Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Yeah, a simple question. What do you actually hate the most in this dating world? The gameplaying..? People who suddenly flake..? Something else..? Tell us in this thread! I'm just curious. The short supply of mature, emotionally secure, independent, confident people with common sense who actually know what they want out of their dating experiences and know how to approach dating in a manner that actually helps them achieve their goals. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 That guys, men, are expected to make the first move, do the approaching and asking out, initiating, etc. Lately I've been wondering if something is just psychologically or genetically wrong with me for detesting that role, since people argue and say that men are natural hunters, pursuers, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 My biggest gripe about dating is what it has evolved to today, A majority of the personal connections being simplified to such an impersonal way, Online dating is such a tragic manifestation of our desires and traits, With it's availability, most relationships no longer last past the first foray! As soon as something 'unlikable' comes along, something that isn't a red flag, Most people are quick to throw in the towel and return to the 'dating app' bag, The excitement of someone new, along with the initial feelings that come with attraction, All overshadow the reality of a real relationship, and how compromise is part of the action. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 That guys, men, are expected to make the first move, do the approaching and asking out, initiating, etc. Lately I've been wondering if something is just psychologically or genetically wrong with me for detesting that role, since people argue and say that men are natural hunters, pursuers, etc. Human men are natural hunters. The ones who don't do that, are hesitant, etc., have been affected by something in their environment, upbringing/history that has negated that natural tendency. The social environment has overridden it. And, there isn't anything wrong with that, it's just the way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 There are two things I hate about dating. 1) Constantly having to find NEW things to do. So it isn't just that guys are expected to plan dates, but it always has to be something different too. This can start to put a lot of pressure on you after awhile. 2) Gift giving. I am terrible at shopping for people. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Human men are natural hunters. The ones who don't do that, are hesitant, etc., have been affected by something in their environment, upbringing/history that has negated that natural tendency. The social environment has overridden it. And, there isn't anything wrong with that, it's just the way you are. I wonder what specifically in the environment or upbringing, social history has negged that natural tendency. Because it helps to identify the source Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) I wonder what specifically in the environment or upbringing, social history has negged that natural tendency. Because it helps to identify the source everyone's history is a little different, but for instance, if something has affected a person's esteem, poor parenting, bullying, let's say, a person is sometimes lacking in confidence or lacks assertiveness. That squashes the ability to accept/respond or be in touch with natural tendencies. The psyche overrides that. Everyone is affected by some sort of social, environmental exposure that overrides natural instinct. Cavemen didn't get all shy or hesitant about approching a woman or worry about whether or not he should be the pursuer, he just did that. im not saying we should revert to that state, I'm just saying that the debate over whether men are expected be hunters/pursuers didnt exist, they just were and didnt overthink it And, that is the reason for the internal battle some people experience over whether not they should try taking on the other role. It goes against the natural grain. Edited September 1, 2015 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) everyone's history is a little different, but for instance, if something has affected a person's esteem, poor parenting, bullying, let's say, a person is sometimes lacking in confidence or lacks assertiveness. That squashes the ability to accept/respond or be in touch with natural tendencies. The psyche overrides that. Everyone is affected by some sort of social, environmental exposure that overrides natural instinct. Cavemen didn't get all shy or hesitant about approching a woman or worry about whether or not he should be the pursuer, he just did that. im not saying we should revert to that state, I'm just saying that the debate over whether men are expected be hunters/pursuers didnt exist, they just were and didnt overthink it And, that is the reason for the internal battle some people experience over whether not they should try taking on the other role. It goes against the natural grain. Damn, well some people say men's testosterone levels have declined in this generation Edited September 2, 2015 by BronzeAgeJaeger217 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 The part(s) I hate about dating, well let me be brief. : Constant rejection : The inability to improve because one cannot find honest critique. : The totally worthless feeling when people aren't honest : The fact if you haven't dated by ABC age you can forget about it completely. : The fact guys are expected to make approaches. I will temper the above with what I think it GOOD about dating, its great to see happy couples, hear the success stories, to a tiny extent that tempers my own nightmare and all the things I listed above. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Human men are natural hunters. The ones who don't do that, are hesitant, etc., have been affected by something in their environment, upbringing/history that has negated that natural tendency. The social environment has overridden it. And, there isn't anything wrong with that, it's just the way you are. To keep this on topic I don't a hate of chasing has much to do with any of the things about, it comes down to constant rejection smashing ones confidence through the floor. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I dunno, getting dumped a lot, having to go back to jerking off like a 12 year old? Link to post Share on other sites
Strahatmak Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 1. Playing games 2. Girls must accept guys' everything 3. That dating is actually a trial Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Lack of accountability and dishonesty are the two worst things in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I forgot to add. Penis pictures... I really hate penis pictures. Why do I want 101 pictures of some random guys willy and only 2 of his face??? Why do I even need to see anyones penis before I actually am in a position to sleep with them?? If I want to look at random penis's I will watch porn. Seriously there are several men who I would recognize better from their John Thomas's than from their face. So sad... So not the way to get me to actually play with your penis... And why keep sending them after I have said no and after I have gone silent and stopped responding to you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I forgot to add. Penis pictures... I really hate penis pictures. Why do I want 101 pictures of some random guys willy and only 2 of his face??? Why do I even need to see anyones penis before I actually am in a position to sleep with them?? If I want to look at random penis's I will watch porn. Seriously there are several men who I would recognize better from their John Thomas's than from their face. So sad... So not the way to get me to actually play with your penis... And why keep sending them after I have said no and after I have gone silent and stopped responding to you? Ask them to send you one with a ruler attached for a size comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I find dating tiring. When I was younger it didn't matter. Dating was most often casual and something to do, so it wasn't as disappointing when nothing came of it. However, nowadays because I am looking for something substantial the misses hit a lot harder. that's because you needs and expectations and you project them on your date. So when things don't turn out in line with your expectations, it hits you harder. It's one hard lesson I've learnt - and I still occasionally fail at: no one is responsible to fulfill your own needs. The trick is to find people with similar needs, that way they are not doing you any favors, they are listening to themselves and making themselves happy. And you, along the way, as you have the same basic needs... I think it takes much more careful weeding... at least, that's how I see it. Sure, when you get string along and lied to and eventually stumble into the truth, reality and disappointment do sting like a b*tch... there's no way around that. IF you don't believe in it, it cannot work out... and when it doesnt' work out, you grieve... Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I dunno, getting dumped a lot, having to go back to jerking off like a 12 year old? or getting ghosted often because i wouldn't put out (at all or quite as fast) and having to do the same as the above patience is a virtue, these days, and I seem to be surprisingly good at it. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 This is it for me. You meet this wonderful person who is, on the face of it, fantastic and then whopsie they forgot to tell you they are still married or some other major issue that makes it a complete no brainer- i.e. they have problems with aggression etc. So mine is disappointment. I can cope with the rejection, flaking etc, but disappointment is the worst. oh, I can take initial disappointment - like the first month or so of dating. I am talking men hiding important stuff like core believes or views on life - such as their view on intimacy, children, RS - further down the line. Those motherf*ckers lying and waiting for you to get attached before serving you with the truth - or before you stumble onto it. I'm unnecessarily mean, everyone is entitled to their own views and opinions but lying is absolutely not necessary. I read that article of David Whyte and his point is exactly what I find the most difficult: not necessarily getting over the person, but giving up the projections and hopes I had that were including that person: "One of the difficulties of leaving a relationship is not so much, at the end, leaving the person themselves — because, by that time, you’re ready to go; what’s difficult is leaving the dreams that you shared together. And you know that somehow — no matter who you meet in your life in the future, and no matter what species of happiness you would share with them — you will never, ever share those particular dreams again, with that particular tonality and coloration." He's ending it on a bittersweet note, though: "And so there’s a lovely and powerful form of grief there that is the ultimate of giving away but making space for another form of reimagination." I especially hate (and love) that phrase: "after all, anything worth pursuing is worth failing at, and fail we do as we pursue." Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Ask them to send you one with a ruler attached for a size comparison. It was so sad, the conversation when my little 17 yr old friend helped me delete them... 17 - Who's penis is that? Me - Oh that one is so and so. 17 - What are they like? Me - I have no idea after a brief conversation in which they appeared normal all they have spoken about is their penis... They have a dog though. 17 - Oh what sort of dog? Me - I have no idea... they only send pictures of/ talk about their penis. 17 - Are you going to meet up with them? Me - What do you think? 17 - Erm... that would be a no then. So what are you doing on Saturday I read about this really cool thing and my friends were saying that... As you can see it was a really enthralling conversation... Every now and then she does a "Dick Pic" delete session on my phone for me... We were both so excited about the penis in the picture... Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 It was so sad, the conversation when my little 17 yr old friend helped me delete them... 17 - Who's penis is that? Me - Oh that one is so and so. 17 - What are they like? Me - I have no idea after a brief conversation in which they appeared normal all they have spoken about is their penis... They have a dog though. 17 - Oh what sort of dog? Me - I have no idea... they only send pictures of/ talk about their penis. 17 - Are you going to meet up with them? Me - What do you think? 17 - Erm... that would be a no then. So what are you doing on Saturday I read about this really cool thing and my friends were saying that... As you can see it was a really enthralling conversation... Every now and then she does a "Dick Pic" delete session on my phone for me... We were both so excited about the penis in the picture... I hadn't seen a penis in real life - or pic - before the age of 19 . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I hadn't seen a penis in real life - or pic - before the age of 19 . I have stopped this young lass from viewing quite as many penises as she had. She now only looks at one and that is attached to a lovely young lad who adores her! So much better for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I have stopped this young lass from viewing quite as many penises as she had. She now only looks at one and that is attached to a lovely young lad who adores her! So much better for her. I'm not sure that my experience was the best one! she's lucky to have you as a friend! Youngsters are so much more grounded, I love 'em ! Link to post Share on other sites
MoreAmore Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Time investment. Spending time with new people when I could be spending time alone doing the things I like to do or with long term friends that I don't get enough time with already. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I'm not sure that my experience was the best one! she's lucky to have you as a friend! Youngsters are so much more grounded, I love 'em ! I know I just thank God she isn't into On Line Dating!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 To keep this on topic I don't a hate of chasing has much to do with any of the things about, it comes down to constant rejection smashing ones confidence through the floor. Ya, its really a mystery for me Link to post Share on other sites
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