Should I cancel my vacation with him?

[lovesickgirl]

I HAVE AN UPDATE***

 

So he called. I told him I was cancelling and he got bummed. Tried to figure out a way for me to stay but was upfront and honest that what he meant by "don't put it all on me" did regard work. He basically said his schedule is so unpredictable that he would feel awful if I flew all the way out there for him and he would have to fly out and leave me there. (Works in the music industry) I said don't worry about it I'm not mad or upset. I played coy and cold. He laughed and said it's so cute when you get upset I can tell, but how about I plan some time before New Year's and come stay with you for a few days? Would that make you feel better about Tahoe? Cause I do like you but you need to relax, you make me feel we've been dating for 5 months! ? then he goes on to say that he'll call some people tonight that he works with and figure out the schedule completely so I'll stop worrying and plan a Christmas trip one on one.

[CarrieT]

he'll call some people tonight that he works with and figure out the schedule completely so I'll stop worrying and plan a Christmas trip one on one.

He should arrange to come and visit you, if he is that interested.

[lovesickgirl]

He should arrange to come and visit you, if he is that interested.

 

That's the plan? He said he'll come to me for Christmas

 

I figure if he wasn't interested he would have said something along the lines "oh bummer you can't come, maybe next time, kbye"

 

I joked after I cancelled my plans that maybe we could see each other some other time, even next year? He busted out laughing "no no no stop I'll plan something for us within the month"

Edited November 26, 2015 by lovesickgirl

[katiegrl]

I HAVE AN UPDATE***

 

So he called. I told him I was cancelling and he got bummed. Tried to figure out a way for me to stay but was upfront and honest that what he meant by "don't put it all on me" did regard work. He basically said his schedule is so unpredictable that he would feel awful if I flew all the way out there for him and he would have to fly out and leave me there. (Works in the music industry) I said don't worry about it I'm not mad or upset. I played coy and cold. He laughed and said it's so cute when you get upset I can tell, but how about I plan some time before New Year's and come stay with you for a few days? Would that make you feel better about Tahoe? Cause I do like you but you need to relax, you make me feel we've been dating for 5 months! �� then he goes on to say that he'll call some people tonight that he works with and figure out the schedule completely so I'll stop worrying and plan a Christmas trip one on one.

 

So he did not want you to visit, cause his schedule is so *unpredictable*....but then says he will come to you (which is actually better if he's sincere) ....and will make some calls so as to *confirm* his schedule?

 

So why couldn't he do the same thing (make calls to confirm schedule) when you visit him?

 

In any event, you sound happy with this new arrangement, so I won't burst your bubble, I hope he is sincere and actually comes through for you and comes to visit!

 

But honestly? I don't think even he knows how he will feel when the time comes.. ..but since he is the one making the trip, if he changes his mind, he won't have to feel guilty about you spending the money ...had you been the one planning to visit him.

 

I really do hope it works out though....please keep us posted!

 

Happy Holidays!

Edited November 26, 2015 by katiegrl

[losangelena]

I really do hope it works out though....please keep us posted!

 

Same!

 

I'm glad you more or less got it sorted. I'm glad he actually said he was stressing a bit instead of continuing to be evasive.

[Leigh 87]

Stop putting it down to him being a commitment phobe.

 

Even commitment phobes like my ex can get genuinely excited by a new girl....

 

Oh and I tried dating a celebrity body guard once too. He turned out to be a jerk. A lot of men with big shot jobs are arrogant and treat girls like a mere option.

 

Calling you daily doesn't mean a guy is making an effort. I have had countless commitment phobes as well as guys who weren't that into me, that managed to call me daily.

 

And lastly, no woman with self esteem would talk to your guy aftee his cold response.

[katiegrl]

Stop putting it down to him being a commitment phobe.

 

Even commitment phobes like my ex can get genuinely excited by a new girl....

 

Oh and I tried dating a celebrity body guard once too. He turned out to be a jerk. A lot of men with big shot jobs are arrogant and treat girls like a mere option.

 

Calling you daily doesn't mean a guy is making an effort. I have had countless commitment phobes as well as guys who weren't that into me, that managed to call me daily.

 

And lastly, no woman with self esteem would talk to your guy aftee his cold response.

 

Leigh I never said he wasn't excited ...obviously he's excited!

 

But he keeps switching..... first he invited her to stay with him, then when it looks like that is gonna actually happen, he switches to not being sure saying *don't put all this on me ...don't count on me to spend all my time with you "...then when she tells him to forget it, he switches back to inviting her again!

 

Then he switches AGAIN saying don't come my schedule is too *unpredictable* ..but then suggests he come visit her ...and will call friends to *confirm* his schedule ...which one day prior was unpredictable!

 

Can you not see how utterly crazy-making that is?!

 

Typical commitment phobe behavior and I'm sticking to it. BTDT too many times with guys like him....

 

But hey maybe this guy will come though ...I hope he does!

 

If it were ME, I wouldn't count on it though.

 

But right now? Yeah he is definitely excited, so lovesick go with it, hope it works out.

Edited November 26, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

Stop putting it down to him being a commitment phobe.

 

Even commitment phobes like my ex can get genuinely excited by a new girl....

 

Oh and I tried dating a celebrity body guard once too. He turned out to be a jerk. A lot of men with big shot jobs are arrogant and treat girls like a mere option.

 

Calling you daily doesn't mean a guy is making an effort. I have had countless commitment phobes as well as guys who weren't that into me, that managed to call me daily.

 

And lastly, no woman with self esteem would talk to your guy aftee his cold response.

 

I think I originally misunderstood this ^^ post.

 

I actually agree with you 100%!!

Edited November 26, 2015 by katiegrl

[Leigh 87]

I don't l know if he's a commitment phobe.

 

Maybe he just isn't that into the OP? They met, he was attracted but he doesn't feel strongly enough?

 

He isn't excited about her. I recently had a guy JUST LIKE the OPs, who I met once yet he ACTED excited about seeing me again! He would tell me he missed me and couldn't wait to see me! The OPs guy has shown no such enthusiasm.

 

He sounds uncertain about how he feels. This just doesn't screem to me like the guys excited about her.

 

And again - my ex is a legit commitment phobe yet he was still very excited about my visiting him.......

[BlueIris]

I HAVE AN UPDATE***

 

So he called. I told him I was cancelling and he got bummed. Tried to figure out a way for me to stay but was upfront and honest that what he meant by "don't put it all on me" did regard work. He basically said his schedule is so unpredictable that he would feel awful if I flew all the way out there for him and he would have to fly out and leave me there. (Works in the music industry) I said don't worry about it I'm not mad or upset. I played coy and cold. He laughed and said it's so cute when you get upset I can tell, but how about I plan some time before New Year's and come stay with you for a few days? Would that make you feel better about Tahoe? Cause I do like you but you need to relax, you make me feel we've been dating for 5 months! ? then he goes on to say that he'll call some people tonight that he works with and figure out the schedule completely so I'll stop worrying and plan a Christmas trip one on one.

 

That's much better. It's good that he came up with a solution. He'll likely be more relaxed not having work hanging over his head.

[StBreton]

Stop putting it down to him being a commitment phobe.

 

Even commitment phobes like my ex can get genuinely excited by a new girl....

 

Oh and I tried dating a celebrity body guard once too. He turned out to be a jerk. A lot of men with big shot jobs are arrogant and treat girls like a mere option.

 

Calling you daily doesn't mean a guy is making an effort. I have had countless commitment phobes as well as guys who weren't that into me, that managed to call me daily.

 

And lastly, no woman with self esteem would talk to your guy aftee his cold response.

 

 

I definitely wouldn't but I'm not into bouncy hot cold guys. OP might be caught up in the whole excitement.

[katiegrl]

I don't l know if he's a commitment phobe.

 

Maybe he just isn't that into the OP? They met, he was attracted but he doesn't feel strongly enough?

 

He isn't excited about her. I recently had a guy JUST LIKE the OPs, who I met once yet he ACTED excited about seeing me again! He would tell me he missed me and couldn't wait to see me! The OPs guy has shown no such enthusiasm.

 

He sounds uncertain about how he feels. This just doesn't screem to me like the guys excited about her.

 

And again - my ex is a legit commitment phobe yet he was still very excited about my visiting him.......

 

Well......commitment phobes come in all shapes and sizes, depending on great the fear (phobia) is.

 

I know men whose fear is so deep, that just the thought of spending *real* time with a woman, sends them off and running. My own brother is like this!

 

But as long as the girl remains at a safe distance, he's excited, calling, texting etc. Men like this intentionally seek out LDRs for exactly this reason.

 

Other men don't start "panicking* until she starts talking *relationship." In some cases HE actually pushes for a relationship, then when she agrees, he panics!

 

Had she been resisting, he would have remained interested and excited about her.

 

Other men don't start panicking until marriage is being discussed.

 

Having been involved with enough of them has taught me there is not a one size fits all.

 

It's fair to say that in my experiences .... they were very into me until the relationship started getting more serious (that THEY were pushing for!)....then they started panicking ..... hot cold, push/pull, mixed messages, and other crazy-making behavior........it was exhausting so I ended it.

 

I don't know about lovesick's guy...you could be right, he is just not that into her.

 

But then again, he may be into her .... or into the fantasy of her ..... and will continue to be (until reality hits).....only time will tell....

Edited November 26, 2015 by katiegrl

[StBreton]

So ... lovesick how do you feel about having to "chase him down" in sorting this whole thing out? I just wouldn't feel that good about any of it. If the guy is calling you every day, why is it that he hasn't brought up coming to see you before now? The whole thing feels off to me. My experience with guys has been they are beating at the bush to make it happen with me ... when they are interested. I had a guy I met on a trip to Europe (he lives in Paris) fly to see me in the states 2 weeks after I arrived home! We didn't even have a physical relationship but he was definitely into making something happen with me. We're still friends many years later.

Edited November 26, 2015 by StBreton

[lovesickgirl]

When I got home from LA He had discussed plans on coming to see me again. It's something we talk about regularly. it was my idea to wait till Tahoe, after I cancelled our plans his voice sounded genuine with sincere concern. I've dated some real douche bags and I didn't get that feeling talking to him. We were laughing & I didn't cry or feel bad.

 

I met him at a party in Beverly Hills. He was sitting alone and we were both dressed as aliens for Halloween. He had a mask on which I took off before saying a word & said "you're kind of handsome underneath that"

It was like a scene from a movie. We talked to each other from 4-7am until I left him for my hotel room. He asked if he could see me the next day and I agreed.

 

Next day I went to another party, covered in bloody prostatics. The party ended and I asked for him to come get me, so he did, he even sent/paid for a car to take my drunk friends home. When I got to his house I was cranky, hungry, tired & without expressing this he ran me a shower, set out some clean clothes, cooked me a meal and played with my hair till I fell asleep. When I woke, I wanted him and I initiated sex. Which was mind blowing. When I returned home he called to make sure I made it home safely and well has called me everyday since. He sent me a picture of a hair band I left behind and jokingly said "you don't have to leave things behind for me to see you again" but has more than once said I want to plan to see you again. I have to admit, I was standing in line for the bathroom at the party and I saw you walked in, I was taken back by you that in my mind I never thought a girl like you would want to talk to a guy like me until you walked up. I said it was fate that were both aliens.

[StBreton]

Well Lovesick ... it's a sweet funny story. He seems genuine. I would tell him straight up that you're not into wishy washy guys. If you see any more of the behavior he exhibited this time, just watch out for yourself. If I saw any inkling of this type of behavior again I'd be gone. Life is too short.

[katiegrl]

When I got home from LA He had discussed plans on coming to see me again. It's something we talk about regularly. it was my idea to wait till Tahoe, after I cancelled our plans his voice sounded genuine with sincere concern. I've dated some real douche bags and I didn't get that feeling talking to him. We were laughing & I didn't cry or feel bad.

 

I met him at a party in Beverly Hills. He was sitting alone and we were both dressed as aliens for Halloween. He had a mask on which I took off before saying a word & said "you're kind of handsome underneath that"

It was like a scene from a movie. We talked to each other from 4-7am until I left him for my hotel room. He asked if he could see me the next day and I agreed.

 

Next day I went to another party, covered in bloody prostatics. The party ended and I asked for him to come get me, so he did, he even sent/paid for a car to take my drunk friends home. When I got to his house I was cranky, hungry, tired & without expressing this he ran me a shower, set out some clean clothes, cooked me a meal and played with my hair till I fell asleep. When I woke, I wanted him and I initiated sex. Which was mind blowing. When I returned home he called to make sure I made it home safely and well has called me everyday since. He sent me a picture of a hair band I left behind and jokingly said "you don't have to leave things behind for me to see you again" but has more than once said I want to plan to see you again. I have to admit, I was standing in line for the bathroom at the party and I saw you walked in,

 

----

 

 

**I was taken back by you that in my mind I never thought a girl like you would want to talk to a guy like me until you walked up. ***.

 

^^Yes, it's a very sweet story, and not to be a downer ... but I have had more than one guy say the same exact words to me, almost verbatim, and in every case, the guy came on super strong, calling, texting, expressing interest .......only to pull back once I started responding and counting on him and trusting that what he was *saying* (and doing) was genuine!

 

After a few of those experiences, I didn't trust *words* anymore, I trusted actions! Consistent actions. Any inconsistency and wishy-washiness and I was gone!

 

I am engaged now lovesick in case you didn't know and my fiance did not say those things or behave that way when he met me.... and we had sex the first night we met too!

 

Difference is ....he wanted to spend ALOT of time with me after that first night and asked to see me exclusively... he would've moved mountains if there were any obstacles preventing him from seeing me (like distance).

 

He never would have said "don't put all this all on me, don't expect me to spend all my time with you" .....that is rude! And not indicative of a man who is truly interested in you IMO.

 

And had he said any of that......I would have been gone!

 

A man is never a douchebag until ....well ....he becomes a douchebag! It can happen after the first night or after a month or a year....or longer.

 

And again just my opinion, but franky I think your guy's back and forth, wishy-washy behavior AND the harsh way he treated you when confirming your plans to visit would qualify as douchebag behavior.

 

I would love to be wrong about this ...so please update and let us know how this turns out!

Edited November 26, 2015 by katiegrl

[lovesickgirl]

UPDATES!************

 

So I am sad to say that there was in fact another girl. Call it women's intuition but I could sense in my gut that he was pulling away because of someone else. He went to Vegas a couple weeks back, called me on the phone super jolly but the next day when he was back I could sense something was different and hours later a tagged photo of him getting cozy with another girl appeared on instagram. I tried to give him he benefit of the doubt but this week she came from Vegas to "hang out" with him. He called to tell me he was going to a concert with some friends. His snapchat revealed just the two of them (no other friends) in which she tagged another cozy pic together. When I gently asked "oh who is she? this your friend from Vegas?" he said "I'll be real. I've been insanely busy and yesterday was with ally friends for a joint 30th bday party. I wasn't trying to get into anything or explain myself for anything. The past few days have been a little awkward and frankly, just full of stuff that I really don't **** with. When times like that line up with a few heavy work days for me, it just makes for a disaster and people thinking I'm just ignoring them, this is how it's been since day one of meeting you and I've so explained that. I don't really think you truly believe, and or get that. I just feel it got really uncasual, really fast. I don't want any stress in a situation. Please don't feel I just was blowing you off. I just don't even know how to react when you get on my case about not being available."

 

I told him that I was beginning to like him and how he was going about things was not fair to me which lead him to end it with me but in a way I felt it was not my fault because he already was pushing away, just keeping me in his stable with his other show ponies.

 

His last words to me were "I need you to take 5 steps back, regroup and I'll talk to you later"

 

I'm hurt and relieved all at the same time.

[S2B]

What a royal jerk!

 

 

Take 5 steps back and regroup? Regroup for what? More of his cheating and lying?

 

Oh, hell to the NO!

 

He is a blatant liar and total time waster!

[losangelena]

He said "I'll be real. I've been insanely busy and yesterday was with ally friends for a joint 30th bday party. I wasn't trying to get into anything or explain myself for anything. The past few days have been a little awkward and frankly, just full of stuff that I really don't **** with. When times like that line up with a few heavy work days for me, it just makes for a disaster and people thinking I'm just ignoring them, this is how it's been since day one of meeting you and I've so explained that. I don't really think you truly believe, and or get that. I just feel it got really uncasual, really fast. I don't want any stress in a situation. Please don't feel I just was blowing you off. I just don't even know how to react when you get on my case about not being available."

 

I told him that I was beginning to like him and how he was going about things was not fair to me which lead him to end it with me but in a way I felt it was not my fault because he already was pushing away, just keeping me in his stable with his other show ponies.

 

His last words to me were "I need you to take 5 steps back, regroup and I'll talk to you later"

 

I'm hurt and relieved all at the same time.

 

WOW

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Douchcanoe x 1,000,000,000

 

http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/glee/images/1/1e/Vicky_vox_bye_felicia.gif

[CarrieT]

His last words to me were "I need you to take 5 steps back, regroup and I'll talk to you later"

Just block and go No Contact.

 

Seriously - what is there to talk about with him at this point?

 

Time to move on...

[lovesickgirl]

Well if you thought that was douchey, he refused to call me for 3 days ( guessing while that other girl was in town) and that we had our argument over text and here's a summary of responses LOL. Me - Cool story k bye!

 

Randy : I don't **** with any of this. I'm laughing it off but want nothing to do with it. The questions you were asking, and the giving me a hard time about availability to talk is the definition of No Chill. We had just met, and there's no reason why it shouldn't have just been casual getting to know each other. Don't stress it. We can be friends it's fine. It was just some red flags. It's not like I have much time for anything else anyways. I'm not gonna front.

Because I'm having a hard time understanding what the big ****ing deal is.

Do you seriously not understand the unnecessary pressure u put on? You constantly sighed and were frustrated when I couldn't talk. I don't know how many times I explained the situation, it was more than clear it wouldn't work for you. I've seen that for a bit now.

Look at it more that we just met and people ****ing talk and if they dig each other they get together to hang out, you know. The normal process. The process they was going on, and was seriously considering going to Seattle or setting something up, but you were really abrasive about locking down dates and so forth in things that I had no way of knowing my availability,

Take like 5 steps back and regroup. I'll talk to you later

[losangelena]

Well, to be fair, we did warn you about this guy since page one of your thread, so perhaps it's not a huge surprise this happened. Though his level of douchitude is astounding.

 

I know you had a great meet-cute story, but next time, remain a bit more skeptical. For your own sake.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Whoa. I hope you never talk to this guy again. Please tell us you won't. He sounds like an egotistical *sshole and you reaching out to him for anything at this point will both annoy him and boost his ego.

 

Cut him off completely.

[winny]

I am hating this guy so much right now !!!!!

I wish I could send him a text like - U jerk... FO n don't u dare text me again. Take as many steps back as needed to fall off the face of earth n vanish into some black hole never to be seen again n wasting anyone's time.

[lovesickgirl]

Yeah,

 

Now i'm feeling super confused. He's been sending me snapchat videos and pics doing normal stuff throughout the day. Still hasnt reached out or contacted me personally. Social media is confusing in the dating world.