Author Brooke42 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 To be truthfully honest, we did meet on a dating app. But I only had it for entertainment (I was at a rough place in my life) and I have no idea why he had it but he deleted it after we started talking. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 The reason I was freaking out is because this behavior isn't like him. He swore he would never leave, ect. . He swore he would never leave? After TWO dates? That can't be right.... was that a typo? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooke42 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 So what should I think? Should I just assume he doesn't care about me anymore since he's updating his snapchat but not taking the time to answer my texts? Should I eventually call him if a week goes by and I hear nothing? What would you think if you were in my shoes? I try to be the best person I can, and everything was going right for us...there was nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 So what should I think? Should I just assume he doesn't care about me anymore since he's updating his snapchat but not taking the time to answer my texts? YES. Should I eventually call him if a week goes by and I hear nothing? NO What would you think if you were in my shoes? He lost interest, met someone else he likes better. What I would do? Move on....and chalk it up to experience. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 So what should I think? Should I just assume he doesn't care about me anymore since he's updating his snapchat but not taking the time to answer my texts? Should I eventually call him if a week goes by and I hear nothing? What would you think if you were in my shoes? I try to be the best person I can, and everything was going right for us...there was nothing wrong. Hon, he does not deserve your time and attention. Keep your respect and kindness for someone that deserves it. If he cared at all, if here were half the man you think he is, he would never have left your texts unanswered and he would have told you 'sorry brooke I don't think you and I it will work'. Instead he opted for the coward way out and left you wondering. Right now he's showing you what kind of man he is. Very weak. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooke42 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 No he really did say that haha Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 No he really did say that haha And you believed him. Sweetie, not sure which is worse. Him saying it or you believing him. I am glad you put the haha in there though, and that at least you are trying to see the humor in it. Because it is quite funny, don't you think? A man telling you he will never leave you after two dates? That should go down in history as being the biggest load of crap any man has ever laid on a woman....ever. Me thinks you dodged a HUGE bullet there hun. NEXT! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 No he really did say that haha That should have been a major red flag that this guy is all talk. That ain't right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooke42 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Well he just texted and said he doesn't think he can take it past friends. When I asked why he said it's because he never gets to see me, but also because I was upset when he paid for my movie and dinner on our first date (I have some issues) But if our date was weeks ago why would he continue as normal and tell me just now? And wouldn't he think that kind of stuff is worth working through? I really like him. I feel like such an ass, but I didn't think it was a huge deal to want to pay for myself. What do you think I can do to get him back? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Well he just texted and said he doesn't think he can take it past friends. When I asked why he said it's because he never gets to see me, but also because I was upset when he paid for my movie and dinner on our first date (I have some issues) But if our date was weeks ago why would he continue as normal and tell me just now? And wouldn't he think that kind of stuff is worth working through? I really like him. I feel like such an ass, but I didn't think it was a huge deal to want to pay for myself. What do you think I can do to get him back? Sweetie, stop trying to analyze it, it's not worth your energy. Just accept what he said and move on. That's all you can do. Analyzing and obsessing about it will do you no good, and will only drive you crazy. Be thankful he told you now and not six months from now...when you were REALLY emotionally involved.... ((hugs)) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Well he just texted and said he doesn't think he can take it past friends. When I asked why he said it's because he never gets to see me, but also because I was upset when he paid for my movie and dinner on our first date (I have some issues) It also sounds like you have some "issues" to sort through. Perhaps it might be a good idea to sort through those...before embarking on dating anyone. I mean, how in the world can you (or anyone) get upset because a man paid for dinner and a movie? Not getting that one... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Well he just texted and said he doesn't think he can take it past friends. When I asked why he said it's because he never gets to see me, but also because I was upset when he paid for my movie and dinner on our first date (I have some issues) But if our date was weeks ago why would he continue as normal and tell me just now? And wouldn't he think that kind of stuff is worth working through? I really like him. I feel like such an ass, but I didn't think it was a huge deal to want to pay for myself. What do you think I can do to get him back? You never "had" him to get back. Two dates does not amount to "having" someone. Please try and move on.... Edited August 25, 2015 by katiegrl 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooke42 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I'm just a really insecure person and I get uncomfortable when people do nice things for me, as weird as that sounds. It mostly comes from being abused by my ex for 2 years. I just thought this guy would be able to look past it, since it only happened on one date. Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Well he just texted and said he doesn't think he can take it past friends. When I asked why he said it's because he never gets to see me, but also because I was upset when he paid for my movie and dinner on our first date (I have some issues) Oh, interesting. Explain "upset". What happpened? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I'm just a really insecure person and I get uncomfortable when people do nice things for me, as weird as that sounds. It mostly comes from being abused by my ex for 2 years. I just thought this guy would be able to look past it, since it only happened on one date. So what did you do? Start crying? Get mad at him? These things do not bode well on a first date... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooke42 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Well, it makes me uncomfortable when guys do nice things for me. Comes from years of abuse from my ex. I'm sure I would have gotten used to it over time but that night I just didn't want him to feel like he had to pay so I told the waiter and the cashier I wanted to pay and he said no and we duked it out for like 5 seconds before I gave up. But I told him thank you and it didn't seem like it was that big of a deal, or nothing that couldn't be worked through. He said it was embarassing to him too. I feel bad with him saying this, but I don't know why he hasn't said anything the past few weeks. I just wonder if there's any hope in saving this but I feel like he's going to give up alltogether. He seems like that kind of person, although I really don't want him to because I still care about him a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Well, it makes me uncomfortable when guys do nice things for me. Comes from years of abuse from my ex. I'm sure I would have gotten used to it over time but that night I just didn't want him to feel like he had to pay so I told the waiter and the cashier I wanted to pay and he said no and we duked it out for like 5 seconds before I gave up. But I told him thank you and it didn't seem like it was that big of a deal, or nothing that couldn't be worked through. He said it was embarassing to him too. I feel bad with him saying this, but I don't know why he hasn't said anything the past few weeks. I just wonder if there's any hope in saving this but I feel like he's going to give up alltogether. He seems like that kind of person, although I really don't want him to because I still care about him a lot. He just lost interest, and once a man loses interest...there is really not anything a woman can do to regain it....except maybe disappear....but that's usually after weeks or months of dating, NOT two dates. In all honesty, I really do think you should talk with a professional. Your issues are deep, and until you get them resolved, men who were initially attracted to you are going to lose that attraction....real quick. Leaving you heartbroken and confused, just as you are now. Becoming this emotional and unhinged after only two dates is also not normal....it's just not. You do realize that, right? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I don't know how many times I will have to repeat it for you to understand but I am willing to repeat it over and over. Brooke: this happens all the time. I had it done to me, most women had it done to them. Yes the guy is all nice and gentleman and he promises the moon and 2-3-4 dates later POOF he's gone! Once, after 3 great dates, a man told me he told his daughter all about me and was looking forward to introduce me to her. I never heard from him again after that! It happens! You did not do anything wrong. I would just add/change the last line: "you did not do anything wrong" UNTIL now. Don't freak out and contact him to find out why he hasn't be in touch, that's a mistake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Well, it makes me uncomfortable when guys do nice things for me. Comes from years of abuse from my ex. I'm sure I would have gotten used to it over time but that night I just didn't want him to feel like he had to pay so I told the waiter and the cashier I wanted to pay and he said no and we duked it out for like 5 seconds before I gave up. But I told him thank you and it didn't seem like it was that big of a deal, or nothing that couldn't be worked through. He said it was embarassing to him too. I feel bad with him saying this, but I don't know why he hasn't said anything the past few weeks. I just wonder if there's any hope in saving this but I feel like he's going to give up alltogether. He seems like that kind of person, although I really don't want him to because I still care about him a lot. If it had really bothered him he would not have gone on a 2nd date with you. He's not feeling it with you. Accept it and move on. There is nothing you can do. You cannot change how people feel or don't feel. You also have nothing to save. TWO dates is nothing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 There is nothing you can do. You cannot change how people feel or don't feel. You also have nothing to save. TWO dates is nothing. Yeah Brooke I worry about you saying things like 'i still care about him a lot'. After two dates? Really? And his comment about 'never leaving'? What is that all about? Perhaps you dodged a bullet here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooke42 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 It was just the emotional connection we had and the chemistry which makes me so upset. We literally acted like the same person. He was so like me, more than anybody I've ever met. It's just sad to know this is my fault and that the chances of being with him are ruined, because I really could see myself happy with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Thanks for your answer! The reason I was freaking out is because this behavior isn't like him. He swore he would never leave, ect. I feel like if you don't want to speak to someone ever again you should just tell them. So I'm not sure to take this as he's not interested or he needs space. I don't know why he would need space since I haven't seen him for two weeks. But if he didn't want to talk then why doesn't he just say so? Or am I supposed to think that he's just trying to figure out how he feels...I'm not sure what to do or think at this point. The reason I was freaking out is because this behavior isn't like him -- Isn't like him? You've only been on two dates, you have no idea what he's LIKE. He swore he would never leave? -- There isn't anything to leave. A guy doesn't need "space" after two dates. You haven't seen him in two weeks because he just doesn't want to see you again or yet. But if a man doesn't ask to see you in two weeks, it's likely he's not interested. It happens. So be it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 It was just the emotional connection we had and the chemistry which makes me so upset. We literally acted like the same person. He was so like me, more than anybody I've ever met. It's just sad to know this is my fault and that the chances of being with him are ruined, because I really could see myself happy with him. You know that's not true - he tried to do something nice for you and you got upset. That is not acting like the same person. And you know what? That's ok. Who says you need to act like the same person as your date? I point this out because you are only looking at your perception of this. His evidently wasn't the same. He didn't feel the same connection or chemistry and pulled the plug. It was only two dates. He did the right thing by letting you go if he wasn't interested any more. The more important issue is why you so deeply connect your value to a guy you hardly know. You're taking this rejection as a measurement of your self-worth. After an abusive relationship, I know it's hard not to do this (I speak from experience too, I get where you're coming from) But until you get your self-esteem back to a healthy place, dating is going to be very difficult because it seems you are terrified of abandonment. That isn't unusual after abuse; I also had a lot of work to do in that sense. But I knew I wouldn't be ready to date again unless and until I took a hard look at my own issues and took steps to proactively resolve them. Then I entered the dating world again. And guess what? I have found a lovely man. You will get there too! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Well he just texted and said he doesn't think he can take it past friends. When I asked why he said it's because he never gets to see me, but also because I was upset when he paid for my movie and dinner on our first date (I have some issues) But if our date was weeks ago why would he continue as normal and tell me just now? And wouldn't he think that kind of stuff is worth working through? I really like him. I feel like such an ass, but I didn't think it was a huge deal to want to pay for myself. What do you think I can do to get him back? Basically, it sounds like this one was on you. He couldn't see you, so he said this chick isn't worth the time or effort...your situation and emotional baggage sent the guy (justifiably so), running to the hills for cover...he made the right choice, now you get the luxury of finding someone who will respect you - sounds like a win for both parties... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooke42 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 It just makes me feel like crap because I met him at the worst possible time in life and he couldn't even try to hang in there and stick it out with me. He always said I was worth waiting for. Doesn't make sense as to why he would quit... Link to post Share on other sites
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