privategal Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 We met before Christmas for coffee, chatted, laughed, felt comfortable. He kept trying to hold my hand, said we needed to talk "about us". We hugged warmly when we left, and apart from a few friendly texts, that's been it. Again. I realized that I have initiated most of our communication. He's always friendly and caring, but doesn't reach out. So I am hanging up my hat. Again. Just cannot live with this carrot of hope dangling just out of reach. It's been 7 days now, and I'm struggling. I've reread this thread and you all gave great advice. I now need to take it. I see that he's never going to give me an answer, or put me out of my misery. Hope all you other NCers have had more success. I just want to encourage you, it will be the biggest uphill battle to let him go but you can do it. That SAME meeting...just as u described, verbatim between x eap kept me holding on to a strong EA for YEARS and YEARS. it was so devastating. I was so blind. It's going to be okm one foot in front of the other. One step and one day at a time, you will be so much happier down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
oceansaway Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I'm on about day 12...not really counting. But I was just having a moment of missing him ( so I came here to read). My anger for him is lessening...this is what I am afraid of. In the past I've broken NC and gone back. I'm not missing the toxic relationship...I not missing waiting for his texts...not missing the crumbs of his life and lies. So I do not know WHY I'm missing him! One day at a time...Is all you can do 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I'm on about day 12...not really counting. But I was just having a moment of missing him ( so I came here to read). My anger for him is lessening...this is what I am afraid of. In the past I've broken NC and gone back. I'm not missing the toxic relationship...I not missing waiting for his texts...not missing the crumbs of his life and lies. So I do not know WHY I'm missing him! One day at a time...Is all you can do When I look back when I was the MOW and I used to wonder why I missed my xAP so much after ending (he had a long-term gf so similar to a MM) I believe it was because I missed the fantasy of who I thought my xAP was, even the fantasy relationship I built up in my mind was not real. Sometimes our minds want to rose color things, just make sure you keep the FACTS front and center to motivate you to keep NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oceansaway Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 When I look back when I was the MOW and I used to wonder why I missed my xAP so much after ending (he had a long-term gf so similar to a MM) I believe it was because I missed the fantasy of who I thought my xAP was, even the fantasy relationship I built up in my mind was not real. Sometimes our minds want to rose color things, just make sure you keep the FACTS front and center to motivate you to keep NC. Your exactly correct! In many ways we BOTH lived in a fantasy land. For MM is was a escape from his day to day life. For me...it was a "relationship" that really didn't exist. Only until the fog has lifted do I see what it really was....nothing. But it doesn't lessen the fact that I still/will miss the fantasy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 Your exactly correct! In many ways we BOTH lived in a fantasy land. For MM is was a escape from his day to day life. For me...it was a "relationship" that really didn't exist. Only until the fog has lifted do I see what it really was....nothing. But it doesn't lessen the fact that I still/will miss the fantasy (((oceansaway))) no it doesn't. I wish we could speed up time to help us heal quickly but unfortunately it takes as long as it takes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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