losangelena Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Okay, okay. Haha! Losangelena, you are beginning to know me TOO well!! Perhaps I need to use some of my newfound “rational thinkining” skills here. - Has he done this before? Yes, but only a couple of times in the two months we’ve been dating, and there were valid reasons (not that he needed any). - He’s been fairly busy at work and had an event last night that he was hosting. - My last text to him didn’t contain a question that necessarily needed a response from him. -We’re not supposed to meet until tonight. Perhaps he’ll reach out in the next few hours to confirm, especially since he never gave me the address for the event tonight. If he doesn’t reach out, I’m finding something else to do with my Friday so that I’m not crying on my couch tonight. OK, good. Oh, let me add overanalyzing to the list—stop it! I know, I KNOW it's difficult, but you are really your own worst enemy here. It's much easier said than done, but try not reading into every little thing. Be yourself, express yourself, keep your emotions in check and let the chips fall where they may. Two months is still to early to have all your eggs in this guy's basket, and you don't need to hang on his every word. Listen to your gut, but be skeptical of it. 2
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Would it be weird to reach out to him and ask where you are meeting? I am genuinely asking, I tend to be more forward so I never know the "right" thing to do. I'm hesitant to do that because a) I sent the last text yesterday. Don't wanna seem too eager and b) I honestly do feel that he needs to reach out and confirm.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 OK, good. Oh, let me add overanalyzing to the list—stop it! I know, I KNOW it's difficult, but you are really your own worst enemy here. It's much easier said than done, but try not reading into every little thing. Be yourself, express yourself, keep your emotions in check and let the chips fall where they may. Two months is still to early to have all your eggs in this guy's basket, and you don't need to hang on his every word. Listen to your gut, but be skeptical of it. It's soooo difficult. Incredibly difficult. It wasn't at first, because I wasn't all that interested in him, but the more I like him, the harder this gets. The last time he went radio silent on me, I didn't really care because a) we didn't have plans and b) I wasn't as interested in him as I am now. Even though I'm still seeing other people (sorta), my happiness eggs have kind of fallen into his basket on their own. I thought multi-dating would stop that, but I'm naturally going to like one person over another eventually.
losangelena Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I'm hesitant to do that because a) I sent the last text yesterday. Don't wanna seem too eager and b) I honestly do feel that he needs to reach out and confirm. Gurl ... Since when is wanting to know the details of your confirmed plans "too eager?" If anything, he is being rude in not letting you know. A simple text to say, "Hey so what's up tonight? Where am I going?" is NOT eager. There is a big difference between being needy/clingy and being assertive. Asking for plan confirmation is assertive. That being said, if I were you, I'd probably wait to hear from him, too. And then have a plan-b in place if he flakes. 2
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 So I guess I need to throw the whole “be yourself” stuff out the window. I mistakenly told him (during a text convo) that I thought he was incredibly handsome and that he made me feel giddy when we kissed. Haven’t heard a word from him since, and we had plans tonight. It's been 24 hours. Wow. I can’t believe I broke the #1 rule: never let a guy know that you actually like him. I think it may have been the "feeling giddy when you kissed" part. If he had been on the fence about you.... this comment made have thrown him over the edge.... lol j/k - my BF LOVES when I compliment him.... I am always telling him what a big powerful HUNK OF A MAN he is.... and he eats that shyt up! LOL 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Gurl ... Since when is wanting to know the details of your confirmed plans "too eager?" I don't know... I'm so horrible at this! Haha! That being said, if I were you, I'd probably wait to hear from him, too. And then have a plan-b in place if he flakes. I have. I'm making tentative plans with my girlfriends right now to go out on the town, so at least there's that.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 I think it may have been the "feeling giddy when you kissed" part. If he had been on the fence about you.... this comment made have thrown him over the edge.... lol j/k - my BF LOVES when I compliment him.... I am always telling him what a big powerful HUNK OF A MAN he is.... and he eats that shyt up! LOL Haha! Right?! I mean, I would love to hear those types of things from the person I was dating. Even if I wasn't all that interested. People like compliments. I feel like that's universal.
losangelena Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Besides, BESIDES, I just don't think you need to worry about walking on eggshells. So what if you do come off as a little eager? I think a man who wants to capture your attention will want to assuage any ambiguity or nervousness. If he really is into things, he's not going to mind if you ask for confirmation or if you tell him that he makes you weak in the knees. You saying these things is just another filter. Honesty is a filter. If you say something genuine that causes the other person to turn away, good! You want that! Dating is not about saying what you think will get you the best response. It's about honestly stating your thoughts and intentions and finding someone who's not going to balk. I need that reminder a lot, too, because I often catch myself downplaying my own thoughts/needs/feelings because I am too sensitive to how the guy might react. Yes, it assuages anxiety in the short term, but just ends up causing more problems down the road. 6
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Haha! Right?! I mean, I would love to hear those types of things from the person I was dating. Even if I wasn't all that interested. People like compliments. I feel like that's universal. Yup.... in the beginning I told him too, and he loved it. But he has a HUGE ego.. so maybe that's why... LOL Me thinks you should try and relax... have faith. What time are your plans tonight?
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 ...Dating is not about saying what you think will get you the best response... Brilliant. I am sooooooo getting a custom T-shirt with this printed on it. It's going to be my first-date *uniform*, from now on. 3
lollipopspot Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I'm pretty sure he'll contact you. I wouldn't make other plans and then flake on your friends.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Don't generalize b/c every guy is different. I personally LOVE when women are direct and give compliments like that. 2
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) Just went back.... so you told him he was incredibly handsome and you felt giddy when he kissed you...and then silence? Yah that would bug me too. Ugh. I mean, what ever happened to... "Hey, thanks"! ;) or "You're not too shabby yourself"! Or something of the like. But to just ignore it and then go silent? Hmmmmm.... rethinking this. Spidey senses.... Edited October 2, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Oregon_Dude Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 You stroked his ego, which made him feel that you want him more than he wants you. He used this perceived power towards the girl he is currently most interested in, and is talking to her. JMO. Yeah I guess in the future, be a bit more reserved with the compliments. This guy is a douche, though.
Guyouthere Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I would be honored and happy if a woman told me that, and it would only serve to make me want to do more for her provided I knew she really meant it. I look for sincerity as well, not just words. Overall I would just feel very good about it. She would benefit as well. 1
MoreAmore Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Nah. Guys love being complimented, especially if it's about looks/sexual attraction. That wouldn't "scare" anyone off. 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Besides, BESIDES, I just don't think you need to worry about walking on eggshells. So what if you do come off as a little eager? I think a man who wants to capture your attention will want to assuage any ambiguity or nervousness. If he really is into things, he's not going to mind if you ask for confirmation or if you tell him that he makes you weak in the knees. You saying these things is just another filter. Honesty is a filter. If you say something genuine that causes the other person to turn away, good! You want that! Dating is not about saying what you think will get you the best response. It's about honestly stating your thoughts and intentions and finding someone who's not going to balk. I need that reminder a lot, too, because I often catch myself downplaying my own thoughts/needs/feelings because I am too sensitive to how the guy might react. Yes, it assuages anxiety in the short term, but just ends up causing more problems down the road. I guess you're right. There probably is someone out there who won't run when they see the real me in all of my quirky, anxious glory. I've just been through so many men, and none of them were able to deal with it, so I figure it's something I need to hide to be able to have a decent chance at a relationship.
MoreAmore Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I guess you're right. There probably is someone out there who won't run when they see the real me in all of my quirky, anxious glory. I've just been through so many men, and none of them were able to deal with it, so I figure it's something I need to hide to be able to have a decent chance at a relationship. What you said wasn't bad, beside. There was never a chance of anything to begin with, whether you said that or not, if that was his excuse to go. Seriously. 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 So... his phone died. Umm. Okay. So maybe I was jumping the gun there, but still. That seems a little shady. 24 hours and you couldn't manage to get to a phone charger?
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 You stroked his ego, which made him feel that you want him more than he wants you. He used this perceived power towards the girl he is currently most interested in, and is talking to her. JMO. Yeah I guess in the future, be a bit more reserved with the compliments. This guy is a douche, though. Okay that advice is just silly IMO. If he used her compliments to gain some sort of "power" to apply toward the girl he is MOST interested in (not Lovelorn apparently)... then this is good knowledge for LL to have....so she can dump him and move on to a guy who IS most interested in HER! I am not a guy obviously, but I would think any guy into a girl would LOVE compliments as long as she doesn't go overboard with them.... ad nauseum.... day in and day out. But from what LL posted, THIS was the first one! If he got turned off by that.... then there's a problem. 1
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 So... his phone died. Umm. Okay. So maybe I was jumping the gun there, but still. That seems a little shady. 24 hours and you couldn't manage to get to a phone charger? Is this your gut talking or your anxiety talking? 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Okay that advice is just silly IMO. If he used her compliments to gain some sort of "power" to apply toward the girl he is MOST interested in (not Lovelorn apparently)... then this is good knowledge for LL to have....so she can dump him and move on to a guy who IS most interested in HER! I am not a guy obviously, but I would think any guy into a girl would LOVE compliments as long as she doesn't go overboard with them.... ad nauseum.... day in and day out. But from what LL posted, THIS was the first one! If he get turned off by that.... then there's a problem. Yeah, I'm not really following that advice either. I could understand if I was ALWAYS complimenting him. And though it's not the first time I've done it, I don't go overboard with it. From a female perspective, I'm not sure I've ever used the "power" I got from a compliment received from a guy I was dating to use it on another guy. An ego boost from the person I'm seeing usually results in brownie points for them. Hmmm not sure about that one.
losangelena Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Is this your gut talking or your anxiety talking? Right? I will say, for every time you've jumped the gun here, that you've been proven wrong. Also, to touch on something you wrote in a different post, it's not about HIDING your anxiety from the guys you date; you're better off learning how to manage your anxiety to where you're not allowing it to dictate how you act around men. See the difference? 3
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Right? I will say, for every time you've jumped the gun here, that you've been proven wrong. Also, to touch on something you wrote in a different post, it's not about HIDING your anxiety from the guys you date; you're better off learning how to manage your anxiety to where you're not allowing it to dictate how you act around men. See the difference? More brilliance! :) 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Is this your gut talking or your anxiety talking? I don't know, because I can't trust either one! I think it's my brain trying desperately to sabotage this.
Recommended Posts