Author Brooke42 Posted August 30, 2015 Author Posted August 30, 2015 I'm seriously trying to let him go. I know you guys said to block him off social media, but I've discovered something by watching his every move on it. The girls whose pictures he always likes, are so trashy. Their boobs are out, they have ten thousand selfies, too much makeup, extensions, all that crap. Not that any of that is bad for girls to do. He's always worried about getting cheated on, and yet these are the kinds of girls he's into. If he wants to be with trash, I'll let him. And maybe someday he will look back on it and realize what he lost. I just saw him like a girl's picture who looks entirely like bad news and i iterally just laughed out loud and said "yeah good luck with that."
losangelena Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Brooke, no. I'm realizing that he doesn't care about me, and if he does it's not as much as I would want him to. I'm an afterthought to him. No longer the first person he thinks of when he wakes up. [Yes, you're right about this] I want someone who really cares about me and I guess I fooled myself into thinking he could be that person, only because he said so many times that he really did care so it was hard for me to let go of the fact that he no longer wanted me. We spent hours talking about how much he cared, how hard he would try to make things work so it was just a shock to me that he wasn't trying anymore and it was hard for me to believe it. [Take this as a valuable lesson. MOST men are not so upfront with their feelings. When you start to hear a man say over and over again how much he cares about you and how he wants to make things work, that is a RED FLAG, especially if/when it is not backed by action. Take two giant steps back from the next man who speaks to you that way.] I do believe I wasn't a booty call the past few nights, but more of someone for him to hang out with because maybe he didn't have anybody else. [Keep deluding yourself.] I think I'll ask him to lunch at some point and see what he says. If he agrees to go, I'll try not to through all my feelings out there and give him a piece of my mind even though that will be extremely difficult. It's hard for me to hold things in and I like speaking my mind. I didn't speak my mind enough growing up and I always lived to regret it. So I'll see what he says about actually seeing me in the daylight and in public. I'm not sure what I'll really think/do past that. [bAD IDEA. Brooke, part of "letting people go" also means refraining from making big overtures to them about your feelings. Again, lesson for next time. You speak your mind in the moment. It's too late with this guy.] If we are friends, I'm going out of town this weekend with friends and I was going to invite him along that way we would have some actual time to spend together and have fun, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. I haven't decided yet. I just don't want to be an afterthought, or a second option but I think that's what's going on right now. [ANOTHER BAD IDEA. How is inviting him on this trip akin to letting him go? He does not want to spend quality time with you, Brooke. Stop engaging with him.] Maybe he's not sure about his feelings for me and that's why he's asked me to hang ouf, so he can decide for sure. And maybe he's asked me the way he has because he doesn't want to come across as being too serious and maybe he's wanting me to know he doesn't know what he wants. [No. He's not confused, he wants into your pants and that is all] Not sure what to think about all this. I guess if he doesn't act like he truly wants me in his life ill have to let him go somehow. [start now, Brooke. Start now.] 3
Gaeta Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Brooke: This is unreal. You are delusional if you think this man wants anything to do with you. I am afraid you will only understand when he gives you a full blown rejection. 1
LuckyLady13 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Being so lonely like I am right now, I am vulnerable to jump at the first person who wants to spend time with me and I realize that. Brooke, you got a lot of good advice from people. They see something you're unwilling to see. And being lonely is why you're refusing. The consensus has been "forget him" and that advice is rock solid! People have had a nice laundry list of great reasons to say this to you and it's in your best interest to listen to everyone. There's a whole lot of threads right here on LS that deal with how to feel okay and comfortable in your own skin when you're single. There's good explanations as to why it's important and lots of great advice. Being that this is at the root of your problem, this is a great place to put your focus on! Focus on you and how to be perfectly happy all by yourself. It's especially important for you because the next guy that you meet that you might really like could be a way better guy than this bozo you've considered taking to lunch. If the next guy is really awesome, you don't want to blow it by not being ready!! It's actually a good thing this guy is such a joke because you're not losing a thing here by letting this guy go. Nothing to lose sleep over. There is NO GOOD REASON to not be happy by yourself, Brooke. You really need to focus on that.
Author Brooke42 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 So here's an even more interesting/happy update. Most of you are aware that I'm not in the most ideal situation right now..stuck at home with parents, not finding a job, being lonely, ect. And most of you thought that out of lonliness, I was holding onto this guy. Maybe that's partly true, but I really did like him. So anyways an old friend texted me to hang out today. I literally have no friends here, have been in the house for 5 days straight. We hung out tonight and it was so much fun. I think I might even end up staying with her a few nights a week which will get me more freedom. This friend and I will probably end up going out dancing a few times a week and having a great time together. Now that one piece of my life is coming together, do you think I should message this guy and ask him to meet for lunch, then tell him I have more freedom to hang out and see him now? Or should I just leave it alone. It just seems like it would be a no-brainer to hang out with him if I have the freedom to do so. But I also don't want to get myself in a situation that will end up hurting me. A part of me says if he wants to be just friends maybe we could hang out as friends? And it will at least be someone to spend time with? I'm torn.
losangelena Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 No. No Brooke, our answer has not and will not change. Just, no. Go out with your friend and meet NEW men 5
Qboro90 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 So here's an even more interesting/happy update. Most of you are aware that I'm not in the most ideal situation right now..stuck at home with parents, not finding a job, being lonely, ect. And most of you thought that out of lonliness, I was holding onto this guy. Maybe that's partly true, but I really did like him. So anyways an old friend texted me to hang out today. I literally have no friends here, have been in the house for 5 days straight. We hung out tonight and it was so much fun. I think I might even end up staying with her a few nights a week which will get me more freedom. This friend and I will probably end up going out dancing a few times a week and having a great time together. Now that one piece of my life is coming together, do you think I should message this guy and ask him to meet for lunch, then tell him I have more freedom to hang out and see him now? Or should I just leave it alone. It just seems like it would be a no-brainer to hang out with him if I have the freedom to do so. But I also don't want to get myself in a situation that will end up hurting me. A part of me says if he wants to be just friends maybe we could hang out as friends? And it will at least be someone to spend time with? I'm torn. Oh, my, goodness.... Last time saying this because it's apparently not getting through to you so if you don't listen now then I can't waste more time trying to advise on the situation... DO NOT CONTACT him again... Just don't. You don't see a problem with how quickly you go from high to low and getting your hopes up on something that is so brand new?! A girl friend of yours texted you to hang out TODAY. The guy last spoke to you yesterday! So you miraculously turned your life and situation around in under 48 hours because 1 girl friend is back in town! Please tell me that you can see the ridiculous of that. What does you having 1 more friend have to do with this guy and his very definitive careless treatment towards you? Nothing is the answer. It hasn't even been a week, he's gonna think you're crazy if you reach out and say anything to him. "Hey my life is back on track and I'm in a better place than I was the other day when you texted, let's grab lunch". If I were this guy and I read that I would laugh and it would be a pitiful laugh to boot. Also can you not see how quickly you get your hopes up and suddenly just expect things to progress how you want them to with relatively no evidence backing that up at all? Even with this friend of yours.... You just spoke and hung out with her TODAY! And you're already projecting that you'll be going dancing multiple times a week, living with her for a few nights, and just being best friends and having the greatest time ever. How did you make that leap so fast and so drastically?? Lastly... You've mentioned a few times in a negative way that "I haven't done or gone anywhere outside my house in 5 days!" Umm that isn't negative or incinusting that your life is crappy at all. Every grown up in America doesn't leave the house other than to go to work every 5 days (Monday- Friday hun). And even more importantly... You just graduated and don't have a job at the moment correct? So do you really think it's the best idea to be going out and spending money on dinners, drinks, dancing, nights out, etc with this friend of yours? Are your parents supporting you? A mature decision would be to focus on finding yourself a job. Using the weekdays to search for openings, reaching out to contacts you can ask to refer you somewhere or put you in touch with a recruiter. Throwing your money away on nights out because you feel like you're life is boring and lonely will do 1 thing. And that's put you even farther behind financially and delay getting a job. 3
Empyrea Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 In the end, you're going to do what you want to do and if it takes getting burnt a couple more times until you finally agree that it's time to move on, so be it. But from an outside objective perspective - that time is now. Or rather, that time was yesterday. You just have to understand that you are not objective right now. Far from it. You will find an infinite amount of reasons to excuse his behaviour, to find a few more "what ifs" or "maybes". Because that's how our brains work when we want something bad enough. We twist and bend everything to fit that agenda. But trust us, it will only hurt you further. If he's at all interested, he will make an effort. So far, he's made zero. So for your own sake, let it go. Show him that you've moved on and refuse to be his booty call or backup option and he might even gain some respect for you. But more importantly, you will be able to respect yourself for staying strong. You need to get your life back together and focus on finding your passion and goal in life, you simply have no time to play these games with these silly boys. 1
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Most of you are aware that I'm not in the most ideal situation right now..stuck at home with parents, not finding a job, being lonely,. CHANGE IT. Get a job! Anything! There is no rules that you can't flip burgers while you look for a job in your field! Get a gym membership and get OUT and go train. Do some volunteer work, these organizations are all over the place and so many people need help!! the homeless, elderly, animals, handicapped children! This will take your attention away from your belly button. It will inject some well needed maturity in you! When you meet a man you will have something to talk about!! You will be able to show where you provide to society and are not just sitting in dad's home living off of them. Can you really blame a man for not wanting to date you? GET your life on track!! 1
lana-banana Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Your development appears indicative of a greater problem. An old friend asked to hang out and you immediately spun it into a brand-new social life with a best friend and clubbing and dancing and constant companionship. You aren't just putting the cart before the horse; you're building the entire damn cart from scratch before the horse has even been born. Please consider professional assistance to better understand your problems with perspective, expectations and emotional regulation. 5
Versacehottie Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 So here's an even more interesting/happy update. Most of you are aware that I'm not in the most ideal situation right now..stuck at home with parents, not finding a job, being lonely, ect. And most of you thought that out of lonliness, I was holding onto this guy. Maybe that's partly true, but I really did like him. So anyways an old friend texted me to hang out today. I literally have no friends here, have been in the house for 5 days straight. We hung out tonight and it was so much fun. I think I might even end up staying with her a few nights a week which will get me more freedom. This friend and I will probably end up going out dancing a few times a week and having a great time together. Now that one piece of my life is coming together, do you think I should message this guy and ask him to meet for lunch, then tell him I have more freedom to hang out and see him now? Or should I just leave it alone. It just seems like it would be a no-brainer to hang out with him if I have the freedom to do so. But I also don't want to get myself in a situation that will end up hurting me. A part of me says if he wants to be just friends maybe we could hang out as friends? And it will at least be someone to spend time with? I'm torn. Oh gosh, I read the first couple of sentences and I was thinking this is good, she understands that she needs other interests and life goes on. Time with friends will be valuable and helpful. But then Brooke you use it as a way to squeeze (you think) time with him into your life. Sweetie, you need some help. Your parents must love you. Start with them. You are obsessed and in a very bad state of thinking about yourself. You need help out of this mess. Good luck
JADIE Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 No more advice from me. I'm gonna make a BIG bowl of popcorn and just watch this trainwreck from a distance....this is gonna be good.
Rejected Rosebud Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Now that one piece of my life is coming together, do you think I should message this guy and ask him to meet for lunch, then tell him I have more freedom to hang out and see him now? I'm pretty sure you are joking around now! :rolleyes: Congrats on having more fun and freedom socially though!!
xcupid Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I was totally joking. I figured he would know I was joking too. I just don't know what he wants from me. This is all so confusing. He'll text, and then stop mid conversation. So weird. Lots of good advice for you here in this thread. It's time to heed that advice. He wants sex from you. Plain and simple. Time to ditch him, stop communicating with him, stop following what he's doing on social media if you're doing that, and get out and socialize, meet new men, and start turning your life around. Good luck.
edgygirl Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 This thread lasted longer than the 2 dates they had 5
edgygirl Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Instead of messaging him, get a therapist number and message them. You seem to have serious issues to work on. I know you are low on money but even Obamacare covers therapy now. Check it out please. You need it. You are seriously delusional and not getting it, even though everyone here was so blunt and caring with you and tried to open your eyes and make you understand. Still, you don't get it. FORGET THIS GUY. IT'S OVER. I can't grasp why it's so hard for you to see it. Now that one piece of my life is coming together, do you think I should message this guy and ask him to meet for lunch, then tell him I have more freedom to hang out and see him now? Or should I just leave it alone. It just seems like it would be a no-brainer to hang out with him if I have the freedom to do so. But I also don't want to get myself in a situation that will end up hurting me. A part of me says if he wants to be just friends maybe we could hang out as friends? And it will at least be someone to spend time with? I'm torn.
Author Brooke42 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 Thanks ya'll. I'm in my 20's so I'm gonna stop acting like a high school girl over him. I appreciate all the advice and I'm going to stop all communication with him. Ya'll are right. I deserve someone who makes time for me and actually wants to be with me. I'm gonna let him go be with the trash he's interested in. I'll move on and live my life, hopefully meeting new people and being happy along the way. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Thanks ya'll. I'm in my 20's so I'm gonna stop acting like a high school girl over him. I appreciate all the advice and I'm going to stop all communication with him. Ya'll are right. I deserve someone who makes time for me and actually wants to be with me. I'm gonna let him go be with the trash he's interested in. I'll move on and live my life, hopefully meeting new people and being happy along the way. I'm glad you are taking the position at the moment and hope that you can stay strong. I really think you need to work on your inner strength with a therapist or life coach and some tools (books whatever). I'm really worried if you went this gaga and be despondent about the state of your life that it's just a matter of time before it happens again. Think about it, ok? good luck ps what i'm trying to say is external things are not going to solve your problems even if they get better. You need to work on internal 2
Author Brooke42 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 I'm glad you are taking the position at the moment and hope that you can stay strong. I really think you need to work on your inner strength with a therapist or life coach and some tools (books whatever). I'm really worried if you went this gaga and be despondent about the state of your life that it's just a matter of time before it happens again. Think about it, ok? good luck ps what i'm trying to say is external things are not going to solve your problems even if they get better. You need to work on internal You're totally right. I'm working on getting myself together. I've been spending a lot of time with my friend which has been good for me...I recently started going to my dance class again and I got back into running. Starting to feel a little better. Tomorrow I'm gonna get up early (which I haven't been doing) and try to look for jobs. It's hard not to think about him but I keep trying to distract myself. I think things might be looking up.
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 You're totally right. I'm working on getting myself together. I've been spending a lot of time with my friend which has been good for me...I recently started going to my dance class again and I got back into running. Starting to feel a little better. Tomorrow I'm gonna get up early (which I haven't been doing) and try to look for jobs. It's hard not to think about him but I keep trying to distract myself. I think things might be looking up. Great. This is best thing I've heard you say this entire thread. I'm really proud of you! Keep up the physical activity; it's a proven help for feeling low. And you want to be in good shape for when you are ready to start dating again. I would give that some time. My opinion is that you are too fragile and it's natural to put a guy at top of your priority list. You want to build a strong base for yourself before you let a guy in since it will be easy to topple the base you are building if it's just getting started. Don't rule out a little part time job where you can make some friends while you look for the real thing. Good news, keep it up.
Qboro90 Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I definitely echo what Versace said above. As a side note. You're a college graduate. Your job or career opportunity is not going to come find you. It's not going to send you an email or call your cell and say "hey Brooke, heard you were available, come work for us!". Waking up early and being proactive is absolutely ESSENTIAL when you're looking for employment. Talk to your friends, ex teachers, etc and ask them to do you a favor and put you in touch with some of their contacts within the area you studied and want to work. Sign up and post your resume on job sites in a detailed format. Actively search through online job posts where there are openings. And when you find one that interests you, do not just submit your resume and wait to hear from them. Call their office. A simple google search will give you the number. From there ask who you can speak with regarding ____ position. Most likely an HR person will talk to you and you can ask to come in for an interview or ask what you can do to get an in person interview. Keep in mind that you're not the only one who is interested in that job or looking. There will be hundreds perhaps thousands of people who apply online just like you do. Some more qualified, some with better experience. That doesn't mean that you can't get the job. It does mean that you need to separate yourself from the rest of the applicants and do the extra work required to stand out. Calling the office, finding out who is actually hiring the candidates, contacting someone who works in that company and asking for advice or info on the job and requirements. All of those things can get you a better chance of being the one chosen. 1
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 I definitely echo what Versace said above. As a side note. You're a college graduate. Your job or career opportunity is not going to come find you. It's not going to send you an email or call your cell and say "hey Brooke, heard you were available, come work for us!". Waking up early and being proactive is absolutely ESSENTIAL when you're looking for employment. Talk to your friends, ex teachers, etc and ask them to do you a favor and put you in touch with some of their contacts within the area you studied and want to work. Sign up and post your resume on job sites in a detailed format. Actively search through online job posts where there are openings. And when you find one that interests you, do not just submit your resume and wait to hear from them. Call their office. A simple google search will give you the number. From there ask who you can speak with regarding ____ position. Most likely an HR person will talk to you and you can ask to come in for an interview or ask what you can do to get an in person interview. Keep in mind that you're not the only one who is interested in that job or looking. There will be hundreds perhaps thousands of people who apply online just like you do. Some more qualified, some with better experience. That doesn't mean that you can't get the job. It does mean that you need to separate yourself from the rest of the applicants and do the extra work required to stand out. Calling the office, finding out who is actually hiring the candidates, contacting someone who works in that company and asking for advice or info on the job and requirements. All of those things can get you a better chance of being the one chosen. I echo this about the job search! I think people should put in about the same amount of time looking for a job as if they were working--i.e. job search for 8 hours a day. Be early and diligent. Even taking a part time job can lead you to increase your network of people who can help you find a job. I once became friends with a girl in the gym and she got me an excellent job within a week or two. 2
Author Brooke42 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Posted September 2, 2015 Thanks guys!! All of you have been really helpful to me It's crazy how things can change in a matter of days. I think my problem has always been not having enough confidence. That's why I'm so worried about getting out there and having a "big girl" job. I'm always worried it will end up being too much for me to handle, or that I'll mess up big time. I'm sure everyone worries about that though, I just always compare myself. Not good. I've done little things each day to try to help me get in a better place. The only thing that bothers me is being around/talking to friends that are in relationships because it just bums me out. All my friends are in one. And they talk about it constantly. So I'm working on trying to not let that bother me. Hopefully once I get my life together I can make new friends and meet new people. I really just want to be happy. I'm glad I haven't chased this guy down. If it's meant to be it will haopen but it's out of my control. Im glad i have this thread to go back and re-read when i start to feel down. I guess this is the struggle of growing up. I thought i would have all my crap together by now!! But maybe life isn't supposed to be completely perfect in your 20's and i guess im not supposed to have it all together yet, right?
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2015 Posted September 2, 2015 Thanks guys!! All of you have been really helpful to me It's crazy how things can change in a matter of days. I think my problem has always been not having enough confidence. That's why I'm so worried about getting out there and having a "big girl" job. I'm always worried it will end up being too much for me to handle, or that I'll mess up big time. I'm sure everyone worries about that though, I just always compare myself. Not good. I've done little things each day to try to help me get in a better place. The only thing that bothers me is being around/talking to friends that are in relationships because it just bums me out. All my friends are in one. And they talk about it constantly. So I'm working on trying to not let that bother me. Hopefully once I get my life together I can make new friends and meet new people. I really just want to be happy. I'm glad I haven't chased this guy down. If it's meant to be it will haopen but it's out of my control. Im glad i have this thread to go back and re-read when i start to feel down. I guess this is the struggle of growing up. I thought i would have all my crap together by now!! ----------- ***But maybe life isn't supposed to be completely perfect in your 20's and i guess im not supposed to have it all together yet, right?**** With respect, I think you should be talking about all of this with a professional therapist. Good luck.
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