Do You See What I See?

November 27, 2015

It is interesting to see her text as if nothing ever happened, like worrying about the plants, this is very telling as to the level of denial she is experiencing. The other interesting thing is the blame shifting, she only did this to get your attention, as if she had no choice. We do all need to look at what things we could have done better in a failed relationship. So you may have spent too much time on business, you may not have paid her the attention she desired, but nothing you did made her have sex with another man. If you did make mistakes, she could have confronted you, she could have left, she could have done a number of things, but instead she chose to have an affair with her boss.

I believe that most relationships can be fixed, if both parties work to correct the problems. However, in case of infidelity, the offending party must admit to their wrongdoings and be contrite. Until she is willing to admit that the affair is all her fault, period, no and’s or but’s, then there is really nothing to forgive yet. I get the impression that she is the little princess type that feels a sense of entitlement. You may have even contributed to this behavior, out of a desire to please her. Many of us do this, but it is not a good thing. This inadvertently elevates one party above the other, healthy marriages are about equals cleaving to each other in their journey through life.

You are a tough individual, but you will go through a plethora of emotions. It is like riding a roller coaster, you will have ups and downs all in the same day. This is normal and you just have to ride it out. If you are unsure if you want to divorce, you can take a month or so, the legal process usually takes some time anyway. If she does finally accept full responsibility and you desire to reconcile, I highly recommend couples counseling to help you heal and serve as the fair broker in resolving conflicts. The decision to divorce is all yours, some people can get over affairs, while other cannot. This is not right or wrong, you just need to be true to yourself. Best of luck to you and Hero (I love German Shepherds).

November 27, 2015

I don't see that from what I've read. One poster said it best. It wasn't just an affair but cruelty. (Poking fun at him, calling him a fool, lastly telling him he needed to se a Dr for his paranoia). I suspect forgiveness but reconciliation, no

Right ... this wasn't just about the WW's desire to feel that spark with someone again and acting on it ... she showed such contempt for Hero with her words on several fronts...she showed some feelings there that seemed to have been seething in her for a while and not vocalized before how. That's what I would have the biggest issue with re: entertaining reconciliation. There's something broken there that can't be repaired because how does one just say "no I don't really feel that way about you...I was just kidding"...ugh right.

November 27, 2015

"The worst thing with a fool, it's when he takes a break".

More or less precises quote from an old french spooks movie.

IMO your stbxw's brain is ****ing up, as it can't manage the situation, so she continues to project herself in a possible future, where you and her are continue to live before you found out the truth.

You should make clear, if she repeats she wants to come home, you would leave with the dog, and any further communication will be make throught your lawyer.

You wanted to keep your whole business, maybe you can use her actual state of mind for that, than you accept to try reconciliation, if she signs a postnup, postnup which would protect your business.

But I doubt any lawyer would advice her to sign it, or any judge would enforce it, a question for your lawyer.

Or if you want to be mean, which is totally understandable, you should tell her if you wish reconciliation, and fix your marriage, you would seriously need to get help.

You should think to ask her if you didn't find anything, if she planned to come clear and where to end her affairs.

You are not the first man who can't imagine reconciliation, especially after reading their texts and mails.

Keep a VAR on you all the time, in case she comes unannounced, for protect yourself, even if you are in a double consent state.

Better to be charged for illegal recording, than for domestic violence.

After reading how you was talking about your STBXW, than you would have done anything for her, giving her all you can, I advice you to read "no more mr nice guy" by robert glover.

I don't think you are a whole nice guy, just you have maybe some traits of one.

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

Nice choice of profile pict.

November 27, 2015

"The worst thing with a fool, it's when he takes a break".
More or less precises quote from an old french spooks movie.

IMO your stbxw's brain is ****ing up, as it can't manage the situation, so she continues to project herself in a possible future, where you and her are continue to live before you found out the truth.

You should make clear, if she repeats she wants to come home, you would leave with the dog, and any further communication will be make throught your lawyer.

You wanted to keep your whole business, maybe you can use her actual state of mind for that, than you accept to try reconciliation, if she signs a postnup, postnup which would protect your business.

But I doubt any lawyer would advice her to sign it, or any judge would enforce it, a question for your lawyer.

Or if you want to be mean, which is totally understandable, you should tell her if you wish reconciliation, and fix your marriage, you would seriously need to get help.

You should think to ask her if you didn't find anything, if she planned to come clear and where to end her affairs.

You are not the first man who can't imagine reconciliation, especially after reading their texts and mails.

Keep a VAR on you all the time, in case she comes unannounced, for protect yourself, even if you are in a double consent state.

Better to be charged for illegal recording, than for domestic violence.

After reading how you was talking about your STBXW, than you would have done anything for her, giving her all you can, I advice you to read "no more mr nice guy" by robert glover.

I don't think you are a whole nice guy, just you have maybe some traits of one.

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

Nice choice of profile pict.

Interesting post. First, Hero's home is his asset (pre-marriage)...he doesn't have to leave with his dog.

Secondly, no one is "wholely" nice ... we all have our moments ... so why the need for the backhanded compliment when someone's going through such a rough time?

Why would it be "mean" to tell someone they need to seek professional counseling?

Lastly, recording a conversation is legal in many states as long as one of the individuals knows the recording is happening (which would be Hero).

November 27, 2015

It took my wh some time to admit that every bit of the affair was a result of every choice he had made. He ended the affair 8 mos before he confessed. I was humiliated by him in texts, emails between them. It still stings. I picked his laundry up at washed it after he'd been to hotels with her. It's painful. I was the source of all his unhappiness, I was controlling, I didn't appreciate him, I was using him. This was his story to justify the affair and he had a hard time letting it go, especially since the demonization of me included his parents. Of course everything he accused me of was what he in fact was doing. He hit bottom hard and had to face his own music. If I were sitting at home secretly drinking vodka all day and never letting on that I was doing it, no one would claim that my h was to blame. It would be all on me - buying the alcohol, hiding it, always jumping up to take out the trash, lying. And when I got caught, I would list all the reasons I was unhappy with him and not take responsibility for each choice. It's a very human reaction to toss the ugly crap back at the other person initially.

Hero's wife is no genius manipulator, she's a cliched run of the mill unoriginal cheater. When treed, they react like toddlers. Some of what she said came out of my wh mouth word for word. My wh had to decide if protecting himself from consequences was more important than losing his wife and kids. I wasn't going to rug sweep anything to ease his discomfort. Either choice was on him and I wasn't going to hold his hand or push him in a certain direction. But when I handed him my research - copies of phone bills, emails, texts, a calendar showing him what I was doing with the kids and what he missed to screw his employee, it was time to face the music and deal like a man. He got reamed in therapy anytime he shifted the blame.

He will tell you that even though we are fairly early on, living authentically trumps any sexy affair time. It's the difference between eating only home cooked meals vs getting all your nourishment from the convenience store.

It's been the most difficult thing I've ever experienced, but today I can't say I regret attempting to reconcile. Today.

November 27, 2015

This is a terrible plan.

As a practical matter, how can she prove she wasn't with any other men? There could be evidence she was with another nan, but how can she account for 24/7 for a whole year?

This sounds like a plan to waste a year of your time.

And does OP have to be celibate during this year too? or does he get a free pass to date as many women as he likes and call off the test during the 11th month claiming "found a new you"....

November 27, 2015

Hero, the lack of respect your wife has shown you is rather sickening. She openly dates her boss, she meets up with him in front of other employees when they go for drinks after work. The entire office must know about their affair. They openly mock you via text messages and emails referring to you as the Fool(a silly or stupid person, a person who lacks judgement or sense. Similar words include: moron, retard, idiot, dumb, clown and tool) but then as she explained that these were only words. Words spoken over hundreds and hundreds of texts and phone calls to each other. Fwak, how did they find the time, they were together all day at the office, went for drinks at lunch, met for drinks after work, I guess the only time she had to text and phone was when she was home with Hero.

The worst other then having unprotected sex with him is the way she blatantly disrespected him publicly by going to her company function with her affair partner and posting the videos on his Facebook for all to see. This was other man's way of bragging to everyone that he was having porn star sex with Hero's wife and his company was paying for the room. He marked his territory and publicly told everybody that he can have her anytime he wants. Hero up until a few days ago didn't believe his wife would cheat on him.

This is why you have to think hard about the path you take, she must have some deep resentment for you to behave this openly. Do not allow her to sweep this under a rug, stay on your path until she can prove to you she deserves another chance, second chances are earned an should never be expected. How will she ever make you feel safe?

November 27, 2015

Hero,

1. Your wife never ended blameshifting. The messages she sent that even acknowledged the present situation (even what she told your son) were just more of the same only now with sugarcoat on it and minus the arrogance.

2. She did much worse than not defending you from the personal attacks of her AP, that would be quite the norm for people in an affair, She actively partecipated in it. It's several steps beyond.

3. A lot of people are telling you she must have mental problems to send the messages she's sending; maybe so, but I'm not sure, I think this poster might be nearer to the truth:

You are being manipulated by her right now.

She's acting as if it's understood that you will take her back and work on the marriage, that's why she's talking about things that you will do together. She wants you to think that this is the natural outcome.

Even some posters on this thread have been doing the same thing, giving for granted your willingness to seek out reconciliation, when you have not given a clue about your intentions. For what anybody knows you might consider her betrayal a deal breaker.

And you have all the right to think (for however long you'll need) and decide which path will fit you better without your wife or anybody trying to drag you in any given direction.

"we should get a lady dog for Hero"
WTH???

Notice this sentence. Maybe she's out of her mind, but my impression is that this is a little masterpiece in manipulation: notice how in this short sentence she manages to: use "we" to determine you two as a still existing unit, acknowledge the dog's behavior toward her and dismiss it as stress over missing a mate, make reference to a future together, and inject into it the shadow of a threat for a possible fight for the "custody" of the dog. Brilliant... IMO.

4. I know I raised this point before. But I think that in the case you decided you want to give her a second chance you should know exactly what you are forgiving. I think you need to find out if this was her first betrayal.

People are different and don't necessarily always behave as we'd expect them to but it's not that common that people who cheat for the first time are so much self entitled about it to give a speech like the one she gave you when she got home. I mean this should be someone who has been a perfect wife for years and who was raised by a pastor, how can she be that easy going about such matters?

IMO, it could very well be that she is, in fact, quite accostumed to behaving that way.

.....

All you have right now is evidence that she is waking up from her stupidity, that she is beginning to see the light of day,

There is no such evidence at all...

November 27, 2015

This is a terrible plan.

As a practical matter, how can she prove she wasn't with any other men? There could be evidence she was with another nan, but how can she account for 24/7 for a whole year?

This sounds like a plan to waste a year of your time.

I agree that this would be nothing more than a waste of a year. There is no reason to test her, she has already flunked.

This is nothing more than game playing. It would waste a year of their lives moving on if they divorce. And it would waste a year of mending the marriage if they try to reconcile.

November 27, 2015

There is no such evidence at all...

Depends if you think packing a suitcase and living in a hotel room is just another day in the life of a happily married couple.

November 27, 2015

Hero, the lack of respect your wife has shown you is rather sickening. She openly dates her boss, she meets up with him in front of other employees when they go for drinks after work. The entire office must know about their affair. They openly mock you via text messages and emails referring to you as the Fool(a silly or stupid person, a person who lacks judgement or sense. Similar words include: moron, retard, idiot, dumb, clown and tool) but then as she explained that these were only words. Words spoken over hundreds and hundreds of texts and phone calls to each other. Fwak, how did they find the time, they were together all day at the office, went for drinks at lunch, met for drinks after work, I guess the only time she had to text and phone was when she was home with Hero.

The worst other then having unprotected sex with him is the way she blatantly disrespected him publicly by going to her company function with her affair partner and posting the videos on his Facebook for all to see. This was other man's way of bragging to everyone that he was having porn star sex with Hero's wife and his company was paying for the room. He marked his territory and publicly told everybody that he can have her anytime he wants. Hero up until a few days ago didn't believe his wife would cheat on him.

This is why you have to think hard about the path you take, she must have some deep resentment for you to behave this openly. Do not allow her to sweep this under a rug, stay on your path until she can prove to you she deserves another chance, second chances are earned an should never be expected. How will she ever make you feel safe?

I agree. Everything about this case has been blatant, in-your-face and over the top.

Her affair wasn't just just getting a little carried away with an office attraction and having a little grope and make out session in the broom closet. It was a scorched-earth campaign.

There's more to this story than we are being presented.

This is too out there. I'm having trouble believing she has been the perfect, dedicated wife for 10 years then suddenly went to this degree on her first office job.

She either has a history he completely missed for years or there is more to it we don't know about yet.

November 27, 2015

Depends if you think packing a suitcase and living in a hotel room is just another day in the life of a happily married couple.

What does this have to do with "seeing the light of day"?

November 27, 2015

This is too out there. I'm having trouble believing she has been the perfect, dedicated wife for 10 years then suddenly went to this degree on her first office job.

She either has a history he completely missed for years or there is more to it we don't know about yet.

^^^Exactly

November 27, 2015

Why in the world would you even consider staying with this woman? It is not only about boundaries, it is also about self respect and how you value yourself. It is also about your tolerance for pain. I personally would skip the mind movies, trickle tuth, gas lighting and years of questioning. Physical pain is tolerable. Emotional pain is torture.

And most of the time self torture. Sounds like fun? Don think so. I would not reccomend that life to anyone.

Here is why I think it is ludicrous to consider anything but divorce. The difference between immediate confession and remorse and hitting rock bottom before "seeing the light" is force. If it is not done willingly, then it is fake, desperation or seeing what you are loosing. This is a fear based solution and once the fear is gone, the previous behaviour will more than likely continue.

Her first reaction was not contrition. Her first reaction was not "I made a big mistake. Her first reaction was not to come home and apologize immediately.

Even when she knew the gig was up, her first reaction was blame shifting and had you not sent that text, she would have fed him again that night.

There are those who dont have the affair fog when caught. Who immediately know what they did was wrong and 100% on them. This isnt one of them.

This is a bad one. There is only one question.

Are you a Hero or are you a Fool.

Edited November 27, 2015 by 66Charger

November 27, 2015

She was caught, she didn't come to Hero of her own accord. Hero has all the texts, videos saved and she is still lying and blame shifting. This is not how a remorseful wife behaves. This is only the tip of the iceberg and it's always worse then what they confess to. The only way you will get all the truth is to book a polygraph. Please read Bigdaddyt's post "should I do anything or ride this storm out?"

November 27, 2015

Look. You can see that she has a lot of time on her hands and right now she knows all you weak spots, we all have them, and she's exploiting them.

The problem is that it's all phony. So far she's pointed a finger at everything and everybody for her affair but at herself which should tell you that she has no remorse and if she can't sugarcoat you with the BS she's spreading.

Once she finds out that it isn't working then prepare yourself for her to lash out at you.

Don't be surprised if she shows up at the door and wants to reclaim her place there even if it means calling the cops. Desperate times call for desperate measures. She doesn't like losing and has no intentions of doing so.

She will show up you can bet the house on that so my advice to you is to purchase yourself a good VAR and keep it on you.

You'll need to protect yourself when it comes down to her word against yours and if she drags the cops in on it, most of the time but not all, the guy gets the blame so do yourself a favor and cover your ass. Then if it comes to it, you at least have something to back your version and it can save you from many a bad day.

She must have the idea that she can win this match with you. So far she's got a lump of sugar in one hand to use for bait but watch the other hand because she's carrying a big stick if the sugar doesn't work. She's already blamed you and pretty much said that you undressed her and threw her on top of the other guys penis so be careful.

All in all I would let her know through a third party that anything she has to say she should say to your lawyer and leave it that way but please get that VAR.

November 27, 2015

Why in the world would you even consider staying with this woman? It is not only about boundaries, it is also about self respect and how you value yourself. It is also about your tolerance for pain. I personally would skip the mind movies, trickle tuth, gas lighting and years of questioning. Physical pain is tolerable. Emotional pain is torture.

And most of the time self torture. Sounds like fun? Don think so. I would not reccomend that life to anyone.

Here is why I think it is ludicrous to consider anything but divorce. The difference between immediate confession and remorse and hitting rock bottom before "seeing the light" is force. If it is not done willingly, then it is fake, desperation or seeing what you are loosing. This is a fear based solution and once the fear is gone, the previous behaviour will more than likely continue.

Her first reaction was not contrition. Her first reaction was not "I made a big mistake. Her first reaction was not to come home and apologize immediately.

Even when she knew the gig was up, her first reaction was blame shifting and had you not sent that text, she would have fed him again that night.

There are those who dont have the affair fog when caught. Who immediately know what they did was wrong and 100% on them. This isnt one of them.

This is a bad one. There is only one question.

Are you a Hero or are you a Fool.

I agree completely!!!!!!!

As a former BH, I truly - actually, we all - want the OP to be happy and in OP`s case I really believe that dumping the wife is the best thing to do.

As StBreton said, OP`s wife was just plain cruel. She just wanted to have some fun on the side and at the same time she was humiliating the OP by calling him a `fool` and what not.

He was not paying attention to her !??

How do you call wanting to be intimate or driving up for a surprise lunch? In what world is that not paying attention?

She was denying the OP sex and was giving herself to the OM. Lord knows how long she would continue had she not been caught.

One poster rightly questioned if she had not strayed before without the OP knowing.

However, here we are, the OP found out about her affair and her being with a friend for thanksgiving must have really stung her.

So now, she wants everything to be normal even though she blamed everything on the OP.

She knows that she will not have a great luxurious lifestyle without the OP and she knows that the relationship with the OM was probably just about the sex. I can almost guarantee that the OM was only in it for the sex and not a deep emotional relationship.

She has nothing and guess what, its her own fault and now she wants to use the OP as a doormat.

OP, I do not want to sound like an a**hole who is making the decision for you but in your case - without having a child with her - I would dump her and move on.

You deserve a loyal person and the triggers will eat you alive.

Some posters said that reconciliation can work some times. From what I have seen, I can say that I somewhat agree, especially when there are children involved. However, most of the BS I know still decide to break it off after a while since they can not handle the triggers and the lack of trust.

Based on your WW`s age and you having an adult son, I am guessing that you are in your early forties.

You can easily find another and loyal woman to love since you are a catch. I just know it:):)

Its ultimately your own decision, but I agree with most of the posters here who are telling you to dump her.

Lots of love and keep your head up!!!!!!!!!

BTW-

I would be a little wary about your son`s communication with the WW, bet money that she is trying to manipulate him into softening you up.

Then again, your kid seems like a smart one.

One other thing, many posters might disagree, but something that incredibly helped my mood after I found out that my wife cheated (after which I filed for divorce), was having an ONS. It really boosted my self-esteem.

No relationship (too soon) but just a casual romp:love:.

It helped me so much!!!:p

---

Again, Hero, lots of love and we are here for you!!!!!!!!

November 27, 2015

Hey everyone, my sister and my son are on their way home

my brother plans to stick around for a few more days

It was great to have my family here, we missed my mom something awful

I have a lot on my plate today, but let me try to address a few things

First, let's leave my son out of this

she called him while we were all sitting around in the living room

I knew by the look he gave me that it was my STBXW

he just sat there and let her talk, I could tell she was trying to apologize

all he said was "I'm sorry too, take care of yourself"

she must of asked to speak to me because he handed me the phone

I gave the phone to my sister and she said "yes, you are sorry" and hung up.

my son asked me later if the D was what I really wanted

he said he would support any decision I made, he just wants me to think this through,

like I'm always telling him, he didn't betray me, he's looking out for his dad

I also took some time to reflect on our marriage. I made a lot of mistakes

my wife is extremely attractive, she could of had any man she wanted, but she picked me

I knew my wife had an entitlement attitude when I first met her and I told her so

She said that's what actually attracted her to me, I wouldn't put up with her crap

I thought I had a handle on it, but apparently I didn't

I admit I did get caught up in my work, she used to call me a machine

she'd stick her head in my office and ask if she was on my list today

guess that's what she meant by was trying to get my attention,

then she got the job and took it to an extreme

It seems my wife has been building up a lot of resentment towards me

because I wouldn't stop working and kiss her @ss every 5 minutes

I always tried to take a break and see about her, then she got the job and went cold

No history of BPD in her family as far as I know

My wife is an extremely driven person, when she sets her mind on something she goes for it

I just never thought she would do something like this and take it this far

she knows she screwed up and now she's in damage control mode

D papers will be ready today, will also schedule an STD test

legally I can't keep her out of the house, but I'll cross that bridge later

Will have to wait and see how things play out at her job

VARS are in the house, even caught her last visit to pick up her things

when you play it back you have to fast forward past Hero barking

I also have an overwhelming urge to blow up the OM's world, if he thinks he can just nail my wife,

call me a fool and walk away scott free, he's sadly mistaken, I'll talk to my attorney about it

Also, one last thing...

I've been trying to stay away from snooping, but after her messages yesterday, I couldn't resist

To her credit, she's been NC with OM since the hotel argument

That is until last night

OM sent her a text last night and wanted to know if she wanted to hook up

She told him to F off

whatever

I'll update if anything major happens, time to take Hero for a walk

November 27, 2015

Hero, the lack of respect your wife has shown you is rather sickening. She openly dates her boss, she meets up with him in front of other employees when they go for drinks after work. The entire office must know about their affair. They openly mock you via text messages and emails referring to you as the Fool(a silly or stupid person, a person who lacks judgement or sense. Similar words include: moron, retard, idiot, dumb, clown and tool) but then as she explained that these were only words. Words spoken over hundreds and hundreds of texts and phone calls to each other. Fwak, how did they find the time, they were together all day at the office, went for drinks at lunch, met for drinks after work, I guess the only time she had to text and phone was when she was home with Hero.

The worst other then having unprotected sex with him is the way she blatantly disrespected him publicly by going to her company function with her affair partner and posting the videos on his Facebook for all to see. This was other man's way of bragging to everyone that he was having porn star sex with Hero's wife and his company was paying for the room. He marked his territory and publicly told everybody that he can have her anytime he wants. Hero up until a few days ago didn't believe his wife would cheat on him.

This is why you have to think hard about the path you take, she must have some deep resentment for you to behave this openly.

EXACTLY! EXACTLY! EXACTLY!

Not only have she and her boss openly played the OP for a fool and cuckold but also immensly enjoyed doing it. If I were the OP I would make them both pay dearly for that. There would be absolutely no mercy.

November 27, 2015

Sorry you are having to deal with this Hero.

Been there and done that many years ago.

For me, it took 6 months for me to realise that I didn't want my xH any longer, I didn't want to make it work with him. But that doesn't mean its the same for all.

This has only just blown up. What I will advise is do not do anything rash. Take your time, spend time with family and friends.

I'm not one for reconciliation personally, but I know of people that have reconciled. Its early days in my honest opinion. You will be on a rollercoaster of emotions and I would guard against a knee jerk reaction.

Take care

November 27, 2015

Her first reaction was not contrition. Her first reaction was not "I made a big mistake. Her first reaction was not to come home and apologize immediately.

Even when she knew the gig was up, her first reaction was blame shifting and had you not sent that text, she would have fed him again that night.

She came home at the scheduled time. They could've got it on after she got the "busted!" Txt.

They had lots of time to make plans and come up with cover stories and excuses and contingency plans before they came back.

November 27, 2015

Hero, glad you had a lot of love around you on Thanksgiving. She didn't and that was a quick view to her future without you. It is up to her to fix this, she let O/M into your life, she broke your trust and the promises made to you on the beach that day. The onus is on her so the sooner she gets it and changes her attitude from me, me, me, me to making it about Hero and making him feel safe the sooner you can decide if reconciliation is the way to go. She needs to take you seriously so continue with the filing and let her know it is her actions and not her bulls*it promises that you will be watching. Tell her how much time she has to convince you she is worth another chance before the divorce becomes final. You have up to the final decree to stop the process.

November 27, 2015

Responses in bold below.

I also took some time to reflect on our marriage. I made a lot of mistakes
my wife is extremely attractive, she could of had any man she wanted, but she picked me

several of us think this all too over the top to be her first rodeo. I think if you do some digging, you'll find others at the gym and other places. If you don't want to know about that, don't look.

I knew my wife had an entitlement attitude when I first met her and I told her so
She said that's what actually attracted her to me, I wouldn't put up with her crap
I thought I had a handle on it, but apparently I didn't.

she may have said that but I have the feelings both of your actions may indicate otherwise. The fact she didn't work for 10 years with no children indicates she was perfectly content to be catered to and waited on.

I admit I did get caught up in my work, she used to call me a machine
she'd stick her head in my office and ask if she was on my list today
guess that's what she meant by was trying to get my attention,
then she got the job and took it to an extreme

just for the sake of argument lets point fingers at you and lay blame on you for not fulfilling her every wish and whim. That doesn't excuse or justify such blatantly disrespectful (and I also agree there was outright cruelty involved as well)

If she was unhappy and that unsatisfied, she had the right to divorce you and move on. Instead she chose to stay and live off your dime and lived the life of luxury. And I still assume there are other men in her past.

She chose to get her kicks outside the marriage while reaping the benefits from within it.

That's why it's called "cheating."

My wife is an extremely driven person, when she sets her mind on something she goes for it

again the words and the actions aren't lining up. If she is so driven and accomplished, what has she been doing for 10 years????? What has she been doing with all that drive and ambition while she wasn't working for a decade?

I just never thought she would do something like this and take it this far
she knows she screwed up and now she's in damage control mode

a better way to word it is she is in "get back to my comfortable routine mode."

I also have an overwhelming urge to blow up the OM's world, if he thinks he can just nail my wife,
call me a fool and walk away scott free, he's sadly mistaken, I'll talk to my attorney about it

as long as it is legal and won't come back to add further harm to you, I think that is valid and fine. If he never pays a price, there's no reason for him to not keep coming around and no reason for him not to pat himself on the back for his score.

And it will help you sleep at night and restore some sense of dignity, self respect and masculinity. It will help you recover faster and move on sooner.

Also, one last thing...
I've been trying to stay away from snooping, but after her messages yesterday, I couldn't resist

do prison guards feel bad about searching prison cells for weapons? No. That because the prisoners have proven themselves untrustworthy and dangerous and they pose a risk to them.

It is the same here. She has proven herself untrustworthy and poses a danger to you. Snoop with impunity and make no apologies or bones about it.

To her credit, she's been NC with OM since the hotel argument

That is until last night

OM sent her a text last night and wanted to know if she wanted to hook up

She told him to F off

this is very important. WS' s and AP' s have been known to stage break ups and NC and make it look like they have broke up, but they just stage it and then go deeper under ground.

They had over 24 hours away by themselves to come up with plans, cover stories, secret email accounts, burner phones etc etc.

She knows you cracked her txt messaging and email codes so they could have easily staged that as disinformation.

It may be a true message exchange but that's the catch is that you will never know for sure ever again because the trust has been completely destroyed.

Her behavior has been extreme already so who knows what else they are capable of.

whatever

I'll update if anything major happens, time to take Hero for a walk

November 27, 2015

Hero, the lack of respect your wife has shown you is rather sickening. She openly dates her boss, she meets up with him in front of other employees when they go for drinks after work. The entire office must know about their affair. They openly mock you via text messages and emails referring to you as the Fool(a silly or stupid person, a person who lacks judgement or sense. Similar words include: moron, retard, idiot, dumb, clown and tool) but then as she explained that these were only words. Words spoken over hundreds and hundreds of texts and phone calls to each other. Fwak, how did they find the time, they were together all day at the office, went for drinks at lunch, met for drinks after work, I guess the only time she had to text and phone was when she was home with Hero.

The worst other then having unprotected sex with him is the way she blatantly disrespected him publicly by going to her company function with her affair partner and posting the videos on his Facebook for all to see. This was other man's way of bragging to everyone that he was having porn star sex with Hero's wife and his company was paying for the room. He marked his territory and publicly told everybody that he can have her anytime he wants. Hero up until a few days ago didn't believe his wife would cheat on him.

This is why you have to think hard about the path you take, she must have some deep resentment for you to behave this openly. Do not allow her to sweep this under a rug, stay on your path until she can prove to you she deserves another chance, second chances are earned an should never be expected. How will she ever make you feel safe?

The mocking and the cruelty aren't extraordinarily remarkable in this case. It's par for the course when you're dealing with infidelity. Cheaters have to engage in some pretty bizarre mental gymnastics in order to rationalize their behavior. Otherwise, they wouldn't be able to go through with the deception or be able to keep it going.

Of course, you're right that the wayward wife would have to put in some really hard work in order to earn a second chance. But all in all, this is pretty standard stuff, painful as it is.

November 27, 2015

Dear Hero,

I truly meant no disrespect towards your son when I addressed the communication between him and the WW. It was sort of more like a heads up.

Anyways, what you are feeling is completely normal. You start thinking about your own mistakes and what you could have done better. I had the same feelings.

However, nothing will ever justify for what your wife did.

It was just as aliveagain and troubadour said, not only did your wife cheat, she took it a step further, she cuckolded you. Everbody in her work place knew about it and she did not mind. Hell, she took the OM to the company trip which was basically meant for the spouses.

So even if you feel you made some mistakes, nothing can ever justify the actions of your wife.

I also applaud you for your actions. You will truly feel better after the divorce.

Lots of love to you and to Hero!!!

Btw, maybe I missed it, but how old is Hero?

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