Author soulforge Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 A toxic person can change, but I don't think it's likely in your situation. Maybe you're toxic for each other and bring out the worst in each other. If you've broken up 5 times, I think it's time to admit it's just not meant to be. That's not a relationship. That's just a dysfunctional cycle. You listed a lot of negatives about her, so I have to question why you would persist in wanting a relationship with her. i agree sometimes a toxic person can change.. also nearly 3 years have passed by, since we last broke up (she dumped me) but in the past she has begged for me to get back together with her, on at least two occasions on the promise she would never let me down again.. the first month or two are always good, and then she seems to go back to her old ways.. i have always felt unsafe around her, not knowing what is around the corner.. she can go from being very loving and caring one moment, then not giving a stuff about me. in the past she put her her friends before me (she has even admitted this) how can i risk being with a woman, who's friends will take priority over me??? also she is very close to her ex, who wants to have sex with her, they have a child together.. i can imagine this would become a major problem? i would always have to watch my back, just in case they are up to something!!! not to mention she dumped me over the most pettiest thing.. again i would always fear getting dumped by her again. i am 39 years old.. surely i deserve better than this, yet there are things i like about her too, and this makes it difficult to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 A toxic person can change, but I don't think it's likely in your situation. Maybe you're toxic for each other and bring out the worst in each other. If you've broken up 5 times, I think it's time to admit it's just not meant to be. That's not a relationship. That's just a dysfunctional cycle. You listed a lot of negatives about her, so I have to question why you would persist in wanting a relationship with her. Because i am hoping she may have changed.. we was apart for nearly 3 years.. Then again, every time i have have let her back into my life.. after a couple of months, she let me down and went back to her usual ways. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Because i am hoping she may have changed.. we was apart for nearly 3 years.. Then again, every time i have have let her back into my life.. after a couple of months, she let me down and went back to her usual ways. Hope can really keep you from moving on in your situation. Hope kept me in a relationship too long. I think you need to look at this rationally. Is there any logical reason to invest your hope in her? You can only go on past behavior to predict the future, and the past is a pretty good indicator in relationships. Being apart 3 years does not mean she has changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Hope can really keep you from moving on in your situation. Hope kept me in a relationship too long. I think you need to look at this rationally. Is there any logical reason to invest your hope in her? You can only go on past behavior to predict the future, and the past is a pretty good indicator in relationships. Being apart 3 years does not mean she has changed. Hope is what kept me getting back together with her in the past.. and i got burnt everytime. Logicaly investing in her now, seems like a very dangerous thing to do.. maybe she has changed, but its such a huge risk for me to take. Also her ex wanting to have sex with her, will become a problem too.. seems to be too many negatives than positives in this.. Walking away from her and this situation is proving to be a lot more difficult than i thought it would be Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 i am starting to feel worried about the whole situation tho.. i get the feeling she is seeing me, until she finds another guy, then she will discard me like last weeks news. she could be filling a gap with me. So what? You are banging her so you have the upper hand for the moment. Play it nonchalant. Whatever she does only provokes 'meh, whatever' response. Link to post Share on other sites
CharlesV Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 How is the current situation and how do you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 So what? You are banging her so you have the upper hand for the moment. Play it nonchalant. Whatever she does only provokes 'meh, whatever' response. It does not work like that... we have alot of history.. its always been a cyclical relationship.. When she comes over, we watch movies together, listen to music, eat together... Over time feelings are bound to develop again.. It took me around a year to get over her the last time she dumped me... i just feel its too risky catching feelings for her again... If only it was that simple Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 How is the current situation and how do you feel? The current situation is.. i deleted her from my whatsapp, blocked her, and gone complete no contact for just over a week now.. Feeling mixed emotions.. a sense of relief for getting away from it all.. also some feelings of regret, and thinking maybe this time could have been differen Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 It does not work like that... we have alot of history.. its always been a cyclical relationship.. When she comes over, we watch movies together, listen to music, eat together... Over time feelings are bound to develop again.. It took me around a year to get over her the last time she dumped me... i just feel its too risky catching feelings for her again... If only it was that simple How many times do you have to jump in the fire before you realize you are going to get burned? Come on man, get your head together. It's been what, five times? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 How many times do you have to jump in the fire before you realize you are going to get burned? Come on man, get your head together. It's been what, five times? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Because 2 years have gone by, i felt like maybe there is some hope... maybe a person could change!! But i would have to risk getting screwed over, or dumped again, in order to find out if anything has changed with her. Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Dude she's 46 years old, the likelihood of her changing is next to impossible. No idea why you keep second guessing yourself, its so ridiculously obvious that no one should want to be with someone like her if they wanted to be happy, only a fool who likes being a slave to her would want to be. Its time to wake up dude, you sound extremely sad and weak, time to man up and move forward, forget this trash. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Because 2 years have gone by, i felt like maybe there is some hope... maybe a person could change!! But i would have to risk getting screwed over, or dumped again, in order to find out if anything has changed with her. I mean, what motivation is there to change when she knows you'll come back no matter what? Come on dude, I hate to be harsh, but remove head from butt. Stop putting your life on hold chasing this pipedream that a middle aged woman who has dumped you five times will somehow magically change. Be smarter than that. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 We need to be harsh on here at this point. There is absolutely no reason for you to want to try again. Have some self respect. This woman is not good for you. How many times do you need to be hit over the head? Try again and have the exact same results or worse. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 I mean, what motivation is there to change when she knows you'll come back no matter what? Come on dude, I hate to be harsh, but remove head from butt. Stop putting your life on hold chasing this pipedream that a middle aged woman who has dumped you five times will somehow magically change. Be smarter than that. She dumped me twice not 5 times.. i walked away the other times, due to disrespectful behaviour.. But i do know what u guys mean.. it will always be a uncertain future with her, always worry about whats around the corner.. at this late stage in my life i cannot waste anymore more years on a person has a history of letting me down. I need to stick to my decision! !! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 She dumped me twice not 5 times.. i walked away the other times, due to disrespectful behaviour.. Well, you might as well have been dumped due to the "disrespectful behavior". And twice is too many. I think giving a person one mulligan is fine -- sometimes people screw up, learn, and don't screw up again. But anything more than once isn't a mistake, it's how things are. You really need to stop being a delusional doormat and move forward in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
craw Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Dude - you really need to hook up with another woman ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 I know you guys have advised me to walk away from this.. and i have done so.. have cut her out of my life.. But i have been feeling low and won't deny been missing her... little part of me thinks, what if it could have been different this time.. I know, wishfull thinking 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I know you guys have advised me to walk away from this.. and i have done so.. have cut her out of my life.. But i have been feeling low and won't deny been missing her... little part of me thinks, what if it could have been different this time.. I know, wishfull thinking It's normal to wonder how things could have been. When you love someone, you tend to want to make exceptions of minimize bad behavior. You tend to hold them to a lower standard than anyone else. Although, I wonder if your love was also an unhealthy attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I know you guys have advised me to walk away from this.. and i have done so.. have cut her out of my life.. But i have been feeling low and won't deny been missing her... little part of me thinks, what if it could have been different this time.. I know, wishfull thinking Yeah, it's time you rejoin the real world on this. You've taken a big step in doing that -- through time the delusion will fade. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 I have a few questions that need answering.. A few weeks ago, she told me that her EX had offered her sex, but she prefers to have sex with me.. why she told me this, i don't know. Maybe to get a reaction or to make me jealous!! Anyhow she was always quite close to her ex.. they have a 15 year old daughter together and he comes to her house a couple of times a week to pick there daughter up.. She lied to me in the past, and told me that he never comes inside the house, but infact i found out later, that he goes inside her house for upto an hour sometimes. So my question? Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a woman, when the ex is trying to bang her?? And the ex will always be around because they have a daughter??? This is another reason that puts me off the idea of a relationship with her.. i would have to watch my back, or feel insecure about that fact, the ex is trying to bang her. Also this could not possibly be the first time he has offered her sex.. he must have even when me and her was together! Why would he all of a sudden now, out of the blue, try to sleep with her.. and he already has a girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Any thoughts on this guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Dude, it's over. Stop trying to resuscitate a relationship that has hit the sh-tter five times now. Your questions are just excuses for you to stay in this codependent muck. Link to post Share on other sites
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