ladydesigner Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Thanks Hope. I am pretty rock bottom. It's hard to think of other ways to make unicorn food when you are this numb. I did some work for the grief charity today which was ok. Nothing much but updating some contracts which needed to be done. x (((NewLeaf512))) I'm so sorry you feel depressed. Hoping it starts to pass soon. I'm not sure if you take or are even a fan of anti depressants? I know some people don't care for them, but they have really helped me through my dark times. I love the unicorn food idea btw I think it would be a great hit! I'll definitely eat my miseries away then. Link to post Share on other sites
Starbright78 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'm sorry, NewLeaf. ((((HUGS))))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 (((NewLeaf512))) I'm so sorry you feel depressed. Hoping it starts to pass soon. I'm not sure if you take or are even a fan of anti depressants? I know some people don't care for them, but they have really helped me through my dark times. I love the unicorn food idea btw I think it would be a great hit! I'll definitely eat my miseries away then. Hi LD I've thought of them, never been pro or anti so will call in at the GP tomorrow . My concerns: will my mind/focus be dulled in case I ever do get a job again? Withdrawal: I've heard it can be super scary Any insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'm sorry, NewLeaf. ((((HUGS))))) Thanks Lady SB. X Link to post Share on other sites
Starbright78 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 My concerns: will my mind/focus be dulled in case I ever do get a job again? Withdrawal: I've heard it can be super scary Any insight? I've been on them before. My experience was it took the edge off long enough for me to see a possibility of a rainbow again if that makes sense. My mind was still clear, I never had problems with that. If anything, I could think more clearly. The withdrawal can be a kicker but it helps to wean yourself off and not go cold turkey. I have done both and when I was weaned off over the course of 6 weeks, I barely noticed anything. The most important thing is to remember that those types of medications are trial and error. And it won't help overnight. The first one might not work for you but don't give up. I went through 3 different kinds one time before I found one that worked for me. I wa about 6 weeks into taking it and started to notice how much better I felt. I stayed on it for about a year and told my Dr I wanted to come off. I'd have no problems asking for help like that again if I needed it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I'm sorry you are feeling so depressed New Leaf. The info others shared about anti-depressants is accurate. I would also say that if you are feeling anxiety you should ask your doc about anti-anxiety meds as they can be very effective much faster than anti-depressants. Also, anxiety can cause and fuel depression. There's a book I always recommend for anyone seriously depressed. Its called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. I believe he also has a website. Its the basis for cognitive behavioral therapy. Simply put that negative thinking can cause depression. As others have said, you can choose what you think or don't think about what happens to you and the experiences you have. I hope you find some peace soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Thanks you MO I hope this for me too. I guess I am still gobsmacked at the length of the friendship, then A (over a decade in total) exIdiot being in my life for H suicide, for my 2 cancers, then him lying to me, proceeding to spend time and money and then not go through with it, without even a backwards glance and the final insult the legal letter BS over the summer. Perhaps this weekend is worse due to their huge 25th wedding anniversary party. They either really love each other and have more forgiveness than any 2 people I have ever met, or it's an act. I hope it's the former. As for me, I know I couldn't forgive a man who cheated on me with multiple women over a circa 20 year period and be ok with it. That's where LS helped me to understand that THEIR M is THEIRS. not mine. I just want to stop the hurt Then do everything you can to make it stop. Or slow it down. Make it your mission to not give him power by being in your head so much, allowing you to feel pain. His marriage now and what goes on, their anniversary, fact that she forgave him doesn't matter...It's not your business and it's certainly not helpful for you to focus on them and their relationship. Set yourself free, give yourself peace by focusing on you and all the good things in your life. Good friends, family, and just life in general. Be kind to yourself too. Do counseling if need be. Join a yoga group, do meditation, bulk up on vitamin D and your B vitamins too, they will help ward off anxiety. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Another vote for anti depressants. They take take the edge of the obsessive ruminating and do not cloud one's mind - the opposite in fact since as someone has said, they remove the mind from the pit in which it is mired. I take sertraline - it's especially good for anxiety. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Then do everything you can to make it stop. Or slow it down. Make it your mission to not give him power by being in your head so much, allowing you to feel pain. His marriage now and what goes on, their anniversary, fact that she forgave him doesn't matter...It's not your business and it's certainly not helpful for you to focus on them and their relationship. Set yourself free, give yourself peace by focusing on you and all the good things in your life. Good friends, family, and just life in general. Be kind to yourself too. Do counseling if need be. Join a yoga group, do meditation, bulk up on vitamin D and your B vitamins too, they will help ward off anxiety. Thanks for your post. I do go to therapy and I don't have family just my friends. I will be ok. Sorry for the short response I just don't want to repeat my whole back story again. Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 i hope ur day is a little better than the other days. sending u lots of hugs. Dela 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Thanks for the wishes. I have got the medicine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hi LD I've thought of them, never been pro or anti so will call in at the GP tomorrow . My concerns: will my mind/focus be dulled in case I ever do get a job again? Withdrawal: I've heard it can be super scary Any insight? The anti depressants didn't cause my mind to be dulled, but mood stabilizers do. Also, yes the withdrawal is supposed to be a doozy, but I hear if you ween off slowly (similar to how they increase meds, a little at a time), then it is not as noticeable. I am currently still on my meds due to the False R. I went off my meds shortly before that and was re-traumatized so back on my meds it is! Hope you are feeling better today! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Thanks for all the insights. I wanted to try to tough it out without medicine, as I think altering brain chemistry can be dangerous, but, I feel like the last while (too long) has been "a series of unfortunate events" more so than my usual black cloud, and I'm not quitting therapy and relying on this as a cure all. I've spoken to my doctor and I've said that I would do a 30-60-90 day test to see if it will help during the 90 days, and then a 30 day period to stop the medicine in a phased way. I'm also using some CBT and aversion therapy methods. What's so ironic is that I don't love exIdiothead I don't want him back and I'm not pining over him. In my conscious and rational mind I know I'll never know or understand why, and that it doesn't matter anyway. When exIdiothead crosses my mind what I think of is why? Or why not? Or just very seldom now, a few moments of feeling worthless. Please note this relates to my experience ONLY ( as one I may be misguided and lying to myself. 2.this isn't true of most M affected by infidelity) If I feel worthless I often feel the other person is superior to me ( and I'm sure they are in ways I don't understand. But to help my self esteem, I the to mentally tell myself compliments I have received are all real, and try to take it on board. I don't compare myself to anyone else, that doesn't help, I list out things that are good about me no matter how silly. ( I have great teeth ) (people have told me I'm an excellent friend) to remind myself I'm worth something. X Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Leaf darling girl So many people here care about you, and want what is best for you... You are a wonderful, lovely person. The way you feel right now is not how you will always be. Feel it, go through it, but know that you will come out the other side. It will not always be like this. Hang in there. You have touched many people here, and they care for you. It really will be OK. You can do this. We are on your side x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 thanks for the good wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Newleaf, I am glad that you have tried medicine. I've had two very low periods in my life. For the first one, I didn't even realize medication was an option, and it took me over a year to bounce back to myself. The second time, after a couple of months I did try medicine and it helped me get out of the dark cloud pretty quickly. I don't remember any fogginess...actually I was able to focus better with the meds. I was on an anti-depressant for 3-4 years...every time I asked to go off my psychiatrist would say, "Oh no! You're not ready!" Until my insurance no longer covered his visits, then he said I was ready. (True story.) I actually didn't have any withdrawal symptoms when I went off, despite the length of time. Sending you positive thoughts, BSW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Hey NewLeaf. I'm so sorry that you're on the edge of the abyss right now. I know that place well. You KNOW that this will not last. It may feel like it will but it won't. As you know I'm a chronic pain sufferer. I just wanted to give you a little knowledge. Watch yourself particularly around week 3. Test your focus, recal AND judgement. If you think about it you can tell if a med isn't for you. Titrate slow when you're stopping & you shouldn't have problems. I've been on some of the strongest meds around. They're nothing to worry about as long as you educate yourself & take it slow. DON'T get stuck taking them forever & DON'T listen if anyone (even GP) says its easier to stay on than come off. If you take antidepressants, anxiety meds too long you don't notice how dulled you are until you stop & the lights are switched on. No harm in stopping & starting as long as you titrate! You are situationally depressed. You just need to scale the wall NOT find a 'little helper' for life. I wish you all the best. Maybe we can meet for a drink when I'm back home next year. I plan on being fit, healthy & HAPPY! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Terrible week for me. Still NC but I just can't stop thinking or crying. I am thinking of you Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Hey NewLeaf. I'm so sorry that you're on the edge of the abyss right now. I know that place well. You KNOW that this will not last. It may feel like it will but it won't. As you know I'm a chronic pain sufferer. I just wanted to give you a little knowledge. Watch yourself particularly around week 3. Test your focus, recal AND judgement. If you think about it you can tell if a med isn't for you. Titrate slow when you're stopping & you shouldn't have problems. I've been on some of the strongest meds around. They're nothing to worry about as long as you educate yourself & take it slow. DON'T get stuck taking them forever & DON'T listen if anyone (even GP) says its easier to stay on than come off. If you take antidepressants, anxiety meds too long you don't notice how dulled you are until you stop & the lights are switched on. No harm in stopping & starting as long as you titrate! You are situationally depressed. You just need to scale the wall NOT find a 'little helper' for life. I wish you all the best. Maybe we can meet for a drink when I'm back home next year. I plan on being fit, healthy & HAPPY! That's what I am scared of the most SL. Will I be able to check myself? Always up for a drink Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 I am trying to figure out a way from this maze of my own thoughts. how long does the medicine take to work? Therapy is twice a week, I have lost the ability to form words. Today a friend came to the door to try to drag me to yoga. I heard her knocking, I could see her on the cctv from my bed and my mobile was ringing, her calling to tell me to answer the door. I just laid there in bed, in my pyjamas, watching her knock and call knock and call and text and write me a note and stick it through the letter slot and walk off the landing. Just reached over and turned the phone to silent. My house maid got back from errands at midday, burst into my room, to the ensuite started running the bath and pointed at it and wouldn't get out of my room. So I took a bath, and she said walk the dogs (I have a dog walker) but I did it anyway. Clean and a hair wash, a dog walk, an ice-cream, medicine and back in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) I know it sounds lame but I've done timed IQ tests in the past! Watch out for being slow & cold in situations you wouldn't normally be. Some make you over emotional...that one can be hard to spot. Upto 3 weeks to fully kick in if it's a standard antidepressant. Valium, Xanax etc work fast. If I can't get a brush through my hair (it's long) I know I'm in trouble! How many days have you been in bed? Not good Edited October 14, 2015 by ShatteredLady Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 I know it sounds lame but I've done timed IQ tests in the past! Watch out for being slow & cold in situations you wouldn't normally be. Some make you over emotional...that one can be hard to spot. Upto 3 weeks to fully kick in if it's a standard antidepressant. Valium, Xanax etc work fast. If I can't get a brush through my hair (it's long) I know I'm in trouble! How many days have you been in bed? Not good My hair is long too. Since Monday after therapy. I went out for an hour last night because my 80 year old neighbour wanted me to eat dinner and she wouldn't take no for an answer. I do have on clean knickers but same jeans since Monday. ( I know) Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Fake it until you make it I know what's its like to be slammed from every direction. Ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Fake it until you make it I know what's its like to be slammed from every direction. Ugh! New clothes today Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Is there one thing you can do each day to get yourself out of bed? Walk the dog? Get a tea? Watch a show? When I was at my lowest point, the only reason I woke up every day was to watch this one Telenovela. I was completely addicted to it, and I didn't even speak Spanish. Yet every day I was up by 11am to watch it (way before DVRs). That telenovela saved me in a way. Plus I learned how to say "Soy su padre!" very effectively. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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