To Men. Who can actually resist (infidelity)

[Redheaded Mistress]

My husband has had numerous opportunities, including his ever-present ex-wife and her constant attempts to bed him, co-workers who attempt to do the same (for various reasons), and other people around him. He was actually at a family party a few weeks ago and one of the invited, non-family member guests, grabbed his crotch and said something about slipping away and giving him the "ride of his life."

 

Not only did he say no, he left the party, texted me to let me know what happened, and hasn't been back to see his family since.

 

Despite the fact that we started in an affair and he's had ample opportunity to cheat since we've gotten together, the temptation isn't there. He has no desire and he says that even if the temptation did ever arise, he couldn't cope with the guilt.

 

We are incredibly open with each other and share everything, and I think that's key.

 

So, don't worry... There are honest men out there.

[truncated]

Society tells men that they are supposed to want to go after anything with a pulse, and there is something wrong with them if they don't. The idea is out out there that they are less of a man if they don't cheat ( or at least want to) . It's somehow more "manly" to go behind a woman;s back than to be upfront with her.

 

Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a man with that attitude. I want to be with a guy, not a sneaking skunk.

[truncated]

This thread puts me in mind of something I once saw at when i was out at a work party with my husband.

 

The alcohol had been freely flowing, and I was just kind of sitting back, people watching. A lot of the guys were making fools out of themselves, with one exception being a married guy who was just sort of quiet. There were girls hitting on him, and he was ignoring them. You would think that would have earned him respect, but it didn't. The other guys made fun of him for not " jumping on that".

[JohnAdams]

I have trouble buying that someone cannot stop. When my wife had her affair, one of the things I was told was how she was not capable of stopping. When I had my RA, I did stop short of sex even with her telling me that she wanted me. Even though at the time, I used this as a trump card that I could stop, I really was not someplace that I had the opportunity to keep going. I could not take her back to my house, did not get a hotel, etc. If you go or take someone to your apartment or hotel, I think your mind has already been made as to where you are going. I do believe you, man or woman, can stop it is a matter of do you want to stop.

[Sub]

You would think that would have earned him respect, but it didn't. The other guys made fun of him for not " jumping on that".

 

I would assume it earned him respect from the right kind of people, though. Most likely the mature, female kind. People like you. "The other guys" usually end up back in the locker room mentally when they get around each other.

[road]

Society tells men that they are supposed to want to go after anything with a pulse, and there is something wrong with them if they don't. The idea is out out there that they are less of a man if they don't cheat ( or at least want to) . It's somehow more "manly" to go behind a woman;s back than to be upfront with her.

 

Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a man with that attitude. I want to be with a guy, not a sneaking skunk.

 

 

I disagree on the society telling men do anything with a pulse. Many men I know will not touch the Lee sisters, Beast, Ghast Ug, and even their cousin Homely.

 

 

Also because all men want to get laid does not mean all men will be an AP/OM.

Edited August 28, 2015 by road

[Thegameoflife]

I say no to women a lot. I also block advances, and I don't make friends with women. I'm friends with my wife's friends, but we never hang out alone. At work there are lots of temptations. My cousin and I are known as the hot cousins. We both have different looks. So every woman in the office is attracted to at least one of us or both. It's well known that there is a lot of sleeping around within the office. I stay away.

 

Going to the bar or a club is pretty bad too. Women will try and pick me up with my wife standing right next to me. When I tell them no thanks, and introduce my wife, sometimes we're offered threesomes. Still "no".

 

My ex left me because she couldn't handle how much attention I got from other women. Her friend even tried to join our relationship. My ex eventually became paranoid that I was cheating, or would cheat, and then she cheated.

 

I understand why a lot of men just say "yes." There are negative emotions involved when you start turning down women. My subconscious wants to have sex with these women. When I say "no", there is a backlash. When I reject a woman, I don't walk away feeling good about myself. When I turn down a woman, I feel a little depressed, and it creates resentment of my situation.

 

Every time a woman approaches me, I'm reminded of the problems within my marriage. All of the problems in my marriage are things I have no control over. They are problems only my wife can fix, and she isn't even trying. She has fertility problems because she is overweight. She could work out, eat less, not snack between meals, but she instead does jack all about it. Almost every single day that I'm out and about, there is some attractive, fit, flirty, and very friendly woman who's willing to be my easy out. I turn them down because it's not the right thing to do. Eventually, I know there will be a day that it will be the right thing for me to do.

[Woggle]

Society tells men that they are supposed to want to go after anything with a pulse, and there is something wrong with them if they don't. The idea is out out there that they are less of a man if they don't cheat ( or at least want to) . It's somehow more "manly" to go behind a woman;s back than to be upfront with her.

 

Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a man with that attitude. I want to be with a guy, not a sneaking skunk.

 

True and it's not just men who make fun of guys like this. I have had women ask if I were gay because I turned down their advances and one said that I must not be pleasing my wife if I have no sex drive with an attractive woman. I let it get to me way more than I should.

[TrustedthenBusted]

There was this one time a woman I thought was totally gorgeous came on to me and made it explicitly clear that I had the green light. Couple more drinks and I couldn't say what would have happened.

 

But I will tell you this....what stopped me in the moment was not thinking about my wife. At least not initially. What stopped me was thinking about her husband. He was a friend, and I liked him. And he sort of looked up to me in a weird way.

 

If he was some douchebag ( and I was too ) it probably would have been game on.

 

 

What I learned from all of that was that I am human, and I need to not be putting myself in situations like that.

 

 

Years later I learned that my wife was having an affair at that same time.

[Timmos]

A few years into our marriage, a co-worker of mine at the time had just discovered that her husband had had an affair. She was constantly talking about it, looking for a shoulder to cry on. I can understand this, to a point.

 

After a while, she became more personal. One day, while away from any other co-workers, she closed the door and sighed, "You know... maybe I should just have my own affair..."

 

Now I know I may be naieve, but it finally sank in then lol

 

I responded by telling her that I doubt it would be a good idea, and that my wife was meeting me for lunch in a few minutes. I walked out and that was the last of it.

[Jkidding]

I think there are two kinds of men (and women) who would avoid temptation: a) men who are in love with their wives, b) men conditioned to avoid affairs or are too afraid because of "what others think of me", or "what would happen if I am discovered"

 

I am really happy for A) men and women. And I am really sorry for B) men. And three quarters of men do not belong to either cathegory so here you go. Three out of four will probably cheat. And you would say that they are very very bad, but no. It's just the way it is. It's the nature which doesn't always cooperate with our morale. It's like when wolf eats a sheep. Is he bad? I don't think so... he is just a wolf, so are men. But! If a man is in happy relationship he probably won't. Just so few of those happy relationships around.

 

By the way. I am dating married woman and there is another married woman who wanted to date me... so trust me, women are not any better than men. If they want and have opportunity they will cheat. As you witnessed... men have their mistresses and who are they? ... right women. Sorry. I know it must be wrong but it's like that.

 

I like to compare sex to food. If couple has normal sexual relationship and everybody is satisfied then man most likely will not go sideways. And same for women. But in couples where one is not interested and the other is not satisfied.... We have a material for cheating here. It is like when you are hungry and step into supermarket. When you're full then whatever they offer you doesn't interest you that much. There is other cathegory who are obsessed with sex or food. Then whatever you do not going to help in that case

Edited August 31, 2015 by Jkidding

[truncated]

in

I think there are two kinds of men (and women) who would avoid temptation: a) men who are in love with their wives, b) men conditioned to avoid affairs or are too afraid because of "what others think of me", or "what would happen if I am discovered"

 

I am really happy for A) men and women. And I am really sorry for B) men. And three quarters of men do not belong to either cathegory so here you go. Three out of four will probably cheat. And you would say that they are very very bad, but no. It's just the way it is. It's the nature which doesn't always cooperate with our morale. It's like when wolf eats a sheep. Is he bad? I don't think so... he is just a wolf, so are men. But! If a man is in happy relationship he probably won't. Just so few of those happy relationships around.

 

By the way. I am dating married woman and there is another married woman who wanted to date me... so trust me, women are not any better than men. If they want and have opportunity they will cheat. As you witnessed... men have their mistresses and who are they? ... right women. Sorry. I know it must be wrong but it's like that.

 

I like to compare sex to food. If couple has normal sexual relationship and everybody is satisfied then man most likely will not go sideways. And same for women. But in couples where one is not interested and the other is not satisfied.... We have a material for cheating here. It is like when you are hungry and step into supermarket. When you're full then whatever they offer you doesn't interest you that much. There is other cathegory who are obsessed with sex or food. Then whatever you do not going to help in that case

 

For the theory to be correct, it would mean that all affairs are based solely upon sex, which time and time again, one hears is not the case.

 

You also say "a normal sexual relationship". What is "normal"? Each situation is different,and fluctuates over the lifespan of a marriage.

 

You also mention that it is human nature to cheat. I have heard this argument time and time again, ( usually made by people who are either having an affair or the people they are having affairs with), and two things i have noticed are:

- this "they are just following human nature" excuse is only applicable if it is helpful is rationalizing their own behavior. Just think of all the things that are "in human nature" to do, that we don't do. There is a lot of behavior that is quite abusive and hurtful that could be said to be human, yet it is not condoned or excused. Why should cheating be any different?

 

- funnily enough, it's often the people who use this excuse who would be the most upset if they found their spouse or married man.woman was cheating on them. All of a sudden, all of the "human nature" stuff goes out the window

[Jkidding]

in

 

For the theory to be correct, it would mean that all affairs are based solely upon sex, which time and time again, one hears is not the case.

 

You also say "a normal sexual relationship". What is "normal"? Each situation is different,and fluctuates over the lifespan of a marriage.

 

You also mention that it is human nature to cheat. I have heard this argument time and time again, ( usually made by people who are either having an affair or the people they are having affairs with), and two things i have noticed are:

- this "they are just following human nature" excuse is only applicable if it is helpful is rationalizing their own behavior. Just think of all the things that are "in human nature" to do, that we don't do. There is a lot of behavior that is quite abusive and hurtful that could be said to be human, yet it is not condoned or excused. Why should cheating be any different?

 

- funnily enough, it's often the people who use this excuse who would be the most upset if they found their spouse or married man.woman was cheating on them. All of a sudden, all of the "human nature" stuff goes out the window

 

 

I am not saying cheating is good. I am stating the fact that if it is so widespread means it is natural. We don't talk of cheating people as if they were sick, right? We condemn them. But if they are not sick. And this is happening. Must be it is natural, right?

Oh btw I was in 9 years marriage and I never cheated. My wife cheated on me. I am not taking revenge or anything. But since I fell from that High Horse and got into this "dark relationship" I can understand better both sides of equation.

 

I am saying in good relationship cheating would not normally happen. But we don't have many really good relationships. Instead we made everybody play and look like they have great family but in fact they don't. They got tired and find somebody on the side to keep their "great families" running. Instead of terminating or fixing them, because going to side is way easier.

Edited August 31, 2015 by Jkidding

[Vercetti]

I wouldn't disrespect myself sleeping with a trash woman that wants a married man. I wouldn't let some bottom feeder drive a wedge and make fools of my wife and I. Don't want any stds.

Edited August 31, 2015 by Vercetti
spelling

[elaine567]

I like to compare sex to food. If couple has normal sexual relationship and everybody is satisfied then man most likely will not go sideways. And same for women. But in couples where one is not interested and the other is not satisfied.... We have a material for cheating here. It is like when you are hungry and step into supermarket. When you're full then whatever they offer you doesn't interest you that much. There is other cathegory who are obsessed with sex or food. Then whatever you do not going to help in that case

 

I do not believe that satisfying sex stops affairs.

I believe that people who are not getting their sexual needs satisfied can look elsewhere, but not all do. Many stay faithful in sexless, or sexually unsatisfying marriages for years and years.

 

I think the cheater often blames lack of sex - my wife is basically frigid or my husband is not interested - but too many BSs come here and say they had an active sex life or even an improved sex life prior to finding their partner was cheating on them, for cheating to be caused by lack of sex.

 

Some people just want "extra", for whatever reason and that is the bottom line.

Any OM or OW who believes that their AP is NOT having sex with his/her spouse is very naive.

[Celestial-dreamer]

I think there are two kinds of men (and women) who would avoid temptation: a) men who are in love with their wives, b) men conditioned to avoid affairs or are too afraid because of "what others think of me", or "what would happen if I am discovered"

 

I am really happy for A) men and women. And I am really sorry for B) men. And three quarters of men do not belong to either cathegory so here you go. Three out of four will probably cheat. And you would say that they are very very bad, but no. It's just the way it is. It's the nature which doesn't always cooperate with our morale. It's like when wolf eats a sheep. Is he bad? I don't think so... he is just a wolf, so are men. But! If a man is in happy relationship he probably won't. Just so few of those happy relationships around.

 

By the way. I am dating married woman and there is another married woman who wanted to date me... so trust me, women are not any better than men. If they want and have opportunity they will cheat. As you witnessed... men have their mistresses and who are they? ... right women. Sorry. I know it must be wrong but it's like that.

 

I like to compare sex to food. If couple has normal sexual relationship and everybody is satisfied then man most likely will not go sideways. And same for women. But in couples where one is not interested and the other is not satisfied.... We have a material for cheating here. It is like when you are hungry and step into supermarket. When you're full then whatever they offer you doesn't interest you that much. There is other cathegory who are obsessed with sex or food. Then whatever you do not going to help in that case

 

 

Ahhh this old nugget thrown about by scumbag cheaters....it's nature! natural...like eating food!! Of course it is! Your an idiot to believe that. This is just an excuse cheaters use to justify. Some animals ARE monogamous, some aren't. We on the other hand are NOT animals, we developed and evolved way beyond basic carnal needs, FAR beyond. Well, at least SOME of us did. Humans developed an intricate emotional connection rarely seen in the animal world. We developed something called LOVE. You might want to try it sometime. You say it's natural to cheat, with no regards for the absolute agony and pain you cause, not just to the betrayed partner but to the children involved and the rest of the family wow...take a long hard look at yourself. You are justifyng your behaviour. How damn selfish can you be? Are you happy to see your daughter (if you ever have/had one) treated this way? Watch her heart torn to shreds because...well...scumbag is only doing what's natural? Watch her cry her eyes out every night and just stand there and say, it's just nature sweetie? Your bragging about seeing a MW and having another want you...what does that say about you? Do you get off on it? Seems so.

[Jkidding]

Ahhh this old nugget thrown about by scumbag cheaters....it's nature! natural...like eating food!! Of course it is! Your an idiot to believe that. This is just an excuse cheaters use to justify. Some animals ARE monogamous, some aren't. We on the other hand are NOT animals, we developed and evolved way beyond basic carnal needs, FAR beyond. Well, at least SOME of us did. Humans developed an intricate emotional connection rarely seen in the animal world. We developed something called LOVE. You might want to try it sometime. You say it's natural to cheat, with no regards for the absolute agony and pain you cause, not just to the betrayed partner but to the children involved and the rest of the family wow...take a long hard look at yourself. You are justifyng your behaviour. How damn selfish can you be? Are you happy to see your daughter (if you ever have/had one) treated this way? Watch her heart torn to shreds because...well...scumbag is only doing what's natural? Watch her cry her eyes out every night and just stand there and say, it's just nature sweetie? Your bragging about seeing a MW and having another want you...what does that say about you? Do you get off on it? Seems so.

 

I think we are totally out of subject here. This is interesting, but for respect for author that started this thread we should stay on topic. I am saying this : I think at least half of men will cheat (it's more complicated with women, but they would also cheat just for different reasons). And I tried to explain why. I am not saying this is moral or not I am just pointing out why this happens. Now one would say soooo many men are very very evil. No, they are not. It's just nature. Nobody (at least with brains) cheats just because they like to be evil. There are reasons. Even most stupid things men do, there are always a reason behind it. Now to your story about your daughter. Have you tried to think the other way around? If your daughter breaks someones heart... do you care? She does something to be happy and if she hurts someone along how much you would care for that? Will you stop loving her? Will you stop seeing her?

[Jkidding]

I do not believe that satisfying sex stops affairs.

I believe that people who are not getting their sexual needs satisfied can look elsewhere, but not all do. Many stay faithful in sexless, or sexually unsatisfying marriages for years and years.

 

I think the cheater often blames lack of sex - my wife is basically frigid or my husband is not interested - but too many BSs come here and say they had an active sex life or even an improved sex life prior to finding their partner was cheating on them, for cheating to be caused by lack of sex.

 

Some people just want "extra", for whatever reason and that is the bottom line.

Any OM or OW who believes that their AP is NOT having sex with his/her spouse is very naive.

 

You are right. Some people will cheat because they not getting what they should from current relationship. Some will cheat just for thrills they are not really serious about their relationship.

About sexless marriage may I add also "loveless marriage" to that? Some people just don't want to break their marriage because they have debts, kids, shared properties, or they are simply conditioned to think that marriage is something that can not be broken.

But my message to people who are not happy, not dating, living in marriage without love/sex/or whatever you need. Get out of it! Because 10 years later you will regret all the time you have spent being unhappy for superficial reasons. And yes cheating is bad.

[cocorico]

My husband has had numerous opportunities, including his ever-present ex-wife and her constant attempts to bed him, co-workers who attempt to do the same (for various reasons), and other people around him. He was actually at a family party a few weeks ago and one of the invited, non-family member guests, grabbed his crotch and said something about slipping away and giving him the "ride of his life."

 

Not only did he say no, he left the party, texted me to let me know what happened, and hasn't been back to see his family since.

 

Despite the fact that we started in an affair and he's had ample opportunity to cheat since we've gotten together, the temptation isn't there. He has no desire and he says that even if the temptation did ever arise, he couldn't cope with the guilt.

 

We are incredibly open with each other and share everything, and I think that's key.

 

So, don't worry... There are honest men out there.

 

Yes.

 

My H was faithful for more than three decades, despite numerous opportunities and blatant offers (including some gorgeous women, one of whom is a good friend of ours), with his xW, until the perfect storm rendered him vulnerable. We've been M for several years now, and he's reverted to his ground state of fidelity. In his profession, opportunity will always be there, but he's simply not interested.

[Celestial-dreamer]

I think we are totally out of subject here. This is interesting, but for respect for author that started this thread we should stay on topic. I am saying this : I think at least half of men will cheat (it's more complicated with women, but they would also cheat just for different reasons). And I tried to explain why. I am not saying this is moral or not I am just pointing out why this happens. Now one would say soooo many men are very very evil. No, they are not. It's just nature. Nobody (at least with brains) cheats just because they like to be evil. There are reasons. Even most stupid things men do, there are always a reason behind it. Now to your story about your daughter. Have you tried to think the other way around? If your daughter breaks someones heart... do you care? She does something to be happy and if she hurts someone along how much you would care for that? Will you stop loving her? Will you stop seeing her?

 

Ok you had your say I replied....you used the old excuse of..all men cheat! it's men being men! we do it because it's nature! You are a cheater, you will sympathise with cheating and excuse it to high heaven. There are NO excuses. My daughter has been bought up in a house full of LOVE, morals, respect, ethics and dignity. She's doing mighty fine thanks. I'm beyond proud of her. Also my 2 sons. I raised MEN not immature selfish little boys. There are no excuses for cheating, if your not happy with the relationship, speak up, or leave. Destroying someone you say you love isn't acceptable, yet your saying it is because...well..its men's nature. Its not. It's a CHOICE. You do or you don't. Nothing more.

 

As for the topic....a survey around where I am asked, if you knew you would get away with it 100%, would you cheat? 100% of men said YES. So the answer to the question is...not around here. Pathetic really.

[minimariah]

i don't think ALL men cheat - but i also think you'll hardly find someone who didn't cheat at least ONCE in a relationship, in any shape and form... even if it's during teen & college years.

 

we live and learn.

[katielee]

 

As for the topic....a survey around where I am asked, if you knew you would get away with it 100%, would you cheat? 100% of men said YES. .

 

I just don't believe this.

[Celestial-dreamer]

i don't think ALL men cheat - but i also think you'll hardly find someone who didn't cheat at least ONCE in a relationship, in any shape and form... even if it's during teen & college years.

 

we live and learn.

 

Well I must be from another planet then...I've never cheated, have no intention to either. Sheesh it's not that hard is it. People will go 'but but but' I did it because 'this, that and the other' then go on to spout bile and excuses. You do it because you CHOOSE to. No other reason. And TBH I have yet to meet a man who hasn't cheated, be it my exH/partners, any in family or friends. It's sad really, they truly believe they are entitled to do it because, well, they are male.

[Celestial-dreamer]

I just don't believe this.

 

I'm trying to find it again, it was several years ago from when I split with my exH, I was looking for something to say is it me? my fault like he says? etc, as you do.

[Jkidding]

Ok you had your say I replied....you used the old excuse of..all men cheat!

...

You are a cheater, you will sympathise with cheating and excuse it to high heaven.

 

Where did I say all men cheat?

You called me a cheater. Can you point out who I cheated? I am not in marriage or relationship so ... really?

And your point is actually very sexist. You portrait men as being cheaters but there are as many women cheaters as there men. You, women, are not any better than us, men. There you go. I think you are one of people who were cheated and just can't let it go. Let it go. For your own sake and happyness