ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Text him. Ask how he is and say your looking forward to getting together and free on X day if suits. You're over thinking things. He's keen and your messing up. Agreed. And I'm a woman too, guilty of over-thinking many times! It's not a big deal. OP, if he doesn't respond, you have your answer and can move along. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 If he travels for work you already know he's going to be unavailable a lot of the time. This might be the reason he's single in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Agreed. And I'm a woman too, guilty of over-thinking many times! It's not a big deal. OP, if he doesn't respond, you have your answer and can move along. Agree but remember she is still waiting for him to respond to her first text, asking him to let her know his schedule, since he is traveling. Then she can pick a day and they can plan something. So this will be her second text, after not hearing back to the first.... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Agree but remember she is still waiting for him to respond to her first text, asking him to let her know his schedule, since he is traveling. Then she can pick a day and they can plan something. So this will be her second text, after not hearing back to the first.... So? I think I would take the bull by the horns here and skip the game-playing. I'd just name a day and take it from there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 So? I think I would take the bull by the horns here and skip the game-playing. I'd just name a day and take it from there. I did not say she shouldn't do that....to the contrary, despite my being on the fence about his motives, I think she should. It is just that so often, the general LS advice is to text a guy/girl once and then wait for him/her to respond back.... NOT to text again. It wreaks desperation. But now we are advising her to text again, after not hearing back to the first. Same with the general LS advice that unless a guy gives a specific date, then he has not really asked a woman out. Asking when she is free is not considered asking a woman out. That has been discussed here ad nauseum. But now we have one poster arguing that he DID ask her out, even tho all he did was ask when she was free. Just trying to keep things (advice) straight around here tis all....cause it can be confusing. That's all....:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Agree but remember she is still waiting for him to respond to her first text, asking him to let her know his schedule, since he is traveling. Then she can pick a day and they can plan something. So this will be her second text, after not hearing back to the first.... Yeah but it's been a week, which is enough time for a follow-up. I dunno. It's one unanswered text. I think we're all reading too much into it; it's an imperfect mode of communication. Who knows what could've happened. Maybe he just misread it or misinterpreted it. A similar thing happened to me once. I went on two dates with a guy, and things were going fairly well. After date two he texted me saying that he'd love it if I showed him around my neighborhood, I enthusiastically agreed, and then I never heard from him again. It wasn't until months later that I realized he was probably waiting for me to follow up and ask him out for date three. Whatever that text was about him wanting me to show him around was, it was probably his way of putting the ball in my court, when the whole time I was waiting for him to come around again and he never did. This particular situation is a little different, because she's already ask him when he's around, but maybe his initial text to her was his way of saying it was her job to figure out the next date. So I agree with FF in that OP really should follow up again, but the fact that it's been a week doesn't bode well. Then again, it's texting, so you never know! OP, if you want to, reach out. You never know. My now-BF got a bit distant two dates post-initial sex, and I initially thought he was over it, but I asked him on a Tuesday night date on a Sunday morning, he said yes and hasn't let things lag since, so ... again, you never know. Sending one follow-up won't hurt, even if you suspect he's over it. There's nothing wrong with expressing your interest in someone, even if there's a chance they won't reciprocate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I don't really get why when he asked her out she didn't respond more enthusiastically if she wanted to meet. She wasn't true to what she wanted. She needs to "reach out", as you Americans say. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I did not say she shouldn't do that....to the contrary, despite my being on the fence about his motives, I think she should. It is just that so often, the general LS advice is to text a guy/girl once and then wait for him/her to respond back.... NOT to text again. It wreaks desperation. But now we are advising her to text again, after not hearing back to the first. Same with the general LS advice that unless a guy gives a specific date, then he has not really asked a woman out. Asking when she is free is not considered asking a woman out. That has been discussed here ad nauseum. But now we have one poster arguing that he DID ask her out, even tho all he did was ask when she was free. Just trying to keep things (advice) straight around here tis all....cause it can be confusing. That's all....:bunny: Well, you know this, the advice is confusing because we all have different perspectives. Besides, things should be taken on a case by case basis. I usually advocate a text and wait, but in this situation, I don't think a follow-up text a week later is of any harm. And certainly doesn't wreak of desperation. She asked a question, didn't get a response. To ask for confirmation is not desperate, it's simply wanting an answer. I also don't agree with the notion that if a man doesn't have an exact date/time/destination that he's not interested enough. I DO think that's a better, more direct way of approaching someone, but actual execution depends largely on a man's personality and dating experience. My BF is NOT a planner, but in the beginning I didn't know that, I just thought he was wishy-washy. Turns out he's just really, really, really bad at planning. Anyway, I think we all agree that OP should go ahead follow up with this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 (edited) Fair enough losangelina ...I just think the timing for miscommunication is really unfortunate though. Right after the first time they had sex. I dunno, maybe I have become somewhat jaded by this board. Reading all these threads created by women whose guy disappeared after having sex the first time......ugh. So when a guy (this guy) essentially disappears for a week and does not respond to her text, after first time sex, after having chased her up to that point, my spidey senses start to kick in. Maybe it is just a coincidence ....maybe not. That is why I do think she should attempt to reconnect. At least that way she will know either way. Edited August 29, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Maybe his phone died and he lost his contact list. How many times I heard that one eh! I think there is nothing wrong in OP texting him again considering they have been dating for a while and they were intimate. If he has a good reason for not getting back to her than good, if he has a cheap excuse she'll know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Reality is if he likes her he will really like to hear from her. The rest simply don't matter! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Fair enough losangelina ...I just think the timing for miscommunication is really unfortunate though. Right after the first time they had sex. I dunno, maybe I have become somewhat jaded by this board. Reading all these threads created by women whose guy disappeared after having sex the first time......ugh. So when a guy (this guy) essentially disappears for a week and does not respond to her text, after first time sex, after having chased her up to that point, my spidey senses start to kick in. Maybe it is just a coincidence ....maybe not. That is why I do think she should attempt to reconnect. At least that way she will know either way. I don't think it sounds good at all! I would be majorly disheartened if I was in OP's position. However, it's not like he disappeared totally, he did text her after. That might not mean much though. But, an occasional hail-mary pass never hurt anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Maybe his phone died and he lost his contact list. How many times I heard that one eh! I think there is nothing wrong in OP texting him again considering they have been dating for a while and they were intimate. If he has a good reason for not getting back to her than good, if he has a cheap excuse she'll know. I am wondering now if she has now contacted him again, and is waiting to hear back? After reading Expat's post (no. 2) ....she said she thought it was a good idea! I suppose she will update us when/if she has some good news to share... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I suggest reading her last thread it's about him. They have been seeing each other for 2 weeks. He stood her up on their 2nd date. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I don't think it sounds good at all! I would be majorly disheartened if I was in OP's position. However, it's not like he disappeared totally, he did text her after. That might not mean much though. But, an occasional hail-mary pass never hurt anyone. I hate to keep harping ..I know I must sound freaking neurotic lol .... but yeah he sent her his *post-sex dutiful text* asking when she was free. To which she responded ...and he is ignoring. Arghhhh. I am glad to hear I am not the only one who is disheartened. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I suggest reading her last thread it's about him. They have been seeing each other for 2 weeks. He stood her up on their 2nd date. Oh for the love of pete. I rest my case....nuff said. Thanks Gaeta. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I suggest reading her last thread it's about him. They have been seeing each other for 2 weeks. He stood her up on their 2nd date. Never mind. I rescind my advice, OP. Don't reach out again. And in the future, steer clear of men who do the sex talk thing and/or blow hot and cold. That's not a relationship-minded man. For that matter, stay away from 22 year olds for crying out loud. They're still young enough to be driven around by their d*cks and not their brains. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I suggest reading her last thread it's about him. They have been seeing each other for 2 weeks. He stood her up on their 2nd date. I just read that thread.... it's worse than I suspected, way worse. I think this is why it's important to not start new threads, but to simply post updates to the original thread about a given situation. No doubt if everyone who responded on this thread, were aware of the facts on her previous thread, the advice would have been ALOT different. Oh well.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I hate to keep harping ..I know I must sound freaking neurotic lol .... but yeah he sent her his *post-sex dutiful text* asking when she was free. To which she responded ...and he is ignoring. Arghhhh. I am glad to hear I am not the only one who is disheartened. That's the thing though. She didn't respond. She turned it into a back and forth "no you tell me". As I said before, when I ask a woman out I do the same thing he did. "We should get together again. When are you free?" Then she'll tell me the day(s) and I'll finalize plans. BTW - Are we sure it's the same guy Gaeta mentioned. A guy that she'd only been seeing two weeks definitely isn't "awhile" and a guy that stood her up on date two definitely wouldn't be "best man I've ever known" material would he? If it is the same guy, she's got pretty low standards IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 In both thread she specifies the man identifies himself as: not a brilliant technological communicator How convenient for him. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 That's the thing though. She didn't respond. She turned it into a back and forth "no you tell me". As I said before, when I ask a woman out I do the same thing he did. "We should get together again. When are you free?" Then she'll tell me the day(s) and I'll finalize plans. BTW - Are we sure it's the same guy Gaeta mentioned. A guy that she'd only been seeing two weeks definitely isn't "awhile" and a guy that stood her up on date two definitely wouldn't be "best man I've ever known" material would he? If it is the same guy, she's got pretty low standards IMO. Yeah, but this was from her first thread on the 14th: After awhile I sent him a text that said "you know I just have to say that for a guy who comes in to work and talks so much, you don't text much, just an observation." He responded with "look I'm a really hopeless communicator when it comes to technology. I'm not making excuses but that's how it is. And this is from the most current thread: He is not the type of guy who is glued to his phone and he has actually told me not to get offended that he is not a brilliant technological communicator. Sooooooo ... Unless all the men in her sphere are technological Luddites, it's probably the same guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 (edited) First off she DID respond, so just stop...this argument of yours that she did not respond, because she did not respond in the exact way YOU require, is utterly ridiculous. Re her previous thread, common sense dictates it's the same guy. She created that thread on August 14th ...two weeks ago. I suggest you read that thread and then get back to us... Edited August 29, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 A man's behavior AFTER first time sex is really important and not to be ignored. ^^^ You took it right out my head Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 When are you free? - Pretty straight forward question. So it's not how "I'd require it". Also, I take things for what they're worth in the particular thread that's created. I don't go digging through other threads. You didn't either originally and only did so because Gaeta happened to mention it. But as always this is turning into a debate thread and we'll never agree. So this is my last post on the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 When are you free? - Pretty straight forward question. So it's not how "I'd require it". Also, I take things for what they're worth in the particular thread that's created. I don't go digging through other threads. You didn't either originally and only did so because Gaeta happened to mention it. ***But as always this is turning into a debate thread and we'll never agree. So this is my last post on the subject. Thank you!!!!! :bunny: And no I did not go digging, however my intuition and perception about this situation, based on the facts presented in this thread ...was right on apparently. Which saddens me actually, because it means the OP got hurt, which I never like to see. I am sorry, RachyB, toss this one back. You deserve better. Next. Link to post Share on other sites
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