Finding geeky women in the UK - officially given up

[AspenBaldwin]

I hear ya, I've officially given up on finding brit men in Argentina

[MGX]

Are you having luck finding women in general? If a "non-geeky" woman is into you, there's a pretty good chance she can get into what you like.

 

I wouldn't bet on it. Non-geeky women don't understand the lifestyle and would easily be turned off.

 

OP might as well keep searching for someone who wouldn't judge him or hold his hobbies against him. Someone he could feel comfortable with.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

I am not sure what geek are you interested into, but maybe you can try some online games?

 

I play World of Warcraft but not intensively - I played for a couple of hours last night after not having played for a couple of weeks. It's not because I don't want to but more because I don't really have time to play it a lot.

 

Can you define geeky?

 

What sort of interests?

 

Ohhh, loads! I'm not sure I could lock it down to specifics but the stereotypical stuff - sci-fi, fantasy, movies, books, astronomy, paleontology, history, games, comics, computers, anime, collectables... all the same kind of stuff that interests me. I don't expect to meet someone that shares all of my interests though. I suppose someone that was really into Doctor Who, Star Trek or Star Wars would probably catch my attention as they are main interests of mine but I do read a lot of sci-fi and fantasy - so someone who was perhaps not into mainstream or tv stuff could catch my attention too.

 

For example, I'm currently reading through the complete works of HP Lovecraft. I recently mentioned this to a friend and they asked "is she something to do with Harry Potter"? That's the kind of thing I generally have to put up with! So it would be nice to meet someone on the same wavelength where I wasn't having to explain things to them while they have an increasingly perplexed look on their face!

 

Oh man. My ex-gf's best friend once showed us pictures of this guy she was talking to. She wasn't sure about him because he was too geeky. Into dressing up like anime characters and stuff.

 

The dude looked like a freaking Greek god and she didn't want to go on a date with him because he wants to dress up like a comic book character every know and then? Its an extreme example but people can be very irrational about "geekiness", if only because they're brainwashed to be by pop culture.

 

Not saying that I look like a god (I'm not saying I don't either though - well, why not? Heh) but that is pretty much my experience. I've been told on a couple of occasions that I would have been of more interest had I not been into that stuff. It's fine because it just tells me that they're not suitable for me either so I just thank people like that for their honesty and move on.

 

I wouldn't bet on it. Non-geeky women don't understand the lifestyle and would easily be turned off.

 

OP might as well keep searching for someone who wouldn't judge him or hold his hobbies against him. Someone he could feel comfortable with.

 

Yes, this was my experience and my original thinking too but finding women in their thirties in the South of England that have even anything like a similar interest to any of mine is proving to be a pretty fruitless endeavour.

 

It's not that I'm not still open to meeting someone like that (despite having given up looking months ago) - I'd love it, and it's not that I expect it to necessarily mean a relationship either (there are other factors too, of course) but it would be nice to just be shown that they are out there and do exist! And of course, it's always nice to make a new friend that is into the same sorts of things. :-)

[LookAtThisPOst]

I play World of Warcraft but not intensively - I played for a couple of hours last night after not having played for a couple of weeks. It's not because I don't want to but more because I don't really have time to play it a lot.

 

 

 

Ohhh, loads! I'm not sure I could lock it down to specifics but the stereotypical stuff - sci-fi, fantasy, movies, books, astronomy, paleontology, history, games, comics, computers, anime, collectables... all the same kind of stuff that interests me. I don't expect to meet someone that shares all of my interests though. I suppose someone that was really into Doctor Who, Star Trek or Star Wars would probably catch my attention as they are main interests of mine but I do read a lot of sci-fi and fantasy - so someone who was perhaps not into mainstream or tv stuff could catch my attention too.

 

For example, I'm currently reading through the complete works of HP Lovecraft. I recently mentioned this to a friend and they asked "is she something to do with Harry Potter"? That's the kind of thing I generally have to put up with! So it would be nice to meet someone on the same wavelength where I wasn't having to explain things to them while they have an increasingly perplexed look on their face!

 

 

 

Not saying that I look like a god (I'm not saying I don't either though - well, why not? Heh) but that is pretty much my experience. I've been told on a couple of occasions that I would have been of more interest had I not been into that stuff. It's fine because it just tells me that they're not suitable for me either so I just thank people like that for their honesty and move on.

 

 

 

Yes, this was my experience and my original thinking too but finding women in their thirties in the South of England that have even anything like a similar interest to any of mine is proving to be a pretty fruitless endeavour.

 

It's not that I'm not still open to meeting someone like that (despite having given up looking months ago) - I'd love it, and it's not that I expect it to necessarily mean a relationship either (there are other factors too, of course) but it would be nice to just be shown that they are out there and do exist! And of course, it's always nice to make a new friend that is into the same sorts of things. :-)

 

 

Though there are women out there like this, very nice women sometimes 30 and older into the geek genre, however most I've met were married...and had been so for a while.

 

I'm like, "Man, where was I before she met her husband 20 years ago?" I could have intervened in that timeline. lol

 

I know a couple of women that dress up and model cosplay while their husbands are their photographers...on the side. Theyalways show up at conventions, sometimes you don't even realize they have husbands as they are quite average looking dudes. You sometimes mistake them for brother and sister. lol

[LookAtThisPOst]

Now, isn't this romantic. Wife asks Darth Vader to help her to give news of her pregnancy to her husband!

 

 

See what I mean? Where was she when she was single? lol My timing is always off. lol

[preraph]

Look, no matter where they are, most people outgrow their nerdy/geeky interests and leave them behind because they're usually basically childish interests. I mean, we may all have some childish interest we have a soft spot for, but at some point we quit living it as a lifestyle once we become an adult. Maybe it's just time to expand your interests into a more adult arena.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Look, no matter where they are, most people outgrow their nerdy/geeky interests .

 

You are speaking for yourself, but hey, you're entitled to your opinion. Take a gander at the YouTube video I just posted. Both husband and wife hardcore Star Wars fans, adults of course...actually got a Darth Vader costumer to be involved in the telling of the news of their newborn coming into this world.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

Look, no matter where they are, most people outgrow their nerdy/geeky interests and leave them behind because they're usually basically childish interests. I mean, we may all have some childish interest we have a soft spot for, but at some point we quit living it as a lifestyle once we become an adult. Maybe it's just time to expand your interests into a more adult arena.

 

Thanks but no. That's fine if people don't like those things - but I won't give up things that I enjoy to please other people. But then I'm not 'most people' anyway (and would be disappointed if I was).

 

Some aspects of my interests have actually gotten me to a point where I'm paid pretty well for doing something I enjoy. If giving that up means being an adult... well, I think I'll stay 'childish' (and let potential employers carry on fighting over me like the last month or so).

 

You are speaking for yourself, but hey, you're entitled to your opinion. Take a gander at the YouTube video I just posted. Both husband and wife hardcore Star Wars fans, adults of course...actually got a Darth Vader costumer to be involved in the telling of the news of their newborn coming into this world.

 

I do admit that may be a bit extreme for me... I guess I'm just old fashioned but I'd much rather have someone say quietly to me that they're pregnant. As someone who dreams of having his own family someday, I think that would be an amazing enough moment for me as it is without having to involve Darth Vader! lol That said, congratulations to them both!

[LookAtThisPOst]

Thanks but no. That's fine if people don't like those things - but I won't give up things that I enjoy to please other people. But then I'm not 'most people' anyway (and would be disappointed if I was).

 

Some aspects of my interests have actually gotten me to a point where I'm paid pretty well for doing something I enjoy. If giving that up means being an adult... well, I think I'll stay 'childish' (and let potential employers carry on fighting over me like the last month or so).

 

 

 

I do admit that may be a bit extreme for me... I guess I'm just old fashioned but I'd much rather have someone say quietly to me that they're pregnant. As someone who dreams of having his own family someday, I think that would be an amazing enough moment for me as it is without having to involve Darth Vader! lol That said, congratulations to them both!

 

Well, me neither, but I was trying to prove that a middle-aged women like her don't give a rats ass about her husband being a middle-aged geek himself....obviously. ;-) That was the point I was trying to make...I just think that some people don't have an awareness that such things do exist in this world and are actually GAINING popularity even more so.

[MGX]

Look, no matter where they are, most people outgrow their nerdy/geeky interests and leave them behind because they're usually basically childish interests. I mean, we may all have some childish interest we have a soft spot for, but at some point we quit living it as a lifestyle once we become an adult. Maybe it's just time to expand your interests into a more adult arena.

 

What's "more adult"?

 

Nerdy and geeky doesn't mean that such interests are strictly for children. Fan means fanatic. Adults could love mobster movies and those are anything but childish. You could catch every episode of CSI and know every case. There are some who have Danielle Steele's entire library on their shelves. People could be geeky about things like firearms or Hello Kitty merchandise.

 

Entertainment is entertainment. You can still be an adult and like...well, anything. So long as your entertainment doesn't interfere with your ability to function in society -- relationships, work or regular responsibilities -- it's all good.

[LookAtThisPOst]

What's "more adult"?

 

Nerdy and geeky doesn't mean that such interests are strictly for children. Fan means fanatic. Adults could love mobster movies and those are anything but childish. You could catch every episode of CSI and know every case. There are some who have Danielle Steele's entire library on their shelves. People could be geeky about things like firearms or Hello Kitty merchandise.

 

Entertainment is entertainment. You can still be an adult and like...well, anything. So long as your entertainment doesn't interfere with your ability to function in society -- relationships, work or regular responsibilities -- it's all good.

 

Exactly, it's like football fanatics, some consider that more of an "adult" interest because it's something associated with jocks and adults.

 

Back in the 1980s, the Sci-fi genre in general was considered something that could only be associated with children...and it's funny how the tables have turned because in fact, back then even a guy in high school would be ridiculed for liking such things.

 

I still have to kind of laugh, with it being 2015, that some STILL men into sci-fi is still "not in"?

[MGX]

Exactly, it's like football fanatics, some consider that more of an "adult" interest because it's something associated with jocks and adults.

 

Back in the 1980s, the Sci-fi genre in general was considered something that could only be associated with children...and it's funny how the tables have turned because in fact, back then even a guy in high school would be ridiculed for liking such things.

 

I still have to kind of laugh, with it being 2015, that some STILL men into sci-fi is still "not in"?

 

Things change.

 

I think that will eventually change with the newest generation. Their most visible heroes come from literature. Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark used to be a character that only geeks knew of. Now almost EVERYONE knows about the character. Katniss Everdeen used to be a character that only young women who read books knew of. Now she's a household name. Hugh Jackman got famous because of his portrayal of a comic book character.

 

Geek culture is becoming more mainstream. It's like when Hip Hop first came out...it used to be "black people music", but now it's a normal genre that most people listen to. Women are now getting interested in a culture that was dominated by males for a long time.

[preraph]

What's "more adult"?

 

Nerdy and geeky doesn't mean that such interests are strictly for children. Fan means fanatic. Adults could love mobster movies and those are anything but childish. You could catch every episode of CSI and know every case. There are some who have Danielle Steele's entire library on their shelves. People could be geeky about things like firearms or Hello Kitty merchandise.

 

Entertainment is entertainment. You can still be an adult and like...well, anything. So long as your entertainment doesn't interfere with your ability to function in society -- relationships, work or regular responsibilities -- it's all good.

 

But the whole purpose of the OP's initial post was to say it is interfering with finding someone. Activities will increase your chances, but toy collection type stuff and stuff you mostly do alone, not so much. Narrows the field. Not many actual women, for example, would tolerate having husband's action figures sitting around the house or a fanatic paying more attention to whatever the interest is (and yes, it can be sports) than to tending to relationship and responsibilities.

 

That couple mentioned that has the video hasn't had the kid yet. Once they do, they won't have time for all that and everything will be about what the kid enjoys.

[LookAtThisPOst]

But the whole purpose of the OP's initial post was to say it is interfering with finding someone. Activities will increase your chances, but toy collection type stuff and stuff you mostly do alone, not so much. Narrows the field. Not many actual women, for example, would tolerate having husband's action figures sitting around the house or a fanatic paying more attention to whatever the interest is (and yes, it can be sports) than to tending to relationship and responsibilities.

 

That couple mentioned that has the video hasn't had the kid yet. Once they do, they won't have time for all that and everything will be about what the kid enjoys.

 

Sadly, I knew of someone...a husband...that was a major Star Wars geek, he had recently purchased an expensive movie-prop light saber...hardly kid relaed either as it wasn't a toy, but a replica prop.

 

 

 

His wife made him get rid of it, so he gave it to his neighbor friend who was a guy..who had a g/f..he also appreciated Star Wars...his g/f would tease him about his hobby...but it was light-hearted teasing and not vindictive.

 

Not many actual women, for example, would tolerate having husband's action figures sitting around the house or a fanatic paying more attention to whatever the interest is

 

Sadly, this is where it gets toxic for the relationship, when the spouse/gf gets jealous of your hobby.

[MGX]

But the whole purpose of the OP's initial post was to say it is interfering with finding someone. Activities will increase your chances, but toy collection type stuff and stuff you mostly do alone, not so much. Narrows the field. Not many actual women, for example, would tolerate having husband's action figures sitting around the house or a fanatic paying more attention to whatever the interest is (and yes, it can be sports) than to tending to relationship and responsibilities.

 

Any hobby or pursuit that interferes with your responsibilities is an extreme.

 

That couple mentioned that has the video hasn't had the kid yet. Once they do, they won't have time for all that and everything will be about what the kid enjoys.

 

Couples do have time for fun. A baby is a tremendous responsibility, and taking care of it might mean that you won't check out The Force Awakens immediately, but that couple will eventually check it out.

 

Sadly, this is where it gets toxic for the relationship, when the spouse/gf gets jealous of your hobby.

 

I don't think it's jealousy, but the lack of responsibility that sets any partner off.

[Els]

Look, no matter where they are, most people outgrow their nerdy/geeky interests and leave them behind because they're usually basically childish interests. I mean, we may all have some childish interest we have a soft spot for, but at some point we quit living it as a lifestyle once we become an adult. Maybe it's just time to expand your interests into a more adult arena.

 

Nah, this isn't true. The reason it was once considered a 'childish' interest was because it's fairly new and thus the people who caught on to it were teens/young adults at that time. A couple of decades have passed, and now there is a relatively wide range of ages in it. Sure most of the cosplayers and competitive gamers are on the younger side, but there are plenty of 40+ yo people who play video games or watch sci-fi as a hobby. Some play/watch with their kids.

 

If that were their ONLY interest it would be unhealthy, but if they have a fairly wide range of interests I don't see why they should drop one just because other people think it isn't 'appropriate'. Heck, a century ago, sports and most physical activities were considered an 'inappropriate' interest for women....

[ASG]

But the whole purpose of the OP's initial post was to say it is interfering with finding someone. Activities will increase your chances, but toy collection type stuff and stuff you mostly do alone, not so much. Narrows the field. Not many actual women, for example, would tolerate having husband's action figures sitting around the house or a fanatic paying more attention to whatever the interest is (and yes, it can be sports) than to tending to relationship and responsibilities.

 

That couple mentioned that has the video hasn't had the kid yet. Once they do, they won't have time for all that and everything will be about what the kid enjoys.

 

Literally all my girl friends more than tolerate (and most actually own) action figures.

 

A lot of my friends have now had kids. And those kids go to conventions with them! They're the new generation.

 

Sure, it won't be 100% of women/couples. But there are quite a few like that.

Almost 100% of my rather large social circle!

[Els]

Any hobby or pursuit that interferes with your responsibilities is an extreme.

 

I don't think it's jealousy, but the lack of responsibility that sets any partner off.

 

Right. It doesn't matter what it is, if you're spending more time with a hobby than with your relationship + responsibilities, you aren't likely to have a very happy partner (or a partner at all).

 

I don't get why geeky pursuits is unfairly attacked for this. It doesn't matter if the obsession/addiction is football, golf, porn, video games, or bodybuilding... addiction is generally not attractive.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

Back in the 1980s, the Sci-fi genre in general was considered something that could only be associated with children...and it's funny how the tables have turned because in fact, back then even a guy in high school would be ridiculed for liking such things.

 

I still have to kind of laugh, with it being 2015, that some STILL men into sci-fi is still "not in"?

 

I have a wide variety of friends some of which are geeky but most are not. Trying to explain why certain things are exciting or really interesting to them is very hard work and even then they're not likely to be convinced!

 

The funny thing was that at school, I never had any problems with it. I got on well with the 'cool' kids and the 'not so cool' kids. It was considered cool to like Star Trek at my school, even by the 'cool' crowd as a lot of their parents liked it!

 

Girls though... not so much. Star Trek was seen as 'boring' by most.

 

I do generally get on ok with most people I meet so maybe I'm just that kind of person, I don't know. I never had any problems with bullying or anything like that.

 

I don't really have a perception of it being any less cool in the 1980s than it is now to be honest but then I've always found it cool, ever since I can remember (and I was an 80s baby) so maybe I'm a bit biased!

 

Geek culture is becoming more mainstream. It's like when Hip Hop first came out...it used to be "black people music", but now it's a normal genre that most people listen to. Women are now getting interested in a culture that was dominated by males for a long time.

 

I see and hear lots about how there are far more women into it - even saw there's a range of Doctor Who clothing for ladies now... but damned if I can find the ladies that are into it. Maybe there are just more in the States or maybe they're all in their early twenties or younger. Or maybe I just have great luck at meeting non-geeky women and rotten luck with meeting the geekier ones?

 

But the whole purpose of the OP's initial post was to say it is interfering with finding someone. Activities will increase your chances, but toy collection type stuff and stuff you mostly do alone, not so much. Narrows the field. Not many actual women, for example, would tolerate having husband's action figures sitting around the house or a fanatic paying more attention to whatever the interest is (and yes, it can be sports) than to tending to relationship and responsibilities.

 

That couple mentioned that has the video hasn't had the kid yet. Once they do, they won't have time for all that and everything will be about what the kid enjoys.

 

It interferes in as much as it has bothered a previous girlfriend and also a number of dates. It doesn't stop me finding women and it doesn't stop women initially being interested in me. It's just that, unfortunately, it tends to end up with the "I'd date you if you didn't like that stuff" or attempting to bargain with me or manipulate me into giving it up because there seems to be a common irrational hatred of it. I'm not really into sports (apart from motor racing) but if I met a woman I really enjoyed being with and spending time with, I wouldn't dream of saying "well, ditch the sporting interest and we'll date" or something along those lines. But with interests like mine, it's apparently acceptable to do that!

 

Sadly, I knew of someone...a husband...that was a major Star Wars geek, he had recently purchased an expensive movie-prop light saber...hardly kid relaed either as it wasn't a toy, but a replica prop.

 

 

 

His wife made him get rid of it, so he gave it to his neighbor friend who was a guy..who had a g/f..he also appreciated Star Wars...his g/f would tease him about his hobby...but it was light-hearted teasing and not vindictive.

 

 

 

Sadly, this is where it gets toxic for the relationship, when the spouse/gf gets jealous of your hobby.

 

See, I don't get that. I could understand if he bought it and it was getting out of hand - like the house was about to explode from all of the collectables crammed into every nook and cranny but making someone get rid of something they love... that's not cool, in my book.

 

I don't understand why someone would get jealous of a hobby or interest... I could understand it if someone was cancelling dates to play WoW or couldn't afford to pay for something important as they'd spent the money on a prop or replica. I've never done those things - never bunked off of work to play a game or watch a movie, I have my own house which I pay for everything for without problems, I save for a pension, I have savings for the future and - yeah - I have plenty left over for hobbies, trips and other fun stuff! So all my responsibilities are well and truly covered before the fun stuff, I think! Oh - and my house has containment; plenty more space for stuff yet!

 

Any hobby or pursuit that interferes with your responsibilities is an extreme.

 

 

 

Couples do have time for fun. A baby is a tremendous responsibility, and taking care of it might mean that you won't check out The Force Awakens immediately, but that couple will eventually check it out.

 

 

 

I don't think it's jealousy, but the lack of responsibility that sets any partner off.

 

I agree. Unfortunately it seems a number of people stereotype and assume that someone must be irresponsible when it's not the case.

 

Friends of mine have three kids but still find time to do cinema and other activities. Sometimes with the kids, sometimes not. Of course kids have priority and require responsibility but you don't suddenly stop loving stuff because of that. You just schedule around or scale down accordingly.

 

Literally all my girl friends more than tolerate (and most actually own) action figures.

 

A lot of my friends have now had kids. And those kids go to conventions with them! They're the new generation.

 

Sure, it won't be 100% of women/couples. But there are quite a few like that.

Almost 100% of my rather large social circle!

 

I wish I had your social circle! I know a few guys that have similar interests to me but women that share or even are open minded about it... very rare indeed for me. And ones that live in close proximity (South of England)? Even rarer.

 

Right. It doesn't matter what it is, if you're spending more time with a hobby than with your relationship + responsibilities, you aren't likely to have a very happy partner (or a partner at all).

 

I don't get why geeky pursuits is unfairly attacked for this. It doesn't matter if the obsession/addiction is football, golf, porn, video games, or bodybuilding... addiction is generally not attractive.

 

Agree with this too. I'm not hopelessly addicted to things I like. I just really like and enjoy them. There's a difference. I don't spend all day at work pining for my stuff or wanting to run out the door to play a game. I enjoy my job, that has it's place as do the other things I love. It's just that, to a lot of women, it seems to be Kryptonite regardless!

 

What a pity as I find a good imagination and unashamed interest or passion for something very attractive indeed. Sigh.

[Els]

 

Agree with this too. I'm not hopelessly addicted to things I like. I just really like and enjoy them. There's a difference. I don't spend all day at work pining for my stuff or wanting to run out the door to play a game. I enjoy my job, that has it's place as do the other things I love. It's just that, to a lot of women, it seems to be Kryptonite regardless!

 

What a pity as I find a good imagination and unashamed interest or passion for something very attractive indeed. Sigh.

 

This sounds great. Keep at it - it may be harder for you, but when you do find someone, there's a higher chance that she loves you for you.

[Haydn]

I have two girls and am more childish than ever.

[preraph]

Sadly, I knew of someone...a husband...that was a major Star Wars geek, he had recently purchased an expensive movie-prop light saber...hardly kid relaed either as it wasn't a toy, but a replica prop.

 

 

 

His wife made him get rid of it, so he gave it to his neighbor friend who was a guy..who had a g/f..he also appreciated Star Wars...his g/f would tease him about his hobby...but it was light-hearted teasing and not vindictive.

 

 

 

Sadly, this is where it gets toxic for the relationship, when the spouse/gf gets jealous of your hobby.

 

It's not about being jealous. It's about the person not doing their half to maintain the household or lifestyle or give the partner enough time.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

Well, BBC ran a special about Star Wars on their news channel and apparently there are so many women into it now that there are dedicated shops and clothing lines!

 

So, encouraged, I reinstated my OKC profile this evening, enter 'Star Wars', choose people in the London area, 30s, single... 0 results!

 

I keep hearing stuff about how there are so many women into these things now but dating sites, forums and the like just don't reflect that. I tried some of the Doctor Who forums a while back as I'm a big Doctor Who fan, so that would be a great start. I ended up talking to a couple of guys on there who basically replicated my experiences and said that it would be nice if there were more females in the forums but they just aren't there. If Doctor Who can't muster up fan girls in its own country then I don't know what would!

 

I think I've spent way too much time on this already but I'm going to give it one more week. If I can find one person out there who at least sounds like they would be a good match, then I'll be encouraged. If not, I think it really is time to call it a day. If women that share one of my interests are that rare or so embarrassed about it that they keep it a secret then it's a bit of a waste of time searching for this any more.

[GingerVixen]

Why do you think only a GEEKY girl would make you happy??

 

Why not try to be open to new ways of thinking or acting?

 

You're having high expectations and only making everything harder for yourself.

[NinjaTurtlesAreCool]

Why do you think only a GEEKY girl would make you happy??

 

Why not try to be open to new ways of thinking or acting?

 

You're having high expectations and only making everything harder for yourself.

 

Because I'm happy with the way I think and act... is it really a high expectation to want to meet someone that has something in common with me and has an interest and sense of wonder about the world?