Do You See What I See?

November 27, 2015

Please please please don't tell her what you know! Knowledge is your only power right now.

Very true.

Go to see a lawyer asap. Don't tell your wife about any of this until you know what your legal rights are.

She will lie and try to make you feel guilty. That's what cheaters do. Not everyone who has an affair is, at heart, a cheater, but she sure is.

November 27, 2015

WTH???

just got this text from the STBXW

"we should get a lady dog for Hero"

WTH???

Translation: just forget about the past, lets move on, I'll find a nice Dr for YOUR issues.

Can I come back now??????

Can I have my credit cards too????

November 27, 2015

WTH???

just got this text from the STBXW

"we should get a lady dog for Hero"

WTH???

Pretty sad. She's wanting the dog to get some but she was giving yours to lover boy.

November 27, 2015

Everyone gets it but you, see what she says about you getting some strange, we all know that answer.

November 27, 2015

Just got off the phone with her dad, (he called me)
She told him everything, I'm a little shocked that she told him the truth (wasn't expecting that)

Anyway, I love this guy like a son loves a father
I won't lie, we both got a little choked up
he's rock solid, very disappointed in his daughter
He asked me if I could ever find it in my heart to forgive her
I said sure, but I'm just not there yet

He said I should remember what the bible says about forgiveness
I promised him I would but that right now all I can remember
is what it says about a man divorcing his cheating wife

In time, you may ind it in your heart t forgive her. that doesn't equate to staying married.

November 27, 2015

Everyone gets it but you, see what she says about you getting some strange, we all know that answer.

can you clue me in?

she was texting all day saying she's sorry, blah, blah, blah

now she's texting me like nothing ever happened

"Don't worry about bringing the plants inside, I'll take care of it"

"wonder if you know who will be at the neighbors party this year"

she's acting like she's flippin' out of her mind or something

like there are 3-4 different people living inside her head

I don't know what she's playing at

November 27, 2015

WTH???

just got this text from the STBXW

"we should get a lady dog for Hero"

WTH???

Cornered animals are dangerous and capable of anything. Never forget that.

November 27, 2015

Hey guys, snuck away for a few to drop by and say hello
Had a blast with my family today, spent time playing with my nieces and
nephews, everyone still here, we are all stuffed and yes the green bean
casserole made an appearance. Nice to hear laughter and happiness around here for a change.

Talked to my MIL and FIL today, just called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving
told me they're disappointed in their daughter and no matter what happens I will always be their son.

STBXW appears to be in complete meltdown mode, looks like the gravity of
what she's done is catching up with her. She spent Thanksgiving with a
female co-worker and their family.

She's been texting me all day, apologizing, says she can't believe it's
really over, said she did what she did to get my attention, she knows
she took it too far, but she said I didn't seem to care what she was doing.
kept asking what could she do to fix this

Wants to know if I would consider MC. I didn't respond to anything.

She did talk to my son today. He asked me if the D was really what I wanted,
he hates what she's done, but he asked me not to make any life changing
decisions with my emotions all over the place, says I'm always telling him the same thing.

Here's the deal, I can't get those images and those messages out of my mind
Every time I try to think of R, I remember all the months she denied me
and gave herself to him.

I might be able to get past the sex part, but rewriting our marriage,
making me out to be the bad guy and calling me a fool
I just can't get past that, at least not right now.

I still love my wife very much, but she's like damaged goods to me now
She promised me she would never let another man inside her and she broke her promise.

I don't buy the trying to get my attention bit for a minute
If she wanted my attention all she had to do was tell me
Anyway, I am working on the 180, trying to detach and work on myself

Gotta get back to the family, hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving

BTW: my attorney is a SHE not a HE
She's one of the best divorce attorney's in the state and she's a former BS

DO nothing. She's in panic and desperation mode right now, telling you anything and everything, yet she is NOT remorseful, nor is she owning anything that she's done. there's no rush to divorce, just continue to detach from yer, love your kids and live your life. Your (ex) wife will either sink or swim, depending on her choices in the up coming months.

November 27, 2015

You are being manipulated by her right now. Stop reading her texts, stop all communication with her. Stay committed to the 180 because this is how you move forward without making a rash, emotional decision.

November 27, 2015

can you clue me in?
she was texting all day saying she's sorry, blah, blah, blah

now she's texting me like nothing ever happened

"Don't worry about bringing the plants inside, I'll take care of it"

"wonder if you know who will be at the neighbors party this year"

she's acting like she's flippin' out of her mind or something
like there are 3-4 different people living inside her head

I don't know what she's playing at

Folks have been cluing you in. Preparing you for a multitude of typical cheater reactions and responses. And she has pretty much obliged everyone here by doing exactly as most said she would.

Don't listen to anything. She is grasping at straws trying any and everything to pull at your heart strings. This is why the 180 is so powerful. Keep it up! Do not give in to anything right now!!

Hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving!

November 27, 2015

,
he hates what she's done, but he asked me not to make any life changing
decisions with my emotions all over the place, says I'm always telling him the same thing.

That is actually pretty sage advice at the moment.

Circle your wagons and protect yourself. Secure your resources, get your finances in order and make it so she cannot run up debt in your name or empty any accounts etc and protect yourself from any further harm.

But once you have done all of that, there really is no reason to rush into any definitive action that may be difficult to undo.

I am not saying to let her back in the house, back into your bed or back into your heart at all in any way shape or form.

Neither am I saying to push the divorce forward as fast as possible.

I am suggesting to defer judgement until you have had a chance to methodically get your ducks and affairs in a row with your attorney, weigh all options and let the raw emotions and the dust settle before making any definitive decisions.

It's perfectly ok to let her hear radio silence or to let her know that you are still gathering facts and weighing various options and that you have not made any final decisions yet.

This will keep her on her toes, on her best behavior and will have her pooping golden nuggets.

If you tell her divorce is imminent, then there's no reason for her to not take up with the OM again or whatever other dude comes along.

If you tell her you want to reconcile too soon, her little voice inside her will tell her she got away with it and dodged a bullet and it will reinforce that if she's feeling a little neglected all she has to do is screw another guy and have a barrel of monkeys and you will take her back and rub her feet.

The only thing that will lift her fog and make her truly grasp the damage she has done is if she truly doesn't know what the future has in store for her and she doesn't know whether she will be a divorcee living in a little apartment waiting for alimony checks or whether she will still be married and living the lifestyle she has known for the past decade.

Protect yourself and cover your @$$ and make sure you are bullet proof and then there is no real need to rush into any kind of binding decision at this moment.

November 27, 2015

A zebra can never change its stripes. Anything she says will probably be just another lie.

Maybe for now. But if all WS's were never truly remorseful then there would never be reconciliations.

It is up to Hero to decide what he wants and if his WW has any redeeming qualities worthy of a 2nd chance in the future......

November 27, 2015

can you clue me in?
she was texting all day saying she's sorry, blah, blah, blah

now she's texting me like nothing ever happened

"Don't worry about bringing the plants inside, I'll take care of it"

"wonder if you know who will be at the neighbors party this year"

she's acting like she's flippin' out of her mind or something
like there are 3-4 different people living inside her head

I don't know what she's playing at

Text her a name and number of a good shrink with the suggestion she go and get some professional to talk to.

November 27, 2015

can you clue me in?
she was texting all day saying she's sorry, blah, blah, blah

now she's texting me like nothing ever happened

"Don't worry about bringing the plants inside, I'll take care of it"

"wonder if you know who will be at the neighbors party this year"

she's acting like she's flippin' out of her mind or something
like there are 3-4 different people living inside her head

I don't know what she's playing at

The rainbows and fluffy bunny rabbits are being replaced with reality, the reality of watching her family disappear, this was never supposed to happen. You were never to find out, that's what O/M told her because they would be careful and you were never supposed to be smart enough to figure it out or see his Facebook page. They are always careless, that's how we usually find out the fools. I raised my son for a year before I was smart enough to have a DNA test done, that's when I stopped being a fool. Your not alone my friend, we all know what your going through. Stay strong and demand the respect your due, settle for nothing less.

November 27, 2015

can you clue me in?
she was texting all day saying she's sorry, blah, blah, blah

now she's texting me like nothing ever happened

"Don't worry about bringing the plants inside, I'll take care of it"

"wonder if you know who will be at the neighbors party this year"

she's acting like she's flippin' out of her mind or something
like there are 3-4 different people living inside her head

I don't know what she's playing at

From what you have described, this woman is a narcissistic, control freak. I can't think of any other way of describing her attitude and behavior. She wanted to control everything, even when she was caught. I'm assuming she has always been that way but you were too blind by love to see it.

If she is used to getting her own way, she may have no concept of the word no so she is choosing to ignore the fact that she is no longer in charge. That level of denial is unsettling to say the least.

November 27, 2015

The rainbows and fluffy bunny rabbits are being replaced with reality, the reality of watching her family disappear, this was never supposed to happen. You were never to find out, that's what O/M told her because they would be careful and you were never supposed to be smart enough to figure it out or see his Facebook page. They are always careless, that's how we usually find out the fools. I raised my son for a year before I was smart enough to have a DNA test done, that's when I stopped being a fool. Your not alone my friend, we all know what your going through. Stay strong and demand the respect your due, settle for nothing less.

she's desperate, got it

watching her like this is hard on me

But I still haven't responded to any of her messages

she did try to talk to me earlier when she was on the phone with my son

he gave me the phone, I gave it to my sister

this is crazy

I'm almost starting to feel sorry for her

almost

November 27, 2015

From what you have described' date=' this woman is a narcissistic, control freak. I can't think of any other way of describing her attitude and behavior. She wanted to control [u']everything[/u], even when she was caught. I'm assuming she has always been that way but you were too blind by love to see it.

If she is used to getting her own way, she may have no concept of the word no so she is choosing to ignore the fact that she is no longer in charge. That level of denial is unsettling to say the least.

you just described my STBXW perfectly

November 27, 2015

she's desperate, got it
watching her like this is hard on me
But I still haven't responded to any of her messages

she did try to talk to me earlier when she was on the phone with my son
he gave me the phone, I gave it to my sister

this is crazy
I'm almost starting to feel sorry for her

almost

Stay strong, it means nothing unless she comes to you and really wants help. Your line is drawn in the sand, defend it, no compromises, she no longer calls the shots because she makes really bad decisions when it comes to your relationship.

November 27, 2015

Hey guys, snuck away for a few to drop by and say hello
Had a blast with my family today, spent time playing with my nieces and
nephews, everyone still here, we are all stuffed and yes the green bean
casserole made an appearance. Nice to hear laughter and happiness around here for a change.

Talked to my MIL and FIL today, just called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving
told me they're disappointed in their daughter and no matter what happens I will always be their son.

STBXW appears to be in complete meltdown mode, looks like the gravity of
what she's done is catching up with her. She spent Thanksgiving with a
female co-worker and their family.

She's been texting me all day, apologizing, says she can't believe it's
really over, said she did what she did to get my attention, she knows
she took it too far, but she said I didn't seem to care what she was doing.
kept asking what could she do to fix this

Wants to know if I would consider MC. I didn't respond to anything.

She did talk to my son today. He asked me if the D was really what I wanted,
he hates what she's done, but he asked me not to make any life changing
decisions with my emotions all over the place, says I'm always telling him the same thing.

Here's the deal, I can't get those images and those messages out of my mind
Every time I try to think of R, I remember all the months she denied me
and gave herself to him.

I might be able to get past the sex part, but rewriting our marriage,
making me out to be the bad guy and calling me a fool
I just can't get past that, at least not right now.

I still love my wife very much, but she's like damaged goods to me now
She promised me she would never let another man inside her and she broke her promise.

I don't buy the trying to get my attention bit for a minute
If she wanted my attention all she had to do was tell me
Anyway, I am working on the 180, trying to detach and work on myself

Gotta get back to the family, hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving

BTW: my attorney is a SHE not a HE
She's one of the best divorce attorney's in the state and she's a former BS

Do not listen to your son. Yes, you want to make a decision right now because the brainwashing of the cheater has begun...it begins with the family and moves outward. Next thing you know you will be in counseling telling the counselor you just didn't love her enough So she let some other guy stick his pecker in her. Don't listen to your kid, he is being manipulated. Sorry this is happening to you. Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. You sound like a great man. You will have your choice of decent, moral and sexy women who aren't blame shifters.

Move on,

Grumps

November 27, 2015

Oh, and your son and family needs to stop communicating with her. The fact he did is betrayal to me! Boundaries are obviously something you need to reinforce. I don't allow anyone to disrespect my wife nor I in any way, including our kids. I sure as hell would not allow my children to counsel me regarding my marriage.

You need to be the father and the man,

G

November 27, 2015

Glad you had a nice holiday!

She has no right putting your son in the middle of the mess she created!

And there isn't one thing to consider with her since she isn't taking full responsibility for HER actions.

Don't think for a minute that it's any of your fault.

November 27, 2015

can you clue me in?
she was texting all day saying she's sorry, blah, blah, blah

now she's texting me like nothing ever happened

"Don't worry about bringing the plants inside, I'll take care of it"

"wonder if you know who will be at the neighbors party this year"

she's acting like she's flippin' out of her mind or something
like there are 3-4 different people living inside her head

I don't know what she's playing at

She's either hoping to rugsweep this or she's got a mental issue.

Maybe you should warn her father. Either way I'd stay dark and out of the way.

Change the locks on the door.

November 27, 2015

Hero,

So glad you were able to have a good thanksgiving with your family I know you must all have missed your mother not being there.....

Your wife is in her own madness right now desperately trying to figure out her life, how to fix what she broke........

This time is different, she has changed the rules, this time you are going to call all the shots.

Not responding is alright or letting her know you can't speak about any of it until you have had some time to figure out your next move.

I think the stone cold silence for her is just what the doctor ordered for her, let her feel the brunt of all this betrayal........her doing..

There is no excuse she can give you that could justify her behaviour, none.

You should never take on any responsibility for that, never.

Your family is just looking out for you, they don't know what to do adultery is just mean.........they just want you to be protected and for you to be happy.

Your wife knows she has screwed up badly........

She can't accept it's over hence the delusional talk today.

What ever the marriage was is over and now there is a lot to think about, what you can live with, what has to change and if what she did is a deal breaker.

Recovery is a really hard process and the only way it works if both partners make it the number 1 priority in their lives..........

She will have to quit her job there can never be any contact again.....

She will have to be transparent in every way....

Both of you need time to figure yourselves out before you make any life changing decisions........

Sometimes the best thing to do is stay quiet and do nothing until you are sure your ready.......

Forgetting is difficult the triggers are always there when life has changed so drastically........trust may never happen again......

When one door closes another opens, maybe there is a good life out there without all this stress for you........It is a real option for you now........

Deal breakers are deal breakers.........she knew it, didn't care, wayward never consider the consequences, but I would bet my last dollar she is feeling it now.

The only way she heals is to let her feel what she has done........you want that to happen............

If your phone has a block feature just block her for a while give yourself time to rest your mind............

November 27, 2015

Text her a name and number of a good shrink with the suggestion she go and get some professional to talk to.

Till she "comes to her senses"

November 27, 2015

Maybe for now. But if all WS's were never truly remorseful then there would never be reconciliations.

It is up to Hero to decide what he wants and if his WW has any redeeming qualities worthy of a 2nd chance in the future......

Reconciliation is always preferable. It's chances of success are determined by many things. The two personalities involved, severity of the affair, family support, remorse, etc.

ive been around many years and have seen a lot to know nothing is impossible but in this instance I see it as highly unlikely. Why? The level of damage, total disregard and disrespect involved. The biggest is lack of any remorse.

Edited November 27, 2015 by Marc878

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