JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I am seeing someone now but in the recent past when I've dated I've met men who are very sheepish about admitting they just want sex and not dating or even friendship. If they are mature enough to have sex why aren't they mature enough to be upfront and open about the fact they just want sex? Instead several of them have said stuff like 'let's just be spontaneous and chill' and 'I want to have fun and see how it goes' or some outright lie and say they are looking for a meaningful dating relationship and then try to schedule the first date to take place at their home at 1am.
h0000 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Maybe they did want to see how it goes/ want something meaningful but just not with you.
BluEyeL Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I am seeing someone now but in the recent past when I've dated I've met men who are very sheepish about admitting they just want sex and not dating or even friendship. If they are mature enough to have sex why aren't they mature enough to be upfront and open about the fact they just want sex? Instead several of them have said stuff like 'let's just be spontaneous and chill' and 'I want to have fun and see how it goes' or some outright lie and say they are looking for a meaningful dating relationship and then try to schedule the first date to take place at their home at 1am. Because they are afraid that the woman will leave and they won't get said sex. Sadly, some men are only after sex and don't care at all who they hurt to get it. 2
central Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Presumably many women also just want sex, but there are few who come right out and say so either. Both sexes are negatively judged by the other sex for wanting sex, so it seems easier to approach it sideways rather than full frontal. 1
Art_Critic Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 because it's already understood that a guy wants sex, isn't that what all relationship boil down to sooner or later ? a guy has to balance a delicate line between trying to show the girl we want MORE than sex and going for sex.. if we show the sex upfront a guy will get nexted and told that she wants more than sex.. but a guy has sex on the brain for every girl he is dating... 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Men are going to do what works best for them. Asking a girl via text to come over and blow you doesn't work so well. Inviting that same girl over for Netflix and a pizza works better. It would be quite funny, though I would decline. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Presumably many women also just want sex, but there are few who come right out and say so either. Both sexes are negatively judged by the other sex for wanting sex, so it seems easier to approach it sideways rather than full frontal. it would be nice if both parties could just speak openly. Some people already do. 2
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 because it's already understood that a guy wants sex, isn't that what all relationship boil down to sooner or later ? a guy has to balance a delicate line between trying to show the girl we want MORE than sex and going for sex.. if we show the sex upfront a guy will get nexted and told that she wants more than sex.. but a guy has sex on the brain for every girl he is dating... Yes, but if the guy doesn't want more than sex why pretend to?
Shining One Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Men will start being direct about wanting sex the very moment that being direct is the most effective way of getting sex.
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I am seeing someone now but in the recent past when I've dated I've met men who are very sheepish about admitting they just want sex and not dating or even friendship. ---- ***If they are mature enough to have sex why aren't they mature enough to be upfront and open about the fact they just want sex?*** ---- Instead several of them have said stuff like 'let's just be spontaneous and chill' and 'I want to have fun and see how it goes' or some outright lie and say they are looking for a meaningful dating relationship and then try to schedule the first date to take place at their home at 1am. I don't think a man (or woman for that matter) needs to be mature to have sex, so there's that (immaturity) ..... Second, did you ever see the movie "Tootsie"? Jessica Lange's character told Tootsie (dual role played by Dustin Hoffman) that she wished men could be more upfront and honest about wanting sex, but when Dustin Hoffman went back to playing an anonymous man, at a party one night, he *was* upfront and honest with her about it, saying " I would really like to take you make to my apartment, and have sex with you all night," and she threw a drink in his face!!! Simple answer. That approach doesn't work in most cases ...it won't get him what he wants, which is to get laid.......
MoreAmore Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 You're right; it's so immature. I admire honesty. I don't think badly of a guy who is upfront about what he is looking for, but if he will lie and pretend? I've never been used for sex. I met one guy who clearly had that on his mind. I could have saved him a lot of time if he had asked upfront. There was no payoff either way. Sometimes you just want sex- guy or girl- but you shouldn't be messing with someone who wants More. Also, there can be casual non romantic sex without treating a person as disposabl. Better luck if they tried that with honesty than this crisp and lying. 2
road Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Yes, but if the guy doesn't want more than sex why pretend to? Because he just lost any chance of getting anything from that woman. If you have read infidelity forums you will know that many OM use the friend angle to get sex. Because they are very successful at getting sex that way. Much more effective then saying: hello my name is Joe you want I want to do you. There is a current thread on here where a woman is being barraged by other posters that an older man is grooming her to have an affair. She ignores all the red flags justifying them away with but he tells me he does not want sex while ignoring all the things he says that indirectly does say he wants sex from her.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Then you already understand. The direct approach rarely works, but the indirect approach is almost foolproof. If a woman I invite back to my place accepts the invite, I know she will have sex. I'd decline the netflix & chill bs as well. I'd have way more respect for the guy who is just upfront and just asks me to have sex.
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I'd decline the netflix & chill bs as well. I'd have way more respect for the guy who is just upfront and just asks me to have sex. So if enigma called you, and flat out invited you back to his place to "bang" (first date), you'd have more respect for him? Wow, okay. I'd probably hang up on a guy if he said that to me! BTW, there is another thread running right now describing that exact scenario .... guy did just what you proposed and not only did it not get him laid, but many posters (myself included) deemed him a bonafide *********...... 2
MoreAmore Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I'd decline the netflix & chill bs as well. I'd have way more respect for the guy who is just upfront and just asks me to have sex. I've only once had sex that didn't lead to a long relationship. (Though I have had sex quickly in the past a couple times. We had the same intention toward a relationship and I trust I never have and never will fall for someone lying about this.). In that case, the guy told me first meeting he didn't date, only had FWB. That was two years before we were intimate, and we were actual friends all that time, so I see where someone doesn't feel like time investment, but he was my first thought when I evemtuslly wanted sex without commitment. He had plenty of other FWB who started up faster. He is careful not to make anyone feel used, and make sure everyone is truly on the same page. Great guy. No shortage for him. We stopped it and remained friends when appropriate because I finished licking my post breakup wounds and was ready to start dating again.
joseb Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I'd decline the netflix & chill bs as well. I'd have way more respect for the guy who is just upfront and just asks me to have sex. You just said earlier you would decline! It does work for some women, but most want a little more subtelty than that. They want a little plausible deniability, which is why they do things like ask you up for coffee rather than saying would you like to bang now?
MoreAmore Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 So if enigma called you, and flat out invited you back to his place to "bang" (first date), you'd have more respect for him? Wow, okay. I'd probably hang up on a guy if he said that to me! BTW, there is another thread running right now describing that exact scenario .... guy did just what you proposed and not only did it not get him laid, but many posters (myself included) deemed him a bonafide *********...... Honest: "Hey. I'm looking for just fun right now, not a relationship, but I am very attracted to you. If you're interested in something mutually enjoyable and discreet, let me know. If not, that's great and best wishes!" Douche: "Come blow me." (To steal an earlier example.) 4
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 So if enigma called you, and flat out invited you back to his place to "bang" (first date), you'd have more respect for him? Wow, okay. I'd probably hang up on a guy if he said that to me! BTW, there is another thread running right now describing that exact scenario .... guy did just what you proposed and not only did it not get him laid, but many posters (myself included) deemed him a bonafide *********...... I wouldn't accept his offer but I'd have more respect for him than the guy who says "but I really want a meaningful relationship with you" when really he just hopes for a one night stand.
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Then you already understand. The direct approach rarely works, but the indirect approach is almost foolproof. *** If a woman I invite back to my place accepts the invite, I know she will have sex. Hmmm, is that a given? For me, assuming this is a first or second date, it would mean I am open to the *possibility* of having sex ... but once there, if I am not feeling it, we won't be having sex.... Even if I thought I might when accepting the invite, still don't know until the opportunity actually presents itself. 1
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 As katie (and others) have pointed out, it's because it doesn't work for men to be upfront, direct, and honest if all they want is sex with a woman. Men are not stupid; they know being direct and honest won't work because we women tell them it won't work. Look at how many women say they would "never have sex on a first date" and adhere to a 3-date/90-day/some-other-arbitrary-*Rule* before engaging. So, the men tell women what they want to hear, to get what it is they want. Oh, and by "to get what they want", I'm not necessarily referring to what the men want. I am seeing someone now but in the recent past when I've dated I've met men who are very sheepish about admitting they just want sex and not dating or even friendship. If they are mature enough to have sex why aren't they mature enough to be upfront and open about the fact they just want sex? Instead several of them have said stuff like 'let's just be spontaneous and chill' and 'I want to have fun and see how it goes' or some outright lie and say they are looking for a meaningful dating relationship and then try to schedule the first date to take place at their home at 1am. By the way, these things are saying "I just want sex". If we women are *allowed* to speak in codes, so can the men. 3
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I wouldn't accept his offer but I'd have more respect for him than the guy who says "but I really want a meaningful relationship with you" when really he just hopes for a one night stand. Fair enough. Franky I wouldn't have much respect for either one. 1
Toodaloo Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 In general men are far better at compartmentalising sex and love than women. In simple terms men tend to be better at being able to get their leg over, enjoy it for what it is and walk away with no emotions or feelings involved. They are also wise to the fact that many women tend not to want this. So some men will do the minimum to get said leg over and then quit it, even if it means hinting at a potential relationship... Some of those men are also looking for a relationship but don't want it with you and don't see the point in passing up on the opportunity to have some "fun" while they still can... None of this is "bad" or "wrong" in any way but equally its not "right" or "good" either.... 1
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Honest: "Hey. I'm looking for just fun right now, not a relationship, but I am very attracted to you. If you're interested in something mutually enjoyable and discreet, let me know. If not, that's great and best wishes!" Douche: "Come blow me." (To steal an earlier example.) First scenario - yeah that's cool. Wouldn't go for it, but would *respect* his honesty. Second scenario - beyond douchebag. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I am seeing someone now but in the recent past when I've dated I've met men who are very sheepish about admitting they just want sex and not dating or even friendship. If they are mature enough to have sex why aren't they mature enough to be upfront and open about the fact they just want sex? Instead several of them have said stuff like 'let's just be spontaneous and chill' and 'I want to have fun and see how it goes' or some outright lie and say they are looking for a meaningful dating relationship and then try to schedule the first date to take place at their home at 1am. Because it isn't a good selling point If they say it outright, even the less "experienced" girls would bolt. If she's inexperienced or clueless, he can take her down the path, get what he wants and then move on. The smarter ones will see through the "I want to have fun ..." statements, the other ones won't. Not only that, there are women who will understand that statement, and have sex anyway hoping the guy will be so into her that he changes his mind and want a relationship with her. A woman can go that route, but she better be pritty damn good And, yeah, a woman can tell him she wants a relationship for herself and he'll tell her he wants that too. But, she still needs to observe how he dates her going forward. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Fair enough. Franky I wouldn't have much respect for either one. Both are idiots. Just one of the idiots is more honest! 2
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