Oregon_Dude Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Oregon dude, aren't you the one that was bitter because you got emotionally involved with a girl that had perfect tits, not much of a personality, and slept around? I would seriously take your dating advice with a grain of salt....Nope. Try checking your threads again. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Oregon dude, aren't you the one that was bitter because you got emotionally involved with a girl that had perfect tits, not much of a personality, and slept around? I would seriously take your dating advice with a grain of salt..... hahahaha, but Isn't it already good advice to take 'any' dating advice here with a grain of salt? Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 For the record, my ex's tits were far from perfect, and her personality was awesome, when she wasn't playing run-away. I know the thread you're talking about; posted in it. Anyway, I reallly don't care if women disagree with me, or anyone for that matter. I don't hesitate to describe the modern dating world in its sad reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Myragal Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Close, but i think it is more about 'spark'. Ever noticed how many posts there are from women talking about some wonderful nice guy, but there is just no spark? So what all these women are doing is being 'unsatisfied' with nice guys so they can go and enjoy the 'spark' what comes from a player, and then complain about how no good men are once it all falls apart. Meanwhile all those nice guys are not just sitting on their hands are they? They are learning to become players too. Huh? I am not attracted to every or even most nice guys. I am attracted to a couple of men in my life time. It takes more than being 'nice' to attract a woman. I'm certainly not attracted to a negative personality regardless how nice he is...or a man who is out of shape or is financially irresponsible. Are you attracted to Mother Theresa? She's a nice woman. You are attracted to every nice woman? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Huh? I am not attracted to every or even most nice guys. I am attracted to a couple of men in my life time. It takes more than being 'nice' to attract a woman. I'm certainly not attracted to a negative personality regardless how nice he is...or a man who is out of shape or is financially irresponsible. Are you attracted to Mother Theresa? She's a nice woman. You are attracted to every nice woman? LOL :laugh: (just tryna get to 10 characters) Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I've been on first dates with women who I thought were interested in me only to find out they were not when I asked the for another date a day later. I think some women are just naturally very nice and/or flirty to all guys. It's like they can't act disinterested even when they actually are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Listen to advice from those who are successful. I am really tired of reading this threadbare piece of advice. Here is why People are all different, because one guy is successful doesn't mean his advice will make you successful. Far a fundamental start said successful guy probably doesn't look the same so already any advice he gives becomes redundant. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I've been on first dates with women who I thought were interested in me only to find out they were not when I asked the for another date a day later. I think some women are just naturally very nice and/or flirty to all guys. It's like they can't act disinterested even when they actually are. Its just easier to do that than to be honest and say "Sorry I don't like you" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Close, but i think it is more about 'spark'. Ever noticed how many posts there are from women talking about some wonderful nice guy, but there is just no spark? So what all these women are doing is being 'unsatisfied' with nice guys so they can go and enjoy the 'spark' what comes from a player, and then complain about how no good men are once it all falls apart. Meanwhile all those nice guys are not just sitting on their hands are they? They are learning to become players too. I went out with a guy a few weeks ago! He is a consummate nice guy. That might ne the second word I'd use to describe him (vivacious being #1) I had an awesome time. I was totally itching for him to be a bit more touchy. But it ended in a really polite way. Interestingly, I recapped it to basically all of my friends. About 75% were surprised he didn't make a stronger physical move. 25% thought it all sounded great and promising. I ran it by a a few guys as well. One though he was being a gentleman and it was a strong move. And I figured out why I was disappointed. Because I felt the "spark" and I couldn't wait to see him again. Even though our date didn't include anything more than hugs and a kiss on the cheek. Spark has nothing to do with player or not player. It is just a feeling. And sort of anticipation. It can come in any package. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Flawless? Perhaps you are not good at picking up on signals. I would think about her total lack of contact. Many women would have texted back some version of 'Thank you, you are a great catch but...'. There may have been 'something' that was a bit of a concern to her. I will at least say 'thank you' if a man texts UNLESS I sense a male has a bit of an issue. Unfortunately, from your opening post you do have a negative projection that is a bit worrisome. If I question a man's stability, I don't want to provoke any passive/ aggressive tendencies. Your pouting and immature reaction to being rejected is a hint of something I'd want to avoid. 14 year olds have that reaction...not socially well adjusted men. I'll bite on this. My guess is you have no trouble meeting guys, no trouble going on dates so you really are not in any position to relate to the OP or his situation to then type the bold part is frankly ridiculous, how about displaying some empathy as opposed to damming the OP because he was rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I've been on first dates with women who I thought were interested in me only to find out they were not when I asked the for another date a day later. I think some women are just naturally very nice and/or flirty to all guys. It's like they can't act disinterested even when they actually are. I am one of these people. To be honest, I am just super likable. It is not trying or not trying, it is just that generally speaking we will probably have a good time. Even if I am not interested. I just love talking to people and getting to know them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Close, but i think it is more about 'spark'. Ever noticed how many posts there are from women talking about some wonderful nice guy, but there is just no spark? So what all these women are doing is being 'unsatisfied' with nice guys so they can go and enjoy the 'spark' what comes from a player, and then complain about how no good men are once it all falls apart. Meanwhile all those nice guys are not just sitting on their hands are they? They are learning to become players too. For me at least, spark has nothing to do with being a "player" the guy who swept me off my feet is so very far from being a player..... The fact that he hadn't "played the field" did give me a twinge of doubt that he would want to "settle down". He was sincere and persistent though, I will say that. But whatever, you all obviously have it all figured out! Must be working wonderfully for you. Stay the course! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oberkeat Posted November 25, 2015 Author Share Posted November 25, 2015 You need to change your attitude. When I began reading this post I thought you were going to say something along the lines of "this couple tried so many apts before they found the one." You saw that story and saw lack not the positives and hopefulness. You can't be bitter and expect a positive person to show up. You do have a right to get down but it can't consume you. How would you feel if you were rejected repeatedly by girls you went on dates with, basically told "sorry, you're not to good enough" by them (or in my case ghosted by them) and never finding a relationship? It would be very hard to be positive and hopeful about all that negativity. You would feel pretty undesirable, rejected and bummed out, like me. You would feel like you're just not good enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 How would you feel if you were rejected repeatedly by girls you went on dates with, basically told "sorry, you're not to good enough" by them (or in my case ghosted by them) and never finding a relationship? It would be very hard to be positive and hopeful about all that negativity. You would feel pretty undesirable, rejected and bummed out, like me. You would feel like you're just not good enough. But ghosting on someone doesn't mean "you're not good enough." Why do women reject you or ghost (or vice versa)? Nine times out of ten it has nothing to do with you! That's why everyone says to not take rejection personally. Who's to say that you wouldn't have gone out three more times and been like, "this woman is a drag, I'm out of here." Again, no one's perfect. There's not "you're not good enough," it's more like, "you're not right for me." Why do you want to be with someone who is not there freely and enthusiastically? Besides, why are you making these women, these near strangers, the judge, jury and executioner of your self worth? Yes, getting rejected and ghosted sucks (but 99% of dating ends in rejection, anyway!), but that doesn't mean you need to give them the power to tell you who you are. The majority of dates I've been on haven't gone past date one. That was not always MY choice; I've been rejected and ghosted plenty. Wish them good luck in your mind and move on to the next. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Myragal Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 How would you feel if you were rejected repeatedly by girls you went on dates with, basically told "sorry, you're not to good enough" by them (or in my case ghosted by them) and never finding a relationship? It would be very hard to be positive and hopeful about all that negativity. You would feel pretty undesirable, rejected and bummed out, like me. You would feel like you're just not good enough. Tens of millions of males find partners. Women are attracted to them for whatever reason. You must be feeling inadequate. Best to learn to find self esteem n some other aspect of life so you can be content as a single adult. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 But ghosting on someone doesn't mean "you're not good enough." Why do women reject you or ghost (or vice versa)? Nine times out of ten it has nothing to do with you! That's why everyone says to not take rejection personally. Who's to say that you wouldn't have gone out three more times and been like, "this woman is a drag, I'm out of here." Again, no one's perfect. There's not "you're not good enough," it's more like, "you're not right for me." Why do you want to be with someone who is not there freely and enthusiastically? Besides, why are you making these women, these near strangers, the judge, jury and executioner of your self worth? Yes, getting rejected and ghosted sucks (but 99% of dating ends in rejection, anyway!), but that doesn't mean you need to give them the power to tell you who you are. The majority of dates I've been on haven't gone past date one. That was not always MY choice; I've been rejected and ghosted plenty. Wish them good luck in your mind and move on to the next. I disagree with the bold parts. If its as you say it is, then why do people refuse friendship and cut off contact totally? I disagree most dating ends in rejection, that's often been said to me and ALWAYS by people who have NO trouble finding dates and girlfriends. Easy to say but when you hardly ever like anyone, its far easier to say than it is to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Truth34 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 By "suitors", do you mean douches in backwards baseball caps? You talkin' to me?! Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 For me at least, spark has nothing to do with being a "player" the guy who swept me off my feet is so very far from being a player..... The fact that he hadn't "played the field" did give me a twinge of doubt that he would want to "settle down". He was sincere and persistent though, I will say that. But whatever, you all obviously have it all figured out! Must be working wonderfully for you. Stay the course! Well the whole point about players is they know how to create an illusion to licit that 'spark' women are looking for. And players know women will reject nice guys to take what the players offer. Weather you think i am right or i am wrong is fine, i will allow the number of players out there to speak for itself. Link to post Share on other sites
runforafall Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 It sounds like you have placed a lot of emphasis on changing yourself to make yourself more attractive and finding someone to be in a relationship with. Does this come across when you are dating? There's nothing more of an instant turn off than someone who is overly keen. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Well, I don't think you're necessarily doing anything 'wrong' just because you haven't had any relationship success just yet - luck plays a bigger part than you'd think. You can increase your odds, sure, but that's all they are - odds. There is never a guarantee. That being said, something stood out at me... your best friend is a woman? How close are the two of you, do you stay over at each others' apartments, hang out 1-on-1 very frequently (perhaps more often than you'd see a gf), etc? I can't speak for all women, but when I see a guy like that I might have second thoughts about getting involved in a LTR with him, because such a guy wouldn't seem emotionally available to me. It isn't necessarily a dealbreaker if he knows how to enforce platonic boundaries, but I would be more wary than otherwise. "Friends" are fine, but a very close "best friend" of the opposite gender might be cause for concern. Not saying you should ditch your best friend or anything, just that you have to be okay with a narrowed pool of women if you are very close to another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Not saying you should ditch your best friend or anything, just that you have to be okay with a narrowed pool of women if you are very close to another woman. Does the same hold true for females with lots of guy friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Does the same hold true for females with lots of guy friends? Did you even read my post? I specifically said friends are fine. One very close best friend might not be fine depending on where they draw their boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Did you even read my post? I specifically said friends are fine. One very close best friend might not be fine depending on where they draw their boundaries. I did and I am baffled as to how insecure someone would need to be to discount someone who happens to be close friends with a member of the opposite sex. Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I did and I am baffled as to how insecure someone would need to be to discount someone who happens to be close friends with a member of the opposite sex. If you read the threads on here often enough you realise that literally everything is a red flag to someone. No wonder so many people struggle with dating especially when you get ghosted so you have nonidea what it is that puts someone off. Ah well, it is what it is... Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Being a good and decent man who is fair, attentive and honest has gotten me nowhere but dumped. Hmmm. That's odd. Those very same traits got my husband happily married to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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