Author bluestealth Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 This would be my first girlfriend as an adult, which was a result of me being single by choice in my 20's and not putting myself out there because I was focused on other things (career, spiritual growth, self-improvement, etc). I certainly had my share of opportunities with girls through the years though, which looking back I wish I had pursued. I really don't count the puppy love stuff in high school or before haha. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 When we first chatted 7 months ago she said she was in the process of ending a LTR and that online dating seemed scary to her. We didn't message very much and I just think she wasn't ready to move forward with anything serious at that point. I don't see it as a plan B or second choice situation as much as a matter of the right timing. What really matters is that we met in person and had great chemistry. Her family likes me and she wants to meet mine. Proceeding with caution means what exactly? Maybe we could've continued going on more dates for a while, but then she might've been wondering why I wasn't being more committed. I saw no downside to making things official. BTW, she has two cats and a dog she babysits lol. Proceeding with caution to me means not giving your whole heart away quickly. Do come into this with an open mind but keep your eyes open. Do not assume that simply because she introduced you to her family & pets that it means anything. For some people meeting the family is a big deal but it's certainly not a proposal. I'd be very reluctant to introduce her family to your family this early unless it was simply coincidence (you & yours were out & you bumped into them unplanned). Don't lend her money. Do not move in for at least a year. That is what caution means. You know her. We don't. If you think it was a timing issue, then it was a timing issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Proceeding with caution to me means not giving your whole heart away quickly. Do come into this with an open mind but keep your eyes open. Do not assume that simply because she introduced you to her family & pets that it means anything. For some people meeting the family is a big deal but it's certainly not a proposal. I'd be very reluctant to introduce her family to your family this early unless it was simply coincidence (you & yours were out & you bumped into them unplanned). Don't lend her money. Do not move in for at least a year. That is what caution means. You know her. We don't. If you think it was a timing issue, then it was a timing issue. Yeah, that all makes sense. I agree it'd seem too soon to introduce our families to each other but I do want her to meet mine soon. She seems glad to. I just had some crushes in school and a couple of "girlfriends" but they were never serious and I doubt either one of us really knew what we were doing lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Things are going really well! For our eighth date I took her out to dinner and then stopped by my parents' house so she could meet them. They got along great and we all talked for a couple of hours. We then went back to my house, watched a movie, and made out intensely for a hour and a half! It's been just about a month since our first date and it's just getting better and better! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Things are going really well! For our eighth date I took her out to dinner and then stopped by my parents' house so she could meet them. They got along great and we all talked for a couple of hours. We then went back to my house, watched a movie, and made out intensely for a hour and a half! It's been just about a month since our first date and it's just getting better and better! I envy you :-) Enjoy it all Blue! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I appreciate that Gaeta! I really am enjoying things with her! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I appreciate that Gaeta! I really am enjoying things with her! Ya i bet, the loneliness of singledom finally having gone away for you at 30, I believe that's what you were implying Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Ya i bet, the loneliness of singledom finally having gone away for you at 30, I believe that's what you were implying Sure, and I'd say being in a happy relationship is enjoyable for anyone regardless of age or whether they felt lonely or not prior to. I'd never felt lonely in my life until I hit 29 and a switch flipped in my brain. That drove me into pursuing a relationship with someone, and plus I want to start a family. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
popcornpuff Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Congratulations bluestealth! Your happiness really shines through your posts. I'm happy for you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 But overall, an inspiring late-bloomer story Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 But overall, an inspiring late-bloomer story Thanks and I'm definitely a late bloomer! It's been a frustrating 18 months or so but my persistence has paid off and I found a special girl! We're both looking for something long-term so let's hope it turns into that. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Thanks and I'm definitely a late bloomer! It's been a frustrating 18 months or so but my persistence has paid off and I found a special girl! We're both looking for something long-term so let's hope it turns into that. 18-months? Is that how long you were actively searching for a girlfriend? Like when you really started taking action, taking dating more seriously in terms of searching for a girlfriend? Or 18-months referring to something else? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 It's funny. What so many of us consider "protecting ourselves" due to experience could be seen as cynical and a bit jaded. So when we see a story like blue's a lot of us are quick to write it off as being rushed and doomed to fail. I'll admit that the idea of a woman returning out of the blue (love bad puns haha) after 7 months and then jumping immediately into a relationship seems weird. However, blue's lack of experience and naive mentality towards dating could actually help him in this case. There is a chance it could always be that rare exception that actually succeeds. I'm rooting for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 18-months? Is that how long you were actively searching for a girlfriend? Like when you really started taking action, taking dating more seriously in terms of searching for a girlfriend? Or 18-months referring to something else? Yes, that's how long I've been actively searching for a GF. In the scheme of things I guess that isn't too bad, but if I'm single again I don't think it'd take that long next time. I've learned a lot and gained experience over this time. It's funny. What so many of us consider "protecting ourselves" due to experience could be seen as cynical and a bit jaded. So when we see a story like blue's a lot of us are quick to write it off as being rushed and doomed to fail. I'll admit that the idea of a woman returning out of the blue (love bad puns haha) after 7 months and then jumping immediately into a relationship seems weird. However, blue's lack of experience and naive mentality towards dating could actually help him in this case. There is a chance it could always be that rare exception that actually succeeds. I'm rooting for him. Thanks for your post FF. While uncommon compared to my other OLD experiences, I never thought it was weird that we connected again (I was pleasantly surprised though). 7 months ago we just exchanged a few messages but nothing overly substantial. Evidently she had some interest at the time but I think she wasn't over her ex yet. When she was she got back online and remembered that we'd communicated before so she messaged me. We've hit it off ever since and thankfully our chemistry in person is wonderful and we have a bunch in common. Maybe I'm naive but I don't think it's unheard of to become official after three weeks of amazing dates and tons of texting. It just seemed natural with the way things were progressing having met her family and the interest level we've had for each other. Honestly, I think I've done a really good job of faking my inexperience! She's obviously more experienced at dating than me but I can't really tell it. Who knows, maybe she thinks I'm the experienced one lol. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 (edited) what was the longest time you dated a girl before you met your current girlfriend? Because I have been talking to a guy recently, he said he didn't get his first girlfriend until age 31, they were together for a month and a half, and he told me they broke up on Tuesday, this is what he told me: "She's been bothered by our age difference (she's 39 and I'm 31) and my lack of relationship experience since our first date but I hoped she would relax about it over time. She finally just decided to end it and I couldn't reason with her." "She figured out my lack of experience on her own by how nervous I was. I would not have brought it up otherwise. She seemed to like it and not like it at the same time. Like she thought it was sweet but didn't think it would work out for is long term." Man, I guess that means the older a guy gets without having a girlfriend, the harder it will be for him to get one and retain one? Edited August 28, 2015 by BronzeAgeJaeger217 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 I dated a girl for almost three weeks back in May, so that was the longest before now. I'm 30 and my GF is 25 so no age difference issues there. I'm not nervous around her and just act natural, so that's pretty important. There are so many variables I'm not sure I'd conclude that. Confidence plays a big factor and it sounds like that guy is lacking some. IMO, if two people really like each other neither one should care much about the experience of the other. Link to post Share on other sites
macmillerpwnz Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I have noticed a lot of posters on this site are negative and cautious about getting hurt so their advice is always the same, too fast, red flags, etc.. I can honestly say I have a met a really great woman after my divorce and my story sounds very similar to yours. We became official after a few dates, text and talked all day and night, see each other almost everyday even if it is for a few hours we will go out of our way just to do that. We already tell each other we love each other and met each others kids. It is just like we know that each other are the one. I have dated other women before her and did not do any of these things or have these same feelings I have about my current lady. Follow your heart not others advice. Love is always a risk, but it's worth it in the end. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I can honestly say I have a met a really great woman after my divorce After a divorce, any woman other than your ex-spouse is a great one! Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I have noticed a lot of posters on this site are negative and cautious about getting hurt so their advice is always the same, too fast, red flags, etc.. I can honestly say I have a met a really great woman after my divorce and my story sounds very similar to yours. We became official after a few dates, text and talked all day and night, see each other almost everyday even if it is for a few hours we will go out of our way just to do that. We already tell each other we love each other and met each others kids. It is just like we know that each other are the one. I have dated other women before her and did not do any of these things or have these same feelings I have about my current lady. Follow your heart not others advice. Love is always a risk, but it's worth it in the end. Agreed. It's important to pay attention to patterns of posters so you are not overly influenced by their bias and past hurt. Always risk in dating and love!! That goes without saying. Take in all the advice, see if there is a landslide one way or another, then take it with a grain of salt and go with your gut. If you read between the lines on the original posts, the "answer" is usually always there in your gut. Sometimes it's between the lines of the original post. Same with the bias, read between the lines. Pessimistic type posts that say all men cheat, it will never work out, etc so on and so forth are often a projection of the posters own outlook on life and dating and won't help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Yes, it's easier to get confused people to react to a problem by instilling fear and basically recommending inaction or to cut people out of their lives. It's a little harder and RISKIER to do the other and figure things out, communicate (unless it's a complete lost cause). I say it often on here. But the rec can't always be to cycle through people as if around the corner exists some perfect person. Sometimes there are things the "you" in the relationship or dating consistently do and it's not bringing the results you want. It can be as simple as bad communication. Or an unwillingness to compromise or step into the other person's shoes and having unreasonable expectations. OR to take a risk!! If you keep taking on damaged people's belief systems, guess what your good results go down and you become damaged. Be very careful of what beliefs you accept as true. That said, sometimes when the naysayers are saying get out of there, drop him/her, it will never work, etc. they are correct but as I said, the OP usually already has some indication of that and it's just confirmation they are needing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 I have noticed a lot of posters on this site are negative and cautious about getting hurt so their advice is always the same, too fast, red flags, etc.. I can honestly say I have a met a really great woman after my divorce and my story sounds very similar to yours. We became official after a few dates, text and talked all day and night, see each other almost everyday even if it is for a few hours we will go out of our way just to do that. We already tell each other we love each other and met each others kids. It is just like we know that each other are the one. I have dated other women before her and did not do any of these things or have these same feelings I have about my current lady. Follow your heart not others advice. Love is always a risk, but it's worth it in the end. That's awesome and you guys are moving even faster than me and my GF! We text a lot (40-50 a day) and see each other twice a week. We'd likely see each other more but she's 45 min away. We've actually never talked on the phone which is a little unusual but she seems to really be into texting. I've offered to talk a couple times but the timing didn't work out and she never mentions it, so she must be more keen on texting. We haven't said "I love you" yet but I'm certainly feeling it. My family has a week long trip planned at the end of next month and I asked if she wanted to go. She said yes and is really excited about it! I also think following your heart/gut is a good decision. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Oh ok, and this girlfriend you have now is your first ever sexual relationship too? Not relevant. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 (edited) I'm so happy for you. Follow your heart and enjoy every minute of dating your new GF and getting to know her. I hope it works out for you long-term. FWIW, most guys I've dated asked me to be their GF within 3 or so dates. "Yes" led to multi-year relationships usually. Half the things I do (or don't do) would have resulted in a chorus of "kick her to the curb" if these guys came here for advice. Everyone is different. Do what feels right for you. You know your situation and you know yourself best. Yay for you! Edited August 29, 2015 by angel.eyes 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Nice. I love it. Best of luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Even though OP you say this is your first real girlfriend, so you say you are a late bloomer, do you ever sometimes feel jealous, envious of guys who got to have a real girlfriend earlier in their life? Because I have a feeling I will be feeling like that, and I know another guy who does Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts