He says I raped him.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by cherry7up

 

In fact, I'm certain it would have been over with WEEKS ago if certain people hadn't decided to get involved in it. I'm feeling a bit better about going to the dinner now. What do you guys think?

 

i still can't believe after all this, you're still going on and on about that stupid dinner. it's all you're concerned about.

 

i don't think you raped this person, truthfully, i don't. THIS WAS NOT RAPE.

 

but your sense of self and priority is way, way off.

[Bubsa]

I totally agree with Sex Kitten

 

I am quite amazed as well, how in amongst all this madness you are concerned about going to this dinner party?

 

What has happended is a very serious issue whatever way its dressed up though I believe it was not rape. But all you seem to be concerned with is this dinner party. This bloke has accused you of rape should he decided to take it any further you could be questioned by police etc.

 

Your priority should be getting well away from this fool and sorting a life out that does not involve this bloke in any way. I know I sound hard and again I don't know you but I can honestly say if a women accused me of rape and I knew it did not happen I would go out of my way to make sure I never see of have anything to do with this person again. Trust me Mud Sticks !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SexKitten]

not to mention false accusation of rape is against the law. YOU could go after him and anyone else who said it.

[tiki]

I cannot help but to wonder if he could still cry rape if you ended up pregnant?

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by cherry7up

 

At any rate, the police weren't called on account fo the rape. They were called because when I went over to his house the next day he REFUSED to find out what had happened. He said "YOU CAME INTO MY ROOM AND ****ED ME WHILE I WAS UNCONSCIOUS!" (Though he so wasn't.) Then he said he'd call the cops if I didn't leave. I couldn't believe he'd take it that far. So I stayed. And then lo and behold they actually showed up. When they got there, I didn't put up a fight or anything. I went out the door to them. They talked to both of us and after he went inside they asked me why I on earth I was there. Once I explained the whole situation to them (they asked), they said it was definitely consensual and he's obviously a coward.

 

The problem is that there are a LOT of people who somehow believe he was either completely unconscious or that I orchestrated the whole event on purpose.

 

and yet you say the accusations never came from his mouth? read the above paragraph that YOU wrote, and then say it had nothing to do with him.

 

it's still not rape, but it's getting increasingly harder to feel sorry for you when you're obviously very lost and you don't seem to know what's going on or care about anything other than what your ex thinks, what he's doing, and this silly party.

 

do you still have a thing for this guy? you can't seem to wait to be around him at this mandatory talent show dinner party. you hung out with his old friends, and old roommates.

 

you're not a rapist, but you are up to something.

[billybadass36]

Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret

Billy, we're colleagues, and you're obviously an ADA and not a PD or civil atty, but I have to strongly disagree with you. This situation is utter and total BS. This scenario would NEVER be prosecuted in California, at least not in LA County. Specifically, you forgot about the mens rea element.

 

Further, you clearly don't read many threads on this board. The women are just as often, if not more often, held accountable for their BS as the men are.

 

First off, I'm not a prosecutor. I'm in private civil practice. There's no mens rea element necessary under MI's criminal sexual conduct laws - quasi strict liability. Mens rea, unless specifically codified, is only a common law doctrine and is largely abandoned in the Model Penal Code. Michigan has done away with the common law approach and has by and large adopted the MPC with various statutory tweaks throughout.

 

You're correct - this scenario has very little chance of being prosecuted in ANY jurisdiction, but if the gender roles were reversed, it would be much, much more likely.

 

And I read lots of threads on this board, and you're wrong about men and women being held to the same levels of conduct. Men are outnumbered here about two to one, and the anticipated lopsidedness is fairly apparent.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by billybadass36

 

 

You're correct - this scenario has very little chance of being prosecuted in ANY jurisdiction, but if the gender roles were reversed, it would be much, much more likely.

 

 

 

but you're neglecting the fact that it is just as difficult for women to prove rape. there are more claims, more trials, and more convictions in those cases because there ARE more women put in this situation than men. so naturally, there are more known occurrences. it's like having more traffic accidents in a high-traffic area as opposed to an area where few people even drive cars.

 

you seem to forget that women are not always believed when they say they are raped, and that in many of women's cases, even those that are obviously rape have been overturned, and continue to be.

 

it is possible if this boy pushed the issue, much like a woman has to push the issue, it may go to court because it is a claim of wrongdoing--he would even have an advantage of being a male, because there are few that claim rape and tend to prosecute. that's not fair either, but it could happen.

 

after that, it wouldn't go anywhere. it just wouldn't hold because the evidence isn't there--same for a woman in the same situation.

[Bubsa]

I think quite a few interesting points have been raised on this issue and though I do not agree with everything you say Billy I think you have made a very interesting arguement. I for one would have to say had the roles been reveresed I could and possibly would give differnet opinions on this subject. The way society is RAPE tends to always hang its tag with what a Man does to a women.

 

Though it has been proven on here that Rape does happen to Men as well I think it has made a very interesting debate with some really good comments especially Tinmans.

[Pocky]

If the roles were reversed and I were told that the woman played ride 'em cowboy during the alleged "rape" I'd think it were just as absurd as this claim. One that is being forced to participate in sexual activity does not take control and actively lead the assault. You're not drunk enough that you can't control you're actions if you're the one taking charge - he knew what was happening and he wanted it. Making him a woman doesn't change that.

[scarlyjones]

Ive heard an interesting view on this type of subject:

 

A guy I met once told me he thought it should be considered rape if a woman has sex with a guy under false pretenses. Like if she told the guy she just was really HORNY and wanted a romp....but really she had poked holes in the condom to try to get pregnant and thus,...take the guy to the "cleaners" I gotta admit...........he has a point.

[billybadass36]

I just read the additional posts, and I'd have to say that the OP isn't doing herself any favors. She's painting herself as the obsessive ex-gf that won't leave the ex-bf's apartment the morning after. He had to call the police to have her escorted off of the premises the next day. This sort of conduct is indicative of a person more likely to have facilitated this sexual interlude in a last ditch "get my boyfriend back at all costs" maneuver. Whether that's the case or not, since he made a report of a sex crime that occurred at his house the night before, the OP is well advised to clear away from this guy. Add to this the fact that the alleged victim was so inebriated that he cannot remember what happened the night before, yet the accused can paint a pretty vivid picture of the events from her own memory, and it looks like she was sober, took advantage of a wasted young man in some strange fatal attraction-esque ploy to get him back. cherry7up, you gotta stay away from this kid for your own benefit.

 

I know my viewpoint on this subject isn't very popular, but my roommate in college was the vicitm of being accused of a date rape when the following happened:

 

We were all partying at our house. A young female that we were acquainted with shows up, and she gets pretty drunk. We all were. We knew she had a boyfriend, and we also knew she had a thing for my roommate. They were both drinking heavily, dancing on the coffee table, etc. She initiated some kissing and they engaged in some mutual heavy petting right there in front of everyone. About 6 of us observed this, and my friend asked a few of us if he should pursue it further. We said, Hell yeah, why not? Anyway, they go and have sex. Her outward appearance was that she wanted him VERY much.

 

Next morning she leaves. Her boyfriend is pissed because she didn't come home the night before. She breaks down and tells him she was at our house and that she slept with my roommate. Her boyfriend third-degrees her, finds out she was wasted, and said, "You were raped", and she goes and reports it to campus safety. My roommate gets dragged in front of the quasi-judicial body there, and even though we paraded up there about a dozen witnesses (both male and female) to her coming onto him all night, there was no dispute that she was intoxicated (we all were), and (according to the law/rules, whatever) she lacked the ability to "consent" as that term is used in this situation. My friend got expelled (had to finish his degree at another university at substantial cost and delay in graduation) and charged criminally. He pled to CSC 4th and did 6 months of probation (no jail) and is on the sex offender registry for the rest of his life. Why? Because this woman regretted having drunken sex with a guy that wasn't her boyfriend.

 

How is the above scenario ANY different than that posed by the OP, other than the genders being reversed and that the "victim" in the OP's scenario was never openly engaging in any public displays of affection and was actually passed out when the "incident" occurred? If we remove gender from the equation, the OP's scenario is much more egregious, in my opinion. Again, this is if we remove gender from the facts.

[Bubsa]

Point taken Pocky agreed that whatever way this is dressed up it is not rape. I just feel I am one of those people that thinks more that men can abuse women easier than women can to men. (Not saying I am right).

 

I had a wierd experience once that in the mornings one of my Ex's used to go down on me whilst I was asleep I used to then get up and think "What a Hell of a way to wake up ".

 

I tried to return the favour once and me Ex went all defensive stating that she felt I had abused her body I apoligied and she was ok in the end about it just said she felt really upset by it. Without Stereo typing Men and Women well I suppose I am really most blokes I know would think its there lucky day should they get woken up like this. But I am unsure if women would. (I know this is a different arguement but my point being is that men and women view sex differnetly).

[Bubsa]

Billy the point being in either case no one was actually Raped. It was a case of people Regreting their actions and crying Rape. That Pisses me off, I don't condone that but the fact is it is NOT Rape. But I undersatnd what you are saying.

 

There really is three sides to this story Candys version of events his version of events and the drunken mess of what actually happened so we are all judging on just hearing one side of events.

[billybadass36]

In lawschool after exams we were out partying. This one hideously nasty woman that was in our class was ALL OVER any guy that wasn't with a girl at this party. I catch a ride with my buddy over to an after-hours party. I'm in the backseat with this wildebeast and she jumps on top of me and I'm like hiding in the corner of the back seat trying to keep her off me. We get to the after-hours party, and I end up passing out in a closet (It was cozy in there). Wake up the next morning and this woman and her friends were still there. They left and we boys went to breakfast. At breakfast I learned that this woman ended up banging two guys in one of the bedroom (one after the other, not at the same time), and then afterward came out to the living room and gave another one of my buddies a blowjob. This whole time I was passed out in the closet in the hallway by myself.

 

A week later I had a birthday party and this chick shows up with some friends, and all of a sudden I'm accused of facilitating a date rape. WTF? She was all over EVERYBODY that night, and a couple of penises happened to fall into her after she was pretty much begging for it (verbally and through her conduct). This chick was seriously nasty, not attractive at all, her two other friends were much hotter, let this "date rape" go on right in front of their own faces, but all of a sudden myself and four of my good friends were accused of date raping a really, really nasty chick. Talk about victimization.

[scarlyjones]

Wow,...............I have always shaken my head in disbelief when I hear or see something like this. I just cannot wrap my mind around how someone can cry "rape" JUST to hide the fact that they cheated, or hide looking like a tramp or a whore,....with absolutely no concern with the person or the life they are ruining forever with this lie. How SELFISH.... Theres a special place in Hell for people like that. Pack light.

[billybadass36]

I've woken up naked in an alcoholic haze in various unsavory females' beds, knowing full well that I got wasted and "accidentally" stuck my penis where it didn't belong and where it never would have gone had I been sober. Never did it occur to me in any of those situations to cry "Rape! Rape!" for me being a drunken hoor and succombing to the wiles of some crusty female that was a fixture at a local watering hole.

[cherry7up]

whoo, double post, sorry!

[cherry7up]

For the record, when I woke up at his place the next morning I got the hell out of dodge, I was so freaked out. And when the police were called NO rape report was made. They were called when I went over to his house the next night to ask him what the hell was up with the people screaming rape and harassing me online. He and I wound up in a shouting match (no physical violence) and he called the cops. In all honesty when they got there, they were confused as to why they'd been called at all. My theory is he called them so he'd be able to say I was nutso...even though there was NO REASON to call them. Not to mention, at the time of the party I was seeing someone else, and the ex and I were chill and CONVINCED that nothing would happen at his party. Not to mention, drunken screwing isn't going to bring an ex back, even if that were what I had wanted/intended. I've got enough self-worth to know that.

 

He was really angry, but then again I would be too if I couldn't remember a damn thing. He's said to people since he calmed down that it wasn't rape, but def my fault for us being in that situation. I think that holds a *little* water, I mean I did approach him, even though it was NOT with the intention of sex at all. However, he sure as heck was a willing participant. Now, in all honesty, I don't know why I want to defend this guy - except that I've known him a LONG time and this whole thing is so out of character for him.

 

And yes I am VERY concerned about the dinner party. It's extremely important to my friend who's hosting it. The thing about me and this guy is that our social circles are pretty much exactly the same. We have most of the same friends, and we did before we met. I don't see why I should avoid any and all parties or whatever with people who aren't even mad at me because of this whole debacle.

[tokyo]

Billybadass, You seem to be on a personal crusade against all these women who abuse a law that was supposed to protect them. Various female poster on this thread though stated very clearly that even when the situation here had been reversed they'd still not consider it to be rape. It's not the fault of the original poster that laws are as they are and that some women abuse it. We are not here to discuss the double standards in society and the abuse of a law, but an individual situation. Cherry7up asked what people think about the situation as she described it. Telling her that a lot of women in the reverse situation have cried:"Rape! Rape!" for false motives may be true, but what is she supposed to do with this statement?

 

Cherry7up, go to the party and don't hide. You did nothing wrong and there's no need to hide. Hiding will make you look guilty.

[Craig]

Originally posted by billybadass36

He pled to CSC 4th and did 6 months of probation (no jail) and is on the sex offender registry for the rest of his life. Why? Because this woman regretted having drunken sex with a guy that wasn't her boyfriend.

This kind of thing happens every day. A woman gets mad at a guy says he raped her (when the sex was consensual), he gets charged , pleads out to a lesser charge out of fear and/or ignorance and gets a criminal record and labeled a sex offender as well. A woman can get a guy charged with rape about as easy as ordering a pizza.

 

Billy, do you know what the stats are on prosecutions for filing a false rape report or for perjury by the accuser?

[billybadass36]

Originally posted by kooky

Billybadass, You seem to be on a personal crusade against all these women who abuse a law that was supposed to protect them.

 

Yep, you're right.

 

As you've requested, here's my advice to cherry7up: Getting legal advice about a criminal charge filed against you on an internet forum is not a good idea. You'd be best served by talking to a lawyer in your jurisdiction. Sorry about my flag-waving, tighty-whities burning, crusade against women and the sexual inequities that "society" burdens us men with.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by cherry7up

 

 

And yes I am VERY concerned about the dinner party. It's extremely important to my friend who's hosting it. The thing about me and this guy is that our social circles are pretty much exactly the same. We have most of the same friends, and we did before we met. I don't see why I should avoid any and all parties or whatever with people who aren't even mad at me because of this whole debacle.

 

because if you were so victimized by a person who is there, you would have no interest in having any contact with them. your concerns for yourself should be more important that some party.

 

if i were accused of rape, my friends would not expect me to participate in an activity involving that person. if a situation were this serious, they would cancel the event or understand if one or neither did not show up--and probably request it.

 

frankly, i think you're just looking for attention now. i still believe you are not a rapist by any means, but your way of thinking is seriously screwed up, given the severity of this incident.

[stewh]

Originally posted by cherry7up

It's extremely important to my friend who's hosting it.

 

Under the circumstances I would hope your friend would understand your reasons for not attending this dinner party.

[cherry7up]

Allright, for the record there are NO criminal charges being pressed against me. The idea of rape was first introduced into the situation by an outside party (not me or my ex). The ex couldn't remember a damn thing from the night and he trusts his "friend" who told him he must have been raped. He's going with it I think because he really doesn't remember anything. The breakup was also VERY fresh when this happened (about three weeks old.) so I think a lot of his anger at me is stemming from the breakup rather than this incident.

 

I do NOT see myself as a victim here of anything other than vicious gossip. Do I think my ex is being an immature prick? Yes. Do I think he'll get over blaming it all on me? Yeah, eventually. Am I holding my breath? Nope.

 

Like I said, I was not a victim of anything other than some VICIOUS gossip, and yeah, my friend would totally understand if I didn't go. However, I WANT to go. It's my friend's celebration and a TON of my other friends will be there. I don't see how carrying on with my life in spite of the melodrama makes me weak or desperate...?

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by cherry7up

Allright, for the record there are NO criminal charges being pressed against me. The idea of rape was first introduced into the situation by an outside party (not me or my ex). The ex couldn't remember a damn thing from the night and he trusts his "friend" who told him he must have been raped. He's going with it I think because he really doesn't remember anything. The breakup was also VERY fresh when this happened (about three weeks old.) so I think a lot of his anger at me is stemming from the breakup rather than this incident.

 

I do NOT see myself as a victim here of anything other than vicious gossip. Do I think my ex is being an immature prick? Yes. Do I think he'll get over blaming it all on me? Yeah, eventually. Am I holding my breath? Nope.

 

Like I said, I was not a victim of anything other than some VICIOUS gossip, and yeah, my friend would totally understand if I didn't go. However, I WANT to go. It's my friend's celebration and a TON of my other friends will be there. I don't see how carrying on with my life in spite of the melodrama makes me weak or desperate...?

 

 

i'm just getting frustrated with the whole melodramatic beginning of "i'm being accused of rape!" and anti-climactic ending of "but it wanna go the partyyyyyyyyy!"

 

whatever.

 

 

i'm done with this. anyone else got any thing?