hard, but they let you learn. Please, next time the red flags appear, don't wait for them to fly right into your face; just get out of it. Lesson learnt for me.

[Marsattack0]

I was a fool, I should have acted out on my gut instincts before but Idk I just never thought of her becoming the person she is now after all shes been through.

 

Honestly I thought things were great( even though apparently to her she thought we fought alot)

Things were great, we were engaged talking about the future and having kids.

I thought things were so great that I actually finished inside of her twice as she wanted me to. Thank god she got her period, I dodged that bullet for sure.

 

Heres for the long story.

 

Red flags were coming up about a couple weeks ago. It started with her constantly going on the xbox to play with her friend and her friends bestfriend.

 

I kind of got a little bit jealous because she would never play cod with me when I bought it but now she wants to play with these guys.

 

I go back to my hometown on mothers day weekend, while I was there I felt her and I barely had talked and I mention that to her by text. Shes like yeah i know. So I thought she would take a hint for us to talk on the phone before bed time. she stopped responding to my text messages so I called her up, she was on the xbox playing...

 

I get back home that Monday and her dad was there for supper which is cool. As soon as he left she starts hoping right on the xbox. I just felt like after spending half a week away from each other that she would want to spend sometime with each other. I confront her about this, then she goes on to say that shes not madly in love with me. She doesnt know if she would be able to move to my hometown with me if I started my career there, she then goes on saying she feels bad that she took me away from everyone and that everytime I go back home I always miss it.. I tried telling her that it was my choice to be there with her, I live my life the way I want to.

 

I asked her though about the madly in love part and she said she doesnt know if she can be madly in love with someone the way that she felt for her ex( her exbf committed suicide after she broke up with him). This whole time being in this relationship wasnt healthy for me because it felt like I was competing with someone who isnt even there. I tried to be patient with it as I know sometimes it takes time to move on.

 

So this is pretty much the start of it all.

Now she is talking to this Kelsey guy alot, shes saying hes really a good friend. She then tells me she just like talking to these guys that has personality traits of her ex....

 

She was planning a trip to go to Toronto to pick up supplies for her business as to have a manicure table shipped to Timmins would have cost $600. Anyways I asked her if she was going to spend the night at our mutual friends house, and she said probably not as she has her own problems. I then proceeed to ask, well do you plan on spending the night at Kelsey's. She responds with "well yeah that way I dont have to pay for a hotel." I told her I felt disrespected that she would even consider that an option. She goes on to say you dont trust me, and I tell her no its that I dont trust single guys who call you all the time. Singles guys will make a move, they have nothing to lose.

 

She ends up buying a hotel room. That morning she left she texts me saying that Im the love of her life, that shes excited about us getting married and having kids. That I am her world.

 

That night she went to the movies with Kelsey and his friends apparently. Her phone had died. I waited till 2am thinking she should be back at the hotel to call and say goodnight. I called the hotel asking if they could call her room for me, they told me she never checked in....Even though that day she told me she checked in to have a nap.

 

At 4:30am she texts me saying shes up in a panic right now, that Im her world and that shes sorry. She then proceeds to tell me that she got back at the hotel at 1:30ish and that she plugged her phone in and past right out.

 

I call her up and she was quiet on the phone. I asked her where is she? she said that she was at the hotel, I told her she is quiet to be in a hotel room. She gets defensive. I told her she had one more chance to tell me where she is. She then tells me she is sorry and that shes at Kelseys house sleeping across from his moms room.

 

Right there and then I should have ended it. Im a fool, I have to stop letting people take advantage of my kindness. So she told me she was going to come home to make things right, as she felt that I was so committed to her when I told her we could have kids :/ I expected her to come back home right away to fix it, but nope she spent all day with this guy before making the 7hour drive back home.

 

She gets home and I just felt things were off with her. I decided to snoop again and sure enough I got what I was looking for the messages said they cuddled. I then confront her about it. We ended up breaking up. Now I still wanted answers so I dug for more, I found out that she wishes that they could work out but the guy doesnt think so as long distances doesnt work out. I also found out that they kissed and he was grabbing her ass which she said made her tingly.

 

I did ****ed up because before I left we did kissed and she was crying because she is losing her bestfriend. Shes the one that did all this.

i wish cut ties sooner but at the time I was kind of stuck there. I was afraid I would have to pay for my schooling and what not but Im glad it has happened and that shes not pregnant and I totally would have been stucked there.

 

I told her we need to stop talking as we were continuing talking cause we were trying to straighten out bills and trying to be "friends". I dont want to be friends with someone that's a liar, even our mutual friends are saying shes a bad friend and shes going on a downwards path. She wont tell the truth to anyone.

 

She seriously needs help but that's her problem and I cant be there for her.. Piece of me holds on to the old her but every time I tell my story I realize what a terrible person she is.

 

 

Tl:Dr All signs were there, I should have cut ties along time ago. Was cheated on.

Edited June 1, 2016 by Marsattack0