Artie Lang Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 As far as the OW/OM forum- I disagree she would get "sympathy" there- its not like the OW/OM on here are not also hurting, trying to understand right/wrong and looking to grow and heal- its not like they are a bunch are tarts with the "you go girl, if it feels good who cares who you hurt" mantra totally. with respect to the OW on the other forum, most are coming to grips with the decisions they made when embarking on an affair. i believe most would tell her to get out ASAP. it hurts too damn much and you lose yourself, as well as lose precious time that could be better spent making healthier choices. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Sorry that I gave the wrong impression about the ow/om forum, but they are on the other end and may have more understanding, or a better argument for Fitbit. I do not think she would get the "its all right" statement she is looking for. I have commented on several threads there, and the pain and hurt is real and deep. I am sorry if you felt singled out there- I get what you are saying now- and it probably made some sense at the start of the thread, but it has grown a bit- I am unsure if the OP is looking for advice or more of an "atta girl" type thing- I feel like in general (always exceptions) LS is full of people looking to reflect and grow- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 totally. with respect to the OW on the other forum, most are coming to grips with the decisions they made when embarking on an affair. i believe most would tell her to get out ASAP. it hurts too damn much and you lose yourself, as well as lose precious time that could be better spent making healthier choices. True- and maybe that is a good thing- a once I thought like you do, let me tell you how this story ends.... Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I am sorry if you felt singled out there- I get what you are saying now- and it probably made some sense at the start of the thread, but it has grown a bit- I am unsure if the OP is looking for advice or more of an "atta girl" type thing- I feel like in general (always exceptions) LS is full of people looking to reflect and grow- No worries. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Folks, moderation removed some personally identifiable information and I'll also add that, according to LoveShack policy and forum arrangement, this is the correct forum for this discussion so we'll consider that meta-discussion resolved and move on to the topic and, of course, address it and each other in a civil and respectful manner. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I am sorry if you felt singled out there- I get what you are saying now- and it probably made some sense at the start of the thread, but it has grown a bit- I am unsure if the OP is looking for advice or more of an "atta girl" type thing- I feel like in general (always exceptions) LS is full of people looking to reflect and grow- As others have pointed out, if what she is doing is looking for people to tell her this is ok, then at some level she knows what she is doing is wrong. This is why I do hold some hope for her. However, sadly I think it is going to take her getting caught to understand the gravity of situation. Hopefully, if she does get busted, she doesn't blame this on her BH. As I have stated, this situation is not unique, and she would be surprised at the amount of spouses that give the ok to this type of thing. Such a simple solution, yet she picks the hard road. OP, if you are still in this thread, it is not too late to talk to your husband and work this out as husband and wife. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Your fu*king other men, you don't share finances, why are you married? Sounds like you should be single that way you can come and go as you like and not worry about guilt. Some men loose the ability to get it up because their significant other doesn't do it for them anymore. Are you sure it's a medical reason? Maybe an open marriage is the answer, have you discussed the option with him before you started cheating? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 If you don't think what you are doing is wrong, and have zero guilt, and think lying is the best and most selfless option....then you have come to the wrong place for input. If you had a condition that prevented you from having sex, and your husband went online to brag about the tight young admin he's been taking to the submarine races....how would you feel? If you would feel like ****....ok, at least you can empathize. Now stop cheating. If you would be ok with it....ok, at least you practice what you preach. Now get a divorce. What else are you wanting to hear? Link to post Share on other sites
lisbon67 Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Yep ..purplesnow..and aliveagain s post above nailed it for me...the self-condoning arrogance of his OP...is astounding really.... ..it will come back to her I have no doubt. ...karma and all.that. ..hopefully. ..and I wish only the best for her blindsided poor husband. . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lisbon67 Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 " Why would such an enlightened and evolved person choose such an old school path of cheating? Why didn't you have an elevated level of conversation with your husband?" ....this response from psnow. .should put the OPS gas down to a peep...!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Can I just say, don't you all think its a bit naive to assume all marriages with infidelity lead to the other person finding out? I've seen stats that put men as high as 70 percent and women as high as 50 percent to cheat. I guess I just wonder how much of these sorts of message boards speak in idealism rather than pragmatism and reality. I'm def not attacking anyone and I really do appreciate all the feedback fitbit, here is what you have basically just done. You've gone into a mothers against drunk driving meeting and said, "yo, what's the big deal? I just drank a 5th of jack and ran down some school kids and boy was it fun! Anybody feel me?" The people you are asking to comisserate with you about your fun affair have had their lives turned inside out by the ultimate marital betrayal....or they cheated, saw the destruction, had a conscience, and regret the choice with every fiber of their being. I'm not real sure you're going to get a cheering section here for tossing over your husband because his medical problem cramps your sex style. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 fitbit, here is what you have basically just done. You've gone into a mothers against drunk driving meeting and said, "yo, what's the big deal? I just drank a 5th of jack and ran down some school kids and boy was it fun! Anybody feel me?" The people you are asking to comisserate with you about your fun affair have had their lives turned inside out by the ultimate marital betrayal....or they cheated, saw the destruction, had a conscience, and regret the choice with every fiber of their being. I'm not real sure you're going to get a cheering section here for tossing over your husband because his medical problem cramps your sex style. In fairness to the OP, she's not really saying anything that most WW's don't at least think to themselves during their affairs. "I deserve this. I'm not hurting anybody etc." The only thing that separates her from many others here is that she's still looking forward with euphoria instead of backward with regret. This thread doesn't look all that dissimilar to many threads on the OW forum IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 In fairness to the OP, she's not really saying anything that most WW's don't at least think to themselves during their affairs. "I deserve this. I'm not hurting anybody etc." The only thing that separates her from many others here is that she's still looking forward with euphoria instead of backward with regret. This thread doesn't look all that dissimilar to many threads on the OW forum IMO. Thanks, HOrton. I was kind of high and mighty there. fitbit, affairs would never happen if they didn't involve some thrill. And Horton has a point; when a person is in the thick of something they think they are entitled to do, they rearrange their thinking to accomodate it - such as calling it "enlightened/elevated thinking." BUT...for most people, eventually the bloom fades from the rose, and they - if they are a person with conscience - eventually cannot escape the fact that they ARE, in fact, betraying their spouse (even if he/she is in the dark). Is there not some sort of medication your hubby can take to help him? I know you said he had been to several doctors. I don't want to be indelicate, but there are even options out there if what you are really missing is intercourse. Right now it feels good and you are taking the edge of LOTS of frustration. But I really do urge you to think about exactly what your husband would feel if he knew. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Can I just say, don't you all think its a bit naive to assume all marriages with infidelity lead to the other person finding out? I've seen stats that put men as high as 70 percent and women as high as 50 percent to cheat. I guess I just wonder how much of these sorts of message boards speak in idealism rather than pragmatism and reality. I'm def not attacking anyone and I really do appreciate all the feedback Best statistics I've seen show about 50% go undiscovered, about 25% revealed by confession, and about 25% discovered. What you seem to be discounting is that your good husband deserves to make informed decisions about his own life. He's being betrayed and deceived by the one person in life he should be able to trust to have his back. Perhaps he would prefer not to stay married to such a person. Perhaps he could find someone else that wouldn't do this to him. But he doesn't get a vote? You're only tricking your husband into staying with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iron Bubba Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 That makes you a shallow person. Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I'm sure you believe (like most do) that you'll never get caught, but for the sake of argument let's say that your husband does eventually find out about your indiscretion. What happens then? Do you believe that telling him affairs are more common than people think will somehow ease his pain? Will you start 'reexamining' how good of a husband he was to relieve yourself of your guilt? Will he accept responsibility for your affair if you place the blame at his feet? I'm getting the feeling that you've not thought this all the way through. Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I think the OP has checked out of the thread guys. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I think the OP has checked out of the thread guys. I think you may be right. I don't believe anybody was all that harsh with her. Although maybe I missed some posts that got deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 yes,post #33.. I wish the person well though, takes good skills to meet well meaning folks and step away. im statistically 100% sure they may not have been honest.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 What concerns me the most is the lack of empathy the OP has for her husband. ED has zero to do with libido. Her husband is more than likely more frustrated than the OP that the mechanics are not working as they should be. Men are attached to their little guy...mind, body and soul. They view it as an extension of themselves...mainly how much of a man they are (rightly or wrongly). To paint her husband as being "happy" and in the "best" of times...is just utterly...so off the mark. He is already dealing with "being man enough"... And this affair will only cement it in his mind. To so callously throw around how content he is...one has to wonder if the OP truly understands his issue/s at all. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Being you have no problem cheating and you are justifying it you are saying that it is ok. Well then if you think it is ok to cheat then you should have no problem telling your BH. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Her problem is basically this. she's selfish, self centered and thinks of herself. She could have divorced the guy and moved on. yeah it would hurt him but a whole lot less than finding out she's giving it away to some guy whose just using her. Who knows. If she would have talked to her husband, maybe he would have agreed to a open marriage or maybe not but she never gave him the option. I keep wondering though if the shoe was on the other foot how she would feel with her husband banging another woman and then asking everyone for high fives and thinking that he's justified with is actions. Just plain selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I may get moderated for this, but I cant wait for this thread to be out of my face everytime I come on LS Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 No kids and of course he has seen multiple doctors. Seriously the low hanging fruit has already been plucked. I guess I'm just trying to understand how lying is the problem. If he doesn't know, he will never think I'm cheating. If I tell him he knows he was cheated on, if I don't he will continue to be happy and thinking only the best. It's weird to say but me telling him seems like a selfish way of me trying to relieve potential guilt(which i dont feel right now at least) I already mentioned the bathwater analogy in regards to divorce I'll try to explain. Everything you have said has been in reference of you and your needs. You said nothing good about your husband. You do it all, for you and you have clearly reduced him to the rank of accesory, like a nice purse ... an asset. Why you stay with him, is not for us to guess but for you to know deep down, but you do not love this man and even now when you cheat you are hurting him. Because if you loved him, you would actually set him free ... you would do the selfless thing and allow him to find someone to try and take care of him. But you like him there, you like your life as it is. You like him as an accesory, you don't even respect him in reality. It's just that you are good at hiding that and getting what you want. You are not sociopathic [quite likely] but you are also not a nice person. As someone said, the OM/OW forum might be better suited for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Cake eater. Plain and simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts