Do You See What I See?

[Midwestmissy]

Also, as a sahm who didn't cheat, I get to lose my kids 50% of the time and have my standard of living go way down. Like from very large house to 2 br apartment through nothing I did. I can't tell you how infuriating it is to think I'd see my kids less because of a 'I never said I loved her' affair. Or that I'd lose my house. Both sexes get screwed over, there's a lot of unfair sh*t that happens. And don't get me started on what the kids lose.

[Anto_80]

Hero

 

Almost laughable she thinks you will come to your senses. You came to your senses when you started investigating what she was doing and when you called your attorney .

 

I would have no contact at all with her . Let your lawyer do talking.

 

My guess is if her boss is single she ain't in any hotel . There is no reconciliation going to happen here and I hope you know that .

 

Since you have a lot more money then her tell her she will spend every dime she has trying to get the dgg from you.

 

And now start getting all remnants of her out of your life.

 

 

I completely agree!!!

 

Based on her actions, you will be far better off without her.

 

It will be difficult in the beginning, but it will get better.

Be strong!!!

 

- Btw -

 

Do you still have to pay spousal support even if she gets a half of the company?

[happyman64]

Hero

 

You handled yourself well.

 

Now put her and your marriage to the sidelines. Enjoy your family.

 

Enjoy Thanksgiving.

 

This mess will be here after the holidays.

 

And remember. Just listen to her. But watch her actions. Her head is in a bad place. She is in selfish mode and it will take weeks, maybe months before you can have any adult conversation with her.

 

And that is what the 180 is for. To heal. To get strong. To detach.

It is for you alone if done properly.

 

Let your wife stew in her own juices.

 

All that will come out of her mouth at this time is BS. Her moving into a hotel is all the verification you need from her that she knows she wronged you and the marriage. All her words are just a smoke screen.

 

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

Love your dog by the way.

 

HM

[turnera]

Go pitch black dark. Don't answer ANY calls, ANY texts, act as though you don't even exist. If anything has to go through, do it through a lawyer.

[lolablue17]

I don't think she is a monster.

 

She don't think too much, she's spoiled and likes everything to comes easy. She'd gambled and lost. So what she's doing now is loss management.

 

She'd understand she'd lost her marriage. So, what is she left with? Her dignity. She's facing out and she want to feel good with her self. She doesn't like to feel miserable, so she creates an image in which she's the victim. It's not her fault. That is her way to survive the situation.

 

I know so many people who are capable doing this. I just can't. I can try faking or hiding my real feelings from other people (I hate to do that), but in the end of the day, when i'm alone, I can't fool myself with a bunch of excuses and marketing slogans. I just don't understand how can people extremely twist reality so much - and believe it. I just can't figure how do they do that.

[Hero]

Hey guys I just have a quick minute then I have to get back inside

 

Just wanted you guys to know how much I appreciate all of you

The only reason I was able to move so quickly was because of all of you

You guys are simply the best. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

 

This is a special time for my family. It's our first Thanksgiving without my mom

My STBXW actually did us a favor, we thought we would each spend this first

one away from each other, but here we are, all together!

 

I don't know where my life will end up, but I'm feeling much better about the future,

Thanks to my family, my dog and all of you!

 

 

You guys rock! Promise to keep you all updated

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

BTW: guess whose little sister is here? >>>>THIS GUY!!!!

Edited November 25, 2015 by Hero

[kgcolonel]

Hero,

 

I hope you and your family have a memorable Thanksgiving. Start new traditions and remember the good times regarding your mom.

 

KGColonel

[Marc878]

Did you ever realize how this thing was before this?????

 

It's just painful to read. I wish your sister had been there. You could have gotten a glimpse of how your stbxw looks bald:eek:

 

The good thing is it'll be easier to get over this now.

 

That is one selfish, stupid whatever it is.

[Dylon]

but I'm feeling much better about the future,

Thanks to my family, my dog and all of you!

 

You have a wonderful Thanksgiving too .

Edited November 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Non productive response deleted ~ V

[aliveagain]

Hero, sounds like you cooked a goose and a turkey this year. Wishing you and your family the best this Thanksgiving.

[Imajerk17]

So glad everything can be wrapped up for you from "is she cheating" to "feeling much better about the future" in 2.5 days. The members here were quite amazing, aren't they ?

 

You have a wonderful Thanksgiving too .

Anyone who has been through a bad breakup--nevermind something like this--knows how severely emotions are going to fluctuate. *Severely*. Someone in Hero's position will have moments early on where he is "fine" and he will have moments coming up of intense rage and moments of sadness, even moments of tenderness.

 

Hero's story and intense swing of emotions--even to "fine" in 2.5 days--seems entirely normal to me. I do hope he comes back here and gets the support when the storm clouds roll back in, as we all know (including Hero) they certainly will.

[SoulCat]

So glad everything can be wrapped up for you from "is she cheating" to "feeling much better about the future" in 2.5 days. The members here were quite amazing, aren't they ?

 

You have a wonderful Thanksgiving too .

 

 

Clearly you have no idea how cathartic knowing the truth can be. Even if that truth is a horrible one.

It brings you clarity.

 

 

And having family around you in a time like this can lift one's spirits immensely.

[merrmeade]

I think having a huge surprise family could very well bring the serendipity that turns this wicked witch to dust. I know you'll make the most of your holiday with them, Hero.

 

PS everybody else: Are the sexist labels "c-nt" and "cow" necessary? I'm in that demographic group as are half the readers. Aren't there other expletives that satisfy? Would you use a racial slur to express your animosity if you knew the person's race? I really hate it when it deteriorates into gender bashing generalizations. And I'm not being political; it feels personal.

[66Charger]

My apologies for the offense.

[NewLeaf512]

Wow... not only is this disgusting, I'm sure it is not helpful to the op.

 

I completely agree. OP needs care, not disgusting pretend scenarios that feel hatefully concocted and that are in completely poor taste to put it mildly. Thanks for saying something, I should have done so but I was too worried about being attacked.

 

OP I hope you're ok.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I think having a huge surprise family could very well bring the serendipity that turns this wicked witch to dust. I know you'll make the most of your holiday with them, Hero.

 

PS everybody else: Are the sexist labels "c-nt" and "cow" necessary? I'm in that demographic group as are half the readers. Aren't there other expletives that satisfy? Would you use a racial slur to express your animosity if you knew the person's race? I really hate it when it deteriorates into gender bashing generalizations. And I'm not being political; it feels personal.

 

The gender attacks from both men and women on this board are extremely tiring. Thank you for speaking up against it!

 

Hero, keep your head up. You are doing a brilliant job of everything.

[fellini]

The gender attacks from both men and women on this board are extremely tiring. Thank you for speaking up against it!

 

Hero, keep your head up. You are doing a brilliant job of everything.

 

Anyone who has been here long enough knows that the attacks, as sexist as they are, and although represent both genders are enormously imbalanced against women, are used, along with the earlier distasteful (no pun intended) comment made about this OP's wife, to plant triggers in the minds of BS's - almost exclusively BH's - who have expressed any doubt whatsoever about their marriage.

 

They are used to ensure the OP does not ever entertain the idea of reconciliation. We know this because they are posted from the same group of community members over and over again and not one of them believes that a BS should reconcile EVER. And just to make sure that doesn't happen, they knowingly plant triggers in their posts.

[Just a Guy]

Hi folks, its good to know that everything is now going well for Hero and like the others I too, would like to wish him the very best for the future. By the way what exactly is the significance of ' Thanksgiving'? (I'm not an American!). I know it is a major American holiday from all the reading I've done.

Merrmeade, if it is not too personal and painful can you please elaborate as to why you chose to reconcile and stay with your husband? Has he done the 'heavy lifting' to ensure restoration of trust to the extent possible and has he 'affair proofed' your marriage to your satisfaction? I'm sorry I have not read your story if you posted it sometime in the past. Thanks!

Midwestmissy, you come across in your posts as someone who has developed a hard boiled attitude in life. If there was any softness and gentleness in your persona then that has been distilled out of you by your husband's infidelity. Some of the terminology that you have used in this thread is out of this world, in fact quite hilarious. For instance ' Sunshine up their a...s' is a first for me and at other places your words make me blush and I'm a man. However I guess your cynicism and hard nosed attitude is justified and is probably a defense mechanism that you have developed after your traumatic experience. As an SAHM wife one would have thought that you yourself had ample opportunities to cheat, but your remaining true to your vows when your husband was philandering about speaks to your integrity. I wish the OP's wife had displayed similar strength. Best wishes to all of you for the upcoming festival!

Edited November 26, 2015 by Just a Guy

[aliveagain]

so she came clean, but apparently this is all my fault

according to her, I spend too much time with my face in a computer screen

I took no interest in her job, never got jealous when she went out with co-workers

love my dog more than her, make decisions too quickly, like asking for a divorce

 

 

Hero, we all love your dog more than her, that's just a fact. Regarding your decision making I guess if it were the other way around and she caught you and your girlfriend in a hotel room at your company getaway(that you somehow forgot to tell her about even though everyone else there took their spouse except you and other woman), saw after sex pictures posted on other woman's Facebook of other woman sitting on your lap gnawing your face off wearing only a bikini, she would not jump to conclusions and be more understanding then you and wouldn't have kicked your a$$ out or file for divorce? Did I get that right?

 

At the very least Hero, you should have a turkey meal from a local restaurant delivered to her hotel room. You may want to phone and check if O/M is there first, see if you need to send a second one for him. I guess she'll have some time to think about all the things she's thankful for. Thanksgiving will never be the same for either of you unfortunately. Enjoy your time with your family.

[oldshirt]

Shall we start a little office pool and everyone make their best guess as to what she is going to be doing today?

 

 

The betting choices on what she is doing today are -

 

 

A. Spending the day with OM.

 

 

B. Spend the day with her family blowing up Hero's phone with txts and calls.

 

 

C. Showing up on Hero's doorstep with a green bean casserole acting like nothing has happened and can't understand why everyone is acting so weird.

 

 

D. Radio silence.

 

 

Place your bets on what she does today and when he reports on her wackiness today, whoever comes the closest wins.

[kgcolonel]

Shall we start a little office pool and everyone make their best guess as to what she is going to be doing today?

 

 

The betting choices on what she is doing today are -

 

 

A. Spending the day with OM.

 

 

B. Spend the day with her family blowing up Hero's phone with txts and calls.

 

 

C. Showing up on Hero's doorstep with a green bean casserole acting like nothing has happened and can't understand why everyone is acting so weird.

 

 

D. Radio silence.

 

 

Place your bets on what she does today and when he reports on her wackiness today, whoever comes the closest wins.

 

 

My money is on D. It might have been A but I think the OM / BoyToy is done with her.

[m.snow]

well you could add to the favor your WW did for you.

 

by simply getting a job before the whole of this. she reduced the alimony by a whole lot.

 

my money this isn't the WW first rodeo and the co-worker is new and an exit affair.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Anyone who has been here long enough knows that the attacks, as sexist as they are, and although represent both genders are enormously imbalanced against women, are used, along with the earlier distasteful (no pun intended) comment made about this OP's wife, to plant triggers in the minds of BS's - almost exclusively BH's - who have expressed any doubt whatsoever about their marriage.

 

They are used to ensure the OP does not ever entertain the idea of reconciliation. We know this because they are posted from the same group of community members over and over again and not one of them believes that a BS should reconcile EVER. And just to make sure that doesn't happen, they knowingly plant triggers in their posts.

 

W/e. The gender bashing is my biggest issue with this forum and some members. You can talk about tactics all you want. Fact is regardless of the thread type you will see posts like "that's the problem with men" or "women are always XYZ". Even in times where its not blatant, the undertones are there. Just an annoying part of this website that probably isn't going anywhere. Too many jaded men and women make their home here to not see some bashing.

[aliveagain]

Oldshirt, I think there is an E and F option.

 

E. Thinking about how she can get a reference from the first job she's had in 10 years without exposing the fact she was fired for banging her boss.

 

F. She's made a mouth harp out of a comb and a folded piece of paper and is humming "Kumbaya" while looking at a picture of Hero and his dog and wondering WTF.

[happyman64]

Who cares what the WW is doing today or does today.

 

My Thanksgiving wish is that Hero does not give her one second of thought.

 

That he has a great holiday with his family.

 

I hope she does not contact him at all. All that will come out of her mouth is BS.

 

Hopefully he will get a day or four of peace with those that truly love him and appreciate him......