sickandtiredOfex Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Never, my latest dumper I've just posted a thread on, and wish I never hear or see him again. He's 29 now so doubt he will grow up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I've never been contacted again by this particular dumper, and he ended things incredibly similarly to how yours did. It's uncanny how much your thoughts parallel mine too. Nearly ever single post of yours I can relate to fully...particularly the feelings of devaluation and the hope/intuition element. I still can't make sense of any of it and I'm 8+ months no contact. I wish I could fast forward 5 years and be past the pain. The hurt from this has lingered far beyond the point I thought it would. A very close friend of mine was ignored for 8.5 months and the guy came back recently. My friend NEVER thought the guy would return, but I had a feeling deep down that he might. I kind of lived a bit vicariously through my friend's vindication and thought it gave me some closure too, for my friend and given that I was so upset for my friend being treated so terribly. However, once the high wore off from that situation, I went back to feeling even worse for still not being contacted by my guy.. when, like you, I felt the connection was more intense than anything I'd ever experienced. I can completely empathize with you, and know the feeling of wanting further closure when it was left so unresolved. Being ignored by someone you love and care for deeply is a dreadful feeling I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Like you mentioned before, you wouldn't even treat someone you dislike this way... I feel the same. That makes it all the more perplexing and painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author finalendeavor Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 (edited) I've never been contacted again by this particular dumper, and he ended things incredibly similarly to how yours did. It's uncanny how much your thoughts parallel mine too. Nearly ever single post of yours I can relate to fully...particularly the feelings of devaluation and the hope/intuition element. I still can't make sense of any of it and I'm 8+ months no contact. I wish I could fast forward 5 years and be past the pain. The hurt from this has lingered far beyond the point I thought it would. A very close friend of mine was ignored for 8.5 months and the guy came back recently. My friend NEVER thought the guy would return, but I had a feeling deep down that he might. I kind of lived a bit vicariously through my friend's vindication and thought it gave me some closure too, for my friend and given that I was so upset for my friend being treated so terribly. However, once the high wore off from that situation, I went back to feeling even worse for still not being contacted by my guy.. when, like you, I felt the connection was more intense than anything I'd ever experienced. I can completely empathize with you, and know the feeling of wanting further closure when it was left so unresolved. Being ignored by someone you love and care for deeply is a dreadful feeling I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Like you mentioned before, you wouldn't even treat someone you dislike this way... I feel the same. That makes it all the more perplexing and painful. It's so particularly hurtful that you almost question whether or not they're trying to be deliberately vindictive. The biggest problem I have with all of this is that I really just want to know why. He said "I'm just not feelin' it", but that was so ridiculously vague, and kind of seemed like a cover-up considering the words/ actions that happened not more than four days earlier. We were literally getting ready to move in together. I just don't get it. Maybe he really did just lose feelings overnight. It's even more perplexing, because I know there wasn't another girl in the picture. I don't see how you can just " lose interest" overnight. I feel like I'm in denial or something. Like he'll just magically wake up one day and realize he lost something amazing. I'm living in a fantasy. I'm sorry Dyna, this really is an awful thing to experience. And I'd imagine it's even more difficult with your friend's situation, because 8.5 months isn't very far from where you're currently at. When was the last time you attempted to contact him? I'm really struggling because I just want to reach out in some way so he'll have to momentarily realize my existence. I'm so afraid of rejection and loss of dignity though, that I refuse to. It's terrible how someone's complete absense of action can impact yours/ my own thoughts to such an insane extent. He's literally doing nothing, and yet he's still dominating my mind everyday. It's incredibly embittering and it makes me feel so weak. I'm asking myself why I give such an F with each passing thought, yet I can't stop. I think that's why I'm holding on to hope. I'm holding onto hope that he'll, at the very least, want to tie up the loose ends, or bury that proverbial hatchet. But this is difficult, because in his mind, it might be a completely done deal; he might've thought his "explanation" was sufficient. I like to think that I know him well enough to know that he'll eventually reflect and feel bad for doing such a ****ty thing and perhaps apologize for being a jackass, but I think that's just a ridiculous assumption I'm making to make myself feel better. On the other hand, maybe it's not ridiculous, because he has apologized for such behavior in the past. This whole situation has been maddening. Edited August 30, 2015 by finalendeavor Link to post Share on other sites
Chronotrgr Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Sadly, it's always been that way for me, every single relationship, living in hope in the past kept me hanging on far longer than I should have been, I wish now I'd have accepted the exes decisions back then and saved myself some heart ache, ah well, live and learn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 It's so particularly hurtful that you almost question whether or not they're trying to be deliberately vindictive. The biggest problem I have with all of this is that I really just want to know why. He said "I'm just not feelin' it", but that was so ridiculously vague, and kind of seemed like a cover-up considering the words/ actions that happened not more than four days earlier. We were literally getting ready to move in together. I just don't get it. Maybe he really did just lose feelings overnight Yes yes. I totally feel you. The fact that he said that is extremely insulting. You deserve someone who is 100% 'feelin' it' and would not be such an ass as to reject someone this way. That's something I could see a guy saying to someone with whom he maybe went out to dinner one time, not someone with whom he was intimate and making moving plans. The fact that he wouldn't elaborate either makes it all the more frustrating because it's such a cowardly thing to do.. to say that and have that be 'it.' Esp when the connection was intense. Trust me, I feel you on this. My guy was pretty much like 'it's over, we can talk but it won't change anything, it's over' ... and yet when I responded asking why, he completely disregarded it. So that whole 'we can talk thing' really was bs. Here I was waiting for him to get back to me and he never did. It had me so hurt and confused and angry. The hurt is still very potent since I was never left hanging this way--just someone essentially saying 'goodbye' without caring what I had to say. It was the cruelest act I have ever experienced. It's even more perplexing, because I know there wasn't another girl in the picture. I don't see how you can just " lose interest" overnight. I feel like I'm in denial or something. Like he'll just magically wake up one day and realize he lost something amazing. I'm living in a fantasy. As for him 'not feelin' it'.. it's definitely exasperating that he wouldn't give further details to help give YOU the closure YOU need. It just showcases his selfishness and cowardly ways, because he's not considering how his actions are impacting you. That's the sad crux of the issue and you DEFINITELY deserve better than this. However, I know how the denial can be intense. To have something you value cut you so deeply and toss you aside like you mean nothing is hard to deal with without the denial. The denial is a definite numbing agent, I think. I'm sorry Dyna, this really is an awful thing to experience. And I'd imagine it's even more difficult with your friend's situation, because 8.5 months isn't very far from where you're currently at. Yeah, it's okay. It definitely conjured up some of that crazy hope. I need to temper the hope because sometimes it has really gotten the best of me. When was the last time you attempted to contact him? I'm really struggling because I just want to reach out in some way so he'll have to momentarily realize my existence. I'm so afraid of rejection and loss of dignity though, that I refuse to. Last time was just over 8 months ago. Just a single response to his last 'text' ending things. I got no explanation and have had to cope with that. At first I was hell bent upon never speaking to him again, and the hurt felt so intense that I thought I'd never ever want to talk to him. I was extremely determined to move past someone who could be so cruel. Yet, there did come the time when I wanted to break nc SO bad. Like so bad it was torturous and it was agony to restrain myself from doing so. There have been MANY MANY moments like this and it freaks me out because I still have the sense that I should not be the one to try again when he hurt me to such a severe extent--I mean, I can't imagine being ignored again. It would just kill me even more. I remember at the 4 month mark there was one weekend where it took every fiber of my being not to contact him. I felt so extremely compelled. I was crying my eyes out but I pushed through the pain. Even last night I wanted to contact him but I didn't. The urges still hit me at times, but lately I've be having an easier time moving through them. The pain though hits me in droves all the time... still. It's terrible how someone's complete absence of action can impact yours/ my own thoughts to such an insane extent. He's literally doing nothing, and yet he's still dominating my mind everyday. It's incredibly embittering and it makes me feel so weak. I'm asking myself why I give such an F with each passing thought, yet I can't stop. I so understand what you are saying and can commiserate so much. I've argued with my thoughts and emotions throughout this process so much because it doesn't make sense how everything could linger so long for me and yet I could be the last thought on his mind. It's so twisted. I think that's why I'm holding on to hope. I'm holding onto hope that he'll, at the very least, want to tie up the loose ends, or bury that proverbial hatchet. But this is difficult, because in his mind, it might be a completely done deal; he might've thought his "explanation" was sufficient. I like to think that I know him well enough to know that he'll eventually reflect and feel bad for doing such a ****ty thing and perhaps apologize for being a jackass, but I think that's just a ridiculous assumption I'm making to make myself feel better. On the other hand, maybe it's not ridiculous, because he has apologized for such behavior in the past. This whole situation has been maddening. I know what you mean about wanting to tie up loose ends and bury the hatchet. So true. I feel like I need closure so much too. Like I NEED completion. The fact that he never responded leaves the door propped open for me, and I can't seem to close it, no matter how hard I try. I feel like I need resolution. I NEED it. And yes, I've struggled with the thought of him thinking his 'explanation' was sufficient too. It would be f'd up for them to think their explanation was sufficient. Truly f'd up, because it's so not sufficient and contributed to so much pain and suffering and that is not OK. That is BS. I've thought my ex would reflect and possibly recognize the error of his ways too, but sadly it hasn't happened, and he's demonstrating thru his silence that he has some major issues and his values seriously conflict with mine, because I would never treat someone anyone this way and can't comprehend how anyone would think it acceptable. I wish I had more positive vibes to convey. I saw on the coping thread you're struggling at the 60 day mark. All I can say is to push through and keep going. Remember why you've held on this long. You know deep down you deserve better treatment. His way of ending things and his ensuing silence speaks volumes as to his disrespect toward you and lack of care. F THAT. F both our guys. What could we possibly say at this point? What could THEY say? The pain cannot be erased. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 On 15th it will be two years sharp since she dumped me without a peep from her. I came to terms that we will never speak again and that's okay. There is nothing that she can say that can have any impact. Thanks to loveshack I already know exactly what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
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