The 'double take' is it enough to approach?

[lgspot]

At my company we don't mix departments for HH. When I go out it's with my admin team. Smaller group so we stick together. Mostly women. He'd be like the only husband showing up at a tupperware party.

Only guy at Tupperware party can't be all bad.

 

Gaeta, you had me at BIG BOOBS and a card.

Throw in a double take and a smile and he's putty.

The right inspiration and a LOT can happen between lobby and fifth floor on an elevator.

A double take in real life is better than a wink and a swipe on OLD any day.

Go get him Gaeta...:bunny:

 

PS: from the sounds of your building dynamics, I would keep it separate.

[katiegrl]

Then your happy hours are different than the happy hours I had with my coworkers, because we interacted with each other and hung out. That was the point of the happy hour. I mean, "no one has to know who he is, or that I even invited him" is just strange to me, because I would likely be standing there with at least one coworker when he walked up (because you aren't going to be sitting by yourself at the end of the bar nursing your drink when you are out for happy hour with your coworkers), so then he walks up and you have to introduce him, and then you start making conversation, and it inevitably turns to "how do you know each other?" So.....I just don't understand the scenario about how you can pull off an incognito first date at a happy hour with your coworkers. I can see how later on in the happy hour when people are rolling in and out, maybe a guy could show up, but still...you don't interact with your coworkers at a happy hour? They wouldn't ask who the guy is who you are talking to?

 

First of all it is not a "first date", lol ....and second, I already explained how *our* happy hours roll, the bar is packed with lawyers and other professional people who work downtown, and the whole thing is extremely informal and casual with everyone chatting and mingling with each other.

 

Him approaching me would be no different from any other guy approaching me and my co-workers wouldn't even give it a second thought as they're busy talking and mingling with others as well.

 

In any event, it really doesn't matter if you don't understand it, I am not here to convince you.

 

I just gave my opinion as to what Gaeta *might* do, she said she's not comfortable with it, which is her prerogative, and which I understand given her office dynamic, so let's just leave it that.

 

You do what's right for you and if I am ever single again, which doesn't seem likely, since my bf and I just got engaged, I will do what feels right to me.

 

Edit: And even if my co-worker were to approach us while chatting, so what? I would simply and very casually say "hey sue, this is John, he works in our building.". And my co-worker would simply respond "cool, nice to meet you.". After which all three of us would start chatting among a huge crowd of people enjoying hh after work after a long and busy week.

 

Franky, imo you are making this into a MUCH bigger deal than it's meant to be. But whatevs.

Edited September 29, 2015 by katiegrl

[clia]

Big freaking deal. You are making this into a MUCH bigger deal than it's meant to be.

 

I'm not. You are just apparently not as close to your coworkers as I am to mine, and as Gaeta is to hers. There would be a lot of questions if there was a new guy I invited to a happy hour. It sounds like Gaeta would deal with the same types of questions. It wouldn't be as casual as it might be in your situation.

 

You've been with your boyfriend for many, many years from what I remember from your posts (congrats on getting engaged, by the way), so maybe you can't remember how it is to be the single gal (as Gaeta is) who the coworkers are maybe interested in her dating life and are going to be highly interested in a guy who she's talking to at happy hour.

 

I just legitimately can't imagine inviting a new guy to meet my coworkers before even having a date with me!

[katiegrl]

I'm not. You are just apparently not as close to your coworkers as I am to mine, and as Gaeta is to hers. There would be a lot of questions if there was a new guy I invited to a happy hour. It sounds like Gaeta would deal with the same types of questions. It wouldn't be as casual as it might be in your situation.

 

You've been with your boyfriend for many, many years from what I remember from your posts (congrats on getting engaged, by the way), so maybe you can't remember how it is to be the single gal (as Gaeta is) who the coworkers are maybe interested in her dating life and are going to be highly interested in a guy who she's talking to at happy hour.

 

I just legitimately can't imagine inviting a new guy to meet my coworkers before even having a date with me!

 

Fair enough clia and thanks for the congrats!

 

But really our happy hours are so casual, and the bar is packed, so it's not like I invited him so he could meet my co-workers, it's not like that at all...

 

If they were like Gaeta's happy hours or yours I wouldn't do it.

 

Basically, it is me asking him for a drink in a very casual way at a popular after-work watering hole downtown, which another poster (sal?) even suggested.

 

I wish I could give you a clearer picture of what it's like, but I guess it's one of those scenes you have to experience yourself to fully understand....

[edgygirl]

* Envying * the OP.

 

I wish I was remotely attracted to anyone I know in real life... and I live in NY. How is that even possible? Ugh. Jailed in OLD forever

[edgygirl]

Oh I take my last post back. I was slightly attracted to a neighbor. And we've been having elevator light hearted flirts for over 3 years.

 

Until last week - when I heard him shouting at my next door neighbor for walking in his own apartment (above his). He seemed so out of control and different than the nice guy I pictured him as.

 

Not sure it's a good idea just because you'll bump into him constantly even if things don't work out... might get a little nightmarish, no?

[DivorcedDad123]

I don't think you can really go wrong here. Next time you see him, ask him how he's doing/how his weekend or week was, and then invite him somewhere for coffee. That would a one-on-one meetup to just chat and get a feel for him.

"Hi! How are you? :)"

"I'm well,and you?"

"I'm great! Have you had a good week?"

"It's been busy,but good"

"How about getting a cup of coffee? My treat since you've been SO busy":)

"I've got a meeting to attend,but thank you"

"No problem. Here's my card. Keep in touch and let me know when a good time is"

 

Easy peasy

[Gaeta]

I don't think you can really go wrong here. Next time you see him, ask him how he's doing/how his weekend or week was, and then invite him somewhere for coffee. That would a one-on-one meetup to just chat and get a feel for him.

"Hi! How are you? :)"

"I'm well,and you?"

"I'm great! Have you had a good week?"

"It's been busy,but good"

"How about getting a cup of coffee? My treat since you've been SO busy":)

"I've got a meeting to attend,but thank you"

"No problem. Here's my card. Keep in touch and let me know when a good time is"

 

Easy peasy

 

Talking to him is not a problem.

He also did the initiating when we spoke.

I just turn into a mute idiot when he speaks to me

 

I would definitely not invite him to grab a coffee. That's too much for me. Giving my number is all my nerve could handle.

 

I am a pro at online but I'm totally helpless when it comes to approaching someone live.

[salparadise]

I would definitely not invite him to grab a coffee. That's too much for me. Giving my number is all my nerve could handle.

 

 

You know what they call guys like this... virgins.

 

 

 

Why feel so damn invested? Just adopt some big gurl attitude and roll with it. What's the worst that could possibly happen? And why does that seem so terrifying?

[jen1447]

The worst case scenario question's always a good one. What really is the worst that could happen G?

 

Also you should have faith in your boobs. If you think you stammer, just imagine what it's like for a guy having to deal with the same thing plus boobs. That's why women always have the advantage.

[Redhead14]

There is this man in my building that makes me weak in the knees :-)

 

For almost 2 years now we give each other the 'double take'.

 

We spoke a few times and when he opens his mouth I blush and I lose the ability to speak hear and see :-)

 

Today I went to my dentist who's office is on the same floor as this man's company. Again the double take when I went in dentist and when I went out.

 

I know why I give him the double take, I just don't know why he gives it to me. Is it a 'that's the woman I like' double take or it's the 'look at those big boobs' double take.

 

Do I approach or not?

Do I make it more obvious I like him so he approaches me?

Do I forget about it cause a double take means nothing?

Too risky because we work in same building?

What if he is not interested and I become the joke of the whole 5th floor?

 

AHHH!!

 

Well, I'd say if the double take was enough to approach for either one of you, one of you would have by now

 

I'm not an advocate for women making the first move, but I'm not necessarily against it either. I say take it in stages -- first make it more obvious to him that you're interested and observe. If he seems to make a little more effort, wait it out a little. If he's making a little more effort but not asking you out, go ahead an ask him. All he can do is say no.

 

As for being the joke of the 5th floor? So what, this too shall pass. As soon as something more interesting to talk about comes up, they'll forget about this And, unless you're broadcasting your interest in this guy to the 5th floor, how will they know he turned you down anyway?

 

And, since when do you worry about what other people say or think, Gaeta? You're tougher than that.

[GemmaUK]

Talking to him is not a problem.

He also did the initiating when we spoke.

I just turn into a mute idiot when he speaks to me

 

I would definitely not invite him to grab a coffee. That's too much for me. Giving my number is all my nerve could handle.

 

I am a pro at online but I'm totally helpless when it comes to approaching someone live.

 

So, re-winding here..what has he initiated conversations about and did you actually respond or do you really go mute?

 

When you both double take now do both of you also smile and wave?

 

To be honest I wouldn't give him your number because for one thing that isn't going to get you past being nervous around him which can be off putting.

 

I would like to hear your responses before I post a real reply - simply because you two have 'a kind' of history going on.

 

I do agree with Jen though. Work those boobs!! However, be classy, a little bit of cleave and fitted clothes to show off your flat tum... it all works just as long as you are comfortable in what your wearing, properly comfortable and also not falling out (to any degree - cos that is tacky! Lol!)

[jen1447]

Yep. ^ Gae's a classy woman tho so I just assumed she'd handle them in a classy way.

[Gaeta]

So, re-winding here..what has he initiated conversations about and did you actually respond or do you really go mute?

 

When you both double take now do both of you also smile and wave?

 

To be honest I wouldn't give him your number because for one thing that isn't going to get you past being nervous around him which can be off putting.

 

I would like to hear your responses before I post a real reply - simply because you two have 'a kind' of history going on.

 

I do agree with Jen though. Work those boobs!! However, be classy, a little bit of cleave and fitted clothes to show off your flat tum... it all works just as long as you are comfortable in what your wearing, properly comfortable and also not falling out (to any degree - cos that is tacky! Lol!)

 

 

Thinking of it he's the one who initiated the first hellos and head nodding in the elevator.

 

Then I was outside with my dog (I bring my dog to the office each Monday) and he was out on a break and my dog went right to him so we then had a real conversation.

 

Then after that each time he sees me he'd ask 'no doggie today?'

 

When we double take NO there is no smile lol. It's more like 'omg he saw me looking at him'.

[Gaeta]

I went downstairs specifically at what I think is his break time and I didn't see him. I saw his colleagues but he was absent from the group today.

 

Then I remember a woman working with me takes her smoke break with that crowd so I was thinking maybe I should ask her.......you know anything about that guy?

 

[RoseVille]

Really? how did he do that?

 

I'm on the 4th floor and he's on 5th, that's a pretty short ride to ask someone out lol

 

It's 4 floors you have to travel together.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

There is this man in my building that makes me weak in the knees :-)

 

For almost 2 years now we give each other the 'double take'.

 

We spoke a few times and when he opens his mouth I blush and I lose the ability to speak hear and see :-)

 

Today I went to my dentist who's office is on the same floor as this man's company. Again the double take when I went in dentist and when I went out.

 

I know why I give him the double take, I just don't know why he gives it to me. Is it a 'that's the woman I like' double take or it's the 'look at those big boobs' double take.

 

Do I approach or not?

Do I make it more obvious I like him so he approaches me?

Do I forget about it cause a double take means nothing?

Too risky because we work in same building?

What if he is not interested and I become the joke of the whole 5th floor?

 

AHHH!!

 

I would go for it

[GemmaUK]

Thinking of it he's the one who initiated the first hellos and head nodding in the elevator.

 

Then I was outside with my dog (I bring my dog to the office each Monday) and he was out on a break and my dog went right to him so we then had a real conversation.

 

Then after that each time he sees me he'd ask 'no doggie today?'

 

When we double take NO there is no smile lol. It's more like 'omg he saw me looking at him'.

 

I would try smiling, just a little smile and a wave. Initiate it each time you see him.

For all you know he could be interpreting the 'OMG he saw me looking at him' expression on your face as you thinking 'OMG there's that creep who keeps asking about my dog'.

[Qboro90]

Him and I strike a conversation a few times in the elevator and outside.

When I get in the elevator he pushes my floor before I get to it.

 

The double take are when we are too far to say hello. If we are at a talking distance we do talk. Sometimes there's 10 people with us in the elevator too.

 

I was thinking of handing my card with my personal phone at the back?

 

And say something like ' I think you're hot' lol (joking)

 

Next time you see him say hello and at some point say "actually I'm glad I ran into you, I could use a mans help. Are you good/savvy with ______ ( fill in the blank with anything in your apartment that you could have him help you with... Such as moving something , a leaky pipe, faucet, reaching some thing high up etc) and ask if he'd mind coming to help or do you a favor. Heck even punch a small hole in your wall and ask if he could show you how to plaster n spackle lol.

 

Point is to get him to your place . Once there to can offer him a drink or have food ready and ask if he wants a beer or if you. Could thank him by making dinner.

 

Yiu need to do something that moves his thoughts of you past "friendly girl from my building " to more of a personal feeling

[Gaeta]

Next time you see him say hello and at some point say "actually I'm glad I ran into you, I could use a mans help. Are you good/savvy with ______ ( fill in the blank with anything in your apartment that you could have him help you with... Such as moving something , a leaky pipe, faucet, reaching some thing high up etc) and ask if he'd mind coming to help or do you a favor. Heck even punch a small hole in your wall and ask if he could show you how to plaster n spackle lol.

 

Point is to get him to your place . Once there to can offer him a drink or have food ready and ask if he wants a beer or if you. Could thank him by making dinner.

 

Yiu need to do something that moves his thoughts of you past "friendly girl from my building " to more of a personal feeling

 

That sounds like the plan of a serial killer ;-)

[GemmaUK]

Next time you see him say hello and at some point say "actually I'm glad I ran into you, I could use a mans help. Are you good/savvy with ______ ( fill in the blank with anything in your apartment that you could have him help you with... Such as moving something , a leaky pipe, faucet, reaching some thing high up etc) and ask if he'd mind coming to help or do you a favor. Heck even punch a small hole in your wall and ask if he could show you how to plaster n spackle lol.

 

Point is to get him to your place . Once there to can offer him a drink or have food ready and ask if he wants a beer or if you. Could thank him by making dinner.

 

Yiu need to do something that moves his thoughts of you past "friendly girl from my building " to more of a personal feeling

 

 

I would have to agree that's a bit too far IMO...but..you could ask him a 'how to' question even if you know the answer. Men love knowing things and telling you how to do things.

 

PS. I love that your dog comes to work for a day!

We had a dog in where I work a couple of weeks ago. One of our customers always takes his dog to work so asked if the dog could sit in on a meeting.

One perfectly behaved hound he was! He sat at the back of the room quiet and patient with a room full of 12 strangers. Aw!