Is my girlfriend too much about money?

[Leigh 87]

Okay thanks. At the time I had spent too much money on her functions and needed to lay off for a bit So I thought that cooking her a home meal and then cleaning up after would be nice. I asked my women friends for the opinions and they said that that's better than going out to dinner cause it's more effort for the guy. So at the time I thought it was a good idea based on them telling me.

 

But our anniversary is coming up and I will take her out to dinner.

 

I really don't think you're super stingy or w tight as*, I just think your gf is like me and you're a little more tight than she is with money ( which is why you are on your way to a mortgage and she's not......)

 

Do you believe you're capable of satisfying her needs?

 

Do you genuinely feel she could be the " One"?

 

Is she special enough for you to change for?

 

I believe all your girlfriend wants is: to me taken out for anniversaries, Valentines day and her birthdays; to receive a lovely piece of jewellery or the equivalent for birthdays Christmas and valentine days ; for you to foot the bill when you're out with family and friends.

 

If you were to do all that, I would personally be ok with not being taken out for weekly dinners........ I just need anniversaries and birthdays and Christmas and Valentines daya covered.......weekly dinners I am more than happy for the man to cook me dinner at home!

 

However, maybe your girlfriend expects even more than the birthdays/ Christmas / Valentines day/ anniversaries.........

[HereNorThere]

There's no paradox or anything like that. You just want some sort of confirmation that you're not cheap, but you are.

 

This girl is one big emotional, money and resource consuming black hole. It's going to cost you a lot of money to keep a high maintenance girl like that. You just have to accept it, swipe your card and move on.

 

Btw - borrowing money from her ex? Marriage ultimatums.. Dude, she's a live one. I'd cash out now before the casino gets all your money.

[Versacehottie]

Okay thanks. At the time I had spent too much money on her functions and needed to lay off for a bit So I thought that cooking her a home meal and then cleaning up after would be nice. I asked my women friends for the opinions and they said that that's better than going out to dinner cause it's more effort for the guy. So at the time I thought it was a good idea based on them telling me.

 

But our anniversary is coming up and I will take her out to dinner.

 

Your girl friends aren't entirely wrong, but again it's like you are incompatible and don't notice or ignore who your gf really is. She's flashier than staying home. She likes to go out. She's not simple and homey. You may have thought of the idea because that's who you are (and your girl friends confirmed it would be good). What you failed to take into account is that your gf is not like that. Important distinction. You just seem like two opposites and not in a good way. Unless I missed it, you never answered the question of what you DID/DO see in her.

[road]

Well I guess I do not know how to proceed because I feel that some of the advice has been paradoxical and contradictory. I have been the one who made myself look cheap and it's my fault. So as long as I be a better boyfriend and am not, there is a fair chance, that it will improve the relationship, and she should see no more cheapness in me, perhaps, right?

 

Titles are used to not describe you and your GF. They are to describe that you two are not financially compatible.

 

 

It is important to save for your retirement years when you are young.

It is important to buy a house.

It is important to be able to afford a car.

It is important to be financially responsible.

 

 

To indulge GF at the expense of the above needs is wrong.

[joseb]

. You just seem like two opposites and not in a good way. Unless I missed it, you never answered the question of what you DID/DO see in her.

 

Yes, i am waiting to here this too.

[Diezel]

You guys do realize that this whole issue isn't JUST about the anniversary, RIGHT?

[Versacehottie]

You guys do realize that this whole issue isn't JUST about the anniversary, RIGHT?

 

Oh yes! It sounds like a trainwreck of financial incompatibility.

[SawtoothMars]

You honestly sound like a really nice guy.

Here you are, spending hours writing long messages about how you can improve for your girlfriend.

However let me tell you a story about a man who sounds just like you with his money. He was a nice guy and he was loyal, faithful and adored me. But I promise you financial issues are legitimately make or break. And not because he was a bad person ; I am just not a woman who could happily sit back and watch my girlfriends get spoilt rotten and taken out regularly for romantic dinners when I get nothing more than a small birthday and Christmas guy from a man who would prefer to cook my birthday dinners at home rather than fork out the cash to go out........... Call me materialistic.

 

You are materialistic! I can't respect a woman that needs to be purchased.

 

I know it is one of those "love language" things, and that some women only feel loved when a guy buys stuff for them. I get that. I just can't respect it. Actually... I respect prostitutes more than women like this because they are honest about things.

 

There's no paradox or anything like that. You just want some sort of confirmation that you're not cheap, but you are.

This girl is one big emotional, money and resource consuming black hole. It's going to cost you a lot of money to keep a high maintenance girl like that. You just have to accept it, swipe your card and move on.

Btw - borrowing money from her ex? Marriage ultimatums.. Dude, she's a live one. I'd cash out now before the casino gets all your money.

 

I honestly think this girl would make most guys eventually act "cheap". I too would be struggling with what to do about her.

 

The real answer is that they are too different in how they want to be loved. I suggest finding a woman who is more practical. Sometimes this is just an issue of class.

 

I have found over the years that women who have rich families tend to be stupid about money. Women from poorer backgrounds and sometimes more rural areas are much better. They respect what it takes to make money and understand how to save.

[Els]

Man, I've lost track of all the things that are wrong with this. She's borrowing money from an ex?!? You gave her soap that your mom made (not even made or purchased by yourself!!) for her birthday?? And I only read 3 pages out of 8...

 

Besides being fundamentally incompatible, I think both of you need to step back and really take a look at your own behaviour. You asked if you were wrong or she was, and how to tell. My take on it is that you both were, in different ways.

[Leigh 87]

You are materialistic! I can't respect a woman that needs to be purchased.

 

I know it is one of those "love language" things, and that some women only feel loved when a guy buys stuff for them. I get that. I just can't respect it. Actually... I respect prostitutes more than women like this because they are honest about things.

 

 

 

I honestly think this girl would make most guys eventually act "cheap". I too would be struggling with what to do about her.

 

The real answer is that they are too different in how they want to be loved. I suggest finding a woman who is more practical. Sometimes this is just an issue of class.

 

I have found over the years that women who have rich families tend to be stupid about money. Women from poorer backgrounds and sometimes more rural areas are much better. They respect what it takes to make money and understand how to save.

 

 

 

So you think wanting a man to have traditional values of paying for dinner dates is materialistic?

 

And do you think it is materialistic to feel dissapointed when you're out with a group and the other girls partners pay the bill and MY partner asks me to go halves?

 

How on earth is it materialistic to want to be spoilt on birthdays and Christmas?

 

Oh - and you're actually like I expect expensive jewellery and diamonds. I don't.

 

How am I materialistic for having a preference for men taking on the role of paying for dates most of the time?

 

Many people agree that a man asking to go halves is majorly tight ass!

[d0nnivain]

Ironpony

 

Do you understand that the more you spend, the more she will want?

 

It's not about the dollars & cents. It's about your attitudes toward money. She is a spender & she doesn't have a good head for finance (other than she seems to have the ability to manipulate other people to pick up the tab). You need a value proposition. She doesn't even know what that is.

 

This relationship is doomed unless you BOTH change. Since she doesn't see anything wrong with how she's acting, do you honestly think she will ever develop a more frugal mentality?

[salparadise]

So you think wanting a man to have traditional values of paying for dinner dates is materialistic?

 

Depends on the specifics, but yea, entitlement is not attractive on anyone.

 

When you're dating someone like the OP, and she doesn't want to eat at home, never contributes a phukking dime, invites him to her friend/family events and expects him to pay... and if this happens often, well screw that sh*t.

 

She wouldn't last five minutes around me. The problem is more her than him. Who the hell doesn't want to save a few bucks and have something in the bank? He's probably toward the other extreme, but she has no inherent right to what's in his wallet. She has the classic "what's mine is mine, what's yours is ours" mentality.

 

 

And do you think it is materialistic to feel dissapointed when you're out with a group and the other girls partners pay the bill and MY partner asks me to go halves?

 

Yes, because if you're disappointed then it means you had expectations. Why would you not just buy a round or three without being asked?

 

How on earth is it materialistic to want to be spoilt on birthdays and Christmas?

 

What do you mean by spoilt? Do you spoilt him too? Do you even buy him a gift or is it strictly a one-way street?

 

 

How am I materialistic for having a preference for men taking on the role of paying for dates most of the time?

 

Again, depends on the degree and how it's done.

 

I had one relationship recently where it was nicely balanced. She knew exactly how to handle this stuff and we never had awkward moments. When we went to the grocery story together we'd both put stuff in the cart and I'd pay at checkout. Then later on I'd find a few bucks in my pants pocket- nobody kept score.

 

When we went out for dinner I'd always intend to pay, but sometimes she'd grab the check and say this one's mine, and she'd take care of it. We never split a bill at the table. I'm sure it wasn't exactly halves, but the important thing was that she had no attitude that I "owed her" anything and she used good judgement on when and how to share expenses without making an issue of it.

 

For special occasions we were both generous to each other. Just that simple. No keeping score, no attitude of entitlement about being "spoilt."

 

I'm sure would not be something Leigh or OPs gf would ever do.

 

 

Many people agree that a man asking to go halves is majorly tight ass!

 

Yes, I agree that a man asking to go halves is crass. But so is the expectation that a woman is entitled to save her money while a man spends all of his on her.

 

In the OPs situation we have two people at opposite end of the spectrum, and the chick is so confident that she's entitled to his money that it makes him feel insecure and he's trying to appease. This woman can't be appeased. She would spend his last dime and still not offer to buy him a meal.

 

My advice to OP would be to ditch this chick (before she ditches you), don't be such a tight ass in the future, and don't put up with a woman who thinks that she has more right to what's in your wallet than you do.

Edited September 1, 2015 by salparadise

[SawtoothMars]

So you think wanting a man to have traditional values of paying for dinner dates is materialistic?

And do you think it is materialistic to feel dissapointed when you're out with a group and the other girls partners pay the bill and MY partner asks me to go halves?

How on earth is it materialistic to want to be spoilt on birthdays and Christmas?

Oh - and you're actually like I expect expensive jewellery and diamonds. I don't.

How am I materialistic for having a preference for men taking on the role of paying for dates most of the time?

Many people agree that a man asking to go halves is majorly tight ass!

 

Yes. You are not traditional in any other way, so this is simply self interest and you being cheap.

 

Yes. In that situation you should not measure yourself compared to users and materialistic bums.

 

What are you offering in return? Sex? I don't live too far away from a major military base. I see the guys come back missing body parts all the time. About 50% of the time the wives bounce within a year. The question that a guy needs to ask himself is "will she stick with me when something goes bad?" The answer is all too often No.

Edited September 1, 2015 by SawtoothMars

[Leigh 87]

Ummmm..

 

I treat my men to dinner dates allllll the time.

 

I just prefer men who WANT to pay for their woman when it comes to dinner dates.

 

There are men who PREFER to be the ones to pay for dinner most of the time...

 

Just because I prefer this, when did I EVER let on that I don't return the favour many times???!!!!!!

 

My current guy laid for my subway the other night. So I told him the DVDS were on me.

 

Oh and don't get me started about what a generous person I am. I go all out and spoil spoil spoil my men rotten for Christmas birthdays and anniversaries!!!!!!!

 

I prefer men who prefer to pay for the romantic date side of things....because it is just not romantic to me if a man goes halves or expects you to pay half the time when it comes to romance and dates..........

 

HOWEVER... With house hold bills it should absolutely be halves!

 

I ONLY prefer a man who genuinely prefers to treat his woman to the romantic dates - which I ALSO treat him to on the occasion ( probably 3 to 4 times out of 10) - and aside from the romantic dinner dates I believe in paying commensurate to income.....when it comes to bills!

[Leigh 87]

Yes. You are not traditional in any other way, so this is simply self interest and you being cheap.

 

Yes. In that situation you should not measure yourself compared to users and materialistic bums.

 

What are you offering in return? Sex? I don't live too far away from a major military base. I see the guys come back missing body parts all the time. About 50% of the time the wives bounce within a year. The question that a guy needs to ask himself is "will she stick with me when something goes bad?" The answer is all too often No.

 

I prefer men who enjoy taking their women out on diner dates once a month and paying for her because it's romantic. Did I ever say that I NEVER treated my men? I do get out my wallet and pay for dates. I just prefer a man who genuinely WANTS to pay for his lady on dates! And even then, I STILL break out my wallet and pay 3 to 4 times out of ten on dates.....

 

It just materialist to prefer a man who's generous with his money when it comes to dates.

 

What's wrong with wanting a traditional man who prefers to foot the bill on dates, if I am equally generous in other ways?

 

I am super generous myself and go all out and spoil my men for birthdays and Christmas. I am generous with my tkme. I am generous with affection and love. I would listen all night to their problems and be there for them any time of day or night.

 

I am the girl who bent over backwards for my exes. I was the girl who picked my drunk ass ex up at ungodly hours every single weekend. He did nothing in return. I quit my job and studies to support my ex when he lost his licence so that I could be his taxi and drive him everywhere ( to his job). I would buy my ex random gifts that where cheap and meaningful on a regular basis despite him not taking me out on a single date in two and a half years.

 

I am the woman who will be at a random market and see something quirky or funny and the buy it for men!

 

I am ALWAYS thinking of cool things I can do for my partners. So it makes perfect sense that I also enjoy being the woman and being taken out and to romantic dates MOST of the time. There ARE men who PREFER paying for the romantic dates so I only date men who WANTtk pay, that way I know we are compatible.

 

I don't see how I am not traditional in other ways either? I am sure you wrongly think I slept around and enjoy casual relation due to my past. Good for you. I act every bit the traditional woman now with no friends with benefits and no casual sex because I don't enjoy it. So at this stage in my life act traditional. I even wear retro dresses from prior decades and I look ultra feminine with my daily dresses.

 

I have old ladies stop me in the streets for your information, complimenting my choice of retro 60s style dresses thst always cover my breath and are lower than my knees!

 

So how about you atop ASSUMING things about women you haven't even met!?

 

I look and act like w traditional woman so I only enjoy dating men who prefer to foot the bill for romantic dates. That doesn't make me materialistic since I ALSO love spoiling my men.

 

My exes mates were JEALOUS at how much I did for him haha!

[Leigh 87]

Depends on the specifics, but yea, entitlement is not attractive on anyone.

 

When you're dating someone like the OP, and she doesn't want to eat at home, never contributes a phukking dime, invites him to her friend/family events and expects him to pay... and if this happens often, well screw that sh*t.

 

She wouldn't last five minutes around me. The problem is more her than him. Who the hell doesn't want to save a few bucks and have something in the bank? He's probably toward the other extreme, but she has no inherent right to what's in his wallet. She has the classic "what's mine is mine, what's yours is ours" mentality.

 

 

 

 

Yes, because if you're disappointed then it means you had expectations. Why would you not just buy a round or three without being asked?

 

 

 

What do you mean by spoilt? Do you spoilt him too? Do you even buy him a gift or is it strictly a one-way street?

 

 

 

 

Again, depends on the degree and how it's done.

 

I had one relationship recently where it was nicely balanced. She knew exactly how to handle this stuff and we never had awkward moments. When we went to the grocery story together we'd both put stuff in the cart and I'd pay at checkout. Then later on I'd find a few bucks in my pants pocket- nobody kept score.

 

When we went out for dinner I'd always intend to pay, but sometimes she'd grab the check and say this one's mine, and she'd take care of it. We never split a bill at the table. I'm sure it wasn't exactly halves, but the important thing was that she had no attitude that I "owed her" anything and she used good judgement on when and how to share expenses without making an issue of it.

 

For special occasions we were both generous to each other. Just that simple. No keeping score, no attitude of entitlement about being "spoilt."

 

I'm sure would not be something Leigh or OPs gf would ever do.

 

 

 

 

Yes, I agree that a man asking to go halves is crass. But so is the expectation that a woman is entitled to save her money while a man spends all of his on her.

 

In the OPs situation we have two people at opposite end of the spectrum, and the chick is so confident that she's entitled to his money that it makes him feel insecure and he's trying to appease. This woman can't be appeased. She would spend his last dime and still not offer to buy him a meal.

 

My advice to OP would be to ditch this chick (before she ditches you), don't be such a tight ass in the future, and don't put up with a woman who thinks that she has more right to what's in your wallet than you do.

 

Why don't you get your facts right before making assumptions about my level of generosity!

I regularly get the cheque and say " this one's on me " but prefer generous men who are traditional and believe in paying for the dinner dates. Many women prefer men who pay for dates. It doesn't mean we fit compensate in other areas.

 

I believe in paying commensurate to income when it comes to bills and living expenses. However, I only date men who prefer to treat their ladies to to romantic dinners dates, as I wouldn't dream of trying to change a man's ways of he prefered to go Dutch or take turns in paying for meals....

 

Dates out are the only thing I really need a man to pay for. It just makes me feel happier. I would rather pay equally for other things like groceries and the like. Dinner dates are one thing I prefer men to pay for. You have taken that as a sign that I am not generous to my men?

 

Why don't you ask my exes how generous I was before making false assumptions?

 

Oh and my best female friends are also super generous to their men and guess what!?! They ALSO PREFER MEN WHO PAY FOR THEIR DATES. it's just one thing my friends and I prefer our men to do. We ALL agree that we should chip in equally whenever possible....for non date related stuff....

 

So here are three ladies who prefer our men to pay for dates and yet we are all super generous when it comes to our men in other ways. We give as much as we get. Dinner dates and dates out are just something we feel " worth ". Frankly, we are all slim, pretty women by most people's standards and we have men regularly asking us to date us and take us out for dinners. Why shouldn't we only date men who prefer to be the ones to wine and dine us, when we have the option to? we just don't date cheap men because, well we don't have to and we would rather date men who want to pay forbids dinners; we would never dream of forcing it upon men who aren't into treating their women! And again. All three of us loooooove spoiling our men right back in other ways! We like to BOTH get spoilt rotten AND to also get the chance to spoil our men on special occasions!

My friend and I buy our ken gifts when they are sick. And do their grocery shopping when they're tired and busy with work. We are supper generous so what the heck is the issue with only dating generous men back?

 

Our love of spoiling our men feels totally in unbalanced if we date men who want to go halves on dates, don't enjoy taking out their women on dates or who want to take turns in paying for dates................ Because I am super generous so wanting a traditional guy who just prefers to be the man who pays for the dates isn't indicative of my overall character........

I prefer to give back in other ways ; and I am most comfortable and at ease with men who pay for dates, while I compensate in other ways.

- I loooooove giving back tickles for hours... Absolutely hours on end.

- I'll always chip in with DVDS and candy or popcorn and I will always get my partners fave food if I know we are having a movie night

 

I simply want a partner who loves spoiling me as much as I love spoiling him. Calling me cheap or materialist isn't what I am by most people's standards.

 

Having a preference for chilvary and men footing the bill on romantic dates totally doesn't make me tight or un generous!

Edited September 1, 2015 by Leigh 87

[HereNorThere]

I prefer to give back in other ways ; and I am most comfortable and at ease with men who pay for dates, while I compensate in other ways.

- I loooooove giving back tickles for hours... Absolutely hours on end.

 

So, just so we are all the same page, it would be okay if OP didn't pay, but instead offered some sort of massage or something after the date?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm materialistic like you. I like to spend money and I like receiving gifts, but that is materialistic. I mean, by very definition, it's materialistic. If you don't like that word, fine, but a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

[Qboro90]

You honestly sound like a really nice guy.

 

Here you are, spending hours writing long messages about how you can improve for your girlfriend.

 

However let me tell you a story about a man who sounds just like you with his money. He was a nice guy and he was loyal, faithful and adored me. But I promise you financial issues are legitimately make or break. And not because he was a bad person ; I am just not a woman who could happily sit back and watch my girlfriends get spoilt rotten and taken out regularly for romantic dinners when I get nothing more than a small birthday and Christmas guy from a man who would prefer to cook my birthday dinners at home rather than fork out the cash to go out........... Call me materialistic. I can take it. I call it knowing who I am and what drives me in a relationship. I don't feel I should accept less than what I know will male me the most content. I am willing to compromise in weight, looks and other aspects. Gifting and being pampered and spoilt rotten on my birthdays and Christmas and valentine days aint one area I am willing to compromise on.

 

My ex tried to change his frugal ways for me. He really tried. He was EXACTLY like you. He would offer to cook for me..... But when we went to buy the ingredients, and I would throw a few extra items in the shopping basket ( probably 20 dollars worth tops) my ex would say " hey, I agreed to cook for you, why should I have to pay for your extra shopping?" and no, I didn't regularly expect him to pay for my shopping. I just happened to throw a few pieces of fruit and a drink or two in on this ONE occasion...... And he wouldn't even pay for it.

 

He was enamoured with me though. He fell in love for me fast. He was head over heels. So, he told me he changed his ways for me. He didn't want to have to pay for weekly dinners that he'd cook at home for me ; he naturally felt inclined to go halves. Unfortunately for him, I explained to him that he was a bloody tight ass and I wasn't keen to continue with him. So he changed for me.

 

He paid for dinners that he cooked at home for me weekly. He didn't want to but he did it for me because he was willing to compromise in order to keep me. He wanted to go halves but paid full for me.

 

When we went out with friends I'd have to buy some of my own drinks; my friends would have their boyfriends foot the entire bill for all their drinks and dinners. It was so embarrassing that my girlfriends got pampered and spoilt by their partners and I go sweet fck all.

 

He tried to change but I wanted a man who NATURALLY wanted to spoil and pamper me.

 

I ended it and he was left heart broken. Now days, I don't date men who ask for their half in dates or don't enjoy spoiling their girl once in a while. I am so much happier single than I was in a relationship with a man who may have adored me, but was tight with his money.

 

And my ex also said he is happier without a materialistic girl. Good-for-him lol! I don't agree that expecting to be taken out for dinner one a fortnight and expecting a decent present for special occasions, constitutes as " materialistic " but kudos to my ex for wanting a more low key girl who doesn't need dinners out and who is happy to pay her half for meals in front if her friends ( who are all getting treated to their dinners by their generous partners!)

 

 

Do you take into account the actual total cost of all these things?

 

Let's say your ideal BF takes you out to dinner once a week. That's a minimum of $100 (assuming you're not going to Applebee's) for food and drinks for 2 people. That's $400 a month on dinner.

Then let's say you go out with friends or for drinks once every 2 weeks. Being conservative we can say that you'll each have 3-4 drinks at $10 each ($6-7 for the drink then $2-3 tip each time for the bartender). That's another $160 a month and we're going with the bear minimum of alchohol consumption, no specialty drinks or shots or buying rounds for other friends you're with and/or food while you're there.

 

So total each month he's spending $560 extra Minimum because that's what you "aren't willing to sacrifice in a relationship".

 

So if you date for a year. That's $6,720.

 

$6,720!! And we aren't even including birthdays and Christmas gifts. Figure each birthday and Christmas add another $500-$1000 total with gifts and I'm assuming another dinner, then New Year's Eve which is expensive, Valentine's Day another dinner and minimum $300 gift. How bout a vacation?

 

So with all that just a low estimate a guy is incurring $10,000 extra per year just for having you as a girlfriend.

 

Now I'm not saying you're a bad person for that or don't deserve all those things. If that's what you feel and makes you happy and shows you a guy cares then all power to you. But let's not make it sound like $10k isn't a huge number for a guy to have to spend out of his own pocket just to keep a girl happy. If you're embarrassed when your friends boyfriends buy them drinks then that is something you control as an emotion. You could just as easily feel like you're a better person than they are for not forcing your BF to pay for your good time and every round, while they are exploiting theirs. And I know you said you spoil your boyfriends so I'm sure you do it sometimes, not trying to get into semantics of who does what, just a mindset thinking it's embarrassing.

 

$10 grand isn't embarrassing, that's a down payment on a house just to date you.

[Leigh 87]

So, just so we are all the same page, it would be okay if OP didn't pay, but instead offered some sort of massage or something after the date?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm materialistic like you. I like to spend money and I like receiving gifts, but that is materialistic. I mean, by very definition, it's materialistic. If you don't like that word, fine, but a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

 

I am somewhat materialistic yes, as I need to be spoilt on special occasions. I own that happily.

 

But I am not way over the top about it...I definately do NOT expect WEEKLY dates or dinners out.

 

I'd he very content with once a fortnight or once mostly dates out. And I definately don't expect dinners at the most exclusive restaurants in town. A simple pub meal, steak and a beer would be lovely.

 

My parents come from a generation where the man treats his woman. Men back then wouldn't DREAM of gong halves or taking turns on paying so it's 50% equal. But men were the providers and women didn't work and we're expected to stay at home and clean and stuff.....

 

Now days, I appreciate that women earn equal or more than many men and how, women should contribute equally to household expenses.

 

But despite my willingness to pay for rent and living expenses equally and DESPITE my desire to EQUALLY SPOIL MY MAN, I STILL simply prefer a man who wants to treat his woman to dinner dates every so often!!!!!

 

Nothing I said screams of a gold digger or an overly materialistic woman!

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. To answer the question before as to what good things there are in her, she does love me and do a lot for me. She helps me get new jobs, she goes over my work if I ask her too. Pretty much anything.

 

Well I took her out for dinner, and bought her flowers and a card. And I feel really good for making her feel special. I can pony up, for special occasions and it feels good. It's not like I can't change and be content with it.

 

What about other things? Like for example, since she is often living from pay to check to pay check and is sometimes broke, is it a good thing for the bf to say, help her out by paying for getting cavities fixed, which can be quite a bit sometimes, or helping her out in other situations?

 

What about things like that?

Edited September 3, 2015 by ironpony

[Qboro90]

Okay thanks. To answer the question before as to what good things there are in her, she does love me and do a lot for me. She helps me get new jobs, she goes over my work if I ask her too. Pretty much anything.

 

Well I took her out for dinner, and bought her flowers and a card. And I feel really good for making her feel special. I can pony up, for special occasions and it feels good. It's not like I can't change and be content with it.

 

What about other things? Like for example, since she is often living from pay to check to pay check and is sometimes broke, is it a good thing for the bf to say, help her out by paying for getting cavities fixed, which can be quite a bit sometimes, or helping her out in other situations?

 

What about things like that?

 

 

Noooooo!!!! Man please stop. The dinner and flowers every now and then is one thing. That's doable and if you do it maturely and smartly you won't go broke over a couple nights out a month. That being said... You are her boyfriend... You are NOT her husband, her parents, or her BANK. It is not your responsibility to pay the bill or support her health care while she spends all of her money carelessly. If she spends her paycheck on a new bag and knows she has to have a cavity filled but does it anyways, then why is it now your responsibility to pay for her lack of judgement and prioritizing financially??

 

Dental work and check ups are INCREDIBLY expensive. One visit can easily cost over $700. And if you don't have dental coverage. Forget it. And how old is your gf? Do you live in the U.S.? If she's under 26 and a U.S. Citizen then she is covered under her parents dental plans.

 

This girl has ZERO right to ask or expect you to pay or offer to pay for anything. Once again, you're not her husband or parents. The only way she will learn is by experiencing the consequences of mismanaging her money and be forced to grow up and make better choices.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. She is 39. I am 31. I wasn't planning on buying her dinner or flowers, all the time, just this time I did it, to make up for her birthday. I wouldn't be doing it again till our anniversary or Christmas if that's better.

 

She also said that if we get married, and I am concerned about money that we can put our money into separate accounts and not have to share it with each other at all. It was her idea, and I didn't say anything cause I didn't know if that was a good idea, but what do you think, since some said that being married to her could be costly?

Edited September 3, 2015 by ironpony

[d0nnivain]

What about other things? Like for example, since she is often living from pay to check to pay check and is sometimes broke, is it a good thing for the bf to say, help her out by paying for getting cavities fixed, which can be quite a bit sometimes, or helping her out in other situations?

 

What about things like that?

 

Okay thanks. She is 39. I am 31.

 

She also said that if we get married, and I am concerned about money that we can put our money into separate accounts and not have to share it with each other at all. It was her idea, and I didn't say anything cause I didn't know if that was a good idea, but what do you think, since some said that being married to her could be costly?

 

 

Being married to her will send you to the poor house. From the rest of this thread I thought she was young 20 something just learning her way in the world. Now I find out she's almost 40 years old & has no financial sense (or cents) whatsoever.

 

 

Until she can make a budget & learn to stick to it, this woman's money life will remain a train wreck. Don't hitch your wagon to this.

 

 

If you get married, depending on the laws where you live, your money may be her money no matter the name on the account. Plus she will expect you to cover all living expenses & she will use her money to buy herself stuff, but expect you to pay for everything else.

 

 

If you love her & want to make this work she needs to start taking financial classes & learning to save. She will need to live within her means for a while without help from you and create an e-fund. If she is unwilling to do this, think long and hard about whether you want to let her drown you financially.

 

 

If you do wed, I see both divorce court & bankruptcy in your future.

[road]

Ironpony likes going in circles.

 

 

Even if these labels are not true but an exaggeration, she is a spendthrift and you are a tightwad. So cheap that when you hold a nickel you squeeze the manure out of the buffalo. And, there has never been and will never be a nickel that she will ever be able to hold on to.

 

 

Did you get the point now? When it comes to finances the both of you are polar opposites.

 

 

I hope that you wake up and realize that there will never be a financial middle ground for you two. She had too many issues. Dump her find a compatible woman.

 

Being married to her will send you to the poor house. From the rest of this thread I thought she was young 20 something just learning her way in the world. Now I find out she's almost 40 years old & has no financial sense (or cents) whatsoever.

 

 

Until she can make a budget & learn to stick to it, this woman's money life will remain a train wreck. Don't hitch your wagon to this.

 

 

If you get married, depending on the laws where you live, your money may be her money no matter the name on the account. Plus she will expect you to cover all living expenses & she will use her money to buy herself stuff, but expect you to pay for everything else.

 

 

If you love her & want to make this work she needs to start taking financial classes & learning to save. She will need to live within her means for a while without help from you and create an e-fund. If she is unwilling to do this, think long and hard about whether you want to let her drown you financially.

 

 

If you do wed, I see both divorce court & bankruptcy in your future.

 

Testa Dura

 

 

You two are not a good financial match. The way you started this thread you made her sound to be under 21 years old, and you as well.

 

 

You need to dump her, mature a lot more. If you were mature you would see what others here have seen.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. Yes she is my first serious relationship. I went through a long period without dating for a while, so I am not as experienced.

 

I am just thinking of the best way to end it, if that's best... I guess I just feel sorry for her, cause I feel it's a bad thing to have all your money taken by your ex, even if she did sign a contract, she did it under a bad emotional state, or so I was told.