JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 My feelings for the guy I've been dating about 2 months keep fluctuating wildly. One minute I feel crazy in love. A few days later I feel a bit unsure and even dissatisfied. Then I fall for him over again when I rediscover what a great guy he is. I'm not usually emotionally unstable like this at all in relationships so I feel rather confused. Is this a sign that I'm really not that into him?
Redhead14 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 My feelings for the guy I've been dating about 2 months keep fluctuating wildly. One minute I feel crazy in love. A few days later I feel a bit unsure and even dissatisfied. Then I fall for him over again when I rediscover what a great guy he is. I'm not usually emotionally unstable like this at all in relationships so I feel rather confused. Is this a sign that I'm really not that into him? What is his dating pattern with you?
h0000 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 You started like 5 different threads all complaining about this guy. Seriously if you just want us to tell you "dump him", go ahead. You don't need our advice.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 You started like 5 different threads all complaining about this guy. Seriously if you just want us to tell you "dump him", go ahead. You don't need our advice. please provide links to these 5 threads you claim I've posted "complaining" about my bf. Thanks.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 What is his dating pattern with you? what does this mean?
h0000 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 please provide links to these 5 threads you claim I've posted "complaining" about my bf. Thanks. the ones that I can remember, your 9 and he's 4, he doesn't inspire you, "dating single dad"? now this, and something like guys only want sex blah bah Please don't waste our time. Go somewhere else to troll
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 the ones that I can remember, your 9 and he's 4, he doesn't inspire you, "dating single dad"? now this, and something like guys only want sex blah bah Please don't waste our time. Go somewhere else to troll my dating a single dad thread is not about my bf --- my bf doesn't even have kids yet. I have also not posted a thread about my bf only wanting sex. He is not that sort of person at all. I suggest you get your facts straight. And get out of my thread if you've nothing constructive to say.
h0000 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 my dating a single dad thread is not about my bf --- my bf doesn't even have kids yet. I have also not posted a thread about my bf only wanting sex. He is not that sort of person at all. I suggest you get your facts straight. And get out of my thread if you've nothing constructive to say. LOL whatever you say, you still have three threads. I suggest everyone to stop wasting their time providing you their genuine advice.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 LOL whatever you say, you still have three threads. I suggest everyone to stop wasting their time providing you their genuine advice. please try to stop trolling my thread. You are not adding anything of value unfortunately at the moment. But feel free to comment on the actual topic.
katiegrl Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) My feelings for the guy I've been dating about 2 months keep fluctuating wildly. One minute I feel crazy in love. A few days later I feel a bit unsure and even dissatisfied. Then I fall for him over again when I rediscover what a great guy he is. I'm not usually emotionally unstable like this at all in relationships so I feel rather confused. Is this a sign that I'm really not that into him? Jasmine, have you always felt this way, or is this just recent? I think what Redhead meant by dating pattern is - how often do you see each other? Once a week, twice a week, some weeks once, some weeks twice, does HE initiate or do you, or both? Not that I personally think that matters unless your feelings stem from YOUR not feeling secure with him, so you shut down as a defense mechanism. Then when he's all flirty and engaging again, wants to see you, your feelings re-ignite. That has happened to me many times when a guy is sort of hot and cold. When he's hot, my interest level increases, and when he's cold, it decreases. It's a defense mechanism to prevent me from getting hurt. Edited October 3, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Redhead14 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 what does this mean? Does he schedule dates with you on a regular basis? Does he keep in good touch in between? 1
joseb Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 please provide links to these 5 threads you claim I've posted "complaining" about my bf. Thanks. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/550865-does-your-partner-inspire-you http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/550640-i-m-9-he-s-4-a http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/550888-why-don-t-men-say-upfront-they-just-want-sex And this thread. Perhaps the last is unrelated, but thats still three. The problem with doing this is that A. You are presenting basicially the same issue in each, and wasting a missed opportunity for a consolidated response. B. People stop believing you are genuine. 5
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Does he schedule dates with you on a regular basis? Does he keep in good touch in between? Yes very much so. He is very communicative, pro-active at scheduling dates and generally a really great person
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Jasmine, have you always felt this way, or is this just recent? I think what Redhead meant by dating pattern is - how often do you see each other? Once a week, twice a week, some weeks once, some weeks twice, does HE initiate or do you, or both? Not that I personally think that matters unless your feelings stem from YOUR not feeling secure with him, so you shut down as a defense mechanism. Then when he's all flirty and engaging again, wants to see you, your feelings re-ignite. That has happened to me many times when a guy is sort of hot and cold. When he's hot, my interest level increases, and when he's cold, it decreases. It's a defense mechanism to prevent me from getting hurt. Hiya At first I was really, really into him very quickly. But since around the 3rd date my feelings towards him fluctuate wildly. I have really strong feelings for him. It's his comments about not being good enough (discussed in my previous thread) that made me start having these really changeable feelings towards him. Prior to that I thought I was pretty close to being in love. As for his behaviour, aside from those comments previously discussed, he doesn't go hot and cold. He seems interested and engaged all the time and serious about the relationship
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Hiya At first I was really, really into him very quickly. But since around the 3rd date my feelings towards him fluctuate wildly. I have really strong feelings for him. It's his comments about not being good enough (discussed in my previous thread) that made me start having these really changeable feelings towards him. Prior to that I thought I was pretty close to being in love. As for his behaviour, aside from those comments previously discussed, he doesn't go hot and cold. He seems interested and engaged all the time and serious about the relationship I think it's normal you feel that way now. He has lowered himself (and his value) in front of your eyes by saying that. We women need to look up to the man we are with. By lowering his value he also lowered yours. Who wants to be with someone that's not good enough for them? Your changing feelings are simply you wondering if in fact he is right and you can do better. 2
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 I think it's normal you feel that way now. He has lowered himself (and his value) in front of your eyes by saying that. We women need to look up to the man we are with. By lowering his value he also lowered yours. Who wants to be with someone that's not good enough for them? Your changing feelings are simply you wondering if in fact he is right and you can do better. Lady, you are completely right. You just expressed what I was feeling without even realising I was feeling it! 1
MoreAmore Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I'm different and less "stable" with my guy than I ever have been before. I figure it's something in the way we mesh. I considered ending t because I never want to be that crazy, volatile girl. But it has steadied out as time has passed and he's proven himself, and we have proven ourselves.
Buddhist Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Is this a sign that I'm really not that into him? Short answer? Yes. Love doesn't feel like conflict, it doesn't feel like posting several msgs asking for random strangers to weigh in on your romantic choices, it doesn't feel like I love him one minute can't stand him the next. Love, or at the very least real affection is very constant, it can persist even through the highs and lows of partnership. Your affections don't seem to be persisting even through flatlining here. Sorry but you know the real answer and I think you're feeling guilty about ending it because of his self esteem issues. That's called a guilt trip.
Ami1uwant Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Hiya At first I was really, really into him very quickly. But since around the 3rd date my feelings towards him fluctuate wildly. I have really strong feelings for him. It's his comments about not being good enough (discussed in my previous thread) that made me start having these really changeable feelings towards him. Prior to that I thought I was pretty close to being in love. As for his behaviour, aside from those comments previously discussed, he doesn't go hot and cold. He seems interested and engaged all the time and serious about the relationship Is the issue when you font see him and no communication between dates is when it hoes irn but when you are with him it goes up?
Zippy2000 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 My feelings for the guy I've been dating about 2 months keep fluctuating wildly. One minute I feel crazy in love. A few days later I feel a bit unsure and even dissatisfied. Then I fall for him over again when I rediscover what a great guy he is. I'm not usually emotionally unstable like this at all in relationships so I feel rather confused. Is this a sign that I'm really not that into him? I feel how you feel. I usually feel unsatisfied if I dont hear from someone I like or if they say they will call me and they dont return their call. Has he let you down in any way?
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 I've figured this out. It's partly what Gaeta said about how his "you can do better than me?" comment had a negative effect on me and made me start questioning my own judgment. Also, I am used to men who don't treat me as nicely as this man does. I'm used to men who can be a bit elusive and just not that great. But my guy made it quite clear as early as our 2nd date that he was interested in a relationship with me. He played no games. He's always been thoughtful and attentive and in his own way really quite romantic. The bottom line is that I really like him a heck of a lot and that sort of scares me. But the fact we like each other a lot is something to be happy about it if I can just allow it. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 I feel how you feel. I usually feel unsatisfied if I dont hear from someone I like or if they say they will call me and they dont return their call. Has he let you down in any way? No, never.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Is the issue when you font see him and no communication between dates is when it hoes irn but when you are with him it goes up? We communicate every day between dates
StocksnBlondes Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I've figured this out. It's partly what Gaeta said about how his "you can do better than me?" comment had a negative effect on me and made me start questioning my own judgment. Also, I am used to men who don't treat me as nicely as this man does. I'm used to men who can be a bit elusive and just not that great. But my guy made it quite clear as early as our 2nd date that he was interested in a relationship with me. He played no games. He's always been thoughtful and attentive and in his own way really quite romantic. The bottom line is that I really like him a heck of a lot and that sort of scares me. But the fact we like each other a lot is something to be happy about it if I can just allow it. JJ ...I think you need a new mantra ...thoughtful caring reliable emotionally stable is super hot and sexy. Repeat 10 times a day and write us in a month with your progress. The best and nicest (ok he was hot too) guy I ever dated ...I let go of. Silly me. I chose the more exciting but volatile guy. Eventually dumped him because I was so over that behavior but I didn't realize the value in that super nice guy ...20 yrs later I'm still friends with him ...and still think I made a mistake there. Try to stay the course but change your mantra. And if you want your life together to be more exciting, YOU do some work to make it that way. Join a fun hobby group together ...make it a life other people would envy.
katiegrl Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) JJ ...I think you need a new mantra ...thoughtful caring reliable emotionally stable is super hot and sexy. Repeat 10 times a day and write us in a month with your progress. The best and nicest (ok he was hot too) guy I ever dated ...I let go of. Silly me. I chose the more exciting but volatile guy. Eventually dumped him because I was so over that behavior but I didn't realize the value in that super nice guy ...20 yrs later I'm still friends with him ...and still think I made a mistake there. Try to stay the course but change your mantra. And if you want your life together to be more exciting, YOU do some work to make it that way. Join a fun hobby group together ...make it a life other people would envy. Great advice, except JJ just posted her current guy IS a good guy. Thoughtful, caring, etc. and she loves that about him. THAT is not the problem. The problem is his lack of confidence, his feeling "less than". She posted later THAT is what causes her feelings to fluctuate. When he is confident, she's turned on. Down on himself, turned off. That and she is scared/ambivalent because him being such a good guy is somewhat unfamiliar to her, even though she loves that about him. That's true for most women I think who are used to dating bad boys, and then start dating a good guy. Nothing new about that. It's an adjustment but easily overcome in time. Edited October 3, 2015 by katiegrl
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