How many of you have been dumped and never contacted again?

[Ijustdon'tgetit]

Wow 15love, I didn't know you went through something quite similar to me as well. Closely related details: met on an online word game, had talks about the future, balling at the airport! Etc. Lasted a little under a year, then 2 months after a trip to see him, he breaks my heart.

We were semi no contact for 6 months, the duration of the breakup. The last 2 months, there was no contact at all. (Started by me) As I said in my other thread, I contacted him so I could get rid of the hope and see that in reality he was gone. (Disclaimer: I only did this because I was the one to block him and cut him off completely! Not the other way around.) I made it clear I didn't want to be friends with him. In the end, he's admitted he made a mistake. If they're the right one they won't move on without you. If they have, then it's time to let them go.

[15Love]

I agree Ijustdon'tgetit!

 

Do you think finalendevour should reach out?

[finalendeavor]

It'd be so scary to reach out. I'd look needy and just get blown off. It'd strip me of any final shred of dignity. Maybe further down the road, I'll send him a friend request on FB, or something minor like that. The fact that he was so cold when he ended it and hasn't spoken a word to me has honestly completely soured the relationship, to the point that I sort of feel like I wish he didn't exist. It's all just so disgustingly awful, it's such a sore spot now. He's given my bad feelings such a long time to fester. I'm close to forgiving and moving on, but the rejection and ultimate devaluation still stings; it's like a festering, open wound.

[Harradin]

Nearly three years ago, my girlfriend cheated on me and ran off with a friend of mine, turned out he started making moves on her beforehand. She dumped me by email and I promptly cut the friend out of my life as he wasn't exactly a good friend. She kept getting in touch with me, told mutual friends how she missed me and how she regretted her decision. I got in contact with her where I told her to choose between me and him. She chose him and tried desperately to keep me in her life as a "friend," instead I walked away and cut her out my life.

 

I haven't heard from her since, and to my knowledge she hasn't tried. A mutual friend who particularly disliked her told me later on that she had cheated on him and left him for someone else.

 

The friend however "tried" to get back in touch with me last year, when I say "tried," he got someone who I hadn't spoken to in a while to contact me to ask and I politely declined.

 

If the ex managed to contact me, I'd probably politely fend her off as it was a long time ago and frankly I don't care anymore.

 

I started ONS's and FWB's up to now, as I love being single and I haven't found a girl who I want to have a relationship with, although I'm starting to look to date at the moment.

Edited August 26, 2015 by Harradin

[15Love]

It'd be so scary to reach out. I'd look needy and just get blown off. It'd strip me of any final shred of dignity. Maybe further down the road, I'll send him a friend request on FB, or something minor like that. The fact that he was so cold when he ended it and hasn't spoken a word to me has honestly completely soured the relationship, to the point that I sort of feel like I wish he didn't exist. It's all just so disgustingly awful, it's such a sore spot now. He's given my bad feelings such a long time to fester. I'm close to forgiving and moving on, but the rejection and ultimate devaluation still stings; it's like a festering, open wound.

 

yes! That's what I mean. You deserve better then to have this be part of your story.

 

I don't know if you notice but having followed your story, I can honestly sense you're moving on. You've got a bright future ahead of you

 

He was just a speed bump! Keep hauling!

[Qboro90]

Sorry for what you're going through, it's obviously taking its toll on you so I feel for you there.

 

Judging from this and your past posts regarding hearing stories from others about their experiences with ex's coming back or when/if it usually happens, etc.. I kind of get the feeling that the fact this guy dropped you so callously and seemingly without any regret since has seriously bruised your ego and you seem to simply just be offended. Not trying to be rude to you either by the way just an outside view point based off the facts you've posted. You'll list why you were so good to him and for him and question the way he went about the break up, and wonder if he'll reach out in the future.

 

Makes me wonder if you really were that in love with him, or if the fact he rejected you and you didn't control how the relationship ended for the first time since you lost your v card has somehow made you have an intense resentful angry infatuation with this guy.

 

The things he said, the actions he took when you were with him that led you to believe he wanted you to live and marry him.... Is it possible that he was just one of those ******* guys who knows what to say to a girl to win them over but doesn't really mean them as deeply as you think he does? You were going to uproot your life and move in with him. Did he ever offer or discuss an option where he would come to you? Why did you skip the BF/gf stage and go right into living together and marriage talk? You've said you realized it moved pretty fast. Maybe he was saying all these things thinking that they were empty promises but after your visit he was forced to come to terms with how serious you were about it and then backed out. Maybe he had to take you to see his family in order to keep up the facade of a future that he was portraying with you but once you went back home he could cut ties and not worry about it. I'm sorry if this is tough to contemplate, just trying to get other possibilities out there where you see he wasn't the guy you really needed.

 

You have a competitive mentality when it comes to relationships and men. Going through your past "dumpees and dumped list" detailing when and how long each took to come back. Has a "no... You don't dump me.... I dump YOU!!" Feel to it.

 

Sucks but sometimes the people we fall for are just dickheads and *******s. Trying to figure out why and ******* is an ******* is a futile process. Might as well try and find out why **** stinks... It just does and knowing why isn't gonna make it stink less or get the stench out of your nose. Only think that helps is getting away from it.

[finalendeavor]

Sorry for what you're going through, it's obviously taking its toll on you so I feel for you there.

 

Judging from this and your past posts regarding hearing stories from others about their experiences with ex's coming back or when/if it usually happens, etc.. I kind of get the feeling that the fact this guy dropped you so callously and seemingly without any regret since has seriously bruised your ego and you seem to simply just be offended. Not trying to be rude to you either by the way just an outside view point based off the facts you've posted. You'll list why you were so good to him and for him and question the way he went about the break up, and wonder if he'll reach out in the future.

 

Makes me wonder if you really were that in love with him, or if the fact he rejected you and you didn't control how the relationship ended for the first time since you lost your v card has somehow made you have an intense resentful angry infatuation with this guy.

 

The things he said, the actions he took when you were with him that led you to believe he wanted you to live and marry him.... Is it possible that he was just one of those ******* guys who knows what to say to a girl to win them over but doesn't really mean them as deeply as you think he does? You were going to uproot your life and move in with him. Did he ever offer or discuss an option where he would come to you? Why did you skip the BF/gf stage and go right into living together and marriage talk? You've said you realized it moved pretty fast. Maybe he was saying all these things thinking that they were empty promises but after your visit he was forced to come to terms with how serious you were about it and then backed out. Maybe he had to take you to see his family in order to keep up the facade of a future that he was portraying with you but once you went back home he could cut ties and not worry about it. I'm sorry if this is tough to contemplate, just trying to get other possibilities out there where you see he wasn't the guy you really needed.

 

You have a competitive mentality when it comes to relationships and men. Going through your past "dumpees and dumped list" detailing when and how long each took to come back. Has a "no... You don't dump me.... I dump YOU!!" Feel to it.

 

Sucks but sometimes the people we fall for are just dickheads and *******s. Trying to figure out why and ******* is an ******* is a futile process. Might as well try and find out why **** stinks... It just does and knowing why isn't gonna make it stink less or get the stench out of your nose. Only think that helps is getting away from it.

 

All bull**** aside, I think the reason why I'm so inquisitive as to stories about people's exes coming back, is because I do miss him. I hate myself for it, because I know he treated me horribly. The connection we had was so strong, stronger than anything I've felt. I was so into him mentally and physically, and he always reassured me that the feelings were entirely mutual, up until those last few days. He seemed like such a positive force in my life, and I thought I was in his as well. We always were so supportive of each other's dreams, thoughts, and aspirations. We just seemed to inherently "get" each other, you know? Out of all of my past relationships, I've never met someone I was more similar to personality wise. I think that's why I refused to accept the bitter truth; he's really just not into me. As much as I want to know why, there is no why. Sometimes people just don't float our proverbial boats. I wanted to assume that there was more to the story, because everyone tells me that you can't just "lose interest" in someone overnight/ I didn't understand how he could throw me away so easily, but that's my answer. It's easy to treat people like trash when you feel nothing but indifference towards them.

 

I take comfort in the fact that almost everyone has come back to me, because I think it gives hope that he might, when the reality is that every story is different. There are no actual patterns, because people, from a sociological standpoint, are vastly unpredictable.

 

At the end of the day, after I work through the anger, sadness, and loneliness, I miss my best friend, my confidant, and my lover. And the fact that he might be gone for good, makes everything burn 400% worse.

 

I don't know if there's any worse feeling in the world than being rejected by the one person you truly want, care about, and value.

Edited August 27, 2015 by finalendeavor

[Qboro90]

If he treated you horribly then why were you so into him to begin with? Or are you referring to just how he ended things and broke up with you?

 

Most breakups where people have trouble coping is when the dumpee projects their strong emotions of "everything was perfect, I was perfect for him, he was perfect for me, we connected like no one else before ever has" onto the dumper, when in fact he might not have viewed it that way at all. That's the toughest part to come to realize. Because if he did, then he wouldn't have broken up with you like he did, he wouldn't have cut you off completely, he would've reached out by now, he wouldn't have had his friend do the middle man routine bs.

 

Chalk it up to just another dick that you dated in your youth. It'll pass. Next guy that you find attraction to who poses a challenge I think will get you past this guy. You're making your ex out to be this great guy just because he passed on you and seemingly wasn't phased. Doesn't make him more powerful than you, just makes him more of an ******* than you. That's nothing to desire back.

[finalendeavor]

If he treated you horribly then why were you so into him to begin with? Or are you referring to just how he ended things and broke up with you?

 

Most breakups where people have trouble coping is when the dumpee projects their strong emotions of "everything was perfect, I was perfect for him, he was perfect for me, we connected like no one else before ever has" onto the dumper, when in fact he might not have viewed it that way at all. That's the toughest part to come to realize. Because if he did, then he wouldn't have broken up with you like he did, he wouldn't have cut you off completely, he would've reached out by now, he wouldn't have had his friend do the middle man routine bs.

 

Chalk it up to just another dick that you dated in your youth. It'll pass. Next guy that you find attraction to who poses a challenge I think will get you past this guy. You're making your ex out to be this great guy just because he passed on you and seemingly wasn't phased. Doesn't make him more powerful than you, just makes him more of an ******* than you. That's nothing to desire back.

 

I'm referring to how it ended. It just suddenly ended, out of the blue. During the relationship, he was nothing but kind, respectful, supportive, and honest. Three days before, he was asking me if I'd rather live in a townhouse, or apartment. He was always the instigator for all of it, he always spoke of being excited to get married in the future (not necessarily with me, he just spoke about it a lot, and how his parents wanted to know if I was marriage material), how he wanted me to move/ go to school out there so badly. He first mentioned visiting me, but I decided I'd rather visit him.

 

It's just weird, because he was literally talking about all of this/ connecting with me on deep levels all the way up until those past few days.

 

It's stupid because I don't see how anyone can do such a 180, and not question it at all. It's so annoyingly dumb. He had his flaws, but I legitimately adored that boy. Only logical explanations are a.) He got scared (which is moot point because he would've at least said SOMETHING to me by now) or b.) He played me like no other.

 

To literally drive a girl two hours away to meet your family when you're really not that in to her is ****ing crazy.

[Oregon_Dude]

I don't see how anyone can do such a 180, and not question it at all.

In cases like these (similar to what my ex did to me), it's fishy enough that it could have meant there was someone else.

 

Not saying that to make you paranoid; it's just what happens sometimes.

 

Which doesn't excuse anything. Almost makes him/her more of an *sshole.

 

We'll never know anyway, so don't sweat it.

[finalendeavor]

In cases like these (similar to what my ex did to me), it's fishy enough that it could have meant there was someone else.

 

Not saying that to make you paranoid; it's just what happens sometimes.

 

Which doesn't excuse anything. Almost makes him/her more of an *sshole.

 

We'll never know anyway, so don't sweat it.

 

That's exactly what I thought, but both his friend, him, and social media all proved/ insisted otherwise. I think he's just really weird and that he has a lot of problems, and they were things I couldn't fix. Thank god I'll never know if he does have someone new though. Out of sight, out of mind.

[Oregon_Dude]

Well, good. I'm glad for you, as that kind of thing is hard to take.

 

FE, read what you just wrote 100 times until you fully understand it:

 

I think he's just really weird and that he has a lot of problems, and they were things I couldn't fix.

[JollyDays]

Well, I'll have to go back to 2004, when I was dumped in a LDR after 2 years. I think we started falling apart months earlier, and i cheated on her by going out on a date the weekend before the breakup (a simple date, with no sexual activities). I was a dick for most of the relationship, so when she too me that I was mentally abusive, I remembered laughing at her, and in hindsight, perhaps I laughed because I was in denial of a truth about myself. She broke up with me, and, in any event, we said nothing to each other for about a month, and then we chatted online, and then it went to a telephone conversation, and I pretty much told her that I was messing around with a new lady. What I remembered was that she acted so cool about it, but then she told me that I never forgot---that I could never forget her. In any event, the next night, I said hello again in AOL chat and she fired back "What in the hell do you want?". That led to a very harsh exchange of emails, and then ba k to the chat box for live and in living color insults, and then, after she insulted my mother I insulted hers in kind. The only problem was that her mom was deceased. I felt so crappy afterwards, and I apologized the next day, which she refused (understandably), and life went on. Hurricane Katrina occurred, I emailed her to make sure she was okay, and no reply...EVER. I know that I made a few mistakes, but to say nothing? I guess that left me sad and bitter, because I continued to go on with life, and then in 2011, out of the blue, she yahoo messaged me. I was extremely cold towards her, and in hindsight, I guess it was a coping mechanism, because I didn't want to know about her life since 2004, and I just felt like there was an ulterior motive for contacting me damn near 7 years later. I accidentally yahoo messaged her in 2014. It happened because I popped out the wrong chat in the archives talking to a friend in Georgia, and I was laughing to myself at the 2011 short exchange, because it kept me grounded as to why we weren't speaking any longer. In 2004, I was called a two year waste of time and also informed that she hated the ground I walked on, so that was a huge reason for my cold attitude in 2011. I would say more, but I'll leave it at that. I'll say this: Facebook informed me that she joined the site earlier this year, which was strange because a.) I never searched for her, and b.) I was deactivated when she joined. Also, it friend requested her, and I had to cancel it out of embarrassment. So strange that it would friend request me unbeknownst to me. In any event, I had to block her profile because at times I have been reduced to tears and depression thinking of how everything went wrong, and the mistakes that I made. I also blocked her because I didn't want her to be able to see my profile, and quite frankly, in spite of everything that happened between us, I still love her so much. She was truly the love of my life, and I just want to forget she ever existed. So in a nutshell (lol), that's how I coped.

Edited August 27, 2015 by JollyDays

[JollyDays]

Sorry for not paragraphing the last message. It's late, and I'm typing through my smartphone. ?

[JollyDays]

We had a bad falling out, said harsh things to each other. Hurricane Katrina occurred, and I didn't receive any email stating she was okay. It left me bitter as hell, and when she tried contacting me nearly 7 years later, I coldly shut the message exchange down. It was a coping mechanism. She's on FB now, and I blocked her profile because I still love and miss her. I'm not sorry for feeling the way I do 11 years later, but I think blocking her is helping me to deal with such a traumatic breakup. Hopefully, I find a greater love out here in the world, and you will too.

[JollyDays]

****, sorry everybody. I posted the original message, wanted to compartmentalize it, and it refuses to let me delete the long-winded reply, so there you go. Lol ??

[15Love]

I'm referring to how it ended. It just suddenly ended, out of the blue. During the relationship, he was nothing but kind, respectful, supportive, and honest. Three days before, he was asking me if I'd rather live in a townhouse, or apartment. He was always the instigator for all of it, he always spoke of being excited to get married in the future (not necessarily with me, he just spoke about it a lot, and how his parents wanted to know if I was marriage material), how he wanted me to move/ go to school out there so badly. He first mentioned visiting me, but I decided I'd rather visit him.

 

It's just weird, because he was literally talking about all of this/ connecting with me on deep levels all the way up until those past few days.

 

It's stupid because I don't see how anyone can do such a 180, and not question it at all. It's so annoyingly dumb. He had his flaws, but I legitimately adored that boy. Only logical explanations are a.) He got scared (which is moot point because he would've at least said SOMETHING to me by now) or b.) He played me like no other.

 

To literally drive a girl two hours away to meet your family when you're really not that in to her is ****ing crazy.

 

lol. How about a flight to the other side of the world?! Lol. Def could have been worse.

 

I'm sincerely so sorry. Reading this reminds me exactly of what I went through with P. All the questions about our future. I'll never forget. He said, "I'll never leave you...and if you ever leave me x is where I'll be so you can find me" he truly convinced me it was gonna last forever. I'd never felt anything like that.

All lies.

Really devastating, when people just lie.

[15Love]

****, sorry everybody. I posted the original message, wanted to compartmentalize it, and it refuses to let me delete the long-winded reply, so there you go. Lol ??

 

Lol. I think the first one explained things well, so it's ok

[FancyFace]

It's been 9 months, not a peep. Granted I did my level best to block him on any and every avenue but lets be realistic, if he really wanted to talk to me he would have. For the first couple of months, maybe 6 or so months, I was convinced he was gonna come back. I think it was all in a weak attempt to soothe away the pain of the rejection of being dumped and trying to reassure myself that I was worthy of love and affection.

 

He hasn't come back, I know that I will never see or hear from him ever again and quite frankly, I am beyond grateful for it. It gave me the space I needed to heal from the entire ordeal without being given mixed messages or false hope or just general BS. There is simply nothing that he can do or say that would ease the pain. I, and I alone, am responsible for my own happiness.

[Zapbasket]

It has been two years almost to the day with not a peep from my ex. I really thought, for a long time, that he would contact me, owing to the circumstances of how he broke up with me and just me being unable to understand how he COULDN'T have some epiphany wherein he a) recognized and b) assumed responsibility for his role in the relationship's demise. His behavior during the relationship was truly base at times and it still blows my mind how he doesn't seem to see how his behavior would have created discord. He simply concluded that there were "too many arguments" and never expanded that into acknowledging, "...and I egged the majority of them on by pushing your buttons until you'd finally blow up."

 

I'll admit, I'm bitter that it seems he'll never see that he acted like a d*ck a lot of the time and as a consequence lost a really great person from his life. I'm blown away at times that we can live in such close proximity and he is content to just never contact me again. But I have to recognize that for my best friend to say consistently over these two years, "I hope he NEVER contacts you," it must be because she sees that I am better off without him. Still, it would be nice to have some kind of substantial acknowledgement, even now, that I ever meant something to him.

 

And in the absence of that, the only thing I can do is use this traumatic experience to make myself a million times stronger. As Amy Poehler is quoted as saying, "I see life as like being attacked by a bear. You can run, you can pretend to be dead or you can make yourself bigger." I am trying to use this experience to make myself bigger; in time I hope to almost be GRATEFUL for this experience.

[mossycup]

lol. How about a flight to the other side of the world?! Lol. Def could have been worse.

 

I'm sincerely so sorry. Reading this reminds me exactly of what I went through with P. All the questions about our future. I'll never forget. He said, "I'll never leave you...and if you ever leave me x is where I'll be so you can find me" he truly convinced me it was gonna last forever. I'd never felt anything like that.

All lies.

Really devastating, when people just lie.

 

I'm so resonating with 15Love and Finalendeavor. I mean we all have different experiences with being loved, different lengths of time that it was positive, etc, and from the outside and in hindsight it's easy to find ways to say, well, maybe he didn't actually love me or maybe I was delusional for thinking he did, but I think in our hearts we have this experience, at least I do, where we felt sure - like for me esp because I am usually paranoid of rejection but this time I wasn't - so it's even more hurtful when the person just 180s.

 

Objectively we can all accept yes, people do terrible and confusing things. But from inside the relationship, it's so hard to accept when something like this happens to you. I really appreciate hearing that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I hate that other people also feel the pain that i do, but I like that we are not alone. Our exes made us feel very alone with their confusing ways but here we realize we are not alone.

[15Love]

I am usually paranoid of rejection but this time I wasn't - so it's even more hurtful when the person just 180s.

 

This was so true for me. Makes you wonder if there's something wrong with you that you got so duped. On top of the loss you're questioning you're ability to read the signs. So disorienting.

.

[mossycup]

Oh yeah, I think it has changed me (see my other post) when it comes to trusting myself and other people. It hasn't been tested yet though - I haven't been in a relationship or anything with anyone new since the BU. I will be curious to see how I do respond to someone expressing interest in me if/when i happens. Will I assume they are different, or will I distrust them?

[15Love]

If you're anyhting like me you won't trust like that ever again. It's good though. Not really safe to be that open.

[mossycup]

Yeah, at this point, it does feel like it makes more sense not to trust. I just don't see how I would, given that I saw no warning signs from my ex. I mean, how would I even know how to assess something?