Dating Lesson 1: Keep Compliments To Yourself

[Jejangles]

Reading through all of the comments, I’m even more confused now than before. The overwhelming majority of the folks here, mostly women, are saying this guy is a loser and that I should kick him to the curb.

 

However, a couple of guys have chimed in and said that there’s really nothing unusual about his behavior.

 

Here’s the thing – Talking to my good girlfriends who have been married for a while, this seems to all be normal male behavior. “You’re expecting too much from him” they say. “He’s a man – he’s clueless,” they say. I was very upset that he didn’t want to spend time with me on Saturday. After getting my face bitten, it’s the one thing that would have made me feel better in that moment. While my girlfriends agree that he should’ve stepped up and did something, I’m being told that this is just how dudes are.

 

I hear you on this... It can be confusing. I think you have to remember a couple of things.

 

Your friends are comparing your new fledgling dating relationship with their long established marriages / partnerships. Not the same thing.

 

And also, at the end of the day, you can't make decisions based on what other people accept. You can only make decisions on how you feel. So how does this guy make you feel? From what you've said on here, it seems to me that he makes you anxious and uneasy, but maybe we're just seeing the negative side of things. So on balance, is he making your life better or worse?

 

I have actually stopped telling my friends too much detail about my dating life, because I found their advice often erred on the side of "well of course he likes you!" when my gut was screaming otherwise. I realised they can only read through whatever I'm telling them (much the same as this forum), I'm the only one who is there and experiencing it. I have to listen to me first.

 

I hope you're healing ok!

[Lovelorn00]

LL, when you DO get together with him again... as has been discussed before this whole incident happened, please talk to him about what you're seeking as far as long term, exclusivity, and whether or not he's on the same page.

 

 

I think your having this information will help you greatly in either alleviating some or even most of your anxiety, causing you to feel more secure, OR choosing to stop dating him (assuming he's NOT on the same page).

 

 

It's time.

 

 

Glad you're feeling better and keep us posted!

 

Yes, you're right. After this experience, I think it's fair to say it's time to at least start having that conversation.

[Lovelorn00]

 

How many stitches did you get? Hopefully it won't scar..... you treated it quickly so it shouldn't.

 

 

There might be some redness after the stitches get removed though, but this will go away eventually.

 

Just a few, but yes, I've been treating it diligently. I'm also a self-professed skincare junkie, so I've been throwing everything I got at it. The only problem is that my scars tend to keloid, which means they are raised. I'm hoping that won't be the case on my face, though.

[kpl]

I am woman and I don't think he seems like a loser. There is just far too much reading into his behavior because you don't feel secure in what you have. It could be your own issue or it could be some clues he's given off. I think most ppl are projecting because they have been in similar situations. For me , I think there is always two sides and I'm trying to look at from his side too.

 

I think you need to get real about what YOU are looking for and what YOU are interested in. The stuff your friends mentioned were not deal breakers for those ppl so they stayed. I would be annoyed if I had to tell someone to get me a present every holiday if that was important to me. Relationships and dating should be fun and exciting. You have to figure out why this one doesn't feel good is it you or is it him? If it's him, ditch him, if its you (a little overanalyzing/anxiety) work on yourself for a while before starting a relationship with anyone.

[Lovelorn00]

I hear you on this... It can be confusing. I think you have to remember a couple of things.

 

Your friends are comparing your new fledgling dating relationship with their long established marriages / partnerships. Not the same thing.

 

Well, yes and no. It probably is hard for them to remember back to a time when they first started dating their spouses, but most of our discussions are centered around the first couple of months of dating. Apparently, all of their husbands did something or acted in a way that made them question the relationship from the beginning. They recall having the same anxiety I have and calling their girlfriends and having the same conversations I'm having with them. So, it's similar in that we're comparing the beginning stages of a relationship.

 

The only girlfriend who told me to dump him has never been married, though she's been in a couple of LTRs.

 

And also, at the end of the day, you can't make decisions based on what other people accept. You can only make decisions on how you feel. So how does this guy make you feel? From what you've said on here, it seems to me that he makes you anxious and uneasy, but maybe we're just seeing the negative side of things. So on balance, is he making your life better or worse?

 

I have actually stopped telling my friends too much detail about my dating life, because I found their advice often erred on the side of "well of course he likes you!" when my gut was screaming otherwise. I realised they can only read through whatever I'm telling them (much the same as this forum), I'm the only one who is there and experiencing it. I have to listen to me first.

 

I hope you're healing ok!

 

And you're right. This is the hard part for me. Reaching deep within and asking myself how he makes me feel. When we're together, I'm on cloud 9. I feel great. We have a great time. When we're apart is when the uneasiness starts. Can a person with such a high degree of anxiety ever trust their gut feeling? I'm not sure. That's precisely why I'm on this forum. It's a very difficult thing for me to do.

[losangelena]

Wait, so LL, once AGAIN you assumed, based on what happened with the dog, that he was over it, but now he's contacting you, offering to pay your bills, wanting to see you again, etc.

 

It seems to me that you assume the worst every single time, but the worst has yet to happen.

 

I think you've been doing a good job in starting to be assertive, just don't give up now.

[Lovelorn00]

I am woman and I don't think he seems like a loser. There is just far too much reading into his behavior because you don't feel secure in what you have. It could be your own issue or it could be some clues he's given off. I think most ppl are projecting because they have been in similar situations. For me , I think there is always two sides and I'm trying to look at from his side too.

 

I think you need to get real about what YOU are looking for and what YOU are interested in. The stuff your friends mentioned were not deal breakers for those ppl so they stayed. I would be annoyed if I had to tell someone to get me a present every holiday if that was important to me. Relationships and dating should be fun and exciting. You have to figure out why this one doesn't feel good is it you or is it him? If it's him, ditch him, if its you (a little overanalyzing/anxiety) work on yourself for a while before starting a relationship with anyone.

 

Thanks, kpl. This is great advice, and I really appreciate your looking at the situation objectively. I definitely think it's a mixture of both, and one could be causing the other. I personally would feel better if I talked to him about it. Not in a mean way, but in a light-hearted way. Because if this relationship ever goes anywhere (and I really doubt it will), he'll need to know that this can't happen again.

[Lovelorn00]

Wait, so LL, once AGAIN you assumed, based on what happened with the dog, that he was over it, but now he's contacting you, offering to pay your bills, wanting to see you again, etc.

 

It seems to me that you assume the worst every single time, but the worst has yet to happen.

 

I think you've been doing a good job in starting to be assertive, just don't give up now.

 

Well, in my head, it goes:

 

He's contacting me... because he feels bad.

He's offering to pay my medical bills... because he should.

Wanting to see me again... he mentioned some things that are happening this upcoming weekend, but didn't exactly ask me to go with him. Not sure how to take that.

 

I honestly don't expect to see him again, but if I do, I'm definitely going to bring up a few things.

[StocksnBlondes]

LL ...glad you're feeling a bit stronger.

 

Just a few things ...was there another public event the two of you were going to on Saturday and he said he didn't want to go with you any longer ...and the reason he gave was?

 

Was he concerned how you looked or was he deciding for you that you wouldn't want to go in public with stitches so he canceled your date? Or did he not mention a reason?

 

It's a little odd that the date was canceled ...I don't know the guy so do not want to interject all I'll say is that it's odd. A month after my ex hubbies (we were together 18 yrs) and my first real date we went mountain hiking and I slipped broke my ankle and had to get helicoptered off ...I stayed at his house the entire next month because I couldn't walk and the crutches were really hard on me. He carried me around the house for weeks ...it was comical but very sweet. Mine was a new relationship but he was all in from the beginning ...he wasn't a big dater so to speak but very good looking and very successful. So while other friends might compare a long marriage to your situation and that really doesn't fit ...I think comparing it to a newer relationship works better.

 

So my conclusion is something's off ...you might actually decide this guy's behavior doesn't work for YOU. I'll tell you this ...my accident and the aftermath along with other ways my ex treated me so well and how compatible we were sealed the deal for me ...he asked me to marry him 10 months into the relationship. I had made a decision to not date a guy longer than a year without some commitment (he didn't know any of that) because of a guy I dated for like 5 years and he couldn't decide ...ya no more of that. Mr. Aloof I'll call him.

 

So you see you must decide if this guy's behavior works for you. I'd be totally turned off by it personally ...red flag warning. I did the aloof guy dating and don't have time for the pain ... your lip hurts along with your heart ... I know it's hard to go back out there and start dating again but this guy seems to me at least a little callous. Will he look out for your heart long down the road if this is how he is now? If it seems like a lost cause when you talk with him about this (and you definitely should) I'd mention this is no way to treat a woman ...he might be clueless in which case you help him for the future or he simply might not be into you to treat your heart better ...I just wouldn't let it slide. At least you walk away with your self respect if that's what it comes down to. Hugs

Edited October 5, 2015 by StocksnBlondes

[kpl]

I think that no matter what there will always be something wrong. Even if this guy was everything you wanted there would be a voice saying "you don't deserve this" "he's lying" am i right LL?

[Lovelorn00]

LL ...glad you're feeling a bit stronger.

 

Just a few things ...was there another public event the two of you were going to on Saturday and he said he didn't want to go with you any longer ...and the reason he gave was?

 

Was he concerned how you looked or was he deciding for you that you wouldn't want to go in public with stitches so he canceled your date? Or did he not mention a reason?

 

No, he didn’t really mention a reason, and we didn’t exactly have concrete plans. It was more of a loose, “Hey, you wanna get together after my event on Saturday?” kinda thing. He had an event outdoors on Saturday, which he did invite me to, but I declined, because it knew it would be raining heavily and I had errands I needed to run. So, I was hoping we could just get together after he was finished. When I told him I was still up for it despite what happened the previous night, he responded that he was “feeling weird” after that “crazy night” and that he would prefer to just stay at home. He also suggested I stay home and “take it easy” since I needed stitches and all that. I told him that I was fine and that I was going to find something fun to get into anyway. The “fun” was just me eating ice cream and sobbing on my couch, but whatever. Haha!

 

 

It's a little odd that the date was canceled ...I don't know the guy so do not want to interject all I'll say is that it's odd. A month after my ex hubbies (we were together 18 yrs) and my first real date we went mountain hiking and I slipped broke my ankle and had to get helicoptered off ...I stayed at his house the entire next month because I couldn't walk and the crutches were really hard on me. He carried me around the house for weeks ...it was comical but very sweet. Mine was a new relationship but he was all in from the beginning ...he wasn't a big dater so to speak but very good looking and very successful. So while other friends might compare a long marriage to your situation and that really doesn't fit ...I think comparing it to a newer relationship works better.

 

So my conclusion is something's off ...you might actually decide this guy's behavior doesn't work for YOU. I'll tell you this ...my accident and the aftermath along with other ways my ex treated me so well and how compatible we were sealed the deal for me ...he asked me to marry him 10 months into the relationship. I had made a decision to not date a guy longer than a year without some commitment (he didn't know any of that) because of a guy I dated for like 5 years and he couldn't decide ...ya no more of that. Mr. Aloof I'll call him.

 

So you see you must decide if this guy's behavior works for you. I'd be totally turned off by it personally ...red flag warning. I did the aloof guy dating and don't have time for the pain ... your lip hurts along with your heart ... I know it's hard to go back out there and start dating again but this guy seems to me at least a little callous. Will he look out for your heart long down the road if this is how he is now? If it seems like a lost cause when you talk with him about this (and you definitely should) I'd mention this is no way to treat a woman ...he might be clueless in which case you help him for the future or he simply might not be into you to treat your heart better ...I just wouldn't let it slide. At least you walk away with your self respect if that's what it comes down to. Hugs

 

Yes, exactly. I’ve already started the grieving process that usually follows after I’ve lost a guy that I really like. The one thing that I think will give me closure is talking to him about how he handled this situation. Just would’ve been nice to feel like he cared a little more.

 

I wish I could find a guy like your guy, but apparently, they’re very rare. Does his behavior work for me? No, not at the moment, but I would at least like to tell him that before moving on. I have to be careful, though, because I tend to nitpick these things, and no one is perfect.

[Lovelorn00]

I think that no matter what there will always be something wrong. Even if this guy was everything you wanted there would be a voice saying "you don't deserve this" "he's lying" am i right LL?

 

Yep. Haha! My best friends are ALWAYS saying this about me. That I’m too nitpicky and too quick to find fault in a guy’s behavior towards me because a) something in me wants to sabotage the relationship and b) I have a hard time accepting the fact that men are people too with faults and issues of their own. Losangelena has correctly called out my constant negative thinking, so you both hit the nail on the head there.

 

I stopped reading books like Men Love Bitches, because I think that’s part of my problem. I read way too many books, blogs, magazine articles, etc. They lay out all of the “rules” and then I follow these rules and still get burned. It’s a defense mechanism. I don’t want to get hurt again, so I analyze every…single...little…thing a man does to see if it’s a “red flag” or something that indicates he’s just playing around with my heart. That voice in my head that says “you don’t deserve this” or “he’s lying” comes from what I’ve learned from the books, blogs, and magazine articles. Coming from a broken home, I have no idea what a healthy relationship between a man and a woman looks like, because I never saw one growing up. So I have to rely on outside sources to tell me if what he’s doing is “acceptable” behavior or if it’s a “good sign” or whatnot.

[MissBee]

So I guess I need to throw the whole “be yourself” stuff out the window.

I mistakenly told him (during a text convo) that I thought he was incredibly handsome and that he made me feel giddy when we kissed.

Haven’t heard a word from him since, and we had plans tonight. It's been 24 hours.

 

Wow. I can’t believe I broke the #1 rule: never let a guy know that you actually like him.

 

 

Where is this the number one rule? This can only be a rule in the case of game-playing, manipulation, immaturity or when you're dealing with someone who doesn't actually like you.

 

That's the thing people sometimes don't get, and I had to learn this years ago: a man who ACTUALLY likes you, actually is on the same page, actually wants a relationship will not be run off because you compliment him, tell him you like him or ask about where the relationship is going. It's NEVER happened to me. Men are humans just like we are. Read around. They also want assurance when they like you, they like compliments too, if they want to be with you they also are scared of being hurt and so want to know you feel the same...trust me.

 

If a man runs away "scared" TRUST ME, it's because you want something he doesn't want, and if that's the case, good riddance! You can't trick or trap a man into wanting you. If he doesn't want you, it doesn't matter when you compliment him.

[StocksnBlondes]

No, he didn’t really mention a reason, and we didn’t exactly have concrete plans. It was more of a loose, “Hey, you wanna get together after my event on Saturday?” kinda thing. He had an event outdoors on Saturday, which he did invite me to, but I declined, because it knew it would be raining heavily and I had errands I needed to run. So, I was hoping we could just get together after he was finished. When I told him I was still up for it despite what happened the previous night, he responded that he was “feeling weird” after that “crazy night” ...

 

Yes, exactly. I’ve already started the grieving process that usually follows after I’ve lost a guy that I really like. The one thing that I think will give me closure is talking to him about how he handled this situation. Just would’ve been nice to feel like he cared a little more.

 

I wish I could find a guy like your guy, but apparently, they’re very rare. Does his behavior work for me? No, not at the moment, but I would at least like to tell him that before moving on. I have to be careful, though, because I tend to nitpick these things, and no one is perfect.

 

Well LL ...after I left Mr Aloof ...I dated the nicest guy I'd ever dated ...then a few more that were just terrific ...right up front they were all 3 all in. I had changed me ...so I would only accept a certain kind of guy after Aloof. Funny thing is Mr Aloof saw me with one if these great guys and tried to get me back. Nope. But I dismissed each of these great guys ...for one reason or another ...I was waaaay too picky and my family thought I'd never get married. Then I met the guy who carried me around and he just wowed me with everything. I was about 32. He was several years younger. We had many great years together.

 

What I did have that you might work on is confidence. The older I got the more confidence I had in what I had to offer and I had a great life that I created for myself. It's ok to be selective but work on feeling secure just with yourself. I didn't date guys that made me feel insecure after Mr Aloof ...and those guys had a lot to offer. Have faith in yourself.

 

The poster before me really hit the nail on the head ...when the other person is on the same page they want to hear affirmations.

Edited October 5, 2015 by StocksnBlondes

[StocksnBlondes]

Yep. Haha! My best friends are ALWAYS saying this about me. That I’m too nitpicky and too quick to find fault in a guy’s behavior towards me because a) something in me wants to sabotage the relationship and b) I have a hard time accepting the fact that men are people too with faults and issues of their own. Losangelena has correctly called out my constant negative thinking, so you both hit the nail on the head there.

 

I stopped reading books like Men Love Bitches, because I think that’s part of my problem. I read way too many books, blogs, magazine articles, etc. They lay out all of the “rules” and then I follow these rules and still get burned. It’s a defense mechanism. I don’t want to get hurt again, so I analyze every…single...little…thing a man does to see if it’s a “red flag” or something that indicates he’s just playing around with my heart. That voice in my head that says “you don’t deserve this” or “he’s lying” comes from what I’ve learned from the books, blogs, and magazine articles. Coming from a broken home, I have no idea what a healthy relationship between a man and a woman looks like, because I never saw one growing up. So I have to rely on outside sources to tell me if what he’s doing is “acceptable” behavior or if it’s a “good sign” or whatnot.

 

 

Oh I see ...you're picky because you're a doubter. I've heard of Debbie downers but not Debbie doubters. Ya LL ...build your confidence in what ever manner you choose but that's your best bet. You need to know your own worth girl!

 

I was picky about other things like does he have the social life I want for myself, does he ski, does he have a professional white collar job, good social skills, plays golf, a gentleman etc. I was kinda shallow. But that assumes all the other basic stuff was there like good character. I finally let go of a few things and in walked Mr perfect enough into my life

[Lovelorn00]

Well LL ...after I left Mr Aloof ...I dated the nicest guy I'd ever dated ...then a few more that were just terrific ...right up front they were all 3 all in. I had changed me ...so I would only accept a certain kind of guy after Aloof. Funny thing is Mr Aloof saw me with one if these great guys and tried to get me back. Nope. But I dismissed each of these great guys ...for one reason or another ...I was waaaay too picky and my family thought I'd never get married. Then I met the guy who carried me around and he just wowed me with everything. I was about 32. He was several years younger. We had many great years together.

 

What I did have that you might work on is confidence. The older I got the more confidence I had in what I had to offer and I had a great life that I created for myself. It's ok to be selective but work on feeling secure just with yourself. I didn't date guys that made me feel insecure after Mr Aloof ...and those guys had a lot to offer. Have faith in yourself.

 

The poster before me really hit the nail on the head ...when the other person is on the same page they want to hear affirmations.

 

That's a great story. It really gives me hope. I'm not quite 32 yet, but I'm getting close, and it just always feels like it's never going to happen for me. All of my friends are married or are in LTRs that are heading towards marriage. I feel like something is horribly wrong with me.

 

I'm curious, StocksnBlondes - why do you think there are so many Mr. Aloofs out there? Is that just how guys are and finding a good one is indeed like finding a needle in a haystack? Is it just the generation we live in? I have a feeling it has to do with how free we as a society are with our sexuality vs. back in the old days. I think I mentioned before, but there's a video out there called The Economics of Sex and it basically talks about how women are at a major disadvantage these days, because the one thing that we have as a bargaining chip (sex) isn't something that's difficult for a guy to get elsewhere nowadays. I'm not sure I fully agree with the idea, but it's definitely something to think about.

[katiegrl]

That's a great story. It really gives me hope. I'm not quite 32 yet, but I'm getting close, and it just always feels like it's never going to happen for me. All of my friends are married or are in LTRs that are heading towards marriage. I feel like something is horribly wrong with me.

 

I'm curious, StocksnBlondes - why do you think there are so many Mr. Aloofs out there? Is that just how guys are and finding a good one is indeed like finding a needle in a haystack? Is it just the generation we live in? I have a feeling it has to do with how free we as a society are with our sexuality vs. back in the old days. I think I mentioned before, but there's a video out there called The Economics of Sex and it basically talks about how women are at a major disadvantage these days, because the one thing that we have as a bargaining chip (sex) isn't something that's difficult for a guy to get elsewhere nowadays. I'm not sure I fully agree with the idea, but it's definitely something to think about.

 

 

IMO, men have become more aloof because more and more women are allowing them to behave aloofly.

 

 

If less women allowed it/tolerated it then less men would feel entitled to behave that way!

 

 

I know when I was dating if a man acted aloofly, I would either just stop dating him or pull back and become less available.

 

 

I taught him through my ACTIONS (unavailability) that his aloof behavior was NOT acceptable to me.

 

 

And guess what happened? THEY were the ones who perked up.... suddenly acting less aloof and treating me with respect and consideration, pursuing me!! Go figure.

 

 

LL, I love you girl, but you are way too accommodating and available to these guys including this one.

 

 

There's nothing there to keep them intrigued, challenged, interested. Not saying to act like a bytch, but if something bothers you, speak up! Instead of walking on eggshells afraid to "rock the boat." Go ahead and rock that boat once in a while. Watch them and their interest perk up!

 

 

They will respect you more too.

 

 

 

Something to think about...

Edited October 5, 2015 by katiegrl

[kpl]

my heart really goes out to you LL. Mainly b/c of my own anxiety issues and knowing how much that can mess with you. I still over react about things and read way into them. I've gotten better but it really has been an issue since I was young and I still deal with it daily and have issues trusting myself with friends, coworkers, and relationships.

 

I wish I had better advice but I just try to take things day by day. There will be guys who want even give you the opportunity to question their interest level I do believe that and I also think as you get used to putting your own needs first because you want to and not because you think thats what guys like things will get easier. Just take care of yourself.

[phineas]

women compliment me on my looks all the time before we meet.

sometimes even on the first date before, during, or in between sexual acts.

 

never turned me off.

[StocksnBlondes]

That's a great story. It really gives me hope. I'm not quite 32 yet, but I'm getting close, and it just always feels like it's never going to happen for me. All of my friends are married or are in LTRs that are heading towards marriage. I feel like something is horribly wrong with me.

 

I'm curious, StocksnBlondes - why do you think there are so many Mr. Aloofs out there? Is that just how guys are and finding a good one is indeed like finding a needle in a haystack? Is it just the generation we live in? I have a feeling it has to do with how free we as a society are with our sexuality vs. back in the old days. I think I mentioned before, but there's a video out there called The Economics of Sex and it basically talks about how women are at a major disadvantage these days, because the one thing that we have as a bargaining chip (sex) isn't something that's difficult for a guy to get elsewhere nowadays. I'm not sure I fully agree with the idea, but it's definitely something to think about.

 

LL I'm glad to be an inspiration to you as others are an inspiration on here ...you've got a lot of people rooting for you girl!

 

About seeing others matched up ...Most of my family and friends were married with kids ugh! it would have happened sooner for me if I had accepted a few proposals ...but I waited ...picky picky picky. It wasn't until I made changes in myself though...like believing I was worthy ...that things changed ...I became more selective of partners who were not aloof. I don't think guys are more aloof these days ...Guys have a biological clock too ...and most prefer to have a steady great gal over the rat race ...mostly when they're nearing 30 ... They want to pass on their DNA:)

 

All the guys I dated after mr aloof were really happy to be with just one girl ...there's a guy out there for you ...just let go of feeling like it's not going to happen. It will and you deserve it. When I met the guy I married I was working on my career so much I could hardly give him the time of day. For weeks we'd only talk on the phone. He definitely didn't think I was desperate and chased me. It's really a great story. So go be busy with something you feel passionate about. That's a great confidence builder. How about volunteering on a charity ball committee ...it's ball season now!!! you'll meet lots of high quality guys there. Maybe try a 20s/30s club.

 

And FYI ...I have 2 wonderful children so it all happened ...just a bit later than I thought so have faith. Please listen to Katiegrl on here ...she's spot on. Put yourself first.

 

Oh and Mr Aloof ...he contacted me last month out of the blue after he saw me on Linkedin. He's in an unhappy marriage and still has thoughts of us ...22 yrs later. We chatted and he continued to contact me. I told him not to contact me except every 10 years and then only to catch up. Not interested in being part of an extramarital anything or playing his old game. Think he has regrets?

[JasmineJones]

He's not exactly crazy about you, is he OP? He sees you as an option who is useful for when nothing better is available to him.

 

Is this all you think you are worth? What do you see in this guy, exactly?

[Grumpybutfun]

This is the simple truth...

 

Be yourself and if that makes them leave, they weren't for you anyway. The people who try to play games, or be someone they aren't, or try to go by some playbook have relationships that never last because you can't pretend through an entire life with someone nor should you want to.

Compliments that are sincere are always ok,

Grumps

[losangelena]

Any update, OP?

[Lovelorn00]

Any update, OP?

 

No. It's getting worse. I just hadn't posted about it, because I'm embarrassed that I made so many excuses for someone who's clearly lost interest.

 

Feeling a bit sad tonight, because I had hopes of us spending time together this weekend. There's a festival going on, and I want to go, but all of my friends are busy. I'd go alone, but I did that at the last festival I went to and folks kept asking why I was there by myself and looking at me as if they were trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

 

So down I sink, into the loneliness that I'm used to. I was trying to fight it, but that old feeling of depression is settling in again. I'm reminded of him every time I look at the wounds on my face, so that isn't making it any easier.

 

Blah.

[StocksnBlondes]

Hey LL ...sorry you're going through this.

 

Try to get out and make that festival. Is there a singles Meetup group in your area that's meeting at the festival? If not ...maybe contact the festival coordinators and see if they need volunteers. Maybe you'll make a friend at the fest and walk around with them after your shift.