Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Is there one thing you can do each day to get yourself out of bed? Walk the dog? Get a tea? Watch a show? When I was at my lowest point, the only reason I woke up every day was to watch this one Telenovela. I was completely addicted to it, and I didn't even speak Spanish. Yet every day I was up by 11am to watch it (way before DVRs). That telenovela saved me in a way. Plus I learned how to say "Soy su padre!" very effectively. I can walk the dogs. This is embarrassing but I don't know how to turn the TVs on so I never watch. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Spend as much time outside as you can. I'm envious of how you've talked about your garden. The outdoor light and fresh air will do you far more good than the light from your t.v. (or computer screen). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Thanks for the posts. Therapy tomorrow. There just doesn't seem to be much to say anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I wish I could shake you out of your rut. I know it's up to you, though. Work with the CBT. And, stay in frequent contact with the doctor who prescribed your meds, especially within the first month. Do you keep a daily mood tracking journal other than here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 I am a bit better, I got showered, and dressed 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Did you brush and floss your teeth? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Did you brush and floss your teeth? I did. I'm fantatical about teeth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Friday night eww Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 My little girl has been throwing-up all day. We're both in yesterday's pajamas. It's actually been nice snuggling in bed all day. Not the romantic Friday night we like to imagine but it keeps me happy & snug. I'm starting to wonder if it's the only kind of unconditional love I'll ever know & I'm content with that today 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 My little girl has been throwing-up all day. We're both in yesterday's pajamas. It's actually been nice snuggling in bed all day. Not the romantic Friday night we like to imagine but it keeps me happy & snug. I'm starting to wonder if it's the only kind of unconditional love I'll ever know & I'm content with that today Sometimes I do think that is the only unconditional love there is. And it's the best. Friday night eww Not the Friday night I wanted either NewLeaf. Guess we can commiserate on that. What I am going to do tomorrow though is get up early and do a really long run. And do the same Sunday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 My little girl has been throwing-up all day. We're both in yesterday's pajamas. It's actually been nice snuggling in bed all day. Not the romantic Friday night we like to imagine but it keeps me happy & snug. I'm starting to wonder if it's the only kind of unconditional love I'll ever know & I'm content with that today That is my regret. No children. Feeling empty today Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 That is my regret. No children. Feeling empty today I understand. But... it does not preclude you from the pain you are in now. Trust me on that. You can still have kids if that's what you want. I was in my 40's when I had my second daughter. Her death was related to what was an apparent genetic tendency for me to have preterm babies (my first son was 5 weeks early, and it went from there). You have everything to live for, and so much life left. I pray you see that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I understand. But... it does not preclude you from the pain you are in now. Trust me on that. You can still have kids if that's what you want. I was in my 40's when I had my second daughter. Her death was related to what was an apparent genetic tendency for me to have preterm babies (my first son was 5 weeks early, and it went from there). You have everything to live for, and so much life left. I pray you see that. I can't. I had a radical hysterectomy and my cervix and omentum removed in Jan 2014 Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I can't. I had a radical hysterectomy and my cervix and omentum removed in Jan 2014 I'm sorry to hear that. And I think I remember now that you mentioned it before. What I am trying to say is that your not having children should not impact your relationships in the future. Just my opinion. It also doesn't make going through what you are going through, any easier. Trust me on that one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I'm sorry to hear that. And I think I remember now that you mentioned it before. What I am trying to say is that your not having children should not impact your relationships in the future. Just my opinion. It also doesn't make going through what you are going through, any easier. Trust me on that one. Hi Hope. I'm sure there will be a benefit some day but as my therapist said one of the issues I have is no tribe Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I have one child and she has one child. They are all I have in the world. It is quite isolating and does have an impact in later life, especially if you live alone. Family/tribe is part of identity. Poppy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Given your financial situation have you considered adoption? My H's OW reached 'that age' with no partner. She has been artificially inseminated twice & has 2 lovely children & a thriving career. I know insemination isn't an option for you. When I was an independent career woman my 'grand plan' was adoption. There are so many children in this world whose lives can be truly transformed by finding their person. A woman who has a heart open to love unconditionally. My dear friend was from Chinese heritage. Her life's ambition was always to adopt Chinese girls. My recent cancer diagnosis means I'm facing radical hysterectomy. Even though I have 2 beautiful little children & never had firm plans to have more the absolute finality of the surgery is truly doing my head in. I can only imagine where your brain dives on 'those' days. I wish I could reach out through time & space & give you a huge hug. I'm so sorry. I thought I read that you were considering fertility treatment at some point? Was that before your surgery or have I got it completely wrong? Would you consider giving home & heart to a child that's not biologically yours? I know it's a monumental decision. It takes courage & dedication but the rewards for BOTH of you could be equally huge & life changing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Given your financial situation have you considered adoption? My H's OW reached 'that age' with no partner. She has been artificially inseminated twice & has 2 lovely children & a thriving career. I know insemination isn't an option for you. When I was an independent career woman my 'grand plan' was adoption. There are so many children in this world whose lives can be truly transformed by finding their person. A woman who has a heart open to love unconditionally. My dear friend was from Chinese heritage. Her life's ambition was always to adopt Chinese girls. My recent cancer diagnosis means I'm facing radical hysterectomy. Even though I have 2 beautiful little children & never had firm plans to have more the absolute finality of the surgery is truly doing my head in. I can only imagine where your brain dives on 'those' days. I wish I could reach out through time & space & give you a huge hug. I'm so sorry. I thought I read that you were considering fertility treatment at some point? Was that before your surgery or have I got it completely wrong? Would you consider giving home & heart to a child that's not biologically yours? I know it's a monumental decision. It takes courage & dedication but the rewards for BOTH of you could be equally huge & life changing.. Yes I would and I trued .there is no Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hey "NewLeaf", from what your wrote gradually, I understand you REALLY had gone through a lot (and really a lot) but you are still in such strong survival mode. Your XMM was just a little tiny bit noisy in your life, I am sure you will rise up again and explore the fantastic life & new experience ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hi NewLeaf, I've been following your posts and wanted to tell that no matter how bad you feel at the moment, it is not a permanent statement of your future. I've been battling depression on and off for years and one really evil thing that it does to your mind - it narrows down your vision to the point of where nothing makes any sense anymore, you are stuck being intensely miserable and lose the big picture and all the sense of perspective. Remind yourself to OPEN UP. Life is so much more than one job, or one man, or any one situation that you are stuck in right now. You may feel it will never get better, but it is simply not true. You were happy before, it means you are capable of being happy again. Nothing is ever permanent. Look at your situation from the outside. Yes, this man did you wrong. He broke your heart, he shattered your dreams. If you feel like dying, you need to think of the REAL him - coward and cheater, maybe he is overweight, or vain, or cheap, or whatever - this is what you need to remember. He is simply not worth all your suffering over him. He is just a man, just so much he could ever offer you. I remember you mentioned you had high paying job, obviously you're very educated and intelligent. Use your intelligence to help yourself, to be your own best friend and supporter. Yes, you will survive, and you will feel better. Yes, you will love again. Wishing you all the best xoxo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 NL... I would suggest reading Shadowburn's post over and over again. I have, and I'm trying to grab onto that part about him being just a man. I'm trying. He's just a man. He's just a man. But damn. He isn't just a man, at least not according to my heart. In your case - knowing a bit more about you now, I REALLY think Shadowburn's post applies. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you have the world in front of you. You really do. Life really just does suck sometimes. I'm not supposed to be here today. I'm at work, trying not to kill people (literally). Hopefully successfully. But I'm not supposed to be here today, and my "choices" (this one) cost me everything. How are you doing today? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hope, he IS just a man. There are three freaking BILLIONS of men out there. Life simply cannot be about just any ONE man no matter how good looking/rich/passionate he is...sorry, no one is that special. And if you've been reading posts on this forum, you probably saw that those MMs are just bunch of weak selfish losers, not worth all the pain you lovely ladies put yourself through. Open up, let the life to take you on a new exciting adventure, move jobs if needed, move town, yes you can, and yes, you will laugh again and will be happy again. Dream new dreams, surround yourself with people who want only the best for you, and let the Universe to take care of the rest xoxo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) Shadowburn, thanks for posting. My post was likely sort of vague because NewLeaf knows my story so I didn't give much detail. To be clear, I did my stint with a married man several years ago and ended up in a puddle on the floor several years later, so I can relate to NewLeaf as much as possible in that way. But the guy I was referring to is beautifully single. I just managed to f*ck up a LDR so it is a completely different situation than what I was in before and what NL is in. There's Hope though, as we still love each other. I just need to be more patient and less emotional (which will probably happen sometime shortly after pigs learn to fly). You are right though, there are 3 billion men on the planet. Unfortunately the other 2,999,999,999 somehow cease to exist when you love one of them. At least for me. And in the case of NewLeaf, I think she hates/loves/misses and wants to spit on him. All at once. (Did I get that right NewLeaf? ). It's just complicated. You are right again though, in that moving forward and onward is the way to go. I have an opportunity to go out with a bunch of coworkers tonight, but will probably not do it. I don't know. NewLeaf, didn't you just move to the place you're living now and you don't know anyone yet? Once you get in a job and get to know people, things will look up. They will. Edited October 17, 2015 by HopeForTomorrow 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hope, he IS just a man. There are three freaking BILLIONS of men out there. Life simply cannot be about just any ONE man no matter how good looking/rich/passionate he is...sorry, no one is that special. And if you've been reading posts on this forum, you probably saw that those MMs are just bunch of weak selfish losers, not worth all the pain you lovely ladies put yourself through. Open up, let the life to take you on a new exciting adventure, move jobs if needed, move town, yes you can, and yes, you will laugh again and will be happy again. Dream new dreams, surround yourself with people who want only the best for you, and let the Universe to take care of the rest xoxo[/quote SHADOW, I reposted this because I like its positivity and truth so very much. JUST A MAN... one out of billions...keeping that in mind could bring a lot of fretting and heartache into perspective. Poppy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I have one child and she has one child. They are all I have in the world. It is quite isolating and does have an impact in later life, especially if you live alone. Family/tribe is part of identity. Poppy That is what my therapist said x Link to post Share on other sites
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