Just a Guy Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Hi Confused, After reading the various posts, yours in particular, I want to ask you just one question. What is it that you really want? I guess if you dig deep within yourself to answer this question your confusion will evaporate overnight. It is simply that! Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 His friend isn't helping matters. Hes still hittibg me up, just now like "hi babe" and asking to take me out on a date. So MM knows his friend likes me, so there's that too.... The really sad part here is that they both see you as a good time. You can protest all you want, but the single guy knows you've been playing a form of grab-ass with his married buddy so that tells HIM you don't have any boundaries so he keeps trying to get in on some of the action. You're deluded if you honestly think either one of these guys respects you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 confusedovo: every man likes the intention and interest from other women, we all enjoy it it's in our DNA, but we just act upon it differently. to me it seems that he is enjoying your interest on him and letting it be. can it escalate to an affair? absolutely, you are in fact an easy target (no offense here) all he would have to do is ask. the fact that he texted you and lied about it tells me that he is enjoying too much and you need to break it up. it is better for you, him and his family MM almost never leave their wives for AP even when their betrayed wives leave them they rarely stay with APs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 You sound like a 5th grader with a crush. Yes. Because I haven't felt like this in a long time. Except, you keep trying to come off as all innocent and wanting to know why some scumbag lying married man with a pregnant wife at home is acting inappropriately with you when you've made it pretty clear you're very willing to step over the line with him. Just own your sh*t for god's sakes. No. I said (and meant) I'm not an innocent little girl. And I don't think he's a scumbag, I think he's a good man ultimately. I don't know who you think you're trying to kid acting as though this all just innocent 'friendship.' And really, who meets two strangers and then goes off with them to shop and then to one of their homes? Are you like 18 years old or something? You're damned lucky you didn't end up dismembered in a freezer in this guy's garage. Smdh. It's a friendship. If he kissed me I'd feel like that's cheating. The day is going to come in the future when you're married. Heavily pregnant, feeling bloated and achy but excited at the coming baby and feeling blessed to have a wonderful loving and loyal husband to share your journey. And then one evening you'll see a text or a SnapChat on his cell phone from some bimbo who doesn't have the common sense God gave a dung beetle, childishly flirting with him and asking when he can come cuddle with her again. And your world will drop right out from underneath you. And you'll deserve every single second of it. Wow. So much hate for someone you don't know. Good luck with that anger. I'm sorry for whatever caused you to be that way. For the record, if he cheated I wouldn't for one minute think "she deserved it' yet you'd think that of me. As for seeing me as a good time....no I don't get that mpression from MM. You've never met him. You've never seen him with me. I have. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Confusedovo: every man likes the intention and interest from other women, we all enjoy it it's in our DNA, but we just act upon it differently. to me it seems that he is enjoying your interest on him and letting it be. can it escalate to an affair? absolutely, you are in fact an easy target (no offense here) all he would have to do is ask. the fact that he texted you and lied about it tells me that he is enjoying too much and you need to break it up. it is better for you, him and his family MM almost never leave their wives for AP even when their betrayed wives leave them they rarely stay with APs. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 OP, if you want an honest-to-goodness "friendship" with the man, than do so within the confines of his marriage. Inasmuch, ask to be introduced to his wife and become BOTH their friends. But a "friendship" where there is sexual chemistry, touching, and *anything* hidden from the spouse, is inappropriate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Sex wouldn't be worth this to me... and what is this really about...? you know this man for a WEEK. as in 7 DAYS. what can it possibly be about other than strong sexual attraction? you know this man..................... for a week. let that sink in. & you'd get the same comments if you were a dude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dancewithme Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I would like to think you are posting here because you are open to advice about your situation. You've gotten it. Everyone here seems to think this is a bad idea. This many people, from their various affair perspectives, can't be all wrong. You are in the fog of lust and attraction, and cannot see reason at this moment. So trust us all here, and stop. Go NC, with MM and his friend. Can you imagine the conversations they're having about you right now? How easy you have come across to them? That's why friend is still contacting you. Cool this now, let the lust die down, try to salvage what dignity you have left. Do some self reflection. Who do you want to be? How do you want to be perceived? What do you say to yourself in the mirror? No time for false bravado, be real. You don't want to be the "THOT" that the men are whispering about. Love yourself better. Please seek counseling. And please stop all that crap about the wife possibly not caring. Do you honestly think that is any justification? Is that the only question about her that creeps into your mind? Does the fact that she is pregnant, and is Married to this man mean any thing? You don't care one bit, you just want what you want. I just have no (more) words... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 He hasn't even kissed me. Is holding hands, talking, touching non sexually, a few texts (its not even like we text constantly) cheating? Do you really think so?[/QUOTE] Ask yourself this, if you were newly married and pregnant with your first child and your husband was meeting some woman in secret, held her hand and touched her, what would you call it? Would you be ok with him continuing to meet her specially if she is the aggressor, which you are? This is their first child, why ruin their memory of such a significant event by interfering with their marriage? Leave the man alone, there are million's and million's of single men out there that would make great friends, boyfriends and husbands. Work on yourself, maybe you couldn't control the what happened to you as a child but you sure can do something about it as an adult specially if it skews your idea of good and bad boundaries. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 You cannot possibly be this dense. It just isn't physiologically possible. You are playing naive while twirling your hair so that when you end up in bed with him you can cover your mouth and say, "Oops! Who me?" You KNOW that this pregnant woman wouldn't be okay with this. It's common sense. You want to do it anyway. If you have any character at all, cut this man out of your life now. You know exactly what is going on. Either do the right thing or be a homewrecker. Because those are your choices. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 We all have different boundaries (which is my point with the wife...who knows what she would mind or not) I don't feel like we are in an affair. But yet again...I'm just confused. Nobody wants to believe that though, they would rather believe in a cold hearted player. You KNOW that this pregnant woman wouldn't be okay with this. It's common sense. You want to do it anyway. Confusedovo, I think most of the criticism in this thread would evaporate overnight if you told this gent you want to meet his wife and hang out with the two of them together. And since you maintain you're "just friends", what stops you from doing so ??? Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Confusedovo, I'm in the camp of if you think this is ok with the wife, call and talk to her. I know you say he isn't grooming you, but his actions say otherwise. In addition to getting you to the point where you will accept the hot/cold and periods of non-communication, he needs to feel out if you are the type to call his W. No MM wants to get into a situation where he is constantly worried every time his W's phone rings. You act like these two men are the only men on the planet. You only talk about them. I want the MM, the MM keeps talking about his buddy, the buddy is calling too. There are other men. Men who will be happy to hold hands in the mall with you. Men who do not have to lie to spend time with you. Men who do not purposely set up someone to be hurt by their actions (you and his W). You say an A with you wouldn't affect his being a good dad...the time he steals from his family to spend with you does cheat his children. How is that being a good dad? The way you talk you are at the mercy of your hormones and this guy's thoughts/desires. Why are you so determined to give away all your power? Do you not think you are worth more? Do you not think you deserve a man who can wholly be yours? Why are you willing to accept a fraction of a man when you should have a whole one? As long as you cling so desperately to this man, you are not open to one of your own. You cannot have a healthy enriching relationship as long as you are trying to worm your way into an unhealthy destructive relationship. I hope you chose the correct path. The path to an A is an easy slide in...it is brutal to get off. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I disagree about the MM grooming her. This girl doesn't need ANY grooming, she is good to go for this guy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 why ruin their memory of such a significant event by interfering with their marriage? Why is he? The one in the marriage with the baby on the way. You cannot possibly be this dense. It just isn't physiologically possible. You are playing naive while twirling your hair so that when you end up in bed with him you can cover your mouth and say, "Oops! Who me?" You KNOW that this pregnant woman wouldn't be okay with this. It's common sense. You want to do it anyway. If you have any character at all, cut this man out of your life now. You know exactly what is going on. Either do the right thing or be a homewrecker. Because those are your choices. Such kind words. Thank you. Again...no I'm not playing naieve. I'm still confused about the situation. About his intentions, and what I should really do. That's going to fall on deaf ears yet again though... And again...I don't KNOW what his wife is OK with. I do not know. I don't know if she knows I exsist. I do not know. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy if we CHEATED no. Eye of the storm: I am going to tink about what you said. Thank you. These kind of posts I can respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Cmon guys, of course I'm not going to talk to or hang out with his wife...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 I'm upset that he's not text me and he's been on WhatsApp.... Mind f**k. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I'm shocked this nonsense has gone on for 7 pages now. You keep asking the same question and people keep telling you the same answer. But I don't think you actually read and process anything people answer with. I'm still confused about the situation. About his intentions, His intentions are to sleep with you and have you as his girl on the side. and what I should really do. Sleep with him or don't sleep with him. But seriously. Who meets a random guy and his friend and goes on a date to the mall? Did his parents have to pick him up after? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) Confusedovo, I'm in the camp of if you think this is ok with the wife, call and talk to her. I know you say he isn't grooming you, but his actions say otherwise. In addition to getting you to the point where you will accept the hot/cold and periods of non-communication, he needs to feel out if you are the type to call his W. No MM wants to get into a situation where he is constantly worried every time his W's phone rings. Why is it he that is grooming her? That implies she is the victim, which she is most definitely not... well, maybe a victim of her seemingly lack of emotional intelligence, but that is besides the point. I don't understand this logic of automatically blaming the man, other than the culture of female victimization that we have come to expect/hear/advice in these type of scenarios. Well... let's go back on what the OP has told us: So I knew MM was married.... I felt very very attracted to MM from the start.... I gave the whole "I don't care" speech/attitude....A couple of days later I decided to WhatsApp him. So yeah I made the move there.... I was kinda annoyed at him trying to get me with this guy, so I said " I like you"... He was like "so you really like me?" Yes....I told him I wanted him to stay, he kinda pulled me closer from my back, and I put my head on his chest for like a minute.... When I got home I told him I wanted to kiss him so bad and that's hes gorgeous. I did leave out the parts that he instigated, but she is obviously very open to his whims, and, if anything orechestrated her fair share. They're both playing the game. Saying that he is grooming her is a stretch of the imagination, villainizing this poor schmuck who's enamored with the attention of some strange chick he just met. Following all that with this lovely gem: Cmon guys, of course I'm not going to talk to or hang out with his wife...lol Yeah.. real "grooming" victim here. Edited September 23, 2015 by Ms. Faust 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 But I don't think you actually read and process anything people answer with. I do. I'm thinking about all the different possibilities. I'm venting/seeking more opinions while I process. I hope this thread does carry on, I actually need the support. But seriously. Who meets a random guy and his friend and goes on a date to the mall? Did his parents have to pick him up after? Thsts funny. But no we all walked home like grown ups. They were there in the city together shopping. Maybe they were on a date. I was by myself chatting on my phone on a bench. I did leave out the parts that he instigated Why? Those are pretty important parts. Esp where he contacted me when I was MIA. And asked if he could come see me. Then hands on me etc. And that was just Monday evening. Why is that being left out? Remember I've not said I'm a victim. Why would I want to hang out with his wife? Why does that make me a terrible person for not wanting to? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I'm upset that he's not text me and he's been on WhatsApp.... Mind f**k. I feel for the pain this wife will feel when she finds out you banged her husband. The writing is on the wall 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Have either of you contacted each-other since then? Both still quiet? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Girl, your the one chasing him and if you would stop sending him the "I'm available" signal this would just die a natural death and he, his wife and their new baby can have a normal life. Nothing will happen unless you make it happen so lets stop the BS, your playing with tree lives. Just what are you trying to prove by asking a bunch of betrayed people on a infidelity forum their opinion about starting an affair with a married man about to have his first child? Why not post on the other man/other women thread where you will find all kinds of support. Men and women that will date a married person are no different than a married person that will cheat on their spouse. They have no respect for boundaries. Remember if they'll do it with you they will do it to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 do you realize you are going after an unavailable MM because you are setting up an abandonment again... ?? please get into IC and figure this out before you hurt innocent people. AND yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 i don't get this part -- you don't like illusions but you're afraid to call things by their real name - AFFAIR? why are you afraid of using that word? because it has a very negative vibe that doesnt neccessarily fit all situations where to people meet and fall in love, its a clichee not reality, for me atleast. im for the truth being told but under some circumstances that can be delayed, but therefore i dont want to call it an affair, anyways now that i have written it so many times i dont mind;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Have either of you contacted each-other since then? Both still quiet? I sent a text the day after (so yesterday) just an inside joke we have. It was just a small non important text. He didn't reply (has read it and been online since) but I haven't sent anything since. I'm sitting on my hands. I'm wondering if he feels he crossed a line Monday, so is feeling guilty. Or worried his wife thinks something is up. Maybe she questioned her about his walk? Or maybe he's just done with me. But I'd think he'd have not read my text and just block, if he 100% was? Or maybe he didn't think he "should" reply, as it wasn't a question or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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