mystikmind2005 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Tell her you are happy for her to do this, then mention you will be having a weekend away at a motel with a single girl you just met and you hope she is ok with it because it seems to be the thing to do in this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Dump her. It's that simple for me, if I were in your shoes. Come on....traveling in an RV with a single dude? Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 She went to Australia alone not worrying about her safety ,why is she suddenly scared to go to Sydney alone? I think she wants to breath some fresh air since it's been 8 years with you. I don't mean she wants to cheat though. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I'll go one step more. First, you are absolutely in the right. Second, the whole "quit the job and go traveling solo" thing definitely would have alerted me that there are massive problems brewing. She's using you as a back up. A safety net. She's out there WITHOUT YOU, meeting tons of new people and this will change her, permanently. You are doing the same old thing, so you won't change. I hate to point this out, but it's true. I'm going to get bashed for it but.... Any time a woman feels unfulfilled, wishy washy about her life and goes off to do something alone, it's the beginning of the end for the current dude. These things happen in the form of traveling alone, living alone, taking classes alone. Because.... she's not really alone. She's meeting scores of new, interesting people that she will feel more closely aligned with than old, reliable Ben. Boring Ben. Ben that represents a life she no longer wants. What amazes me is how women often don't take their existing boyfriend into the new life. They dump him, cheat on him or whatever as they enter the new phase. I've seen this countless times and been the poor nice guy myself. It's too late with this one unless you get yourself to Australia and do the trip in the RV with just her and you. Oherwise... be ready for disaster. It's at your doorstep. I'm a traveller. Just came back from South America. ..and before that Russia.... then prior to that Europe Asia and North America. .... I am Australian. I live near Sydney. .. first off, Australia is massively expensive so I'm sure she'll be back before you know it lol. And second of all, despite my travel bug, I would NEVER travel for MONTHS without my boyfriend! But then again, in South America I spoke with a Canadian girl who told me how she had a boyfriend of 1.5 years and yet she as traveling alone..... and explained that this is who she is and any man needs to accept that she enjoys space and solo travel. Her mate who a was travelling with her also said that she had a partner of 15 years and thereshe was....traveling alone for months. .... Personally, while I like space, I just don't want to be away from my boyfriend for too long.... I spent 3 weeks in Bolovia /Argentina /Chile and Peru recently. And after a week I honestly had a rotten time because I missed my boyfriend. ........I was the girl of my tour group who was missing her boyfriend people knew and always asked me about him....he was very obviously in my thoughts..... Is YOUR girl missing you and making it known to all around her? I think not. Girls like me don't go for months away from their partner. Which means, she's either like those two Canadian girls from my tour who NEED space...from their partners. ... OR.. .....OR....the only other alternative is that she IS like me....and can't just leave a partner she's in love with for months... yet she just ISN'T in love with you...... So what one is it? Is she really just the type of person who enjoys solo travel? Or is she just....well... not in love with you? Personally, I don't believe a woman who chooses to travel solo with another dude really loves her boyfriend. I just don't think these are the actions of a woman who is in love. It's been 8 years. .. the relationship has probably run its course. You're so young.... 8 years is a very long time to not be married. ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Regarding the coincidence thing..... I met two dudes from the small town I live in near Sydney when I was at a hostel in Berlin. ..... I ended up sort of dating the guy I met in Berlin. ... And I became FWB with the other guy I met in Berlin who also lived in my small town . So there ya go... two men in a Berlin hostel who happened to live where I did in Australia. BUT Aussies are well known for traveling overseas. Aussies travel way more than say, Americans. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Regarding the coincidence thing..... I met two dudes from the small town I live in near Sydney when I was at a hostel in Berlin. ..... I ended up sort of dating the guy I met in Berlin. ... And I became FWB with the other guy I met in Berlin who also lived in my small town . So there ya go... two men in a Berlin hostel who happened to live where I did in Australia. BUT Aussies are well known for traveling overseas. Aussies travel way more than say, Americans. Hell yeah Aussies travel A LOT! I met a cute Aussie girl in France in my travels and when I was in London, I think I met more Aussie's than I met Londoner's. And don't bust on American's! This American LOVES to travel! But, you are right, most American's holiday inside the country. But, to our defense, there is a sh*t ton to do inside the states. So, people don't feel the need to travel outside the country. If you feel like skiing or snowboarding, no need to go to the Swiss Alps, just go to Colorado. If you feel like traveling to the desert, no need to go to Africa just go to Arizona. If you want to relax on a tropical Island on sandy beaches, no need to go to the Bahamas, just go to the Florida Keys. We have pretty much all seasonal settings in the states. Okay, so you ran into someone in your travels that was from your area. But, you stated that you've traveled a LOT. Russia, Bolivia, Germany..etc..etc.. And I'm pretty sure out of ALL the traveling you've done, this is the first time it's happened. So, the odds are still against you running into someone local if you don't travel as often as someone that has wanderlust. In this instance, there are too many coincidences. Meets a guy down there from her local area that just happens to be there for the same amount of time and traveling the same exact route that she's taking? She goes down there okay with going alone. Now all the sudden; after "meeting" this guy, her safety is NOW an issue? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Hell yeah Aussies travel A LOT! I met a cute Aussie girl in France in my travels and when I was in London, I think I met more Aussie's than I met Londoner's. And don't bust on American's! This American LOVES to travel! But, you are right, most American's holiday inside the country. But, to our defense, there is a sh*t ton to do inside the states. So, people don't feel the need to travel outside the country. If you feel like skiing or snowboarding, no need to go to the Swiss Alps, just go to Colorado. If you feel like traveling to the desert, no need to go to Africa just go to Arizona. If you want to relax on a tropical Island on sandy beaches, no need to go to the Bahamas, just go to the Florida Keys. We have pretty much all seasonal settings in the states. Okay, so you ran into someone in your travels that was from your area. But, you stated that you've traveled a LOT. Russia, Bolivia, Germany..etc..etc.. And I'm pretty sure out of ALL the traveling you've done, this is the first time it's happened. So, the odds are still against you running into someone local if you don't travel as often as someone that has wanderlust. In this instance, there are too many coincidences. Meets a guy down there from her local area that just happens to be there for the same amount of time and traveling the same exact route that she's taking? She goes down there okay with going alone. Now all the sudden; after "meeting" this guy, her safety is NOW an issue? I am from Sydney. ... I meet many from Sydney at every single trip...... It was just funny that time in Berlin cos I ended up hooking up with the TWO guys who happened to be from my specific town, and where both at the same hostel. But yeah....I meet people from Sydney in every country, and especially when in Europe I met Sydney siders in EVERY town within every European country. ... .... EUROPEANS also travel heaps. ........ it probably wasn't coincidence. Just come to Sydney and see the massive volume of European and Asian backpackers...........there are also many Asians. Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 True about Europeans traveling as well. I see more Europeans than Americans in places I am in the States... NY and Miami Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Overall I have to say.. Men who have self respect aren't into girls that decide to up and leave for months and then have the audacity to want to travel ALONE for a month with a single dude in an RV. Men with balls don't tolerate this behaviour. Plain and simple. Sorry.. Enjoy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Hmm I feel for you because you have acknowledged your feelings but haven't let them dictate selfishly towards your girlfriend up until now. I think a few things: 1) she already knew the situation before going out there i.e. greyhound bus, different hostels, so saying it is safer is true but she went out there with the knowledge she had and took a calculated risk 2) it might not even be safer travelling with some random guy 3) it's totally normal to have concerns that in another environment, the rules that kept her in line with respecting the relationship boundaries, may not seem as applicable in this new setting 4) if it was a woman she was travelling with you would probably prefer that than her travelling on the bus 5) if you found out the guy was some asexual/gay/stinky ugly bloke, you're anxieties would be lessened 6) she didn't have to tell you about RV and guy at all so her asking you is a good thing These things are all speculative though. Sorry to be vague/generalise but you're girlfriend should know not to even ask you this question and put you in this position as there are unspoken boundaries that should not be crossed if you want a certain type of relationship and those wants remain unasked and unspoken out of respect. Because she feels there is nothing to it and is out there having a great time experiencing wonderful times without you, she may feel like you are cramping her style. If you agree to it, does it open the door to more request s like this in the future whereas you would like it to be a one time thing at most? Or do you quietly show her trust and respect and say sure, it's fine, and then if anything were to happen, it would be on her, not you Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Ben, just checking in on you....how are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 Blah, this is a dead thread. OP isn't coming back. Link to post Share on other sites
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