Author Travelchick84 Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 How long was he divorced before you started dating him? He isn't divorced yet. They had been seperated since 2013, I met him October 2014...she is pressuring him to get it done as she wants to marry her new fella. He can't afford it yet since we had the holiday booked and paid for and Mexico from the UK is pretty expensive. Said back in April he needs to get all his stuff sorted in order for him to feel happy again and to properly focus on us. Yet I said have the time you need then, he then kept asking to see me saying he wanted a future with me etc etc. Due to stresses of my last job and going straight into a new one I was getting a bit pissed off with him not making an effort lately but then he had some health stuff going on. So I said I'd rather be friends going on holiday so that I wouldn't feel paranoid that he would end it afterwards as I felt he was going to and I was right. But his ex wife didn't give him time or attention like I did and loves what he got from me said how we were perfect because it felt right. I won't ever forgive him for making me feel like I had a future with him when he tore it apart by doing what he did over a bloody text and phone call!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 What you're describing is why most people say not avoid dating someone who isn't divorced or recently divorced. They don't mean harm, but very often, they just aren't ready for anything serious, even if they think they are. It's OK to be upset, but dating someone who isn't yet divorced is a pretty huge decision, and unfortunately, most people don't consider the very likely possibility of eventually being hurt when the person can't give them the amazing relationship they were expecting. I'm sorry to say that I think at this point, you're really grasping for straws at this guy's interest. I have no doubt that you were his emotional crutch during the most devastating time in his life. Now that you've boosted his confidence and helped him get back to feeling somewhat normal, the luster of your relationship is gone. You made a mistake by getting seriously involved with a guy who wasn't divorced. Don't make another by keeping yourself in limbo for him to come back. It's unlikely he can ever give you anything serious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Travelchick84 Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 What you're describing is why most people say not avoid dating someone who isn't divorced or recently divorced. They don't mean harm, but very often, they just aren't ready for anything serious, even if they think they are. It's OK to be upset, but dating someone who isn't yet divorced is a pretty huge decision, and unfortunately, most people don't consider the very likely possibility of eventually being hurt when the person can't give them the amazing relationship they were expecting. I'm sorry to say that I think at this point, you're really grasping for straws at this guy's interest. I have no doubt that you were his emotional crutch during the most devastating time in his life. Now that you've boosted his confidence and helped him get back to feeling somewhat normal, the luster of your relationship is gone. You made a mistake by getting seriously involved with a guy who wasn't divorced. Don't make another by keeping yourself in limbo for him to come back. It's unlikely he can ever give you anything serious. No no no seriously it's fine. I did make sure before anything happened and he said he was ok. He wasn't doing the process yet as he had to sort his daughter out. Apart from that he was very happy and glad he met me again after 12 years, trusted me and felt good and said he was glad we were together and went on to have a lovely relationship. The only stress he got was from his daughter's mum as she always used their daughter as a weapon to get at him. But he was absolutely fine until he had his wobbly moments and would say he needs to sort stuff out and wasn't sure if he could deal with the pressure of a relationship but he came crawling back and wanted me. So it doesn't make any sense really. He assured me and I said well so long as you're sure and if you need a break just say so and I will give you time. So now I feel to actually really deal with it all and no distractions he has had to do what he has done. I'd love to reconnect in the near future because we had a great friendship as well as a relationship. I just feel very lost and very sad I've lost someone so important to me Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I've never been divorced, so I'm only going on what I've read (and it's a LOT), but the important thing to consider here is that these people aren't always sure what they want. They might THINK they're ready for another relationship, but the truth is, it can be a crapshoot. There are a ton of stories out there about someone who had their heart broken by someone in this situation. They insisted they were ready for a relationship and maybe even carried one out for months and months until they suddenly dropped the, "I can't do this" on the unsuspecting person. I've heard a lot of divorced people say that they weren't really "right" for up to three years after the divorced was finalized. And that was under amicable terms, which doesn't sound like is the case here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Travelchick84 Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 Their divorce is amicable. They have no ties or assets together. It's been very simple and easy. But that was never a factor. He just said he has so much to deal with right now and hasn't had the time. I'm just annoyed he was 100% willing to be with me and be in a serious relationship with me when I said we didn't need to be until he was ready. I said from the start I didn't want to fall for him to have anything go wrong a year down the line. When he was drunk he would say he was scared of getting hurt by me etc and I was like are you crazy?! I love you I wouldn't hurt you?! He clearly pushed me away to deal with his crap head on without me around as a distraction. I'm devastated and hope to reconnect in the future. But for now I need to find a way through this. And I won't ever be going down or contacting him for my stuff either!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 He may have said he was ready, but everything you're describing shows that he wasn't. Actions over words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Travelchick84 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 He may have said he was ready, but everything you're describing shows that he wasn't. Actions over words. Well he never showed it and it was him who initiated the divorce. But maybe that's what he needs to get done now that he has the time to do it now with no distractions...I hope to reconnect with him in a couple of months because deep down there is something good with us. I don't want to lose him to stresses and issues going on. We were good together while it lasted and I'm miserable over this. Link to post Share on other sites
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