LookAtThisPOst Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) I was debating on whether or not to put this post in the religous thread or this one, but it's about dating profiles if anything. There was a post in the POF Forums about how they would come across those who "pepper" their profiles with "Looking for a God fearing man/woman" or "Must put God first". Though, I am Christian (Catholic Christian), I don't go so far as such to do that. In fact, I have a female friend that is an active Christian in her church that goes beyond just going to services. She's involved with her kids youth group, too. She was on POF, but had pretty much left all that type of dialogue out of it so that she may not appear such much as a religious "nut job." She does have "Christian" chosen in the stats, but that's it. I have a male friend that is seeking a Christian, but, when he met one from online, found out that she works at her church, her kids go to the school at the same church, and everything in her social life is tied strictly to that church. It was too much even for him to deal with. The complaint of those forum posters, as I say I cannot blame them is where they keep seeing a few profiles with the Bible quotes scattered about. A lot of the complainers though were atheists. So this would make sense, but I would also assume even certain believers have come across their religious nut jobs...so you have your "levels" of intensities here. One retorted that even atheists can just be nutty in their disbelief (i.e.- demanding the Ten Commandments being taken down off a courthouse lawn), as much as Christians can be nutty in their own. One atheist when on the defensive on that remark. Yes, even atheists can have an "unholier than thou" attitude. lol Anyhow, do you think even non-believers can just be "in the wrong" as believers? When you date someone, do you evaluate to what extent they are religous to non-religious. Another argument made is that some Christians hide their category as "not religious but spiritual" in their OK Cupid profiles, but then unleash what they believe after having dated them a few times. What I deal with is...I am a believer, but with some of the Christian women I've dated around here, you cannot even enjoy a rated R movie without them judging you. lol Edited September 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 When someone mentions a god in their OLD profile I next them. If they believe in fairy tales strongly enough to mention it in a dating profile then we aren't going to be compatible. I'm not anti-religion but my unbelief will end up troubling her and it will always be like St Paul's thorn in his side. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I'm not sure, but wouldn't a believer NOT watch R rated movies, because they often contain sinful scenes & unChristian things like profanity (empty words) and can be viewed as the work of the devil to corrupt humanity? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 I'm not sure, but wouldn't a believer NOT watch R rated movies, because they often contain sinful scenes & unChristian things like profanity (empty words) and can be viewed as the work of the devil to corrupt humanity? Usually the more radical Christians tend to be like this. This, along with not touching a drop of alcohol. To some Christians, this is bad, to others...as long its in moderation, it's fine.n I know Christians that drink alcohol in moderation. Moderation is practiced. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 If she's not a match for you, just move on to the next profile. Really, it's very simple. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 They say opposites attract but don't be fooled. When I met my wife she was a Christian but wasn't practicing much. Claiming she believed in God and the bible but did whatever she wanted to the contrary of the word. Before she met me she was drinking and having one night stands. She claims at that time she stopped following Christ - whatever. Now she has decided to seriously follow Christ - whatever TF that means. I think it's just pressure from her nutty family. Now we have arguments because of her unproven "beliefs" and all that. It's created a lot of stress in our family. Remember there are different religions out there and within each religion there are different perceptions and different commitments and all that crap. For example your Christian neighbor might believe something completely different than you even though you are both "Christian". Bottom line just find someone who is close to what you believe and how you go about your life. That's the safest bet to a happy life. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 If she's not a match for you, just move on to the next profile. Really, it's very simple. That's right. When I did OLD, I was grateful when people actually revealed who they were in their profiles. I was looking for someone who fit me and who might be a good match that could last. To me, putting some substance in a profile shows confidence and sincere intentions. There were so many innocuous vague profiles and I just figured they'd take anybody. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I don't think it's necessarily weird to acknowledge your faith on your profile. It certainly wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I totally support the right to believe in whatever deity someone wants to believe in, but as an atheist I couldn't get involved with a believer. It just wouldn't work for me. I have no interest in attending church (and have felt like a hypocrite the few times I did go for weddings/funerals etc) I would feel a lot of pressure if I was dating a believer even if they, themselves didn't pressure me. My very Catholic grandmother has been pushing me and pushing me to come back to her church (I was baptized there but stopped going when I was ten) but I've refused EVERY time. If someone mentions God in their online dating profile, I next them. Simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) I don't think people are religious nut jobs because they put that. They're clear about what they want and I'm sure they'll be appealing to others who have up similar types of declarations. Yes, someone's religion affects our compatibility, as with any other lifestyle/worldview factor. If a man announces being really religious on his profile or says must put God first etc, I'll just know I'm probably not who he's looking for and vice-versa. However, even if he doesn't put that up explicitly, once we start dating I'll quickly realize if he's really religious, and it wouldn't work similarly. I don't believe one should hide their beliefs to find a date, what's really the point? If that is your choice and something you feel is fundamental, it stands to reason you should seek to be "equally yoked" as they say and not dawdle around with folks who don't get it or aren't into it and you have to then downplay it or pretend to be who you aren't. Live in your truth. I see two things here that are completely different issues: 1)how to accurately describe what's important to you on your profile without seeming forceful and 2) whether or not very religious people should date people who aren't religious. You have all kinds of Christian denominations and levels of practice. Just like with ANY dating factor, the goal is to find someone who is your speed. That's all really. If someone is too much or too little of something for you, they'll be just right for someone else, so that's all you can do, focus on finding people whose level of religiosity matches your own. Edited September 16, 2015 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 I don't think people are religious nut jobs because they put that. They're clear about what they want and I'm sure they'll be appealing to others who have up similar types of declarations. Yes, someone's religion affects our compatibility, as with any other lifestyle/worldview factor. If a man announces being really religious on his profile or says must put God first etc, I'll just know I'm probably not who he's looking for and vice-versa. However, even if he doesn't put that up explicitly, once we start dating I'll quickly realize if he's really religious, and it wouldn't work similarly. I don't believe one should hide their beliefs to find a date, what's really the point? If that is your choice and something you feel is fundamental, it stands to reason you should seek to be "equally yoked" as they say and not dawdle around with folks who don't get it or aren't into it and you have to then downplay it or pretend to be who you aren't. Live in your truth. I see two things here that are completely different issues: 1)how to accurately describe what's important to you on your profile without seeming forceful and 2) whether or not very religious people should date people who aren't religious. You have all kinds of Christian denominations and levels of practice. Just like with ANY dating factor, the goal is to find someone who is your speed. That's all really. If someone is too much or too little of something for you, they'll be just right for someone else, so that's all you can do, focus on finding people whose level of religiosity matches your own. Good points, though it can be a shame if both are Christian, but...not the "same kind of Christian" if you get what I mean. Like Evangelicals won't get along with a good amount of Christians as they are quite extreme. One age 50, never married, no children, living near me went as far as to say in her OK Cupid profile "If you don't use the word God when you describe yourself, then no need to contact me." Some can be quite unrealistic. On the other hand, I know of a more realistic, active Christian woman in real life that deliberately left out any Biblical quotes or references to God in her profile...other than the "Religion" field, she just picked "Christian"...and that was the only reference to her religion. I talked to her about it as I noticed that some Christian really go on and on about God in their profiles and she said she didn't want to say anything in her profile as this usually it's a turn off to most men reading...she said she didn't want to come off as one of THOSE Christians. This was due in part by being burned and cheated on by an ex-husband / pastor of her church before she moved here. It's interesting how being burned by a Christian spouse or even friends, can turn you from a Bible beater to a more real person. I think she's dating a guy now that hasn't set foot in a church since he was a child, but he at least treats her right. So apparently, her priorities changed in a mate after that bad experience. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Ask yourself this. Would a person who is truly religious reject a person based only on the fact they are not. Seems contradictory to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Ask yourself this. Would a person who is truly religious reject a person based only on the fact they are not. Seems contradictory to me. To reject them for the purpose of dating/love/marriage, no. But as a person, yes it would be contradictory. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I talked to her about it as I noticed that some Christian really go on and on about God in their profiles and she said she didn't want to say anything in her profile as this usually it's a turn off to most men reading...she said she didn't want to come off as one of THOSE Christians. Perhaps this is the type of believer that would be compatible with you? I am also one of those who "next" anyone who leads with religiosity. I am something of a fence-sitter (agnostic, raised in conservative Christian family) on the matter, but have leaned more toward those who care about integrity and ethics that are not based on religion. The only serious relationship I've had since being divorced was with a religious woman, and we're not talking about your typical Methodist here, and it did become an issue. Not so much about the differences in beliefs per se, but the practice. She was a modern woman in most respects, but belonged to an orthodox church that put a lot of emphasis on flagellation (figuratively speaking), and she would go through phases where she felt guilty wanted to change the relationship drastically... and then she'd back off again and do what comes naturally. I am just not going to go through that again. Not that I have regrets about having loved and lost, but I learned an important lesson about the importance of compatibility in this realm. Spiritual but not religious works for me, or non-religious, or non-practicing. Primary focus is a no go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Perhaps this is the type of believer that would be compatible with you? I am also one of those who "next" anyone who leads with religiosity. I am something of a fence-sitter (agnostic, raised in conservative Christian family) on the matter, but have leaned more toward those who care about integrity and ethics that are not based on religion. The only serious relationship I've had since being divorced was with a religious woman, and we're not talking about your typical Methodist here, and it did become an issue. Not so much about the differences in beliefs per se, but the practice. She was a modern woman in most respects, but belonged to an orthodox church that put a lot of emphasis on flagellation (figuratively speaking), and she would go through phases where she felt guilty wanted to change the relationship drastically... and then she'd back off again and do what comes naturally. I am just not going to go through that again. Not that I have regrets about having loved and lost, but I learned an important lesson about the importance of compatibility in this realm. Spiritual but not religious works for me, or non-religious, or non-practicing. Primary focus is a no go. Right...that kind of make sense. I figured the 50 year old, never married woman, due to having been on this Earth for so long, would be a bit more level headed, but apparently not. I have a good, male friend of mine, he considers himself a devout Christian and is a GREAT friend. Though, Christian in doing unto others, a very kind man. He's ran into a situation with online dating where his last date with a woman revolved a little too much around her own church. She lived in a small area, but she worked at the same church she went to church. Her kids went to school at that church, too...and of course, she goes to the same church for services. She lives, eats, and breathes her small town church community, while he commutes to the big city on the weekend for a social life. Though, he has not gone to church in years, he said he wouldn't have a problem dating this woman...just as so much she doesn't pressure him to go to church every week. He believes, "You don't have to go to church to be a good Christian." And guess what, there's a lot of Christians that think this. Of course, they are probably the same husbands that go fishing/golfing while their wives hit the church on Sundays with the kids. LOL. So, he could wind up being one of those husbands. I see it all the time when I used to go to church, trying to decipher who is single and who is married by looking at the ring finger. I would see a woman with kids in tow, but never a man. Same woman every Sunday. Anyhow, this could spawn an entirely different topic. "I hardly ever see SINGLE people in church on Sunday, only married people...mostly families!" Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I don't like fanatics of any kind. Religious or atheist - it makes no difference if I feel it's too intense to work with. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) I'll put god first - when I'm dating her, and only when it gets serious. It's fine to state your religion and how much priority you give it, but it seems tacky, combative, and off-putting to phrase it the way the title says. And why is it always "God fearing"? Wouldn't you rather a "God loving" person, or are you only seeking people who are such awful sinners that they need to be afraid? Should I be putting "Must put Buddha first!" in my profile? Would I get better responses? Hmm. Probably not - and it wouldn't be very Buddhist to do so. Edited September 16, 2015 by central Link to post Share on other sites
Tobin Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 As an atheist, dating a religious woman is not out of the question but as with everything else, it's got to be in moderation. I've got better things to do with my time on a Sunday morning than listen to a bunch of claptrap especially when the sun is shining and there's so much to do. That much being said, much in life is a compromise, I've had religious girlfriends and it hasn't been an issue but if she's so religious that she's gotta put "God" anywhere in her profile then I just click "next". Unless she's really hot then I might message her, knowing full well she'll never be relationship material for me but might be good for something else. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 If her profile put you off, don't date her. I'm not sure what the problem is or why someone else's profile is an issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 If her profile put you off, don't date her. I'm not sure what the problem is or why someone else's profile is an issue. There is no issue, there is no problem. This is just a topical subject of which feedback and opinions are discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Good points, though it can be a shame if both are Christian, but...not the "same kind of Christian" if you get what I mean. Like Evangelicals won't get along with a good amount of Christians as they are quite extreme. One age 50, never married, no children, living near me went as far as to say in her OK Cupid profile "If you don't use the word God when you describe yourself, then no need to contact me." Some can be quite unrealistic. On the other hand, I know of a more realistic, active Christian woman in real life that deliberately left out any Biblical quotes or references to God in her profile...other than the "Religion" field, she just picked "Christian"...and that was the only reference to her religion. I talked to her about it as I noticed that some Christian really go on and on about God in their profiles and she said she didn't want to say anything in her profile as this usually it's a turn off to most men reading...she said she didn't want to come off as one of THOSE Christians. This was due in part by being burned and cheated on by an ex-husband / pastor of her church before she moved here. It's interesting how being burned by a Christian spouse or even friends, can turn you from a Bible beater to a more real person. I think she's dating a guy now that hasn't set foot in a church since he was a child, but he at least treats her right. So apparently, her priorities changed in a mate after that bad experience. Why is it a shame? It still goes back to finding people who are your speed. If you are one kind of Christian and you're incompatible with another kind, you need to look for someone who is "your kind" too. If you are one kind and don't care about the other person's kind and vice-versa, then it's a non-issue. Like I said, there seems to be two issues, how to represent yourself on your profile so you aren't obnoxious and the religion issue, which are two separate issues. There are some things I would state explicitly, others I hint at and others that may only come to be known once we start messaging, have a phone call or go out. In OLD I tend to keep it along the lines of this is me and what I like and I stay away from the "Must have/do/be" type of wording or other kinds of wording which list all my deal breakers. The latter is far less appealing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I am fairly "anti-religion" - its perfectly fine if one chooses to follow a path that includes a strong devotion to religion, but I have zero interest in having religion be a part of my life in any way. If religion is important to someone, that's basically a deal breaker for me. So from that perspective - if religion is important to you, please DO add that to your profile - then someone like me won't waste your time. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I don't see this as any different from: Must love dogs Must be vegan Must be a Democrat/Republican Must be a Trekkie Must have a BMI of less than 20 (okay, maybe this one is different, but that's a whole other thread lol) You can weed a lot of people out based on what their profile says or what they don't like about yours. As above, just like someone who is anti-religion wouldn't want to waste their time with a devout religious person, I wouldn't want to waste my time on someone who was going to demean or condescend because of my faith. Everybody wins. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I've had religious girlfriends and it hasn't been an issue but if she's so religious that she's gotta put "God" anywhere in her profile then I just click "next". Unless she's really hot then I might message her, knowing full well she'll never be relationship material for me but might be good for something else. Heh, I've always thought it interesting how church lady types are able to carry on active sex lives outside of the narrowly defined conditions under which it's is acceptable in the eyes of God/church. Some like to feign powerlessness under the influence of kisses on the neck and sweet words whispered in her ear, and other's just say, God knows I love to phukk... let's get it on. My religious girlfriend (MRGF for those who can't read longhand) would vacillate between the two... plus occasional vows of chastity. Basically she knows that in the adult world you can't snag a boyfriend without some serious fornicatin' (SABWSSF). Three shots of tequila and the words that would flow out of that woman's mouth would embarrass Jimmy Swaggart. We got naked within a few hours of first meeting, purely by accident mind you, when she offered to let me lie down and take a little afternoon nap with her. But then it would come time for confession... apparently she didn't hold anything back there either! And then I'd accompany her to Sunday services and for long time I just had no idea why that priest was scowling at me so intensely. Then about two months in the priest started gaining traction and she offered me a relationship based on chastity before marriage... well, I declined and told her we hadn't done enough fornicatin' for me to be sufficiently hooked. She tried again eight months later and... still not sufficiently hooked (SNSH). And so it went for nearly two years. The only thing I'm really sure of is that I don't get along very well with priests. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 "Jesus is my boyfriend" types should definitely date "Jesus is my girlfriend" types. Link to post Share on other sites
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