31 and never dated

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Im not entirely sure, but like i said its not just women i have this view towards. Its most things in my life. Im an artist and if i feel a piece isnt to a high enough standard ill start it again.

 

 

 

I agree, i feel that high school and college is where you learn your skills in the dating game, and i let my fears control my actions.

 

 

I have no idea how to talk to girls either, so what do i say if im interested in a girl?. Im literally a complete beginner when it comes to all of this.

 

Ya and starting the game late is embarrassing, it would be like learning to ride a bike with training wheels as an adult, which doesn't look right

[ZA Dater]

I disagree wholeheartedly. Just an area where we don't see eye to eye.

 

Just can't understand why or how you've developed such strong assumptions/beliefs towards what women want, or what dating is when you've admittedly failed at both continuously.

 

"Being reserved is NOT fine?" Who told you that? " the type of chick that likes reserved guys is not the kind of girl I'm into at all" - that's an absolutely baffling thing to say. How could you possibly know so much about every individual woman in the world and who they are, what they like, what attracts them, etc.

 

You generalize and lump all women into these pre conceived labels and descriptions in such a self debilitating way when there's no reason to whatsoever.

 

Dating isn't a competition. Despite what you may think, every single girl doesn't have 10 options to choose from at all times and secretly judging who the winner will be by what they say or do.

 

I date an absolute smokeshow. Not trying to be cocky or pat myself on the back, but I'm a good looking guy, social, athletic background and she's completely outta my league. I thought she was the kinda girl that had so many options just like you're thinking and I would need to be perfect around her just to have a shot. Guess what tho, turns out that she literally wasn't talking to entertaining dating at all and hadn't for a year because she was focused on school and her career. Her ideal weekend? Sitting at home watching movies. Not going to ViP rooms and parties like I thought she'd want.

 

Stop limiting yourself and forming such firm opinions and beliefs on things just because you heard it somewhere or watched it on tv or think that's what works.

 

You already feel you're at rock bottom in the dating/social world. What the heck could possibly be worse? If I were you I'd be trying every different possible approach I could come up with because what have I got to lose?

 

Assumptions are derived from social interaction and despite what some may think I do actually get quite a bit of that. Fact is dating is a competition, you are out there to get the best you possibly can, the person you like most and yes I do believe that many socially conformist females have LOTS of options irrespective of looks.

 

I am glad you can punch out of your league, unfortunately MOST people cannot, hence you find guys at 30-35 just settling for anything.

 

As for being at rock bottom, I am far from it, yes, there are absolutely no dating prospects at all but life is more than dating, I just make sure each and every minute of the day is spent doing something and by doing that I don't usually have the opportunity to feel lonely. I am still going to chase K, merely as a friend and see how far I get with that, she is communicating with me in a fashion so for the time being that's enough for me.

 

Another piece of advice for the OP, occupy your time with activities, thinking about being single is quite toxic.

[ZA Dater]

Ya and starting the game late is embarrassing, it would be like learning to ride a bike with training wheels as an adult, which doesn't look right

 

Agreed on this but it is what it is, you cant change the past but you can change the future.

[suds00]

i'm twice your age.i have a similar past.i would only caution you not to do something that is crazy and may cause regret.

[preraph]

How many friends do you have? Are you comfortable socializing with friends? If not, you need to start at ground zero and work on any anxiety you might have with a therapist. You can't go from asocial to getting a girlfriend very easily. You have to gain those skills and get rid of any anxiety.

 

If you're easy with friends, usually you'll meet girls in a natural way through friends and just hanging out. Since you're 30, at this point, I guess I need to stop saying "girls," because you're too old to date girls and will be dating women. Have you ever thought about asking out a woman you're not especially attracted to but who is friendly to you to just get used to being around women?

[4ever8lone]

How many friends do you have? Are you comfortable socializing with friends? If not, you need to start at ground zero and work on any anxiety you might have with a therapist. You can't go from asocial to getting a girlfriend very easily. You have to gain those skills and get rid of any anxiety.

 

If you're easy with friends, usually you'll meet girls in a natural way through friends and just hanging out. Since you're 30, at this point, I guess I need to stop saying "girls," because you're too old to date girls and will be dating women. Have you ever thought about asking out a woman you're not especially attracted to but who is friendly to you to just get used to being around women?

 

Im not anxious around friends but i dont really talk that much in certain situations. I usually let my more confident friends do most of the talking. However it does takes me a couple of weeks for me to open up and feel comfortable around new people. Which isnt a help when it comes to meeting women, as you need to be able to put all of your cards on the table in the first meeting. I dont know any women my age that are single and interested. They are either interested and too young or are older and in relationships. Im at the sort of age where most women are either settled in relationships or are single and have the "i dont need no man" attitude.

[WaitingForBardot]

Im not anxious around friends but i dont really talk that much in certain situations. I usually let my more confident friends do most of the talking. However it does takes me a couple of weeks for me to open up and feel comfortable around new people. Which isnt a help when it comes to meeting women, as you need to be able to put all of your cards on the table in the first meeting. I dont know any women my age that are single and interested. They are either interested and too young or are older and in relationships. Im at the sort of age where most women are either settled in relationships or are single and have the "i dont need no man" attitude.

I have a suggestion, something I started doing a long time ago...

 

Don't just try to talk to women you like, talk to all of them! And not just the women. Make it a point to try to chat up cashiers, other people in line with you at the market, the theatre, wherever. Lots of people will blow you off, some will even be rude, but others will actually engage you in brief conversations. The key is not to linger; when you've finished your business just say 'later' and move on. The more you practice this, the easier and more natural it will become, especially with someone you think you might be interested in.

[preraph]

If you're shy at first, the key is to get yourself a second job for nights or weekends or whatever that isn't necessarily a great job, but is a job where you can meet people. Because working with people, you will make friends and they have time to get to know you. Good jobs for that are retail jobs and restaurant or club jobs.

 

You can also enroll in a night class for something that is a group activity such as a cooking class or any team type thing or even where there's lab work where you have partners and stuff. Use your imagination and don't give up. A lot of people are not great on first meeting and fine once you are around them awhile. Good luck. Just don't try for younger girls. That will get you nowhere at your age. There are plenty of 30s and up that are single out there. To young girls, you are now too old. And don't even tell anyone you're a virgin. Believe me, having experience doesn't mean you're good in bed and not having it doesn't mean you're bad in bed -- and everyone is different what style they like, gentle or bold, so don't worry about it and don't tell them because it comes off unconfident.

[4ever8lone]

If you're shy at first, the key is to get yourself a second job for nights or weekends or whatever that isn't necessarily a great job, but is a job where you can meet people. Because working with people, you will make friends and they have time to get to know you. Good jobs for that are retail jobs and restaurant or club jobs.

 

You can also enroll in a night class for something that is a group activity such as a cooking class or any team type thing or even where there's lab work where you have partners and stuff. Use your imagination and don't give up. A lot of people are not great on first meeting and fine once you are around them awhile. Good luck. Just don't try for younger girls. That will get you nowhere at your age. There are plenty of 30s and up that are single out there. To young girls, you are now too old. And don't even tell anyone you're a virgin. Believe me, having experience doesn't mean you're good in bed and not having it doesn't mean you're bad in bed -- and everyone is different what style they like, gentle or bold, so don't worry about it and don't tell them because it comes off unconfident.

 

I already work in retail. I do the bare minimum when it comes to conversing with customers. Its like my brain just switches off when I need to talk to people. Plus its not something I enjoy doing.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I personally know of a guy who is the OP's age and that's when he got his first girlfriend, at age 31!, he says despite being happy that he finally has a girlfriend, he still occasionally gets envious, jealous, towards people who had relationships earlier in life, mainly teens and early 20's couples, and does sometimes get somewhat depressed over missing out on his teens and 20's

[Qboro90]

Assumptions are derived from social interaction and despite what some may think I do actually get quite a bit of that. Fact is dating is a competition, you are out there to get the best you possibly can, the person you like most and yes I do believe that many socially conformist females have LOTS of options irrespective of looks.

 

I am glad you can punch out of your league, unfortunately MOST people cannot, hence you find guys at 30-35 just settling for anything.

 

As for being at rock bottom, I am far from it, yes, there are absolutely no dating prospects at all but life is more than dating, I just make sure each and every minute of the day is spent doing something and by doing that I don't usually have the opportunity to feel lonely. I am still going to chase K, merely as a friend and see how far I get with that, she is communicating with me in a fashion so for the time being that's enough for me.

 

Another piece of advice for the OP, occupy your time with activities, thinking about being single is quite toxic.

 

 

 

You literally said in a previous post that being a virgin defines you life. So do you think that way or do you occupy your time with other activities and goals like you said in this post.

 

So while you think it's great that I can punch out of my league but think most people cannot do that.... Then follow up saying that dating is a competition where you are out to get the best possible person you can.... Wouldn't that mean that you are strictly shooting for women who are out of your league? Is K out of your league?

Do you think that YOU are the best person that K can get in dating? If not then by your thinking, she should never entertain dating you because you're not the desired opportunity.

 

What you're thinking and preaching is wrong. There's no other way to say it. You've thought this was and had no luck to this point. Swallow a little pride and give something else a shot. There's nothing to lose.

[ZA Dater]

You literally said in a previous post that being a virgin defines you life. So do you think that way or do you occupy your time with other activities and goals like you said in this post.

 

So while you think it's great that I can punch out of my league but think most people cannot do that.... Then follow up saying that dating is a competition where you are out to get the best possible person you can.... Wouldn't that mean that you are strictly shooting for women who are out of your league? Is K out of your league?

Do you think that YOU are the best person that K can get in dating? If not then by your thinking, she should never entertain dating you because you're not the desired opportunity.

 

What you're thinking and preaching is wrong. There's no other way to say it. You've thought this was and had no luck to this point. Swallow a little pride and give something else a shot. There's nothing to lose.

 

If you read what I typed carefully you would see I am suggesting that the OP not let one aspect of his life define him. Create something that people would want to date, forget about what you don't have but try and work with what you do have.

 

 

At the end of the day you are who you are, sure people can change to an extent but you actually need to like who you are to even get onto the field of play. Saying you cant because of ABC reason isn't helping anyone at all.

 

 

In my opinion a tremendous amount about dating relates to ones own perspective on life, the things that touch ones heart and mind, soppy yes but for one person something is special and for another its not. Yes, some people are more dateable than others, physical appearance, I used to think this counted very little but actually it probably counts the most and right about now people are going to say "but he is a hunk and she isn't", yes I guess that exists but when you strip that situation down, trust me she isn't with him because of anything intangible.

 

 

One needs the right mind to get onto the field, some people actually after a time just realise the dream is probably better than the reality and thus live out most days in a quasi fantasy reality world and there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion, yes you aren't even going to get laid, you wont ever have that mental stimulation but you can walk around feeling reasonably happy and projecting a degree of happiness.

 

 

You can chase what you want but if you do that, then it is a competition, you will probably need to try and punch above your weight and you DO need to bring something to the table but you also need to be confident what you bring to the table is actually good enough to impress the person.

 

 

As for me being "wrong", I fail to see how I can be wrong, based on the dates I had had, does that make me wrong, does waiting for something I actually like to appear make me "wrong"?

 

 

My advice to the OP remains the same, its a competition, be the best you can ALL THE TIME. See positive instead of negative and believe in what you want to accomplish.

 

 

As for me not being a desired opportunity, pretty much the truth based on factual evidence.

[preraph]

I already work in retail. I do the bare minimum when it comes to conversing with customers. Its like my brain just switches off when I need to talk to people. Plus its not something I enjoy doing.

 

It's something you need to work on, find out why you're uncomfortable, and discipline yourself to change IF you ever want to make friends and girlfriends.

[4ever8lone]

It's something you need to work on, find out why you're uncomfortable, and discipline yourself to change IF you ever want to make friends and girlfriends.

 

 

Im very extroverted when im with work colleagues ,not new ones. But most of the time away from familiar people i would consider myself an introvert. Maybe i find it difficult to relax and be myself in unfamiliar settings.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Seems to be a very common trend in this generation, oh well