dreamingoftigers Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 That thread was abt several guys. He doesnt ogle like the guy in the restaurant i was talking about. Im starting to feel like hes taking advantage of me being laid back. Of course he is. Why change anything if you don't "absolutely have to"? Your comfort has not been paramount of center-focus in this relationship. But you've accommodated his weird baggage for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I've never broken up with anyone before. The holiday season is making it more awkward. God forbid, he surprises me with a ring on xmas! Why on earth would you marry him? You know that would be, like, certifiably insane, right? If so, then all the more reason to break up BEFORE the holidays. It's tough, but it will be way better than struggling through Christmas and NYs in a dysfunctional relationship, that has to end anyway. Can you book yourself a little get away somewhere? Do it, and get out of town? Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I think you make it hard to advice you if you say you guys not in a serious relationship, but you there alot and having sex and all......? Because one will think: Then why you worry then or why you making it all a issue since its not a serious thing you having with him? Or why would he even adjust anything if you say you guys not serious meaning you soon walking out.!!!!!!!!? You think he want to leave his daughter at home for some girls he is just messing with?? If you guys were real with each other you could talk about it with him. Because you dont want it to build up into irritation and things to continue that way your whole relationship. Since i think the daughter may be a very sensitive subject to him cause hes not bother to take her everywhere (maybe out of pity?she dont have much friends?)) Ask him why!), its better to bring it up in a very kind way. And ask him to at least have the dates for only you and him. And i think you may feel weird also because the daughter is almost your age. But you cant change that ,because you chose him yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Or they are two loners and always traveled together true all divorce and now they cant seem able to have a healthy relationship or separate social life other then walk around together even on dates. Weird/ boring Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 Ive already gone over it with him over and over. His adult child has a bf, friend, and plenty of family in the,area. Shes not alone. In fact, i wonder how she finds time for her own bf. He doesnt see anything wrong with bringing her on 1/2 of our dates. dates. He thinks everyone else (me, 2nd ex wife, other women hes had tried to date) are being unreasonable and are jealous of him and daughter or dont know what a good daddy daughter relationship looks like. He lost 2nd wife bc of relationship with daughter. We are a couple. Weve had sex. Im actually surprised weve had sex as he nearly had me sleep in the guest room the first time i stayed over. I dont know where i said we were not serious. He has already asked me to move in and he talks abt marriage. Cherryz, much of this thread has discussed things like him bringing her with us to pick out sexy outfits for me, ruining dates by bringing her even if i pay, and him making comments abt her body. Weve already established that their relationship is bordering incest. Hes been dating his daughter for years. Now hes phasing her out as gf and shes getting jealous. Sometimes single parents start dating their children. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 Why on earth would you marry him? You know that would be, like, certifiably insane, right? If so, then all the more reason to break up BEFORE the holidays. It's tough, but it will be way better than struggling through Christmas and NYs in a dysfunctional relationship, that has to end anyway. Can you book yourself a little get away somewhere? Do it, and get out of town? Oh no, i have no intentions of marrying this guy. I couldnt imagine that. I see why 2nd ex wife had a problem with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 A takeaway from this relationship might be to assert your own needs and boundaries earlier and firmer. Think of it as being your authentic self. Don't tolerate crap you find intolerable to "make things work". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Hey, everyone. I met a cool guy, but I have a problem and don't know how to broach this subject. I haven't talked to him about it bc we are not that serious, at least not yet. .. You started your topic with saying that so i guess u not aware what you are typing., And if its incest you see and know that and you still messing with him makes you accomplish of it to. And no! It doesn't happen that parents dates their kids! Sick people mess with their own kids and family! Beside in your first post you made it sound more like a "innocent" thing. But turns out to be much more to it. No one have time to read every little thing you add. Cause there are also much more topics here to read. I hope in your next post you are telling us that you left this sick figure! Because if you dont, i think soon you wont even see the wrong in this! Why you think 2 WIVES left? Not even just gf.:sick: It most shake you up that it most been something really sick or bad for wives to leave because of a "daughter". Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 Oh, sorry. Not long after that, we confirmed that we are a couple. Weve gone from just met to looking at rings in record time. I think hes trying to recreate marriage with 2nd wife tbh. He compares us a bit, like we have the same built body. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Why you still wasting time with him? TBH if I had to bring up the conversation it demonstrates he has his own way of thinking.... it's plain weird and I wonder why his daughter doesn't say something. Like "Dad this isn't normal. None of my friends go on dates with their dad and his GF" I would simply say " this relation isn't working for me, but take care" Find yourself a younger man doesn't bring his adult daughter on dates. He's a lunatic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 ^Imo she doesnt say anything bc shes spent years feeling like his special gf. Shes had dinners, movies, vacations, and apparently a little sexual tension, etc over the years with dad. Best i can figure, as i find it equally bizarre and annoying that she agrees to come. If he were not otherwise almosy ideal, i wouldve been gone. Problem is a lot of guys in my area already have a bunch of kids. I wasnt opposed to dating someone with an adult daughter bc i assumed everyone would be passed custody type issues. Honestly, i feel like im dating a man with a 12 year old child. If she were actually 12, at least things would be more understandable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 It hit me. He may be using me as some kind of beard. Not that hes gay, but ut must look strange to friends and family for a 50 year old man to mostly date his daughter. Hes goes through a lot of effort to bring me around, but he makes it difficult for us to have one on one time. Not only that, he acts like im crazy and being difficult for wanting to go on dates with him (without daughter that is). Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Hotpotato, it has been almost a month since we've heard from you... How did it go through the holidays and are you still seeing the guy (and his daughter?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 We're still together, but I don't know for how much longer. He was doing very well, then he slipped again. We got into a very bad fight. It was recently my birthday, but then he wanted to give half of the cake HE GOT ME to his daughter. He says I was being selfish and that he could just buy me another cake. I had it, I went off on him. I told him i understand completely why 2nd ex wife was pizzed. I told him what next, he's gonna give me roses then give half to his daughter? i told her she would feel bad if I bought her a cake or whatever then tried to give half of it away. He says his daughter would be fine. He also says she and her bf would be fine if i hung around them 75% of the time. Hmmm ok. In short, he says that 2nd ex wife and are are selfish. We have the same issue with him, buuut he is not the problem. We just can't handle how kind and caring he is. He says he wants to spend time with her before she gets married and has kids. Umm, what if she's 40 and unwed? I told him half of our memories are actually memories of myself, him, and his daughter. I flat out told him he was trying to force us into being a family and trying to have 2 gfs. He acted like I was a terrible person because I don't want his daughter around constantly like some kind of love triangle. We went to Tx a month ago, and he was fawning over her. He said in short that he thought about inviting his daughter and that it was his first time flying without her. He looked flat out effin sad that she wasnt there. When were there we had a great time and stayed in a nice place. We actually had sex. Really? Was he going to invite her and let her c*ckblock us like that? I asked him if he was intending on inviting her to our honeymoon. "Oh, my daughter hasn't been to the Cayman islands, maybe we should invite her!" :rolleyes::rolleyes: Hell, one time she said flat out she could go on a trip with her own bf. Why does she need to come with us? Inviting her should not cross his mind AT ALL. He says he was joking about her coming with us and that he didn't mean to imply that she should get half my cake. He's a great bf up until it comes to his second gf aka his daughter. I'm tired of going through this over and over. I'm tired of being accused of being selfish/ignorant/ jealous because I dont want to date daddy + daughter. I've been more than generous. So whatever I've done all i can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I'm frankly shocked you have put up with it for as long as you have.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Hotpotato, You've been through this over and over. Either you're into it or you're not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 He clearly tells you that nothing is going to change. Yet you keep expecting it too, and complain when it doesn't. I just don't get it at this point. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 He acted like I was a terrible person because I don't want his daughter around constantly like some kind of love triangle. But it's not a "love triangle" is it? It is a "family" - a dad and a mom and a kid. He cannot understand why you cannot "play" the mom, as that is your role, surely? Only you, as a very much younger, single woman wants a one on one adult relationship, (with the kid VERY much in the background) and that is not obviously what he is offering here. He is a dad first and foremost with a kid, who wants a step mom for that kid. He wants to enjoy his daughter in the time they have left together before she goes off and leaves the nest. He wants to play happy families with you and the kid, spending time with you alone does not apparently hold the same attraction for him. It is a case of people dating, who are at different life stages. YOU are looking for a life partner and are into being a couple and doing "coupley" things, whereas he is a parent who is facing his daughter becoming independent and his time of close parenthood coming to an end. He wants to extend the time he has left with her and wants you to slot into the mommy role. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) But it's not a "love triangle" is it? It is a "family" - a dad and a mom and a kid. He cannot understand why you cannot "play" the mom, as that is your role, surely? Only you, as a very much younger, single woman wants a one on one adult relationship, (with the kid VERY much in the background) and that is not obviously what he is offering here. He is a dad first and foremost with a kid, who wants a step mom for that kid. He wants to enjoy his daughter in the time they have left together before she goes off and leaves the nest. He wants to play happy families with you and the kid, spending time with you alone does not apparently hold the same attraction for him. It is a case of people dating, who are at different life stages. YOU are looking for a life partner and are into being a couple and doing "coupley" things, whereas he is a parent who is facing his daughter becoming independent and his time of close parenthood coming to an end. He wants to extend the time he has left with her and wants you to slot into the mommy role. Child in question is 23 years old and has a mom very much in her life. Child has a bf, has graduated college, etc. Bc he has been pampering her so much even at this age, its like shes a gf. I guess they want to ride off into the sunset together. *shrug* Edited February 9, 2016 by hotpotato Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 I honestly dont know why i bothered this long. When he was trying to give away half my cake, i lost it the next day when it sunk in. Yes, hos daughter has done my hair and she gave me a gift card. That doesnt mean give away my cake or that shes entitled to come on dates or getaways with us. Sigh whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I honestly dont know why i bothered this long. When he was trying to give away half my cake, i lost it the next day when it sunk in. Yes, hos daughter has done my hair and she gave me a gift card. That doesnt mean give away my cake or that shes entitled to come on dates or getaways with us. Sigh whatever. Everyone AGREES WITH YOU. Why don't YOU AGREE WITH YOU enough to end it and find someone who isn't going to take their daughter on a honeymoon whining "why can't we all share?" 4 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 At this point it just sounds like you're enjoying the drama of it all. If you're so disgusted by the whole relationship they have, you would have ended it months ago. It seems more like a contest that you're now trying to win with the daughter. And you don't have a chance in hell of winning this one. Until you accept that, you'll be stuck in this stupid situation. You could easily have been out of it by now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 No, i dont like the drama. I wouldnt have stayed this long had he not been otherwise perfect. Thats,my life, find guy i like then find out he has a major dealbreaker. I guess its my mo, to take a lot of bs then snap and be done. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 No, i dont like the drama. I wouldnt have stayed this long had he not been otherwise perfect. Thats,my life, find guy i like then find out he has a major dealbreaker. I guess its my mo, to take a lot of bs then snap and be done. So how far are we from "snap"? Or is there going to be a wedding cake with three figurines? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Child in question is 23 years old and has a mom very much in her life. Child has a bf, has graduated college, etc. Bc he has been pampering her so much even at this age, its like shes a gf. I guess they want to ride off into the sunset together. *shrug* I am very aware of all that, but it doesn't alter the fact he is her dad and wants to be still be a big part of her life. YOU are jealous and see her as a "gf" and a competitor vying for his attention, when he is just a helicopter parent who cannot let go and wants you to fit in and be one big happy family. Unless you give in and be the "mom", like he wants you to be, this is going nowhere. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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